Broken Bird
by meekobuggy
Summary: After waking from his coma, John Sheppard learns more about himself and his past as is given a new assignment in a new place. WARNINGS FOR MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH S .
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

The Genii had come to Atlantis to seek refuge. So too had the many Athosians because the Wraith were on a warpath after Atlantis returned to the Pegasus galaxy, and were culling every planet associated with the people from Atlantis.

Or so the Genii had led the Lanteans to believe.

In truth, it had been nothing but a ploy to covertly take out everyone in the city and gain the upper hand in the galaxy. Due to the quick actions of the gate techs, word of a foothold situation was sent to Earth through the gate, before the Genii took over the control room and disrupted all communications, life support, and access to the Stargate.

The devastation was horrendous. Not only were enormous sections of the piers blown to bits, the civilian and military casualties were devastating. In fact, it was so bad that if someone wasn't paying attention to what was ahead of them, tripping over bodies while running for cover would be a common sight.

There was smoke and fire everywhere. Gun fire, shouting, cries, blood, more gun fire and more smoke. There was no air circulation apart from the air coming in from the broken windows from labs, rooms, and hallways.

Genii soldiers had blown up the auxiliary control room with homemade bombs. Every now and then someone would voice his thoughts about how the pride of Atlantis, the team led by Colonel Sheppard, had shown the Genii C4 and how a certain scientist had basically given the Genii the secret recipe to said C4 explosives. Said team was also called a great range of names, with 'a bunch of morons' being the kindest.

However, that same scientist was currently trying to get the gate back under his control on his own as his trusty side kick, Radek Zelenka, had been one of the first fatalities. To ensure that Earth could send reinforcements, that same colonel was watching the scientist's back between trying to save people in the corridors and barricading their base of operations.

* * *

><p>"John, you need to allow me to have a look at that," Dr. Gutierrez's voice sounded from somewhere behind him.<p>

Dr. Elsa Gutierrez had been with him in the mess hall when the Genii initially attacked, and he had made sure that she stuck by him during the attack as the Genii were hellbent on killing everyone on Atlantis on sight, doctor or not. It turned out to be a good decision, as there were a lot of wounded people with them at that very moment.

"I'm fine, Elsa," Sheppard replied. "It's only a flesh wound," he continued, while he stacked a box on another for cover. "How's it going, McKay? We can't stay here much longer."

Ronon and Teyla had taken it upon themselves to head out into the city with a bunch of marines to kill as many Genii as possible. Without communication, though, it was virtually impossible for them to keep the colonel - the highest ranking officer left on Atlantis - up to date about their progress.

The relationship between the Lanteans and the Genii had always been rocky, but they had forged an uneasy allegiance as they both were strong forces in the Pegasus Galaxy and in a way, had the same objective: eliminate the Wraith and bring peace back into Pegasus. As with every human faction, from Earth or otherwise, there had been some rotten apples in the Genii's command structure. However over the years even they seemed to have accepted the partnership and became helpful allies in the fight against the Wraith.

But the Lanteans had been duped and that alliance was currently screwing their asses.

Sure, they had had the Genii on Atlantis before, but they hadn't expected their forces to be _that_great in numbers. Even restricting their movements and access to one of the unpopulated areas of Atlantis had clearly been a bad idea. Most of the Athosian people, women and children too, were amongst the first fatalities when the Genii blew up the Athosian common areas.

"Alright, I'm done here. We'll have to get closer to the gate room now," Rodney said, packing up his computer equipment. "I'm fairly certain that once I get to the control panels underneath the control room that I can over-ride whatever the Genii have done."

"You're _fairly_certain?" John asked, and tugged on Elsa's sleeve to get her up and away from tending to Captain Ramsey and Dr. Molyneux.

"Yes! Yes, I'll get it done," McKay said with a worried expression.

"I can't just leave them here!" the doctor cried out as she looked back at the friends they had shared dinner with just the night before.

"You're going to have to. Besides, If McKay's successful, we'll be able to come back. Come on."

Sounds of explosions continued to sound before one in a nearby corridor knocked the group to the ground as they continued on to find a way of regaining the city of Atlantis.


	2. Chapter 1

John woke up with a headache and the inability to open his eyes. _Great,_ he thought, _I'm hungover._ Although he couldn't really remember attending a big party at all. Groaning, he rubbed his face, feeling linen cloth instead of his own skin. _Practical joke... nice! _he thought wryly. "Whoever did this, it's not funny," he sighed and started to tug on the cloth to get it off his face.

Carson Beckett looked up from one of the nearby exam beds where he was assessing another of his patients. Moving over to the wall for the comm system, he quietly alerted Doctor Carolyn Lam, the CMO of Stargate Command, that one of their patients had just woken up. Sighing, he ran a nervous hand through his hair as he tried to remember the plan of what they were going to say and how. There was just so much that his friend did not know and likely would not remember.

Dr. Lam walked into the extended dorm of the infirmary and looked around for the patient that she had been informed was now awake. Seeing who it was, she could not help but to curse to herself. Moving over to Sheppard's side, she pulled his hand down gently to keep him from messing up the bandages around his head.

"Colonel," she greeted softly. "Please remain calm. You are back at the SGC..."

He couldn't really place the woman's voice and sighed. "I don't believe that I'm back at the SGC," he said, slightly frustrated. He didn't really mind practical jokes but he hated it when they'd prank him while sleeping off an alcohol binge. "I'm not in the mood for jokes."

Carolyn looked up at Carson with a sorrowful expression. He came over and put a hand on John's shoulder gently. "Aye lad, but it is true," he said. "We are back on Earth. You were injured pretty badly, my friend."

He frowned upon hearing Carson's voice. "What happened?"

"What do you remember?" Carolyn asked as she softly re-adjusted his bandages.

"I was having dinner with Elsa," he said, trying to think carefully. "Or lunch..."

Carson nodded, knowing about the little date his friends had. His colleague had planned an extended lunch on that unfortunate day. "Yes, it was lunch. What else do you remember?"

"Just tell me," John said, frustrated, at not being able to remember anything beyond the point of that lunch and looking into Elsa's eyes when she was laughing because of a silly joke he had made. "And why am I at the SGC? Isn't the Atlantis infirmary good enough? And where is Elsa?" Since Elsa was a doctor, and practically married to the infirmary, he half expected her to be at the SGC as well.

The doctors looked at each other. The uncertainty of how to answer his questions was evident in the electricity of the room and in the silence that only was only broken by the faint echoes of beeping from various medical devices.

Carolyn bit her lip and sighed. "Now may not be a good time for the answers to those questions. You should let yourself rest and recover a little longer so that you can be strong enough for the information..."

John had dealt with casualties among their friends before, and he knew something was wrong. He himself had used the same words over and over again on Atlantis, when one of his people had lost their team in some way or the other. He slowly nodded, sighing. Whatever the news would be, John was now confident it was _not_ something he wanted to hear.

"What happened, what you went through there, knowing will be hard for you, son, but you're not alone in here," Carson said. "I really want to ask you to behave yourself." The doctor knew John's track record in the infirmary all too well; the colonel hated it. "You may feel as if you're in tip top shape, but that's the medication talking. You're not leaving this bed."

"Fine," John sulked, knowing that he'd probably be of more use doing something, anything. "Are you sure?"

"Yes John, I am," he replied. "If I felt that you were strong enough to know all the details, you know I would tell you. However, please get some rest now. I will bring up something for you to try to eat shortly. If you can keep it down, we can remove the feeding tube."

_Feeding tube? _"That bad, huh?" He sighed. "I need to stop being stupid in case things work out between me and Elsa, because she'd kill me if I'd get hurt."

Carson didn't reply, but did let out a disappointed sigh as he wrote updates on John's chart. He had been happy to see the colonel and his fellow doctor forge a friendship early on and was quite proud to learn that they had also began to explore their relationship further. For Sheppard, it was a monumental step to let people into his life, past being a colleague or friend. But now, all Carson could do was pray for the man and hope he did not fall back to the dark place he found after they lost Elizabeth and during the time Teyla had been missing.

John couldn't help but hear the alarm bells go off in his head. He couldn't remember the event that had gotten him in such a shape that he had to be fed by a tube, and Carson wasn't answering his questions, nor did he mention Elsa in any way. "Who else is here?" he carefully asked, wishing that his brain would cooperate and do the math.

"Colonel, it's best if you go back to sleep," the woman's voice sounded. "We'll fill you in on the details later. For now, I'll give you a sedative to help you sleep."

"Please don't," he started to say, but already started to feel sleepy. He hated doctors. He could feel Carson patting him reassuringly on his arm as he slowly dozed off to his medicated dreams.

"I don't wish to be him when it's time to tell him what happened," Carolyn said softly as they walked away from the colonel's bed, now knowing why Carson had warned her that John wasn't the easiest patient ever.

* * *

><p><em>He ran through a smoke-filled corridor, being fired at by shadowy people with revolvers and real bullets, only to find himself tending to Carter's wounds a second later while the ground shook as if something was exploding.<em>

"_Ronon's hurt," a disembodied voice, probably Teyla's, said. "Torren is safe. John?"_

"_Carter's gone." His own voice echoed while the image took him to another corridor, shooting at the fuzzy people who were shooting back at him. He might have been hit, but he didn't care; he needed to do something, if only he could remember what that was. He felt the need to panic but managed to stay rather calm, even when another explosion rocked the floor beneath his feet. Damn, that had to be close._

He woke with a start, sitting up with a jolt. A burning feeling in his arms indicated that he had accidentally ripped out the tubes. It took him a moment to realize he was still in the infirmary and fell back onto his pillow. "Carter's gone," he muttered, "Torren's safe..."

"Good afternoon, Colonel," a cheerful voice sounded. One of the nurses made her way over to his bed after hearing the small commotion. "Tsk tsk, you need to be careful with your IV lines. There is very important medicine in there to help fight your infections and wounds. Now lie back and rest. Are you hungry at all? Doctor Beckett has some notes to try you on a clear liquid diet."

"I'm not a kid," he muttered. "I'm fine."

The girl chuckled. "That's what you all say. We just want to see you get better and if it takes having to mother our patients, we will do that. Now, food? Yay or nay?"

"Are you blond? You remind me of someone," he said, carefully shaking his hurting head. "I'm fine, as in I don't need food." The only persons he would remotely allow to 'mother him' would be Teyla and Elsa, not this nurse who sounded as if she were just fresh out of school.

"Hmm, okay then," she said and made some noise as she wrote something on the clipboard that was hanging on the foot of his bed. "If you need anything at all, just press this buzzer and someone will be right with you," she explained as she put the device in his good hand.

"I need to talk to Carson, or Elsa," he said stubbornly. "That's all I want right now."

"Oh, okay. I'll find Dr. Beckett for you but I don't know any Elsa on the base. Sorry," she said before walking out to find the man in question.

_She's still on Atlantis_, John thought, _or off base... or..._ He sighed; he hated to lie still and be unable to do things. For some reason, they had weighed down one of his arms, and why was he blindfolded? Maybe he had been right before; he wasn't at the SGC and perhaps the Asurans had found their way back into existence. At this point, it almost seemed the most plausible explanation.

Carolyn returned after her nurse had been unable to find Carson. "Colonel Sheppard. What can I get you?" she asked as she rechecked his vitals and IVs.

"You're not Carson," he said, suspiciously.

"No, I'm not. I am Doctor Carolyn Lam. We met a few years ago when the expedition was recalled back to Earth. Don't you remember?" she asked. "Dr. Beckett actually left an hour ago to check on your friend Teyla at an off-base house."

"Teyla's on Earth?" he asked in confusion, thinking that she'd at least be in Pegasus, maybe visiting her people in his absence. "What about "Torren?"

"Her son? A cute kid. He is with her. I can see if Carson can bring them to visit you if you would like. I did hear that they have been asking about your condition often."

"What exactly _is_ my condition, Doc? Why have you blind-folded me and weighed my arm down?"

Sighing, Dr. Lam looked at him. It was hard to keep information from patients, but she had been ordered to keep silent because of how the colonel had been known to react to such tragic news at times. "If I tell you, I need you to remain calm?" she asked as she made sure to double check his restraints just to be on the safe side.

"Do I have a choice?" he muttered as he could feel her tugging on something. _Figures. _He sighed inwardly at the possible restraints. "I'm not turning into a bug again, am I?"

"No," she chuckled. "That is the good news."

"Alright," he nodded. "As long as I'm not turning into a bug, I can stay calm."

She looked at him, scrutinizing his sincerity. "Okay then. Atlantis was attacked almost two months ago," she said carefully, watching for his reaction.

"Two months..." He frowned. "You put me into a coma?"

"I'm sorry, but I wish that were the case. You were in coma when you were brought here. Severe head trauma, GSW to your abdomen, knife wound to your right chest wall that punctured a lung, and a number of broken bones including your right femur and pelvis," she said reading off his chart.

It was as if she was reading from a shopping list in Walmart, but it was nothing he hadn't had before; he had been knocked around in the past, been shot at, had broken a dozen of his bones at least twice, give or take, over the course of his career, heck, he had even crashed a helicopter or two. "You want fries with that?"

"If only it were that simple," she said with a smile in her voice. "The head injury you sustained led to multiple blood clots. One caused an aneurysm in your ocular region which is the reason for the bandages. We are unsure of the level of vision you will have, or exactly what kind of damage there is with the scarring. I don't believe you would like waking up and being blinded by lights that are only dim, Colonel."

He sighed, knowing full well that due to his current condition, he would be seated at a stupid desk for the rest of his life, doing stupid paper work. "So, what does that mean? I get better, go back to Atlantis?"

Her silence then spoke volumes. Very carefully she tested the water of his mental status. "There is no more Atlantis."

"Wait, what?" he blurted, and regretted it the moment he did because it felt as if a nail had been driven through his head. Groaning, he wanted to rub his head, but couldn't.

"I am sorry," Lam said taking a deep breath. "I wish Carson were back, to be able to tell you from a witness' point of view, but I will try with what I know from the SGC's involvement and reports. I need you to remain collected, otherwise I will be forced to sedate you again." Pulling out a syringe and vial from her pocket, she drew up a dose for the IV just to be ready.

"You're telling me that my home is gone," John said. "I will _try_ to stay calm because apparently, doing anything else hurts my head."

The doctor nodded even though Sheppard couldn't see her. "The reports I read indicated there was an uprising of some sort, a power play, if you will, by the Wraith. They started with attacks on Atlantis' allied worlds, beginning with the Athosians, which forced them to evacuate to the city. Eventually, a large Genii faction requested sanctuary, saying that their world was being attacked too, and they were brought in as well."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but there was no Wraith uprising," he said quickly, remembering the Genii now, telling him about the Wraith.

"There was, but it was only one hive ship. Not the intensity that the Genii claimed. "That is why the Athosians were able to make it to the gate."

"Let me guess..." He sighed. "The Genii decided to besiege us from the inside this time."

"I am afraid so, John," came the familiar voice of Carson, who had arrived to hear the last part of Carolyn's explanation. She excused herself to let the men talk amongst themselves.

"Knowing them, they'd have taken out anything of importance first, like the spare control room, didn't they?"

"Aye," Carson's voice sounded. "It got really messy, really fast."

"How many casualties?" He didn't want to hear it, but he had to.

"There's only a small amount of people that were lucky enough to make it, lad." Carson gently patted him on the shoulder. "There wasn't anything that could have been done, they had learned from their previous siege, and they had greater numbers this time."

John felt the tears behind his eyes, knowing that the reinforcements from Earth would probably have set the self destruct on Atlantis so that the Genii wouldn't get it - although if he was to believe Carson, they got pretty damn close anyway.

"_You're free to roam around in this part of the city," Richard Woolsey's voice sounded, but all John could see were blurry people looking like they were Genii by what he could make of their clothing. "Anywhere else, you will be required to have an escort."_

"I was responsible for the security of Atlantis and I failed," John said softly. "It's my fault-"

"Now now, don't blame yourself. No one else does. Security was appropriate. They simply had a plan with multiple ways to execute it," Carson reassured him. "You were even awarded a medal last week for your efforts in bringing who you could home."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" he asked bitterly. "And the security wasn't good enough, we should have had anticipated that they'd pull something like this," he continued.

"_Zelenka's dead!" Rodney's voice sounded from underneath a table in the smoke. "Oh my God, Sheppard, what the hell is going on? Get out of here, now!" Rodney pushed him out of their little alcove. "I can't work with you breathing down my neck, I'd rather you shoot things!"_

"How many casualties, Carson?" he asked again.

"Too many," Beckett answered sorrowfully.

"That nurse... she said she didn't know an Elsa on base...She's gone?" he questioned in a small voice.

His friend looked at him, unsure of what to say. There was a lot that they didn't know about the missing or dead. Who, when, how...Dr. Gutierrez was one of those people that they knew didn't make it through the gate in time. "I don't know. Last anyone knew, she was with you. No one reported seeing her when you were found unconscious by a small group of scientists on their way to the gate. We were actually hoping you could tell us when you woke up."

"I don't know," he said slowly. "What about Rodney?"

Silence was the only answer as Carson found it difficult to say anything. Rodney had also been his closest friend.

"I'm sorry I failed you, Carson," John said, quietly. It seemed as if a rug had been pulled from under him, and made his entire world collapse. He didn't have anyone, anything, anymore and on top of that, he was sure that his Air Force career was over.

Beckett shook his head. "No, you didn't fail us. You helped get the first of us home and held the Genii back for even longer. L'il Torren was one of the first to go through the gate to Earth as Teyla had him with her while visiting with Colonel Carter. They are okay, Teyla and the boy, and ask about you every day."

"Not good enough," John said. "Everyone should have made it back, Carson."

"Colonel, they were looking to kill _all_ of us. The fact that any of us made it was a miracle. You're their miracle!"

"Whatever..." John sighed. He was tired all of a sudden, and all he wanted was to get out of the infirmary and just wither away in a dark place, or get drunk first and do something stupid. Life was not supposed to go this way. He knew very well what he was getting himself in to, like any of the people who had signed up for the Atlantis expedition. They all had known that the shit could hit the fan as badly as it had, but knowing didn't make it easier, as all that he had known for the last seven years had been blasted away. His friends - family - almost all were gone.

Carson looked at John's chart briefly before he spoke again. "I would really like you to try to eat something now. I know it will be difficult but humor me. Ronon is scheduled to return today so you may receive a visit later tonight if you are not asleep."

"I'm not hungry," John insisted. "And where is he coming from?"

"Just a cup of broth. Please?"

"No."

Frustrated Carson shook his head. "I was hoping that you wouldn't get like this. We suspected as much, but... I will have to talk to Teyla about her wishes to visit. She has been deeply worried for you."

As much as he wanted to hear another familiar voice, he managed to shrug. "I'm not hungry, so I will not try to eat something," he said. "I'm more than happy to leave your infirmary and manage to get around on my own."

"You are not going anywhere, Colonel Sheppard! I know very well that you would harm yourself in some way, whether it would be some ridiculous sport or by eating your gun! Who do you think has been keeping the IOA psychologist away from you since you awoke? He'd bloody put you in a padded room the rest of your life!"

"Gee, thanks," he said wryly.

Carson quietly asked a passing technician to dim the lights before turning back to his friend. "I want to try to take off the bandages over your eyes. Maybe if you can see things for yourself, you attitude might change a bit."

Sighing, John nodded, realizing full well that he was being an ass. "Sorry," he muttered.

"It is understandable you are upset. We are just trying to do what we can for you without having those that want to write you off completely see you do something stupid," the man said as he slowly began to unravel the bandages. "You need to tell me if the room is too bright, dark, hazy..."

"I know the drill," he said, seeing light coming through the bandages. It didn't seem to be that bad, quite dark actually, and Carson was a little out of focus but he could feel his eyes trying to compensate. "You're out of focus and I can make out your white coat. I think it's okay if you switch the lights back on."

He nodded and pressed on the comm to slowly increase the lights until John said otherwise. Carson was pleased that they were almost to being fully lit before they stopped. "That is good," he said softly. "Can you see me any better?"

"Yeah," he said, "you look like you've been through hell and back." Carson looked tired, dark circles were underneath his eyes and he had a beard that was at least a week old. "I'm sorry,."

"No, no," he said waving his hand. "It's been a long week actually. One of the gate teams came back badly injured and I was in surgery for a long time. That and Teyla having nightmares, she's been keeping me awake there. Ehh, I hope you don't mind but we have been staying in your flat since we returned to Earth. We felt that something familiar to her here, other than the base, would be more appropriate for her to get accustomed to the change. She has been sharing your bedroom with Torren."

"It's fine," he said, "I forgot I had an apartment. But is she okay, doc?"

Carson shrugged and thought about it. "Physically she is fine. The adjustment has been difficult for her but she and Ronon speak frequently so that helps some. I doubt you would recognize your place when you go there. She has been cleaning and rearranging things frequently to occupy herself when no one is around. It's the nightmares that are bad. All I know is that it has to do with the attack, but she won't share the details of the dreams."

He nodded slowly. His brain felt as if it were gooey and going banging, knocking, sloshing... back and forth against his skull now that the bandages weren't holding his head together, and he closed his eyes. "I can only imagine what she's seen..." He looked down his arms, confirming that he was indeed restrained and hooked up to IV's. He was still tired, and felt as if he could sleep for days, but he had so many things to process, so many things to try to remember. Such as what happened to Elsa, and why couldn't he save Rodney. "Alright..." he said quietly. "I'll try some soup, but then I'll go to sleep."

Smiling, Carson was pleased that John was beginning to be more cooperative. He feared, however, that his friend was simply going to humor him as long as it would be necessary until he could do what he wanted without anyone to stop him. Still... "Alright lad, I'll be right back."

Carson grabbed a chair, removed one restraint and sat down to watch John eat the soup he had brought over. John made a face after the first bite. Disgusting soup, it was even worse than Teyla's. "What the..."

"It's chicken broth, lad."

"It's horrible."

"You know Stargate Command never were much for formal eating. We just want to make sure that you are able to keep it down through the night. Then we can wean you back on food and take you off that feeding tube."

"I've had chicken broth before, but this is really disgusting. It tastes like... I dunno, piss." He shrugged and started to feel sick. "I think I've had enough..."

Carson smiled and took the cup back. "Well done. I will see about jello for breakfast, hm?"

"Maybe," he said and lay down, while Carson restrained his arm again. "Do you really have to?"

"It's you, of course I have to," Carson replied, before lowering the lights for his friend to return to sleep.

"Night," he muttered and as soon as he closed his eyes, he fell asleep. Sometimes it was good to be able to fall asleep anywhere at any time, despite the horrible bed, the noise of beeping machines and people talking softly and walking around. On top of that, he was just really that tired.


	3. Chapter 2

The news that John Sheppard learned was more than enough to knock him out for a whole day. He stirred occasionally but was still pretty much asleep until nearly dinner time the following evening. When Ronon heard of his friend being awake again, General Landry was sympathetic enough to excuse him from his gate duties with SG-1 to stay behind and keep Sheppard company.

He refused to be removed from the bedside, no matter who asked, even when one of the orderlies came to wash his brother down, as they did twice a week. Flipping through one of the Earth magazines that he had been introduced to - _Playboy_ - he did not immediately notice when his friend started to wake up quietly.

"What did I tell you, Chewie," John said sleepily. "Too much reading of that stuff makes you go cross eyed." He wished he could rub his eyes awake right now.

Ronon didn't look up from the page he was on and snorted. "What did I tell you about stopping getting hit in the head, Sheppard?" he replied before looking up at the nurse who stood at the next bed over. "You can let him loose."

"Doctor has orders for the restraints," she replied, shaking her head. "Your friend is a risk to himself."

"He'll stay put."

"I...can't," she insisted, in a tone that indicated she wished she could.

"He'll stay put," Ronon repeated with more insistence.

The young woman looked over at John, who was still trying to get his bearings, and nodded slowly. "I could get in trouble, you know," she whispered as she came over to release the lock on the patient's hands but left the ankle restraints in place. "Make sure he doesn't tear out his IV again."

"I won't. I promise I'll be good," John said and slowly sat up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Ronon will make sure I don't do anything stupid, you can tell Carson that when he gives you grief." He blinked, trying to get his eyes to focus on Ronon and the nurse, but it hurt like hell.

The woman nodded and walked off, leaving the men to themselves in the relatively quiet area; the other patients were still either resting or in an induced coma. The Satedan looked back at John and shrugged before sitting back as comfortably as he could in his chair. "S'up?"

"You tell me, how are you doing?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "Surviving. They got me with SG-1 now. I couldn't deal with sitting around doing nothing anymore. Sent Teal'c back to his people to work with his council."

"Well, I think that's a good thing," John said, finally able to see Ronon's stupid grin. "At least you're not bored while you're trying to deal with everything."

"I was stuck in here for two weeks. They had to release me - didn't give them much of a choice. I tried crashing with Teyla but she's...all she does is watch the television. She tried explaining something called soap to me. Why would you cry over soap? There is plenty of it to wash yourself with on this planet."

John chuckled. "Soaps are silly TV shows that are usually aimed at stay at home mothers, old ladies and everyone else who likes to watch fake tragedy. It's supposed to make people feel good."

"They're idiots."

"Yes, they are."

"How about you?" Ronon asked, looking at him warily.

John shrugged, wondering why one of his arms wasn't functioning properly. "I can't remember much and I'm still trying to process the information Carson gave me last time I spoke to him."

He nodded. "We're lucky we got out at all. If McKay hadn't gotten the shields around the tower up for the two minutes that he did, we'd be dead too."

John just looked at him with a blank face.

"Oh, you don't remember that. Umm...McKay took over for Zelenka after he went down. I think you tried to get to Woolsey. Last I saw you before we were through the gate, you and Elsa were in the infirmary."

"I think I remember something about Elsa, me and Rodney in a room with a few of the wounded so that he could work on something to get the gate back under control, and that we had to move towards the control room," John said. "Although I'm not quite sure."

Ronon shrugged and raised his legs to rest them on the empty bed next to John. "Like I said, I don't know what happened after that point. Teyla was heading for you and I went off after a group of Genii that were on their way to the gate room."

John managed a small smile. "At least Rodney died as a hero, like he always wanted to go out should the time arrive," he said sadly.

"Yep," Ronon nodded with respect. "They all did."

"So, what happened? Did we get help any reinforcements from Earth or did we dial the gate to get out?"

"Dialed Earth," he answered simply. "There wasn't enough time to do anything else with the self destruct going."

"Did the Genii set the self destruct?"

Ronon shook his head. "You did. Right after...right after you managed to radio me that she was gone."

John tried to construct a time line of the events in his head, and this didn't make any sense. If he'd been in the control room, he could have

easily made it out himself, instead of being unconscious like Carson had said he was.

"All I know is that you ran back for something. I think it was to kill one of them specifically. Teyla tried to stop you but ended up going along to back you up."

John slowly nodded. "I'm sorry..." he started. "I just want to know what happened, I really can't understand how it could have gotten so out of hand."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. All of us are still trying to understand it. All you can do is grieve and move on," he explained. That was the Satedan way. "You still have Teyla, Carson, me. We're still here, so you aren't alone."

"Yeah..." he said in a far away voice. Why didn't anyone know what happened to Elsa? He was never really for longing for someone to be around him, but he missed her, and it hurt, and he just hated that he couldn't remember. She was the one person he saw himself settling down with, eventually. Elsa liked to keep him at bay as much as he kept others away mostly because of his horrible track record with women. "What happened to her? To Elsa?"

Ronon thought about it, as he was pretty sure of what was going through his friend's mind. "I don't know. I think it was just you, her, Teyla and them, wherever it happened. Teyla refuses to talk about it so she probably knows what happened because you can see that she is carrying something heavy."

John nodded, still in thought. He wanted to ask why Teyla was on Earth, and then remembered that Atlantis had been blown up, by his own hands. Obliterating everything on Atlantis, dead or alive, that hadn't gone through the gate. "I take it that none of her people made it?"

"They went for the Athosians first. Teyla was the lucky one," he grunted.

_There are worse things than losing the people and the home that you love..._ he thought. "I can't imagine how she must feel to be the last of her people," he sighed. "Are you helping her to deal with it?"

Ronon rolled his shoulders. "She has the kid. I know she is making sure he understands where he came from. Teyla's strong, you know that. The SGC makes her see a shrink once a week and I've been going there most weekends when we haven't had a mission."

He noticed how Ronon's speech had changed from being with Mitchell's team for only two months. Ronon had picked up the Earth lingo more quickly, despite the fact that he had spent the last 6 years on Atlantis. Of course, now that Ronon was permanently stationed on Earth, he had to be more 'Earth like' and blend in. "Carson's keeping the shrink away from me, afraid they'll lock me up in a white padded room."

"Heh, you got a reputation around the base, that's for sure." He laughed, "Just don't do anything stupid because seriously - Carson and Teyla would lose it if you did. They've barely been hanging on as it was, until you woke up finally."

"I'm not going to do anything stupid," John said. "I'm fine, and as soon as I'm cleared I'll be working."

"Tell that to someone who doesn't know you," Carson's voice sounded, and he greeted Ronon with a smile. "Out with you, he needs his rest now."

"I just woke up?" Sheppard half asked. "I'm not going back to sleep, Carson, so you'd better give me something to do if you're going to send Ronon away, or I'll go nuts."

Ronon looked back at Beckett with a raised eyebrow. "He's been behaving," he reassured the man. "I'll make sure that he gets rest but wouldn't you want to stay awake for a little after being out for months?"

John wanted to ask if he could stretch his legs and walk around a little, but knew he would be pushing his luck. "I'll even eat whatever you bring me," he promised.

"Aye," Carson sighed, "but no more talk about Atlantis apart from memories from before the Genii attack. You need to give your brain the time to process, son."

"Ronon was reading _Playboy_, I'm sure that if I ask him nicely he'll describe all the gorgeous women in that magazine to keep me entertained."

"I'm glad you still have your sense of humor as a coping mechanism, Colonel."

Ronon only grinned back at Sheppard, happy that the John he knew was still in there. "We'll be good, Doc."

"I'll see what I can do about some jello or broth." Carson nodded. "And don't you dare roll your eyes at me, Colonel."

"I welcome the piss and jello," John said and then turned to Ronon as Carson went in search of food. "Seriously, I can barely see past you into the room, you'll have to describe those women in that magazine to me."

"Oh, they're hot," Ronon said, sitting up so that he could hand over the magazine. "See for yourself. I like this one particularly, but she reminds me too much of Teyla. It's a little disturbing."

He nodded, lifting the magazine so he could get a better view. One eye was doing fairly okay, the other not so much. "Oh, this is going to be hard to get used to," he said and as he managed to find a way to look at the picture in the magazine. "Yeah... I think you're right," he said, squinting because the light was reflecting into his eyes from the glossy pages.

"You should tell the Doc to check that out. They might be able to do something about it," Ronon pointed out.

"I will, once my eyes get a few more days to get used to seeing again." John nodded. "Coma, remember?" He smirked and turned the page of the magazine before putting it down. "Alright, that's too headache-inducing," he muttered.

"Sucks to be you," the other man said and took the magazine back, rotating it as he studied another model.

"Yep." John nodded. "Now come on, describe her to me."

"Gross," Ronon chuckled.

After a while, Carson came back with food, and insisted that it was time for Ronon to leave, but that he was more than welcome to come back the next day. "Piss again, really?" John frowned at Carson, who sat down in the same chair Ronon had just vacated.

"You haven't had any solid food for months, John, and you didn't eat that much the other day so yes, piss again, and if you keep it down, maybe next time we'll switch to jello."

He managed to eat it all this time, despite it missing something... like salt, and a better taste. And it really bugged him that he couldn't use his left arm that well, but he was sure that Carson would explain it to him once he was ready.

"Now, we need to talk," Carson said, and pulled the chair closer to John's bed. "You have been far too perky and normal for an ex-coma patient who just received terrible news."

"I just want -"

"Let me finish," Carson interrupted with a glare. "You have not been yourself and frankly I'm concerned. I know you want to get up and move about, but don't think that I won't put you back into a coma until you're fully healed up so I can at least hurt you for behaving like an ass without feeling guilty about disrupting your healing process."

"I am -"

"No, you're not," Carson said quickly. "There's a reason why you're still here with the rest of the severe cases and not out of the infirmary."

John sighed and just looked at Carson.

"So, if I tell you to rest, what are you going to do?"

"Rest and get bored."

"Exactly, glad we had this conversation," Carson said, and made sure that John was secure in his bed. "Rest and get bored, Colonel."

John made a face and let his head fall back to the pillow. "Can we just like put me on probation or something with those? Just for the arms at least? Trust me a little, as I have to trust that you guys aren't going to kill me in my sleep..."

"John, no one's going to kill you in your sleep." Carson smiled down on him. "You're still under my care but I'll think about it for a wee bit longer before I feel confident enough to remove the rest of the restraints."

He groaned as he felt the leather being secured around his wrist again. _Joy_, he thought, and tried to go to sleep, as he had few options for anything else.

* * *

><p>"<em>You're being an idiot," Elsa's voice sounded. "It's just a little pinch."<em>

"_You're wielding a needle." John chuckled._

"_I'm a doctor, needles are what I do. Now, drop those pants mister."_

_Their gentle teasing was interrupted by an explosion and all of a sudden, he was in the middle of a corridor surrounded by dead Genii._

"_John, this way!" Teyla's voice sounded and he started to run in her direction._

"_I thought we had lost you, Colonel," Jennifer said almost in a far away tone._

"_Not me, Keller." he replied. "I swear, they are hellbent on killing all of us, no matter if they're women, pregnant, old or..."_

"_I know John," Teyla agreed with a deep sadness in her voice. "We have to get back to Elsa, we can't leave her unprotected like that."_

"_You go and find Ronon, I'll get back to Elsa and McKay to see what they..." He fell to the floor when another explosion went off. "Son of a..." He coughed. "Teyla?"_

"_I am fine, go!"_

John instinctively tried to sit up after waking suddenly. He was covered in a cold sweat and his heart was racing fast enough to set off his monitors, bringing the medical staff running.

"Colonel, you need to breathe and try to calm down," Dr. Lam said as she started to lower the volume on the devices. "Focus on your breathing! You're having a severe anxiety attack..."

"Let me move," he breathed heavily. "Please, I just..." He paused and tried to catch his breath. "I want to move..."

Carolyn dug in her pocket for the key to the restraints and released his arms as quickly as she could. She looked up at one of the male orderlies who was helping and quietly ordered him to stay and keep an eye on the patient. She also ordered some Valium to help calm Sheppard down. Injecting it into his IV, she spoke soft, reassuring words, hoping that it would help. She could only imagine what he had been dreaming about to cause such a violent response.

Once his limbs were released, John felt somewhat safer and wrapped his good arm around himself. He managed to partially curl up on the bed without being able to move his legs too much and began to calm himself down as his breathing evened out. "I'm okay..." he said in a small voice, and tried to ignore the tears in his eyes.

"Is there someone I can get for you?" she asked quietly.

"No..." He shook his head; he wanted _Elsa_ but that was going to be a ridiculous request. "Just a bad dream, that's all," he muttered.

She nodded and adjusted the IV bag. "The specialist for your eyes is coming to see you tomorrow," she said, trying to change the subject.

"Fine."

"Would you rather I give you something to help you sleep or do you want to just lie there for a while?"

"Sedating doesn't help me deal with this," John replied. "Just don't restrain me... I won't freak out..." He pulled his weaker arm around him. "I promise, I'll be fine..."

Carolyn nodded. "I'm going to have Andrew sit here with you in case you need _anything_," she said. "Hopefully you'll be able to start rehab by next week if all goes well over the next few days." She hoped that the information of their plans for getting him back to his feet would help him feel somewhat comforted.

He nodded for an answer, and then decided to tune everything out while his head still went crazy, as if it was high on drugs. Probably the rush of adrenaline. At least she didn't restrain him at this time, that was a plus. He felt safe for now.

* * *

><p>The smell of beef, of all things, woke him up, and he turned to see where the scent was coming from. It turned out to be Mitchell, eating beside his bed. <em>What was... <em>Oh yes, he was at the SGC. "I could kill for one of those," John said from his comfortable semi-fetal position.

"Carson would kill me, sorry," Mitchell grinned. "But I was allowed to bring you this." He placed a cup of red jello in front of John's nose.

"Yum...why not blue?"

"Teal'c and I made the kitchen get rid of all blue jello after we heard about Sam. Just doesn't feel right with her not around like that." Cam shrugged, "Ronon is a good guy. Not very talkative, though."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Cam," John said, deciding to sit up and take a stab at the jello. "Ronon gets the job done. Just give him some time to open up to you, he'll be cracking the most inappropriate jokes that will make you wet your pants."

Mitchell made a face that sort of imitated Teal'c trying to be amused. "I believe that. He's obsessed with _Playboy_. Sorry about that," he replied.

"My fault." He snorted and took a bite of his jello. At least it didn't taste like piss, and the strawberry flavor was a welcome sensation. "I was doing a routine inspection of some Jumpers one day and I decided that next time I'd let someone else do it because some Marines..." He shook his head, laughing. "_Playboy_ was the tamest thing I found in Stackhouse's Jumper."

"Sounds like a grand ol' time, buddy. You need to get back on your feet. Your friend's kid keeps asking about you, like all day, every time they visit. Think that you're gonna end up being his almost-daddy," Cam said as he ripped a piece of meat off the ribs and ate happily.

"Working on it. Lam said something about rehab but I wasn't paying much attention," John said. "Carson wants me to take it easy, and stop acting like everything's fine after waking up after a two-month-long nap."

He shrugged. "It happens. You'll be fine. Just gotta wrap your head around it for awhile. At least you are in better shape than me after my accident."

He nodded. He and Mitchell had had frequent email contact after they met when SG-1 came to Atlantis. Cam was an okay guy and he knew that Mitchell, of all people, probably understood most of what he was feeling. "At least you could still return to do the work you love, I'm not so sure if I can. You're a little fuzzy around the edges."

"It wasn't easy. The docs doubted I would be able to even walk but I wouldn't listen. I guess it depends on the injury as well."

John finished his jello with a triumphant grin and put it on the bed. "I'm making progress, I can move my arms now that they took those restraints off," he said as he eyed Cam's steak greedily. "Don't tell me you've got potato salad there as well."

"I do."

"I hate you."

"I know," Cam smiled widely. "I'm sitting here, eating my dinner with the delicious smells, to motivate you."

"Figured as much."

"Oh, and I brought you some lemonade." Cam handed him a firm plastic cup. "Carson hasn't authorized that, so enjoy."

John shook his head amused and took a sip. "Oh, that's good."

Mitchell nodded and returned to his steak, _mmm_ing at every bite he put in his mouth to taunt his friend.

For some reason, John was a little relieved when Mitchell left his bed side after talking to him about useless things for over an hour. He was grateful that Cam didn't mention Atlantis at all. It was fun, though, to hear what his friend thought of having Ronon on his team and what they had done in the past two months.

In all honesty, John felt like crap, and he suspected everyone around him knew that, even with his refusal to show it. He just wanted to retreat and try to get his ducks in a row. Or maybe not; it depended on whether or not he'd ever be able to get a clear picture in his head about what had happened on Atlantis, what had happened to everyone he cared for.

He found that trying to be his usual self was tiresome, and that maybe Carson had been right; he should act the way he felt, but leave his idiotic thoughts to himself in case the SGC shrink showed up.

He decided to temporarily give up wracking his brain over things that happened in the past and that gave him some space to assess his current condition. One of the docs, he couldn't remember if it was Lam or Beckett, had mentioned that he had had severe head trauma and some kind of aneurysm. John wasn't a doctor but even he knew that that was a good reason as to why his left arm felt like dead weight at times. He wasn't quite sure about his eyesight, but he knew for a fact that if his eyes didn't start to clear up - especially his left eye - the doctors wouldn't allow him to return to active duty or - perhaps worst of all - to fly.

He'd tried focusing on distant objects, but while people standing by his bedside were relatively clear, anything beyond that was blurry. Closing his left eye helped, so he knew it was his right eye that was the problem. It worried him. He loved to fly, and sure, maybe not puddle jumpers anymore, but any aircraft would do at this point.

And should his arm never return back to normal, he doubted they'd clear him for firearms either. But whatever was going to happen, he was going to work his ass off to at least to be able to shoot again, bad eyes or bad arm be damned.

His thoughts made him sleepy. He knew it was sometime in the afternoon but he decided to obey his body and tried to fall asleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>Colonel, you're an ass." Dr. Elsa Gutierrez was fuming. "You tripped and fell into a deep hole off world! You're obviously hurt, so get your ass into the infirmary."<em>

"_I haven't broken anything, I'm fine," John said reassuringly, knowing full well that Elsa could force him to go to the infirmary if she gave word to either Carter or Woolsey. He had been an idiot and hadn't seen that trench. He never had stupid accidents like this; it was usually Rodney's area to get hurt by falling over. Needless to say, he had hurt his pride along with his shoulder and ankle._

"_Don't make me pull rank on you." She tugged on his good arm. "Come on, limpy," she __said lightly with a big smile on her face._

_There were donkeys in the infirmary. Asses. "What are they doing in here?"_

"_Oh, the circus is in town, do you want to go?" Elsa wasn't dressed in her doctor clothes anymore. She looked as if she worked at the circus, dressed like some sort of trapeze artist, and looking extremely hot in that outfit._

"_I hate the circus."_

"_Oh, but there aren't any clowns, don't worry." She smiled and placed her hand on his forehead. "There, all better."_

"_You're amazing!"_

"_I know," she said with a wink and jumped onto a trapeze. "How do I look?"_

"_I might go to the circus with you if you're looking like that..." John swallowed hard. Elsa's long legs were wrapped around the bar as she hung upside down, giving him a good look at her cleavage._

"_Good. Now turn around, walk out of here, and go left; I'll be waiting for you there." Elsa smiled at him and he obeyed her. He walked out of the hay - and donkey - filled infirmary and turned left, only to be caught in an explosion._

_The ceiling came down on him, and he couldn't breathe properly, nor could he figure out where he was exactly; the smoke-filled corridor was disorienting. The sound of screams echoed in the distance and he knew he had to get out from under the rubble and move on, despite the fact that he wanted to give up. He was tired of fighting, of getting shot at, of being stabbed, but he had to go on and try to fix this mess. He tried to push away the beam holding him down, only to be surprised to find Elsa, dressed in white clothes and a pair of wings, lifting the heavy beam as if it were nothing. "You can't save us all, John, but thank you for trying," she said as she helped him to his feet, then exclaimed, "You're hurt!" She sounded shocked. "Go find Teyla, she'll take you to see Carson, go John, now!"_

"_Not without you-"_

"_You've done all that you can for me, John. I'm sorry it was too late, but you still have time to help Teyla."_

"_No..."_

"_GO JOHN!" Elsa yelled at him. "You need to stay safe, go!" She pushed him in the right direction and he had no option but to clutch his P90 and stumble out of the corridor._

"John? John, wake up," Teyla's voice sounded from somewhere in the distance. "You are okay, wake up, John."

He opened his eyes with a start and looked right into Teyla's face. "I found you..." he sobbed.

Teyla's heart was breaking in a million pieces all over again as she stroked his unruly hair from his sweaty forehead. "You had a bad dream, John," she said to him as she sat down on the bed to pull him half onto her lap. "You're safe," she said softly as she continued to caress his hair. "I'll keep the bad dreams away, get some rest."

She had never seen him cry like this, as he never truly showed his feelings to anyone. For John's sake, she was relieved that the rest of the patients in this part of the infirmary were out cold, although many probably would never wake up from their comas, which was a sad thought. John would never have forgiven himself if anyone had seen him lose it like that.

Carson didn't know that she had snuck in to see him. Ever since John had woken up from his coma, she had felt the desperate need to be with him, but Carson had told her that neither John, nor she, was ready for their reunion.

She now realized why; because he had just recently learned what had happened to Atlantis, John was still in the first stages of grief, even with his memory loss. She had to be careful not to be drawn back into her own feelings. Teyla stayed by his side until her friend was back into a deep slumber and wondered when things would begin to work out.

* * *

><p>When John woke up, he was alone. He was certain that Teyla had been with him, but maybe that had been a dream. He did feel as if he had had an unburdened sleep, and it felt good.<p>

"Good morning, Colonel," Carson's voice greeted him happily. "I see that you've made yourself comfortable again." He smiled widely.

John looked up at Carson and then at the pillow stuffed between his arms and chest. "Morning." He shrugged and slowly sat up, looking at the plate of food Carson had in his hands. "Please don't tell me that you're going to act like Mitchell and eat that while sitting next to me," he groaned.

"Oh no, this is turkey on a cracker," Carson said, and put the plate in his lap. "I know how much you like turkey sandwiches, but I think that they may be a bit too much for you now."

"I'm eating whatever you give me, and it's staying down... how about getting that tube out?"

"You need to learn to have patience, John."

_Turkey on a cracker it is, _John thought. _At least it's not jello or piss._ "Was Teyla here earlier?"

"Yes, she came by to see you last night, but you were asleep."

"Okay." He nodded slowly as he took another bite of his cracker. "She could have woken me up."

"She knows better, lad," Carson said, and sat down on the chair next to his bed. "There's someone coming over in an hour to check your eyes, to find out how much damage there is and if it can be repaired. Are you okay with that?"

"Can't you do it?"

"I'd rather have a specialist look at it," Carson admitted. "I have my own theory, but I'd rather let Dr. Cale have a look at it."

"Cole?"

"No, Cale," Carson shook his head sadly. "Dr. Cole, our Dr. Cole, perished on Atlantis, John."

He sighed and finished the first cracker out of two, it had been good to taste something again, something he loved, but right now, he didn't want to eat the other one. "Can I save this for later?"

The doctor nodded. "Not a problem. I'll come let you know when the specialist arrives."

"Okay."

John knew that Carson kept his legs restrained so he couldn't just walk out of the infirmary, or fall flat on his face trying, but he would give anything for a walk right now, to see who else was in the infirmary still. Most likely a few of the scientists he was told he was found with.

He wondered why Teyla hadn't waited for him to wake up or why she hadn't woken him up when she was there. He wanted to know how she was holding up, wanted to hear it from her, not from people around her like Beckett.

"When is Teyla coming back?" he asked as he tried to pull himself up on the bed as far as the restraints allowed. "I'd really like to see her and actually see she is well for myself."

"When she's ready to face you," Carson said after a moment of thought. "She's a strong woman, but seeing you when you were asleep and thrashing about made her realize she's not ready to confront you and your questions yet."

John slammed his back on the pillow with frustration. "What if I promise not to ask about Atlantis and Elsa and everyone? Please?"

"I'll ask her, John." Carson sighed tiredly, knowing that Teyla was the one who had stopped John and his tossing about when he was having a bad dream again, and she might be the only one to really get through to him. At this particular moment, Carson felt that John was playing a game with him yet again.

"Then at least give me something to do..." John gave up; he wasn't the one in charge, Carson was, and if Teyla wasn't ready, then he had to believe him. "I'm going crazy without being able to do anything. I feel fine, there must be something I can do while I'm trapped in here," he said stubbornly.

When Carson didn't reply, he noticed he was feeling hungry. "Did you bring me something real to eat this time instead of jello or piss?" he asked, hopeful.

"You have the turkey cracker, Colonel. Finish that and I will consider something more." Beckett grinned again, knowing that he would likely have to find something, as the things that the man had eaten had been staying down.

"What cracker?" John looked around and saw a plate with a cracker sitting next to him. "Oh, thanks, finally something tasty." Carson watched for a moment concerned about his short term memory aside from his visual range. It was something he might have to look into further later.

Leaving him to his snack, Carson walked out to the commissary in order to find something easy for his friend to eat, as well as to make a call to Teyla to see if she would be open to the man's request. He was sure that John would try as hard as he could to not ask questions. Carson knew that Teyla was there when it happened, but other than giving a vague description of the situation, she kept a lot of the details to herself which was not healthy either.

"John," Carson's voice sounded.

He must have had dozed off. Blinking slowly, John rubbed his eyes. "I'm awake, I was just..."

"It's okay, lad." Carson chuckled. "I'd like you to meet Dr. Logan Cale, he's going to check out your eyes."

"I'm awake," John repeated, looking at Carson and the new guy standing next to him. "Hello, Doc."

Dr. Cale smiled. "Hello back. Let's get you sitting up here and have a look," he said simply as he helped raise the head of the bed. He started out with a simple exam with the pen light and distance perception.

He winced when the doctor shone that annoying light in his good eye but had to squeeze his eyes shut when he did the same in his left eye, not only did that light blind him completely, but he also felt a little jolt of pain echoing in the back of his head. "Don't do that," he muttered, wanting to hit the doctor, but he had promised Carson that he would behave himself.

"I've read your medical file, Colonel Sheppard," Dr. Cale started, "and this is not the first time I've assessed you either. Because you've suffered severe head trauma, some vessels in your eye have burst due to blood clots and I fear that it has done some damage."

John remembered hearing some of this before, but a lot of it still sounded like Swahili to him. "Okay..."

The ophthalmologist smiled and shook his head. "I have the SGC setting up some equipment so that we can do some extensive tests to be sure. We will find out how much damage is done and just how permanent or repairable it might be. Please have some patience."

For some reason John couldn't help but chuckle at that, also because at the same time the doctor spoke those words, this great Johnny Cash song came into his head basically telling him that he should fear the worst. "If I'm not patient, Carson will take away few liberties he's given me, so I'll be good."

* * *

><p>While undergoing the other tests, John came to the conclusion that Cale wasn't really a doctor but instead a sadist who enjoy inflicting pain on others. Carson wasn't even around, it was just him and Dr. Cale, and John couldn't help but feel threatened, even though he was in the safest place on Earth. It didn't help that Cale wasn't talking much apart from his <em>ahh<em>s and _hmm_s.

"I must say, the medical team that worked on you when you were brought in has done an amazing job in trying to save every bit of you, Colonel," Dr. Cale eventually said when Carson was back. "I've seen the pictures of what your face looked like when they started, and I'm so glad that they cleaned out your eyes as well as they have."

"Carson's the best and he only works with the best." John nodded slowly, wondering why the doctor was sucking up to Carson, who kept quiet.

"The way I see it, the ultrasound shows that the blood vessels in your left eye are healing nicely. There's a healthy blood flow through them, and I'm sure that in a bit more time your eye will stop hurting when exposed to direct light or light changes."

"But?" There was always a but, John knew that.

"Nothing major, that's the good news," Dr. Cale started. "Your retina, the part that deals with the light and images in your eye, has torn in a few places, which gives you that blurry vision and light sensitivity."

"Okay, so..." His mind went a thousand miles a second. "Contacts?"

"It's not advisable, and I doubt that it'd restore the vision as the part that receives images in your eye is damaged; had it been any other part then sure, maybe. You can wear sunglasses to make the transitions of light easier on you when you're outside or working, but I'm afraid that I'll have to tell you, and General Landry, that your flying days are over. I'm sorry, Colonel."

He looked at Carson, who looked on worriedly. "Don't worry, I'm alright, I'm a big boy," he managed to say, but in fact, he was far from it. He was angry, sad, and confused all at once. "Will the, ehm... fuzziness clear up?"

"You need to retrain your eyes to work together again. Even now, I can see that your bad eye has given up at the moment as it's tired of working, and is trailing off a bit to the side. But give it some time, you'll be fine."

"But no more flying?"

"I'm afraid not, Colonel."

He nodded slowly as he began to think. He could go back to work, could still travel through the gate; he'd learn how to shoot with only one good eye, he could do that. If Mitchell could work his ass off to walk again and do the things he was still doing, then the least John could do was to focus on the things he could re-learn... although he really wished he didn't have to.

Carson could see the wheels in John's head turning and immediately spoke. "Oh no, Colonel. I'm sorry, but that is out of the question. I know what you are thinking and I cannot sign off the clearance for you with your history. Not anymore."

He looked at Carson and tried hard not to say something mean. "Now you're trying to pull the rug even further from underneath me."

"No, I'm not. I am being realistic and honest with you. You have a long road to recovery ahead of you and I, for one, would like to keep you alive to a ripe old age," Beckett replied. "Teyla and Ronon have been working on the apartment to ready it for when you are able to leave here, where you will likely be in a wheelchair until you get through significant physiotherapy. Don't you want to show her around Earth? You always talked about it before."

He didn't know what to say. Of course, everyone wanted to keep him around, but right now he was just angry. "It's really hard not to do something stupid right now." John tried to stay calm and just balled his fists until his knuckles looked white. "Like hurt someone."

"I am sorry John, but this is how it is. You will learn how to adapt. I have every confidence in you," Carson said and made sure that his patient was comfortable before returning to his other duties and patients.


	4. Chapter 3

It had been a week since Carson had finally sent him 'home', making a strict schedule of what therapy he had to go to and when. It was already driving him nuts.

After Dr. Cale had examined him at the SGC and Carson dumped the damn ugly truth on him, it had been another month before Carson had released him back into the wild.

With help from Carson and Ronon, Teyla had done a fantastic job adjusting his apartment for his current misfortune of being in a damned wheelchair. He barely recognized the place as somehow Teyla had found Athosian-style furnishings to decorate it, making his apartment feel more like the home he'd been forced to leave behind in Pegasus.

When John wasn't off at physio or fooling the shrink into thinking he was fine with everything that had happened, Torren was using him as a playmate, which was fine with him. It didn't feel as if he were living his own life right now anyway, and just decided to give in to what everyone else wanted to make sure they kept off his case.

Getting around the apartment on his own was a bit difficult considering his left arm still wasn't cooperating that well, despite all the therapy he received at the SGC to prepare him. When it did work, he liked to roll himself to his bedroom and stare into nothingness for a while. He was grateful that Cale had been right about one thing; even though sudden light changes left him blind for a moment, the pain with it had almost completely disappeared.

In all honesty, his apartment was just too small for him, Teyla, and Torren and the occasions when Carson or Ronon stayed over, and it was getting to be too overwhelming to be cooped up all day, after being cooped up at the SGC for so long.

More often than not, he had nightmares that didn't make any sense, about Elsa, or Atlantis, or clowns performing an autopsy on him. Fortunately, they hadn't been as bad since he'd been home because he doubted that Teyla would appreciate it if he woke her up in the middle of the night with his screams.

"Uncle John!" Torren ran over to him when he rolled himself into the living room. He crawled onto his lap and smiled widely. "Market day."

John looked at Teyla and sighed. "Do I have to come with you?" he asked as he did not want to be stared at like an invalid

"You don't have anything else to do, John," Teyla replied. "And it's good to go outside every once in a while for some fresh air." She handed him his sunglasses and a ball cap with a smile. He wasn't so fond of the cap, mostly because his hair managed to push it off his head, but the sunglasses alone at this time weren't enough to dim the light of the low-hanging sun.

"Alright." He nodded and looked at Torren, who was still smiling. "Do you know something that I don't?"

"Yes!" Torren squealed and turned around to properly sit on John's lap.

John eyed Teyla suspiciously. "Should I be afraid?"

"Relax, John," Teyla chuckled as she started to push him out of the apartment. "We're going to the market, I like how they trade there."

He rolled his eyes. "Typical woman. Spending money."

"You need to eat, yes?" She smiled widely. "I like the market food better than what those people try to trade in your grocery stores."

"That is because it is usually fresher and straight from a farm. They don't have your tava beans for your tea here, though," he frowned, feeling down again for his friend.

"No, but your people have a great variety of tea leaves, and I must admit, they are better than tava beans."

He tried to turn in the chair with the boy still in his lap to look at her in shock. "Really now. I wasn't expecting to hear something like that from you."

"John, as much as I'm trying to stay with the customs my people had, it does not hurt to try new things in life. Yes, I am a little disappointed that I can't make tuttle root soup for you, but there are other alternatives."

John mouthed a '_thank you, God_' after turning around in his chair. She did not miss it either as she went to push the chair close enough to the elevator for Torren to press the down button. "One of the stand owners has promised to share some recipes with me today. I am eager to try some new dishes but I would also really love to order that chicken dish from the Italian restaurant tonight, if you do not mind."

He made a face at the thought. Since coming to Earth, and his return home from the SGC, he learned that she had developed what he believed to be a rather unhealthy obsession with _pollo alla potentina_. Frankly, John was sick of it. "Why won't you let me cook tonight? I'll make you something you'll like, but please, no more chicken."

"I would, if you could reach the cooking stove." Teyla pushed him into the elevator, laughing.

"There's a grill on the balcony of the apartment, I don't need to use the stove," John replied. "I can make something you'll love while in the chair."

"I have had steaks before, I didn't like them." Teyla made a face after doing the math.

"Believe me, you will like them the way I make them, with homemade sauce."

"I want some!" Torren bounced around. "Let Uncle John cook!"

"Two against one, Teyla," John grinned.

She smiled in the way she had when she had been dealing with him with Rodney and Aiden in the early days, an amused mother to full-grown children. "Very well. However, I will prepare the side vegetables. No arguments."

"Deal." John would happily give up his potato salad for a steak. He was happy; at least he had something to do now that didn't require him to feel like a helpless idiot.

Teyla sighed as she thought about how things had been recently and the frustration that she knew her friend was going through feeling, experiencing after being so strong and busy for so long. "When we return, we can make a list of what we each would be responsible for, if you like. Such as you could manage loading the dish cleaning machine after meals?"

"I could do that," John agreed. "Thanks, Teyla."

It took him a second or two to adjust to the bright sunlight, but was happy that he didn't have to focus on walking at the same time. Yes, sunglasses were his best friends now.

Once they were at the market, Torren was bouncing away on his lap. For some reason the little kid was psyched to be at the market and it didn't take him long to find out why; there were clowns, and Torren seemingly loved clowns.

"Really?" John sighed and shook his head. "They're not even..."

Teyla swatted him on the head. "Torren likes these masked men, let him enjoy watching them."

"Have you taken him to the circus yet?" John wondered, knowing that there had been a point in his life as a kid when he'd loved the circus.

"No, I have not, because Carson looked at me in a funny way when I asked him to explain the circus to me," Teyla replied. "He made it sound like it was pure torture."

"Not really, kids love the circus, it's only a torture if you don't like..." He pointed at the clowns. "Them."

She nodded and smiled as Torren continued to be fascinated by the show. His glee increased when one of the clowns came over to give him a balloon and do a short little dance for him. To John's dismay he began remembering the dream he had had not long after he first woke up from his coma. The hand not holding onto the child gripped the arm of his wheelchair tightly. Teyla noticed and made sure they did not stay much longer in case John continued to react negatively.

One of the clowns gave Torren a flyer. _Of course, _John thought. _The circus is in town..._He actually wondered why he had brought it all up, considering the dream or nightmare he had had about Elsa the trapeze artist.

"Can we go?" Torren smiled and pointed at the flyer, probably not knowing what was on it exactly, just seeing a huge tent on it.

_You'll have to,_he told himself, maybe out of some kind of self-inflicted torture, or maybe just to please the kid. "If your mom says we can go, we can go," John said bravely and ruffled Torren's hair.

"Mo-o-om?"

"Maybe," Teyla said warmly. "But for now, We should go and buy food."

* * *

><p>He'd liked being outside for the time they were out, but he was also glad to be back in the safety of the apartment. He was still wondering about why he had started talking about the circus and pretending as if clowns were okay. He wasn't afraid of clowns, he just hated them, and he couldn't stop thinking about the good part of that dream, Elsa hanging upside down smiling like the biggest goof on the planet.<p>

However, it would be a great experience for Torren to see the circus, and maybe John didn't have to go with them if Carson or Ronon or someone else stayed behind to look after him if he needed extra help. He wondered when it would stop, though, people treating him like he was a ticking time bomb, or like he was a child, or even worse: trying to make him talk about his true feelings.

Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He'd be fine with food as he had a grill on the balcony, he wouldn't mind having to eat steak and potato salad for the rest of his life if he had to. "Hey, Teyla?" He helped Torren off his lap and frowned. When had Torren climbed on his lap? "Can we please not have chicken tonight?" he asked, looking at the bags of groceries they had brought back. He had only been 'home' for a week, and they'd had chicken something from the Italian for two or three of those days, and it wasn't even that good.

"Yes John, we can have your steak," she replied, sighing. She had gotten used to the forgetfulness and repetition with him since he was released, but it continued to concern her. It wasn't the John she knew but she was well aware of the trauma of the evacuation. No one was the same after Atlantis. Well, except maybe Ronon, as he'd had lived through the destruction of his home before, so he had the experience to cope.

"Oh! You have no idea how happy that makes me," he replied with a grin grabbing the bag of charcoal off the floor and wheeling himself towards the balcony.

"Yes, I do," she said with a pained expression. She did not care for steak nearly as much as he did. More often than not, she felt ill after eating it and sometimes vomited it up. Teyla didn't dare tell him because he would try to pull rank on her and make her get examined, but Carson had already explained to her that it was normal and there were many people did not digest certain meats very well. Starting the vegetable sides, she busied herself in the kitchen after setting Torren up at the table with his book and crayons.

"_It looks great out here, doesn't it?" Elsa smiled; it was her first time off world and she was as hyper as a Duracell bunny, something that annoyed John in many ways._

"_Sure," he replied and pushed her forward. She was worse than Rodney, who had managed to get himself caught up in some sort of ritual in the local village. "It's not really necessary for you to be here, but I don't want to take any chances with Rodney, even though he says it's fine."_

"_I'm surprised you got me, and not Carson."_

_John shrugged. "You were starting to look a little pale... and it seemed like you were married to the infirmary," he said. "I bribed Carson for you to come with."_

"_You're a bad liar," Elsa pointed out and hopped over a few rocks. "So, how dangerous is this ritual and why did you let them go ahead with it?"_

"_Ask Rodney," John replied. "He might need his brain examined when we're back on Atlantis. I'm sick and tired of this God complex he has sometimes."_

"_Unlike him being fed up with your stubbornness and knack for getting yourself almost killed?"_

"_That's different."_

"JOHN!" Teyla's voice pulled him out of that wonderful memory that was playing in his head and before he knew it, he was doused with water.

"Teyla, what the hell!" he cried out.

She looked at him with wide-eyed fear as she pointed towards the grill that was now drowned by the water. The steaks on it were charred black and black dark, inky, smoky... scorches around the rim indicated that the flames had gotten out of control. "You almost burned yourself to death," she said. "I been calling for you...What were you thinking about?"

"Sorry." He stared at her in shock. "Did I do that?" he asked in confusion and shook his head. "I'm... oh god Teyla..."

"What happened?" she asked, kneeling at his side.

"I was just thinking how nice this apartment actually is... I never really appreciated the view for what it was..." he said softly. "Then I remembered the first time Elsa went off world and how beautiful it was out there, and... I guess I forgot..." He waved helplessly at the grill. "I'm so sorry..." God, he was a mess.

Teyla got up to wheel him back inside. "I will clean this up. You can call and order a pizza, okay? We can save the vegetables for tomorrow."

He sighed and slowly nodded. "I'm so sorry, Teyla... I should have paid more attention, this has never happened before."

"It is alright. I am more concerned that you are not injured by the fire," she said. "This is still very much a large adjustment for all of us. I know you are doing your best."

He made a mental note to go to his room after dinner as he reached for the phone. He knew Teyla wouldn't let him skip dinner, but he felt sick. What the hell was wrong with him? Sure, his mind had been scattered, and Carson had noticed it too, but he said that it was normal for someone with memory loss. _Whatever,_he thought bitter and continued to dial the number of the pizza delivery guy. "Torren buddy, what would you like to have on your pizza?"

"Fish!"

"Fish it is," John nodded, feeling nauseated at the thought of anchovies. He could always lie to the kid and say the pepperoni was fish but doubted Teyla would approve. When the place answered, he asked if they had personal sized pizzas and was relieved that they did. He ordered one with anchovies for the boy and a large pie half pepperoni, half veggie and extra cheese all around. There, Teyla got her vegetables, Torren got his fish, John got his pepperoni. All was right in the world.

He loaded up the dishwasher after dinner and then decided to treat himself to a shower. He smelled of burnt meat that was reminiscent of the smell of the flesh in his memories, fire and water, and didn't like it one bit. Of course, taking a shower was a lot of work these days. First, he had to manage to get out of his clothes, then drive himself into the shower and hop on the chair standing underneath the faucet. "I'm going to take a shower," he said to Teyla, who was reading a bed time story to Torren. "I will try to make it quick."

He got a fresh set of jogging pants and a clean t-shirt and boxers and made his way towards the bathroom, deciding to undress in there. He took off his shoes, then socks and wrestled with his pants before the smell of burnt things got stuck in his nose.

"_Why isn't Atlantis responding to the fires?" John asked Rodney, who could only shrug. "I'm going to the chair."_

"_If you do that, you'd probably end up dead," Rodney snapped. "They've smartened up, those stupid Genii soldiers, so no, just let it burn and get extinguishers if I tell you to or something, just... shut up and let me work."_

"_Colonel, they're heading towards the Jumper bay, what do you want us to do?" Stackhouse's voice sounded from behind him._

"_Stop them?" John suggested as he pulled one of the bodies to the side. "I'm going to set some C4. Stay here McKay."_

He managed to get his shirt off while he tried not to cry, crying was bad, and he didn't want to upset Teyla, or Torren for that matter. If only he had been able to get to the chair room, then he could have avoided the mess that followed the Genii's takeover. He hauled himself up, wobbling on his feet as he turned around to sit down on the chair in the shower. He attempted to hold back a shiver when the water was cold at first, and started to adjust the heat until it was perfect. He needed to get rid of the smell, and fast.

"_Oh my God, is that Parrish?" Rodney exclaimed before John could run towards the corridor a floor above them to set some charges._

"_I don't know," John worked to catch his breath. "We'll do a full head count once we've gotten rid of the Genii." The body didn't look like Parrish, apart from his build maybe, but he really couldn't be certain as his face was blown to bits from a close-range_ _shot to the back of his head._

_He made his way to one or two corridors ahead of Rodney and started to place the C4, nearly tripping over another body. He tried not to look at the bodies he encountered; he wanted to get this over and done with and then later, maybe, mourn the ones lost. "Oh crap, Lorne..."_

_John had to shoot a patrol of Genii soldiers en route to his next C4 placement area destination. He was angry now; Lorne had been a good man, a good soldier, and the Genii had killed him. Attacking his home was one thing, going after good people was another and trying to keep the casualties on both sides to a minimum was no longer an option. He now fully understood Teyla's rage after finding out that her people were among the first to die._

_Speaking of Teyla, where was she and was she safe?_

He managed to clean himself up while he remembered Lorne's and Parrish's bodies. He couldn't get it out of his head, especially Parrish, how there was nothing left to his face. John would never have thought that the Genii would be _that_ ruthless, although they had proven before that they had the potential to be that volatile. John now wondered who had been in charge, as it must have been someone who knew the city _very_well.

He dried himself off and got into his clean clothes, trying to do so while standing upright. He wanted to be able to stand on his own without wobbling around or falling on his face, but he quickly realized that he still couldn't. Frustrated, he let himself fall into his wheelchair and did it the 'old man' way.

"Can I do something anything for you?" He asked Teyla when he rolled back in to the living room. She shook her head, he wished her good night and spent the rest of the night lying awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering when he'd be okay again. He was sick and tired of being useless, taking up space that could easily have been used for someone else. He hadn't been home for longer than a week and he hated that Teyla was looking after him. He hated spacing out, it nearly got him burned today. He hated being unable to be the man he used to be; he was currently stuck in a chair and he sometimes doubted that he would get out of it any time soon.

Carson had said that there wasn't anything wrong with his legs, but that they hadn't been used for a very long time due to his coma, hence why he needed physical therapy. All John needed, according to Carson, was patience and faith.

He had neither.


	5. Chapter 4

"No, no... Torren... noo..." John managed to laugh when Torren hugged his legs as he got into the apartment, but all he wanted to do was to cry when he fell down. At least he managed it so that Torren wasn't squashed under his weight.

It had been nearly nine months since he had been allowed to go home from the SGC and it was approaching the one year anniversary of Atlantis' destruction. The physical therapist had finally allowed him to leave the wheelchair and try to walk with a cane, and John knew that it had been Carson who had been stalling the therapist's decision.

He had been going crazy in his wheelchair, despite regaining control over his arm and sneakily walking around in his own bedroom for months. The wheelchair had been a way to try to control him and make sure he didn't do anything stupid.

At least he had become better at pretending he was happy and well adjusted. He installed a new security system in the apartment, telling everyone that despite the fact that he knew that his apartment building was safe, and if not that Teyla could kick some serious ass, better safe than sorry. The real reason - and he hated to admit it - was that he knew that he could no longer defend himself, let alone those living with him. The fact was, he didn't feel safe in his own home, or en route to therapy, or anywhere anymore.

John thought about asking Teyla if she would start sparring with him slowly so that he would be able to get back something of what he had before. It would not be an easy task, but he desperately felt the need to be able to protect himself and he would do anything to accomplish that.

Now that he was allowed to walk around and go outside by himself (which scared the hell out of Teyla, he knew) he found it hard not to be in a constant state of alertness when he walked the streets. Screeching cars made his heart race, a baker who threw his crates in the alley made him pause to catch his breath, and overall there were too many dangers outside to actually enjoy being there.

Not that he told anyone. He wasn't a baby. Hye used to be an Air Force pilot, saving galaxies and kicking ass. Now that he was out of the wheelchair, he noticed that it was easier to pretend he was okay, because he wasn't obviously crippled.

"What did I tell you, buddy?" John slowly sat up and ruffled Torren's hair. "Don't surprise me like that because as you see, I will fall and I don't want to hurt you." He smiled, got Torren to his feet, and got up himself.

"Did you bring me something?"

"You're spoiled." John replied and fished a lollypop out of the pocket of his jeans. "Don't run around with it."

"Thanks!" Torren smiled widely.

John still had nightmares, although they were becoming less frequent. He usually managed to muffle his screams by falling asleep with his pillow over his head. His _shrink_, whom he hated because there was something about the guy that gave him the creeps, had given him some medication to help him sleep, and something else to stop him from zoning out and flooding the apartment again when drawing a bath. It had been hell to clean up too, not to mention the people living in the apartment downstairs weren't all too happy either.

He and Teyla still had to have 'the talk', where she would tell him exactly what happened with Elsa, and he wanted to know. Teyla still wasn't ready for it. He never asked, knowing that she would come to him when she was ready.

The SGC had planned a memorial service for the lives lost on Atlantis for sometime next week, and even though he didn't want to go, he _had_to. He hadn't spoken to any of the survivors apart from Teyla, Ronon, and Carson.

He hadn't gone to Lt. Cadman's funeral when her family finally decided to take her off life support. He hadn't gone to visit Katie Brown at her new job, tending to some big tropical garden with special plants in some zoo. He was happy to hear from Ronon that Chuck was working as a gate tech for the SGC now that Walter had retired, and that Stackhouse was serving on SG-3. A scientist who worked with Rodney was working at Area 51, and the families of Vega and Banks were still hoping that one day, their daughters would wake up from their comas.

He didn't _need_to be confronted by the fact that he hadn't been able to save his people, or at least more of them.

As he walked further into the apartment, he found Ronon and Teyla sitting on the couch talking with some fighting program on the television. He looked at them suspiciously because as soon as he entered the room, they stopped talking and had pensive expressions on their faces. Well, Teyla did, at least. Ronon looked pissed.

"Hey..." he said as he greeted them both. "What's wrong?

"I was trying to do you a favor," Ronon grunted. "And that favor isn't cooperating."

John blinked, and then shrugged it off. "I see..." he said. "Are you staying for dinner?"

Teyla glared at Ronon as she answered their friend. "He is not."

John nodded. Ronon must have seriously pissed Teyla off for her to deny Ronon dinner. "Oh, I went to look for a job after therapy," he said. Carson had been on his case to do something useful during the times that he wasn't in therapy so he wouldn't hang around at the apartment all the time, and the SGC had basically abandoned him. "I didn't really find anything yet, when I went in to ask for details they implied that they don't hire cripples or old people," he said lightly to diffuse the tense atmosphere. Regardless of discrimination laws, he knew that they would come up with alternate reasons why he wasn't considered - being over qualified he later discovered that many said.

"I'd better go," Ronon got up. He patted John on the back on his way to the door. "Keep trying."

He watched his friend leave before turning back to Teyla. "What was he talking about?"

"You're doing a great job in trying to get back onto your feet, John," Teyla smiled halfheartedly. "And you shouldn't give up."

"You're making me nervous, Teyla," he replied slowly as he studied her carefully. "Who said that I was going to give up?"

"We all know how you handle disappointment, John, and words of encouragement rarely seem to help."

"Teyla..."

"I know, you're 'fine'." She smiled sweetly and got up. "What did you have in mind for dinner, it is your day today, is it not?"

"Stop changing the subject. What were you and Ronon talking about, because frankly I am sick and tired of everyone talking about me or walking on eggshells around me. Anything about me, tell me!"

"Fine." Teyla looked up to him with grief in her eyes. "Ronon was trying to convince me to tell you about how Elsa... You must understand that she was my friend too."

"I know, Teyla. Which is why I haven't asked you. I know that when you're ready, you will." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Frankly, I'm actually wondering when I'll remember it on my own."

She lowered her head in grief. "Carson told me that you might never remember it on your own. That some block in your mind might be keeping it from you, to protect you."

"Then so be it," he said after thinking about it. "Honestly, Teyla, I _want_to know what happened, I'm still trying to get a full picture of the siege in my head and I do remember things on my own. Not as fast as I want to, but I can't complain about it because it's obviously my body telling me to slow down too." He lifted her chin and made her look at him. "I don't blame you for not telling me. I'm not angry."

She sighed and shook her head. "No. Ronon is right, though. In knowing, you might be able to truly put Atlantis behind you and it is difficult in keeping such information from you."

"Teyla, only when you're willing to share, then I'll listen," he said softly. "I don't want to hurt you even more than I already have. Elsa wouldn't have wanted that."

"No, but she did not like secrets either. Come with me," Teyla said, as she took his hand to lead him back to his room. Torren did not need to see how John might react. However that might be, she was not entirely sure. "It was one of her greatest qualities and flaws that she could not and would not keep a secret such as this."

He followed her to his room and closed the door. "I'm not sure Teyla."

"Is anyone ever ready to receive ill-fated news?" she pointed out.

He sighed and sat down on the bed. "I guess you're right."

Teyla paced the floor, wringing her hands around her wrists nervously, as she thought on how she would word what she had to say. "You remember that she insisted on going back to the infirmary to help with one of the scientists who had been trapped but was yet undiscovered by Ladon's men."

"Wait, Ladon was among the Genii on Atlantis?" He frowned. "Really?"

"Yes, he was. We did not find him suspicious as he had done well by us in the past," she explained. "Which was one of the reasons why their take-over had been a surprise."

Had he had known that Ladon Radim had been on Atlantis when they took the Genii in, John would have made more sense of his flashbacks sooner. "It makes sense now."

Teyla nodded and paused in her pacing to look out the window. "His second, I do not recall his name, was injured. He found Elsa trying to get out of the infirmary with a geologist who had been in there when the attack began. I am sure that he killed the scientist then forced Elsa to treat his injuries, and she was doing such when you and I arrived to get her."

He slowly nodded. Elsa was always busy with her job, she wanted to do her absolute best and if not, die trying. It had been difficult to pry her away from the infirmary for her first off-world trip to look after Rodney, and even during their lunches together, she observed the people having lunch in the mess hall to look for a hint of sickness or other ailment.

Glancing back, Teyla found that John was managing well so far as he listened silently. "When we reached them, the Genii soldier took her by her neck and held his weapon to her. We had a standoff for, oh, I don't know how long." She sighed. "There was nothing but evil in his eyes. I could tell that he had no intention of leaving any of us alive..."

"_She's going to finish patching him up," Ladon's voice sounded as his man let go of Elsa, keeping his weapon trained on John and Teyla while the injured soldier had his gun on Elsa. "Shoot me, and he will shoot her."_

"_Why are you doing this?" John demanded. His eyes were burning from the smoke coming from the corridor behind him, his chest was hurting from the knife wound he had received earlier, and he had a few broken ribs from continuously falling over and getting stuck under debris from collapsing ceilings._

"_Until YOU came back to the galaxy with this ship of yours, we were doing fine in helping the people of this galaxy rebuild their worlds."_

"_Oh, so it's a jealousy thing then," John said. "You could have said something. Instead, you're destroying our home."_

"...just as we started to believe that he might actually let Elsa go and allow us to leave through the gate - he did not know we set the self destruct - the soldier released her from his hold."

"_She had nothing to do with us coming back, this is her first time out of her own galaxy," John tried. "You can let her go through the gate, as well as Teyla, and do __whatever you want with me."_

"_John, don't. I won't leave you," Elsa said calmly but with clear fear in her voice. She held her head high but could not help in crying out when the soldier forced her to her knees._

_The smile on the soldier's face turned sadistic as he made the connection between the two. He grabbed Elsa by her hair and pulled back for her to look up at him. "She really is quite attractive, Colonel Sheppard. You have good taste," he growled as he studied her, bending over to press his nose into her neck as a lover might._

_He tightened the grip on his P90, not sure who to shoot first; Ladon or his lackey. "Let. Her. Go," he ground out, trying to control his rage._

"_No no, I think I might give her a try myself," he taunted with a grin as he attempted to unbuckle his pants as Ladon held Sheppard and Teyla back. "Such a pretty thing..."_

_With Elsa on her knees John now had a clear shot of the soldier towering over her, but there was still Ladon to deal with, who was grinning like a madman. Yes, he was crazy for coming to Atlantis and attacking it from the inside out, crazy enough for it to actually work. John steadied his breath, and before he knew it, he had placed a bullet in the middle of the soldier's head, dropping him to the floor like a house of cards._

"Instead of letting her go, Ladon turned his weapon from us to Elsa. He - he executed her right there. She did not have a chance to do anything but get out a few words before he pulled the trigger," Teyla said before she broke down crying.

He just sat there in silence for a while, not realizing that he was holding his breath, not realizing that Teyla was sitting next to him now, crying. He had gripped his knees tightly, his knuckles were white and he was angry as hell. She didn't even have a weapon, and that... scumbag shot her, he killed her, she was gone, the hope of ever seeing again was gone. What was there to live for now?

He slowly put his arm around Teyla, feeling numb, and softly comforted her by caressing her back. Apart from that, he hardly moved at all.

Once the initial shock began to wear off, Teyla laid her head on John's shoulder. "Her last words," she said softly, "her last words to you were that she would always love you. She knew that by going back to the infirmary, she would die. I saw that in her face when she insisted on helping."

"She knew the risks..." he managed to say softly. "We all did..."

Teyla nodded. "Elsa would not want you to spend the rest of your life grieving for her but to cherish her memory and _live_. Please do not give up on living, for her."

"Please tell me that I at least killed him."

Taking a deep breath to find strength, she nodded. "Yes, and more. You were the one that had armed the self destruct and right after Radim fell, you made a comment about all of them dying for what he did. You tried to go for her body but I could not let you. There was not much time left and I had to pull you out to get to the gate. Unfortunately, on the way, you and I got caught under another ceiling collapse. Sergeant Stackhouse had been on his way back when he found us with a few scientists and helped me get you out."

For the lack of having anything better at hand, he threw his cane across the room. He was angry and sad at what had happened to Elsa, and even more angry with himself for not remembering on his own. He wanted to seriously hurt someone right then, but tried to remain calm. "Thank you, Teyla, for sharing this with me..."

"Please do not leave us," she said barely in a whisper. Her greatest fear now was that John would cause himself harm, whether it was physical or emotional torture.

He couldn't promise that. His first reaction was to go to a hotel for a couple of days to get it out of his system without causing harm to Teyla or, god forbid, Torren. "I can't promise that," he muttered and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

Nodding, Teyla wiped the tears from her eyes. "I will go check on Torren and give you time to yourself. I do not think you and I are very much up to eating lunch now but I must make something for him. If you would like anything, please let me know."

He reached into the drawer of his bedside table and retrieved an Air Force-issued knife. He handed it to Teyla, who just stared at him in shock. "Just in case I do consider hurting myself."

She looked down at it before taking it. "Thank you."

He quietly spent the rest of the day in his room, not even going out to have dinner. He didn't know what to do with himself, other than knowing that he really wanted to get into trouble, and hurt someone. He wanted to release his anger, but he knew he'd probably get his ass handed back to him if he started a fight.

He wrote a note to Teyla, promising that he wasn't leaving forever, and that he was even taking his cellphone with him, but that he needed to have some time to himself without disrupting the peace of the apartment, and scaring Torren in the process.

Late at night, he snuck out of the house and took a cab to the hotel that he had made reservations at earlier that day. Once there, he raided the mini bar while he cried his eyes out.

Of course, he'd known that there was no chance in hell that he'd ever see Elsa again, but with his own memory of her death failing, and Teyla finally telling him about her last moments, it was all too real all of a sudden. The woman he had dared to open himself up to after so long was gone, never to return, and he had to continue to live with himself and the shitload of problems that had come down on him after he had woken up from his coma.

Sure, he had been lucky. For one, he had made it off Atlantis and he was up and about, and that had to mean something, right? Yeah, he'd rather have bounced back to his normal self, his confident, carefree and _able_self, but that was impossible.

John was still angry with Carson and that specialist for telling him that he wasn't allowed to go back to work at the SGC due to his injuries. He realized that they'd probably have made him retire anyway if he hadn't been hurt, because of his tendency to do stupid things when feeling down.

He felt like crap, maybe it was for the best if he'd just end it all, but he didn't want to leave Teyla. He couldn't help but feeling guilty about disappearing when she asked (or begged) him not to leave them, something inside of him had shattered when she had said that.

He was tired of crying when he called room service to bring him more alcohol. He wasn't drunk enough yet, he wanted to get completely wasted and forget about his pain for a while. Forget about about the uselessness of his life, the emptiness that he felt, and act like the pathetic jerk he was, but didn't show his friends.

It was 7 am when someone finally knocked on the hotel room door and he staggered to open it - okay, so maybe there had been more alcohol in that mini bar than he had anticipated - thinking that it would be room service, only to find Carson standing in front of him.

_Damn the tracker_, he thought. He had forgotten about the subcutaneous babysitter that came standard with signing the release forms and contracts for joining the Stargate program. "Tell me that you've at least brought alcohol," John greeted his friend and stepped aside to let Carson into the room.

"Are you out of your mind?" Carson ranted as soon as the door closed. "Teyla's worried sick about you!"

"I've only been gone for a couple of hours... relax..."

"Make that days, Colonel." Carson glared at him. "I hope you had your fun with your pity party, but it's time for you to go home and clean yourself up. Eat. Rest and feel fresh again tomorrow, as you've got a memorial to attend to."

"I haven't been here for days!" John blurted. "I left the night Teyla told me about Elsa, which was yesterday."

"That was Monday, yes. It's Thursday," Carson said worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"I was until you showed up," John grunted.

"Have you had lapses in time before?"

"I don't believe it's Thursday," John said. "So, no, I haven't."

Carson threw the day's paper at him. "See for yourself."

John mouthed an 'Oh' when he managed to read the small date printed on the paper. "Teyla could have called me when she was worried,"

"She has, I have, Ronon has," Carson said. "You weren't picking up."

"Oh."

"Let's pay for your room shall we? I'll take you home."

The moment he staggered into the apartment he got assaulted by Teyla, first hitting him a few times in the chest, kicking his legs before she flung her arms around him and started to sob. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't know..."

Carson managed to pry Teyla off John and then pushed John into his room. "I need to check if he's alright, Teyla, then you can hurt him in any way you see fit."

"I don't wish to hurt him" Teyla said in a tiny voice, happy that Torren was spending the day with Ronon. "This is the exact reason that I'm not letting him out without knowing where he is or where he's going to, Carson," she said. "He sometimes still forgets things or wanders off and then comes home all disorientated."

"He had raided the mini bar in the hotel, and assaulted a few of the staff, I'm actually surprised that they called Cheyenne Mountain instead of the police."

"I should never have told him..."

"It's not your fault, Teyla," Carson soothed her. "John needs to find a way to deal with his emotions. He used to do that by sparring with you or Ronon, or running around on Atlantis. Those aren't options for him any more."

Teyla nodded and sighed. "Perhaps we moved too quickly with getting him on his feet? Do you think we should continue?"

"Oh yes, but now, let me check him out, I think he must have fallen asleep by now." Carson smiled warmly at Teyla before he disappeared into John's room.

"I'm fine," John muttered when Carson started to examine him.

"You might be," Carson said as he sat down on the bed. "But still, I'd like to take you in to make some scans of your head."

"Not necessary, I'm fine. Just drunk."

"John..."

"Carson, I'm drunk." John looked at him. "That's all, I'll be fine and back to my usual self tomorrow, I promise."

The doctor sighed heavily. "That's our point. We are concerned about your usual self..." Carson looked at Teyla and quietly asked her to get some bottles of water so that their friend could begin the process of re-hydrating himself.

"Look... I _misbehaved_, I get that," John groaned and pulled the pillow over his head. "I'm working my ass off otherwise to satisfy the rest of you, I'm fine, I just slipped up."

Teyla came back looking tired and emotionally drained. "Other than - this - he has been doing well. As you said, he previously had an outlet for his emotions...Would it be good if I began training with him again? It might help us both."

"Aye, it might, if you'd take it slow." Carson nodded and lifted the pillow off John's head and pushed a bottle of water in his face. "Drink."

"No."

"Yes, otherwise I will call the SGC and have them lock you up in that padded room," the doctor argued.

"I don't think I care at this point." John decided to humor Carson anyway and unscrewed the bottle before making the effort.

"You're one depressing drunk," Carson told him and handed him another bottle when John drained the first in one go.

"Better than a touchy-feely drunk," John retorted and sighed, taking the other bottle and drinking that too. "Satisfied?" he glared at Carson.

The doctor shook his head _no_but said nothing. Opening another bottle he handed it over while Teyla watched on from across the room.

"Are you trying to drown me?"

"You need to get re-hydrated, you'll feel better," Carson said, wondering when John would drink up the bottle.

"And piss like a horse in an hour."

"I'm not the one who decided to get drunk, now drink up."

He sighed and drained the bottle, then nearly vomited the water right out again, but he managed to keep it inside. "Carson, one more bottle and I will throw up on you," he warned as he lay back down, groaning, and feeling sick.

"Good. Serves you right," Carson replied and left for Teyla to tend to the man.

Teyla managed a chuckle when she pulled the covers over the fully clothed - and slightly smelly - Colonel. "Rest, you have the entire day and night to sober up before the memorial tomorrow."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you _are_, Colonel." Teyla hit him on the head and put the pillow back over his head. "Sleep well."

_John tightened the grip on his P90, not sure who to shoot first; Ladon or his lackey. "Let. Her. Go," he said, trying to control his anger._

"_No no, I think I might give her a try myself," he growled with a grin as he attempted to unbuckle his pants. "Such a pretty thing..."_

_This time, though, as he managed to shoot the soldier, Teyla took out Ladon Radim. He felt a perverse sense of happiness when he pulled Elsa in his arms and kissed her senseless while Teyla insisted that they make their way towards the gate. "I'll never leave you now, you've saved my life!" Elsa laughed._

John woke up crying, trying to find his bearings. Right, he was in bed. His own bed. His arm instinctively reached out to the other side but it was cold and empty. Elsa wasn't here. Of course not. _She's dead_, he told himself and got out of bed. He needed to piss, and to take a shower. Then, he'd make himself some fried eggs with ham and cheese and a big mug of coffee to make him feel better. He was definitely hung over and didn't know what time it was, and he honestly didn't care.

He got rid of his smelly clothes by putting them in the hamper in the bathroom and stepped under the shower. For months he had to wash himself while sitting down, and now that he was able to stand, he was able to finish much quicker. After his shower, he went to shave himself - Carson had been right, he had been in that hotel room for days, according to his beard - and felt a lot better when he got into clean clothes.

_Time for a good anti-hangover breakfast,_he thought as he made his way to the kitchen where he found Teyla making tea. "Good day, John," she chuckled. "You've slept well."

"I have?"

"I was about to come and wake you myself," Teyla said. "Carson is picking us up in an hour to go to the SGC."

"I slept that long?"

"Yes. It is good to see you in good spirits, we are going to need that today." Teyla shifted over to make room for him at the stove.

He slowly nodded as he started to break an egg into the frying pan. "Would you like some?" he asked and pointed at the pan as he grabbed the ham and cheese.

Teyla made a face and shook her head as she stirred in her tea.

"Your loss," John shrugged. He was already dreading the memorial. It was going to be hard for all of them, and it was times like these where he secretly wished that he wasn't, hadn't been, a high ranking officer so that he could skip the whole thing. Since Woolsey and Carter hadn't made it out, he _had_to go.

"While you were... out, the last couple of days," Teyla started, "the family of Amelia Banks made the decision to take her off life support."

"Oh hell..."

"I worry for Ronon. Even though he and Amelia separated before we returned to the Pegasus Galaxy, he did love her."

"Yeah..." John sighed, wondering when the endless body count of the k siege of Atlantis would end. Probably soon, he realized, as the only one still in the infirmary was Captain Vega, and she wasn't conscious; with her, it was a question IF she'd ever wake up again.

"John?"

"Yes?"

"Did you ever contact your brother or your ex-wife, informing them about your return?"

No, he didn't. He shrugged and lowered the fire on the stove as he grabbed a few slices of bread. "They wouldn't care."

"John..." Teyla rolled her eyes.

"No, Teyla, they wouldn't." John cursed himself for raising his voice. "Nancy... well she might, but Dave?" He shook his head. "He'd be telling everyone the same thing he's been saying my entire life - that I had it coming."

She looked at him. "I thought you had resolved your problems with him after your father's death."

"No... we reached a mutual understanding about dad's money and my intentions for being at the funeral, that's it. I'm still the black sheep of the family." He didn't really care about it either. Sure, he could always call Dave, say 'hi' and then what? He didn't want to deal with his biological family. He had a new family now, but he had his own that cared about him, even if he didn't know why they did.

Just before Carson was due to arrive, Teyla took Torren to one of John's neighbors who had agreed to watch the boy while they attended the services. Heading down the in elevator to go to the car, the mood between John and Teyla was quite somber and dark.

During the memorial service, John was glad to see that there was one piece of good news as well; Stackhouse received a promotion for his heroics and leaped from being a Sergeant to being a Master Sergeant. John agreed wholeheartedly.

John kept to himself, occasionally comforting Teyla, and tried not to listen to the words General Landry spoke. When they were all in the mess hall for coffee after the memorial service, John decided to sit in a corner quietly and drink his coffee, biding his time, waiting for Teyla and Carson to return back home. Remembering what happened on Atlantis was still hard for him, and he had wanted to throw up when Landry had named every single casualty during the memorial.

John went as far as thanking Stackhouse for saving his ass and congratulating him on his promotion during the time they were in the mess hall, but that was it. He only wanted to get out of there and move on the best he could. If he was able to, he'd probably walk away from everyone, everything that would remind him of Atlantis and Elsa, but he couldn't. In a way, he was responsible for Teyla as it was their agreement all those years ago when they planned for a scenario such as this if they had to evacuate to Earth and she was separated from her people.

Having had enough, he went looking for her, despite the fact that Carson was their ride home. He'd just pay for a taxi. John found her talking to someone from SG-10 in the gateroom. "Hey, want to go?" he asked, his tone clear that he needed to get far away from there.

"Alright, John," Teyla agreed. "I will find Carson."

"Nah, let him stay and chat. I'll pay for a taxi," John said, carefully avoiding looking at the stargate behind him.

"Well, did you call for one already? I'm sure Carson wouldn't mind..."

He looked at her steadily. Of course he would have called because whether she wanted to leave or not, he was. "I need to get out of here, Teyla."

"I was just wondering," Teyla said. "Let's go then."

John was relieved when they finally got home, he could breathe again, but he felt physically and emotionally drained. He let himself fall onto the couch and didn't plan on getting up for the next few hours as he kicked off his shoes. He was still feeling as if he could snap or freak out at any moment but at least he was in a safe environment now, no guns could accidentally go off, and no Stargate for any threat to come through.

"I'm going to pick up Torren, and then I'll be taking him food shopping. Is there anything you wish to have for dinner tonight?" Teyla inquired, as she looked at the 'sack of potatoes' sitting on the couch.

"I'm not really hungry, Teyla," he said softly.

"Then we'll be having chicken," Teyla said. "I'll make sure to get slices of Turkey for you so you can make a sandwich if you'd like."

"Thanks."

* * *

><p>A month later, John had found a job in a store as one of the maintenance men. He wasn't good at it, but they agreed to let him work for them for minimum wage and teach him some things here and there, but it wasn't what John wanted. He didn't mind the minimum wages, he had enough money, he hated it that whenever something fell, his entire body tensed up and scared the shit out of him. He also hated interacting with the customers, which he tried not to, but they kept asking him things that he couldn't possibly know and had "You can go and ask a teller, ma'am," in his head as a default response.<p>

Sure, he could probably get a better job, since he had a college degree, but he didn't see the point. He was actually surprised that the department store hadn't fired him on his second day after he nearly crushed the larynx of one of his co-workers when he poked John in the back with a broom stick. He suspected that General Landry had given them a heads up and paid the man some 'danger' money or something.

Today, had been a bad day. There were crying children all over the department store when he was on his ladder trying to replace a broken light bulb, he could feel the ladder wobble whenever the other children, hyped up on sugar, decided to run around it, annoying the hell out of him. He loved children, he loved Torren, who was a model child compared to little rats he was currently dealing with. He managed to replace the light bulb, but he decided to quit there and then. At least he had tried.

On his way back home, he bought Torren a new toy he had seen on TV, and bought some expensive chocolate to bribe Teyla with in case she got angry with him for quitting his job. He'd try to find something else, he'd promise that, and he just hoped it required a minimum of spending time with other people.

"Why won't you offer yourself up as a guest lecturer for colleges?" Daniel Jackson suggested that night at dinner. "I mean, I do it all the time."

"That's because you have PhD's in just about everything," John pointed out. "I have a BA from Stanford, in economics."

"Then do something with your economics stuff," Daniel shrugged.

"Too boring," John chuckled as he took a bite out of his _stupid_chicken. Teyla had learned many ways to prepare chicken, and her home-made Italian chicken was better than the one she used to order from the Italian restaurant. He still hated chicken, though, just as Teyla couldn't stomach steaks. He was convinced that it couldn't be healthy to eat chicken at least three times a week.

She rolled her eyes as she smiled at Daniel before getting up to clear the table. "Then what would you like to do? You enjoy cooking at times, how about the small diner down the street? I heard they were looking for some help," Teyla suggested.

He winced at the thought of working at the diner but smiled anyway. "Sure Teyla, I'll go and have a look tomorrow," he replied, not telling her that what he _wanted_, was something he wasn't _allowed_ to, or _couldn't_do anymore.

"I would have thought that the SGC would have helped you find something," Daniel commented, shaking his head.

"They probably don't know what to do with me," John shrugged. "And I haven't asked. I try to avoid the SGC as much as I can. I don't want to torture myself." Well, he did, but not full blown Stargate torture; being there reminded him of home, and that was wrong. However, unknown to Teyla, he had stopped by the shooting range one day, and had started to practice to shoot again. Not that he didn't know how to shoot a gun, but he needed to learn to work it with his bad eye, and he was making a lot of progress with it. Maybe, in the future, he could go and work for a security firm or something.

* * *

><p>The diner had been a bust, they made him clean up after the patrons first, and clean the toilets and all the shitty work they made you do when you had no experience whatsoever.<p>

He tried to work at a video rental store next, surprised to see that there still was such a thing, but the kid he worked with liked war movies and had the most recent release of some movie on repeat all day on a big screen and he nearly punched the kid for finding it 'awesome'.

In the end, he just gave up trying to look for a suitable job and spent most of his days outside, walking around the park in town and feeding pigeons, only to make Teyla think that he was actually keeping a job this time around as an ice cream vendor.

One day when John came to the park, he found General Landry feeding _his_pigeons. "The handy thing of a tracker is that we can see where you are at all times, Colonel," General Landry said smiling.

"Last I knew, I wasn't a Colonel anymore, General."

"You'll always be a Colonel. You're just not an active one. That's something completely different."

John shrugged and sat down on the bench next to the General.

"Fancy ice cream cart you have." Landry pointed at the loaf of bread John was holding in his hands.

"Yeah, it could use a little paint..."

"John, I've been following your every move... well, almost every move, in the past few weeks. How's the shooting going?" He smiled and threw some more seed on the ground.

He winced. "That was something I didn't want anyone to know about..."

"You didn't answer the question."

"Getting there," John eventually said, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle with the man. "My percentage is at about 85% or so."

Landry nodded. "That's good to hear. There - may be a job that you can do for the SGC and IOA..."


	6. Chapter 5

"Tony, give it back to me!" Ziva David growled as her partner held her cell phone out of her reach. "Give it to me or I will break your neck!"

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs walked up behind Tony DiNozzo and smacked him on the back of his head. He only leveled a look at Tony before continuing on his way to his desk. Sitting down, Gibbs squinted his eyes to read one of the messages that was left for him while he was away before crumbling it up and throwing it in the garbage.

"Oh, I don't like that look..." Tony said. "See the look on Gibbs's face, Ziva? What's up, boss?"

"What do ya think, DiNozzo?" Gibbs he asked back before turning his cell phone off and throwing it in his desk drawer.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking," Tony rolled his eyes and sat down behind his desk. "But if I have to make a guess, Abby hasn't stopped looking for aliens."

At his desk, McGee started to cough and tried to sneak away from the area before falling victim to more jokes about his off duty interests.

"McSpaceman!" Tony called out. "It was your job to convince Abby that there's no such thing as aliens!"

"Have you ever tried talking to a brick wall?" Timothy McGee sighed. "I've even tried to sabotage her computer, as in trying to lock her out from doing certain things, but she always finds a way around it." He shrugged. "Besides, she's focusing on conspiracy theories now, about missing or killed in action Marines where there's no official record of them ever being deployed outside the States."

This caught Gibbs's attention and he raised his head. "What do you mean?"

"Well, at first she... well... we, thought that they were black ops Marines, and that our clearance would be too low to find out about it, but sometimes it just seemed as if they disappeared into thin air, no paper trails, no usage of credit cards, just POOF."

He looked at McGee. "Were any of these people reported missing?"

"No, that's the weirdest thing," Tim replied and slowly sat down again. "And it's not just Marines, it's Air Force as well."

Ziva raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "That doesn't mean anything. We just can't start looking into conspiracy theories when there are no reports filed."

"Well, Abby likes to do these things while she waits for her machines to be done, or when she's bored and doesn't have anything to process." Tim shrugged. "It's not like she's hacking into things."

"But you are, aren't you, tiny Tim?" Tony grinned. "You never get caught!"

"Until now," Vance's voice sounded. He was just as sneaky as Gibbs. "It has to stop," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "As I've already informed Miss Sciuto, but thanks to your unsanctioned digging into things that are classified, your computers are scheduled to be taken and replaced."

SecNav had come down hard on him, for letting his agents and people roam loose like that, not knowing that Vance had no idea what they were talking about. "You have no idea how embarrassing it is when you get confronted by things that your agents are doing right under your nose."

"Director, aren't you over-reacting?" Gibbs asked, amused.

"Agent Gibbs, you have no idea what kind of deep shit you're all in."

"Wait, ALL of us?" McGee asked, shocked. "Why?"

Tony shook his head as he dug through one of his drawers. "All for one, and one for all."

"Thanks to your poking, Homeland Sec-" The sound of the elevator made Vance turn around to face the people walking in. "Ah, I'll let them explain."

Ziva turned in her seat to see what was going on. She was confused at what the issue was other than the fact she knew that McGee's hacking was wrong. What was intriguing was the fact that his attempt stirred such a strong reaction from Director Vance. Two men walked out and for some reason, as Tony would put it, triggered her 'spidey sense' of people who could be extremely dangerous. Especially the one.

Back at the SGC, John hadn't asked for this, he knew nothing really about the computers on Earth, despite having been back for a year now. He and Teyla didn't have a computer, nor a laptop, mostly because John was afraid that it could be used to spy on them. He was certain that this was a test from General Landry, to see how he'd react or something, and he was happy to oblige. Plus it took him out of Colorado Springs for a while.

Teyla had stayed home, as John was accompanied by Ronon for this - hopefully - short trip to Washington. All he needed to do was copy the hard drives and wipe them clean with a single device that had been given to him by Landry. In and out again.

It also meant that he had to wear his dress blues again, and Ronon had made fun of him on their way to the Navy yard from their hotel. "You look like a monkey in a monkey suit," he had laughed. "You could have at least cut your hair a little."

John had shrugged at that. His hair was fine and he knew that Ronon was just pushing his buttons. But so far, so good. Landry had sought contact with the NCIS director and gave him the heads up that his people were coming.

He had kept his sunglasses on his head because the NCIS building was so strangely lit, but he knew he had to take them off once they'd stepped out of the elevator as he wasn't, and wouldn't be, one of those people who wore sunglasses inside a building.

It was just him and Ronon on a mission, and it felt good. Until he walked into the bullpen and saw the director talking to the team that had created a mess for themselves by digging into the lives of enlisted personnel of the SGC.

Ronon muttered, "Oh, crap," when his eyes fell on the woman who looked _exactly_ like their Elsa, the woman his friend had spent the last year and more grieving for.

"Director Vance?" he asked in his no-nonsense voice.

"Yes," replied the man in the middle of the group. "I'm Vance."

"I'm Colonel John Sheppard, this is specialist Ronon Dex," he introduced them. "I believe you've spoken to General Landry?"

"Their computers are all yours," Vance nodded, knowing that there wasn't anything he could do about it despite the furious faces of Gibbs and his team. "They were about to tell me that it won't happen again."

"No, it won't," John said, knowing that computer techs were already working on fixing the holes that this team had put in their firewalls.

"Agent David will escort you down to the lab once you're done in here," Vance added nodding to where Ziva sat.

John hadn't paid attention to anyone except for the Director, because he knew he needed to focus and any distraction would likely cause him to fail whatever plans Landry had for him. Turning around, his eyes fell on a petite brunette. His mouth fell open slightly and color noticeably drained from his face.

"You okay, Colonel? You look like you just saw a ghost," DiNozzo said as he stood from his desk. "Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," John muttered after Ronon elbowed him hard in the ribs and growled lowly in warning. He decided to give the device to Ronon, as Landry had explained how it worked to them both. Ronon walked over to Agent DiNozzo's desk to access his computer first. It would copy the drive and then wipe it clean as a whistle, according to the General. All John wanted now was to get out.

Shaking his head clear, he went over to the one agent's desk to supervise as the team stood and waited in the middle of the floor whispering amongst themselves.

"Don't shoot the messenger," John said as he looked at Ronon doing his job while he had his hands in his pockets to stop them from visibly shaking. "But this is what you get from sticking your noses where they don't belong."

"The Marines that disappeared worked for you. Don't you feel their families deserve solace?" Gibbs asked, staring him down.

"Their families are taken care of," John replied simply, and then swallowed hard as reality was pounding at the gates and demanding to be let in, but he wouldn't let it. "The Marines knew what they were getting themselves into, it's not as if we kidnapped them."

"Sheppard..." Ronon warned him and John shook his head, telling him that it was okay.

"However, we should be thankful to you guys," he smirked. "Our techs didn't realize that their firewalls were so outdated."

McGee shook his head. "I wouldn't say that. It was rather difficult actually. Abby spent the last, oh, I don't know, year trying to find out …" He was silenced with a firm slap to the back of his head.

John signaled Ronon to go for McGee's computer next, and kept his eyes anywhere but on that woman who looked just like Elsa. She looked so much like her that it was hard to stay focused with her around. "Once we're done here, and in your lab, our techs will review the data and advise Homeland Security and SecNav on further proceedings," John said. "Which could mean that someone might end up watching over your shoulders for a while."

"I get the impression that you're trying to cover up something," DiNozzo said, narrowing his eyes. "Like the aliens at Area 51."

_Oh, if only they knew, _John thought. "There's no such thing as aliens, Agent - I forgot your name," John replied with a grin as Ronon laughed.

"DiNozzo," said Tony.

"I don't think he cares, Tony," McGee answered, eyeing Ronon and the device he used on his computer. "What is that?"

"Classified." Ronon replied. "Eyes forward."

Gibbs quickly realized that McGee had gotten them in big trouble this time, and looking at the Colonel and his _specialist_ who appeared more like a _killer_, he was sure they weren't dealing with just Homeland Security.

Ronon finished up with the other two computers before he looked back at his friend. John scratched at the back of his head as he avoided looking at the woman when he spoke. "Uhh, the lab?"

Ziva narrowed her eyes before getting a nod from Gibbs. "This way," she said as she led them to the elevator, while her boss turned to head upstairs to talk to Vance as expected.

"It's totally empty!" McGee cried out as soon as he got back to his seat to inspect the damage. "They wiped the entire hard drive!"

Sheppard looked up at his buddy, who was grinning almost gleefully. "You could have left them solitaire, you know."

Ronon waved the device in the air. "The other one at the hotel has those settings. This one was the prototype," he shrugged with a smile on his face.

Ziva watched the two men, strangers, visitors... as she stood behind them in the elevator. "You do not work for Homeland Security, do you?" she asked in a knowing tone. Mossad training was still very much a part of her in many ways and each agency had a certain _feel_. These men were more...

"Not directly, no." Ronon replied. "What's your name?"

She looked at them for a moment. "Ziva David."

"Ronon," John warned and took a deep breath when the elevator opened. They walked out to allow the woman to lead the way but within steps of the door, John was nearly blinded.

Ronon took Sheppard's arm for a minute to make sure he wasn't bumping into things, since the lights were brighter in this hallway for some stupid reason. "Careful."

"Something wrong?" Ziva asked, looking back with curiosity and some concern.

John kept quiet and so did Ronon as he motioned for Agent David to lead the way to the lab.

Upon entering, they found a punky, dark-haired woman that didn't look particularly happy. The was music blasting in the brightly lit room that nearly stopped Sheppard dead in his tracks.

"Can you kill the music and lights some?" Ronon asked, shoving John back out into the hallway.

"No," the woman responded. "If you want something, then go and get it but I will _not_ let you tell me what to do."

John chuckled as he rubbed his eyes. "Good luck, Ronon."

The Satedan looked back at him before turning back to the woman with a glare. Ziva stepped defensively in front of Abby and looked up at Ronon with an expression that reminded him of Teyla when she was pissed off.

Backing down some, Ronon waved back to the door. "Please?" he asked, hating having to play nice.

Abby saw the man was clearly in pain and frowned. "Fine. You do know that this doesn't help your credibility about everything. Cover-ups and all..."

Ronon shrugged as he started to work on the computer of the woman who looked too old for pigtails. "You should be glad that you're not being locked up," he responded.

"Ronon!" John warned him from the hall way. "Play _nice_."

"Whatever. Your prisons here are hell of a lot better than some we've seen," he pointed out with a grin as he worked on the few stations in the room.

Once John was sure that he was prepared for the bright lights and noise in the woman's lab, he walked in and leaned against the door post with a smirk on his face as he watched the tall Satedan work.

The woman with the pigtails kept trying to look over his shoulder to see what he was doing. Fortunately, Agent David was out of his sight right now, so that was one less thing to worry about.

Ronon couldn't help but glance back occasionally at the Elsa look-a-like. What he wouldn't give to know what his friend was thinking. Reaching down to disconnect the device, Abby noticed the tattoo he had on his arm and that was enough to shift her attention for awhile. She bombarded him with questions about it as they went to the section where her desk was to work on the computers there.

McKay had often tried to explain to him that there was a chance that you'd meet your twin one day, and that everyone had a twin or a copy walking around, one way or the other because humans were that complicated and nature had a funny sense of humor. John had never believed him, of course; it wasn't scientifically proven and the papers Rodney had showed him were tales of personal experiences.

The only time John saw his own twin was his Asuran self, who was literally a copy of him down to his mannerisms. Same with the doppelganger in the dreams.

It hurt like hell to just look at Agent David, and so he tried not to, but he couldn't help being curious. She carried herself differently than Elsa, like a fighter, like Teyla. He tried to spot other differences in order to tell himself that the universe had a twisted sense of humor, but failed to see them at the moment.

Ziva watched the Colonel from across the room, having assured herself that Abby was fine with other guy. She did not believe for anything that he was a _computer_ specialist. Fairly certain that her team was already trying to find out who these two really were, she studied them more closely here. "You are not here willingly," she pointed out conversationally.

John raised his head and looked around briefly before taking a breath and turning his attention on her. He did not answer immediately as he looked back at Ronon. "No."

"Tell me something, is all this really necessary? Completely clearing out our computers? I doubt they actually found anything."

"It is nothing personal. You don't know what kind of information you may have come across - information you really do not want to know. I'm only following orders." _Please shut up! I can't deal with this_, John cried in his mind.

Ziva opened her mouth to say something but she knew all too well about following orders. Not just with Mossad and her father, but here too for NCIS. She was under orders to let them have access to the computers. "I doubt that they will give up," she said quietly. "McGee and Abby are good people."

"I believe that Agent David. I wish that we could just tell the world everything but some things just can't be shared."

They fell into silence for the next thirty minutes or so until Ronon walked out. "I'm done Sheppard. Can we get pizza?" he asked as he walked right past John to go to the elevator.

"Sure thing, Chewie. Pizza sounds good," John replied, wanting to get the hell away from this building, the Navy yard and that Agent David. It hurt too much and he was tired of holding back the impulse to run away or freak out.

"_So, you like pepperoni pizza?" Elsa laughed and shook her head. "Typical male."_

"_What's wrong with pepperoni?" John countered as he stabbed in the piece of meat that was laying on his tray; it was supposed to be beef but it tasted horrible and even barbecue sauce didn't make it better._

"_Pineapple with extra cheese," she mused as she licked her lips. "I'd happily disregard the Hippocratic Oath for a pizza like that."_

"_That good, huh?"_

"_Orgasmic," Elsa nodded with a teasing smile on her face. "Especially from this one place in New York? Ohhhh..." She bit her lip as she looked at him with big eyes. "Now you've done it."_

"_What?" he asked impishly._

"_All that talk about food... and good food and extremely good chocolate..." she licked __her lips. "Made me hungry..."_

_John pointed at her tray. "You haven't even finished your dinner."_

"_I don't care, I'm hungry." Elsa had started to run her foot up and down his pant leg, and when she said she was hungry she had gently put her foot in his crotch, which made him look at her in shock._

"_Are you serious?" he stammered. "We agreed to have dinner because we almost spent the entire day..."_

"_Well, what can I say? I'm happy that you have a day off, and I'm a sucker for a good lollipop," she said innocently. "Either eat that or follow me out of the mess hall," she told him and got up to leave, wiggling her behind as he followed her out with his eyes._

"_I'm in trouble now," he chuckled to himself, and ran after Elsa._


	7. Chapter 6

As soon as they were in the privacy of their hotel room, John just stared at Ronon. Today had been a bizarre day so far, he couldn't believe that there was a not-Elsa walking around on the planet who looked exactly like her.

He believed he handled himself well though, he didn't freak out (yet) and other than the misfortune of walking around in a very strangely lit building for the first time without knowing that it was like that, he thought he did okay.

"Want me to hail the _Hammond_ to beam us out?" Ronon asked worried as he looked at his friend who still looked as if he had seen a ghost. Sure, they were supposed to act like normal Air Force people and catch a flight later that day, as these NCIS people were smart and would probably check them out and follow their every move after leaving the building, but Ronon was worried now, it seemed as his friend had shut down.

John shook his head as he sat down on the couch and stared into nothingness, his head in a completely different universe than himself.

"_You're not Beckett or Keller," John said surprised as he walked into the infirmary, returning home from a mission that hadn't gone particularly well. This new doctor was petite and appeared to be even more delicate. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a tail and the glare he received for his comment could easily have killedhim._

"_Very observant you are," Elsa greeted back with an irritated roll of her eyes. "Lose the shirt and pants and get on the bed," she ordered as she continued to stare into the man's chart._

"_What?" John looked at the doctor and shook his head, "Sorry Doc, I'm not losing my pants for just anyone. What's your name?"_

_Elsa shrugged. "Fine. Doctor Cole! Got one for you!" she called out slamming Sheppard's medical records closed and started to walk away._

"_No no no no." John reached for the woman to make her stay. "No, fine, I'll lose the pants... just..." he winced as he looked at Cole, "Don't call that sick bastard."_

_She raised an eyebrow knowing exactly what he was talking about. "I thought you might see my way. Alright Colonel, you have an intriguing medical record but let us begin with what happened on your most recent mission for this visit."_

"_I got hit in the head by something," John shrugged. "I'm only here because Carson's threatened me, that should he find out that I'm walking around with an injury _again_, __he'd do something I wouldn't like. You're lucky, if I hadn't pushed McKay away you would have had him here instead of me and he wouldn't stop whining."_

"_I have my methods to shut up patients like him," the woman said as she because palpating and poking around her patient's head neck and shoulders. "Does this hurt?" she asked as she poked an area under his eye that was beginning to bruise a nice combination of mottled green and purple._

"_It's a bruise," John rolled his eyes and winced, trying to pull back from her incessant fingers. "Of course it hurts if you poke at it."_

_Elsa smirked with amusement. "Then you have learned to just shut up and let me work instead of avoiding the inevitable."_

"_Which is?" he mused._

"Sheppard," Ronon grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him. "Hey."

"Huh?" John blinked up to see Ronon standing in front of him with coffee. "Sorry... I think zoned out again."

"Yup," Ronon nodded.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. "When is it going to stop?"

"Who knows?" Ronon handed him a cup of coffee and sat down opposite of his friend, "You did okay today,"

John shrugged and took a sip of the horrible hotel imitation. "Sure, compared to the usual self that I am lately, yes, I did okay today. But please do not tell Teyla about her. She had it hard enough already..." he smiled.

"I won't," Ronon shrugged. "It was just weird, that's all."

Sheppard knew that well enough. "Let's get some sleep. Landry is supposed to call tomorrow to update us and I just want to sleep."

Ronon looked at the clock, it wasn't even dinner time yet. "No, we're going to catch our flight in a couple of hours, but you can sleep some before we go. I called the SGC to have them move it up."

John blinked at Ronon and tried to shake the fog out of his head as he put down his cup of coffee and laid down on the couch. "Ronon?" he muttered, putting his arms over his eyes. "Please don't leave," No, if Ronon would leave while John was sleeping, he'd go nuts when he'd wake up or sleep uneasily because for some reason he'd know that Ronon was gone and this was a hotel room, not as safe as his apartment.

Ronon lounged out on the bed with the television remote as he waited for the pizza they ordered to arrive. "Not going anywhere bud," he said.

* * *

><p>By the time they came back in Colorado, John was feeling as if he was sleepwalking and he still had to brief General Landry about the day that he and Ronon had. Which meant that he had to go to the SGC and the taxi driver that was driving him there didn't know how to drive and the taxi needed some inertial dampeners for sure.<p>

"Colonel!" Landry greeted him outside in the parking lot with a big smile on his face. "How was your day?"

"Kind of crazy considering even we weren't told what we were supposed to do," John looked at the General and handed over the device. "What exactly did they do? They looked like capable, yet somewhat awkward, people."

Ronon elbowed him in the ribs. "Missing marines, linked to SGC, Antarctica... he already told you," he said in a low voice.

"He did?"

"Colonel, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just tired Sir."

"Perhaps you should go visit Dr. Lam just to be certain," Hank said with concern. "Did something unexpected happen? It was supposed to be a routine job."

"No, apart from their stupid lights I'm fine, just tired." John shrugged. "Please, General, I don't need to be checked out."

"Well, I'm afraid I must insist." Hank gently started to push John towards the entrance of the mountain. "That possible babysitter I was talking about? It's going to be you for the next few months, I want you to keep an eye on them and I can't let you do that if one day of work tires you out."

John groaned, this was a _bad_ idea.

Ronon scratched his eye and signaled for Landry's attention. "I don't think that is such a great idea. Did you guys run backgrounds on those people? With pictures?"

"Yes," Landry nodded. "And that's exactly _why_ he's going back there with Teyla as his support. It's time to get back in the saddle."

He shook his head as he watched John check in. "That was a low move. He didn't have any time to prepare himself."

"I've seen how you and Teyla and even Dr. Beckett are around him, you're treating him as if he's something fragile, and he needs a good kick in the ass to get his life back on track." Landry told Ronon, knowing full well that it was hard on John. "Agent Gibbs has quite the reputation and his team is one of the best, and it might be hard on him at first, but he'll get over it."

"That woman could have been Elsa's twin," Ronon growled.

"Really?" Landry frowned. "Apart from her physical appearance, she's not Dr. Gutierrez. I've double checked, she's also not a replicator."

"Still wrong," he grunted and followed John in. "You're telling him what you are expecting of him there. I'm not."

He didn't really know why, but Dr. Lam insisted on having him stay for a couple of hours and get some sleep before she'd do some tests on him. She felt sorry for John, he did look tired and her father was being hard on him, even after she had told him that John wasn't ready for it all.

"_I'm fine, Elsa," Sheppard replied, "It's only a flesh wound," he continued, referring to the gunshot wound in his side while he stacked a box upon another for cover. "How's it going McKay? We can't stay here longer than we have to."_

"_Yeah well, at this rate, trained mice could do a better job than me!" Rodney barked at him. "I give up."_

"_No, you're not!" John pushed him down on the ground, "You need to fix this, this is all your fault."_

"_My fault?" Rodney huffed and disconnected his tablet. "If you want to blame someone, blame yourself, or Carter, or Woolsey for thinking that it would be okay for the Genii to come here for protection."_

"_You allowed them to change the passwords!"_

"_John! Rodney!" Elsa sounded disgusted. "What the hell!"_

_When John looked at Elsa, he saw that she was sitting on a pale white horse with long flowing manes and evil red eyes. "What are you doing on that horse?"_

"_Getting back into the saddle," Elsa deadpanned before the entire environment changed into a circus rink again. "Bombs away!" she called as grenades started to drop from the ceiling._

John sat straight up in bed breathing rapidly. "What the..." he coughed out as he tried to piece together the dream to what he knew before the details faded. He got up and stumbled into the bathroom to rinse off his face with cold water. He knew he couldn't go back to his apartment looking like that. Teyla would go crazy on him and he didn't want her to do that. As it was, he had to break the news that they will likely have to move if Landry goes through with his plans. Plans that he will find out more of later after lunch.

"Oh good, you're awake again," Carolyn Lam smiled as she stood in the doorway. "You're in big trouble, John," she said. "You've been keeping things from me and Carson."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he grumbled as he went to look for clothes to change into. "I gotta get home."

"Well, you and your shrink have been keeping things from me and Carson, I thought we had a deal," smiling somewhat as she had taken his clothes and put them somewhere he wasn't able to find them. He needed to be checked out and she was going to make sure that it was going to happen.

With all the dresser drawers empty and his pants from the day before gone, he just looked at her. "Oh come on Doc! I'm not in the mood for this. I've been _fine_."

"Yes, then why didn't you let your shrink inform us about your medication?"

John shrugged and sat down on the bed. "It's nothing."

"Okay, you know what?" Lam decided to take the same approach as her father, as she was fed up with John's antics anyway. "You're right, you're fine." She got his clothes out of a different trolley and threw it in his face. "Here we are, trying to put you back together, we've found the best physical therapists, the best shrink in town... and you're not letting him tell us the real thing about your progress or lack thereof." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Good luck in Washington."

That got his attention. "What? What did you say? What are you talking about?" he asked as he ran out into the hall in just his shorts with his pants in hand.

"General Landry is sending you to Washington with Teyla and Torren," she said. "If I'd believe what your shrink has finally told me about you, I would have said that you weren't going, but since you insist on being fine. I'm going to clear you for duty now."

"Oh fuc-!"

She smiled sweetly. "Now be a good Colonel and pull on your pants," she said as she headed for the elevator.

John made sure that General Landry had given him a hard copy of his orders so that he wouldn't forget, and eventually made his way home to Teyla, who was smiling proudly at him. "How did it go? I had expected you to come home sooner."

"Dr. Lam held me hostage," John shrugged and rubbed his face tiredly. "We need to talk."

"What about?" she asked as she closed the door to her room where Torren was down for a nap.

"Well..." he sighed and sat down on the couch. "Remember how you joined our team on Atlantis? You wanted what was best for your people, and help us."

She looked at him and nodded slowly. "I remember. What does that have to do with anything here now?"

"Well, General Landry wants me to temporarily join an organization to keep an eye on them, they have been making too many connections between some of our... marines and the SGC and Antarctica."

"John, that is great news!" Teyla smiled widely.

"One thing though..." he sighed, knowing how much Teyla liked it in Colorado Springs. "We're going to have to move... I can't do this without you, Teyla, please..." he begged, "Please say you'll come with me?"

She was still grinning happily. "I would be happy to join you. I could not imagine letting you go through something that new alone. Torren and I will join you wherever you will need us. Does this mean that we have to look for a new shelter? I have watched many shows where people visit multiple places before making a decision."

He was relieved that Teyla wanted to go with him and then had to laugh because Teyla sounded eager to look for a new place to stay and she wanted to look for something together. "The SGC has acquired us a temporary house, as we might be there for just a couple of months."

John pulled out the folder that had some details as for as the region and where they would be staying, including pictures. They managed to score a nice place in the heart of Georgetown, with more than enough room so that Teyla, Torren and he would have their own space without stepping on each other's toes. "Wow," he commented as he looked at the almost mansion like place.

"You always told me that the SGC liked to save money," Teyla looked at the pictures and then at John, "See? You're something special to them too."

He shook his head. "We need the space," he said, actually grateful for the SGC to provide them with a bigger place. "Unfortunately with what this looks like, they may be expecting us to host some get-togethers if I know them as well as I think."

"Which is fine, John," Teyla nodded.

"I don't know," he chuckled.

She took his face in her hands and smiled up at him. "It will be for the best. I can feel it."

John could only nod again. Teyla tried the hardest between them to make the best of out of the situation they had found themselves in, with adapting into the culture of America and Earth. He was proud of his friend greatly and could only smile as she was thrilled that the SGC also noted that they would be allowed a spending allowance to furnish the large home and was already flipping through home improvement catalogs that came in the junk mail.

_Yep, this is not going to go well_, he thought to himself but would never admit his odd feelings about the situation to anyone.

"Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep, it's not really a fun thing to fly twice a day," he said and managed to smile at Teyla. "If you need anything, just call," he said walking to his bedroom.

"Can we not ask the SGC if they can teleport us and our belongings into the new house?" she asked as he retreated.

"Already asked, and Landry said he wouldn't have it any other way... although if you don't mind, I'd rather fly there from the airport." He didn't want to be in orbit ever again. Maybe sometime in the future, but right now, anything that reminded him what he couldn't do anymore hurt, despite refererring to Atlantis from time to time.

She nodded understandingly. "Very well, I will begin packing our things. If there is anything specific you wish to bring, let me know."

He rubbed his eyes and turned around to face her. "I can't let you do the packing all by yourself," he said. "I think you should just bring your and Torren's clothes and any other items you like to bring, we'll buy whatever we need when we get there, okay?"

Nodding she looked back at him. "I have just one more question John."

"Okay, shoot."

"When do we leave?"

"Landry wanted us to leave _tomorrow_, but I managed to give us an extra day," he responded. "I'll be starting my new job on Monday."

Teyla was surprised. "Alright," she said looking out the window where the setting sun still shone warmly. "If you do not mind watching for Torren, I can run to the market and acquire some boxes to get things together tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure," he smiled. "I'll go and make myself a pot of coffee." He said, making his way towards the kitchen. "And when we are in Georgetown... I have an important task for you." he smiled deviously. He would hate it, but it was needed.

She turned around while pulling her coat on. "What is it John?"

"I'm going to need proper civilian work clothes," He groaned. "So I'm going to rely on you to make the right decisions for me."

"Colonel Sheppard! Are you asking me for womanly advice on your attire?" she grinned happily.

"See? I knew you were going to love that."

Teyla bowed respectfully and chuckled to herself as she walked out eyeing the tacky ripped jeans he wore to come back from his meeting with the General. "I accept your challenge John."

"Good, because you know how I hate my dress uniform," he chuckled and started to make himself a turkey sandwich. "When will Torren wake up?"

Checking the time, "He should be up by now for dinner. If you want to start that as well, I can finish it when I return. I think there is a box of pasta in the cupboard." She headed out, closing the door behind her quietly.

Oh, this was going to be hard enough as it already was, he thought as he was munching on his sandwich waiting for the coffee to be done. "Okay."

Teyla came home just as he had ordered in some Chinese. When Torren had woken up from his nap, and John had finished drinking the entire coffee pot, Torren had laughed at him and asked him why he wasn't making dinner. John realized that he had to find a good working system for remembering things when tired or distracted or they'd think at NCIS that he was an incompetent person.

"Where's the pasta?" Teyla wondered out loud.

"Torren wanted Chinese," John grinned at Torren who was screaming "NO!" repeatedly. "Okay fine, I wanted Chinese food."

"Right..." Teyla said with an all knowing smile. 

"What?" he said sheepishly. "I like Chinese food, it's a nice change from Italian in any form, chicken and pizza."

* * *

><p>Two days later, the beamed up everything they had packed, while John, Teyla and Torren flew out to DC. Torren was excited about the flying and was amazed at the size of the planes at the airport. Teyla seemed to be enjoying herself too.<p>

He still had a very bad feeling about this assignment, he'd be working with Gibbs' team, as well as keep an eye on Agent McGee and the Goth in the lab, and he was wondering how the hell he was going to do all of that while working along side the Elsa lookalike.

He knew that in a small amount of time, he wouldn't appear to be a blinded idiot while moving around in the NCIS building as he'd have gotten used to the diverse lighting of the awkward building and prepare himself for the knock back of it, but that was all in the future still.

"You were right, John," Teyla mused as they walked at the airport in DC. "That was an amazing experience, the flying."

"Yea but it's still not a jumper," he grumbled as he lifted their bags over his shoulder. "Let's rent a car instead of a taxi. We'll need it to get around as I doubt there will be anything within walking distance like in Colorado."

"Alright, although I'd love to walk around and explore our new area," Teyla mused as they walked to the car rental booth.

"I loved the sound of the plane," Torren was skipping around them. "I want to fly one!"

John chuckled. "And maybe you will, when you're a little bit bigger buddy."

"What a lovely family," the rental agent greeted. "Your son is absolutely adorable."

"Thank you," Teyla answered before John could start objecting to anything and explaining nonsense. After he got the keys to the car, he pulled her outside and looked at her questioningly.

"Why did you let her think that?" he asked. "I'm not his father..."

She smiled back at him and shook her head. "Let her think what she wants. You _are_ the closest person to him like a father now. Even though I speak to him often of Kanaan, all he knows now is Uncle John."

He slowly nodded as he adjusted his ball cap and put on his sunglasses. "Alright... let's see if I can still drive without us getting killed," he said half jokingly as they walked to the rental car. The lady at the booth wanted to get them a mini van, and he refused. An ordinary sedan was fine.

They arrived at the house less than an hour later and all he could do was stare at it from the car. It was much larger than he thought it was going to be and sighed at the neighborhood. It wasn't exactly middle class. Growing up with money, he knew that was mostly the neighborhood. Damn Landry.

"You know, maybe we could stay in a hotel for a couple of nights," he suggested as he hadn't made an attempt of leaving the car, but both Teyla and Torren were already outside, looking at the house in awe. "Yeah I didn't think so. What was I thinking," he muttered and got out of the car.

Dragging the bags inside the doors, John looked around. _Maybe it won't be so bad_, he thought as he saw a pool table in a room off the foyer. "There are supposed to be a number of bedrooms. Two downstairs and three or four upstairs. Which floor do you want?" Even though it was a large one family home, there was plenty of space that they could keep to their own area and feel a little more independent. Sharing of the social areas like the kitchen, dining, and living room was to be expected and he needed to set up something of an office. Like hell he'd spend all his time in NCIS headquarters to work.

"How about Torren and I take upstairs?" Teyla suggested, knowing that John wanted to be able to react quickly _should_ anything happen, there was a reason why he had his bedroom near the front door in his apartment in Colorado Springs. "I know that you're up at night sometimes and that way you won't have to be afraid as to waking us."

"Thanks," he replied and grabbed his bags to go dump them in one of the bedrooms before helping Teyla with hers. Looking around as he made his way through the halls, he noticed that the place was pretty furnished with basic necessities. Unfortunately there was a lot they still would need to buy to supposedly make the place feel like a home if he had to bring anyone to the house for business.

Soon he started carrying the other bags and things upstairs with Teyla to walk in and find Torren jumping on the bed in a room that was clearly intended for a child. "You better stop that before you mom sees you. Don't want you to fall and crack your head open. Uncle Carson isn't around to fix ya up like before."

Torren just giggled as he jumped off the bed, landing on his two feet. "Can I unpack my toy box now?"

The _Hammond_ had teleported the boxes that he and Teyla had packed inside the home, and he was grateful for that, it saved him a lot of work. "Yes buddy, go decorate your room." John nodded.

Sighing, he fell down to sit on the kid's bed. It was going to be a long weekend. 


	8. Chapter 7

The rest of the week, after the Air Force colonel had disrupted their computers and the team's routine with it, McGee had called it a 'slaughter', had been ridiculously tiring for Gibbs. He had been verbally sparring with Vance about the matter, that Homeland's actions had been over the top and then some, while McGee and Abby tried to get the system back up and running.

Gibbs had been forced to a nearly entire low-tech approach for their last case, much to DiNozzo's dismay.

When the weekend was over, Gibbs felt relieved that when he walked into the bull pen that everything had turned back to normal; his team was bickering and talking about their weekends, and Gibbs had a stack of messages waiting for him at his desk.

Tony walked in from visiting Abby in the lab after she had called with some test results she'd started. "Hey Boss. Abby ID'd our John Doe. He is Staff Sergeant Matthew Burleigh," he reported as he went to pull the marine's information up on the plasma. "He was on liberty for two weeks visiting family before he was to be transferred to Texas. Get this, he was last attached to the Air Force at Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado. Remind you of anyone recent? Couldn't get any information, clearance not high enough. Some kid named Chuck kept giving me the run around."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Bank statements? Phone logs? Anything else?"

"A number of calls to family members. A couple in and out of Quantico with the office that is handling his transfer orders but that is about it," Ziva replied.

McGee added, "He got some serious hazard duty pay while being over in Colorado, but other than that, no activity, just deposits and a routine transactions for food, gas, run of the mill stuff."

"I'll go talk to Vance," Gibbs said, getting up from his desk and pointed at McGee. "You help Abby with the evidence found at the scene. And get me more information - I don't care how!"

"Got it Boss," he said making a face. He really did not want to try hacking into the Air Force again.

* * *

><p>"Colonel, I understand your orders, I do, but I can't guarantee that the team - Gibbs - will accept it, he doesn't like being scrutinized."<p>

Sheppard looked at the Director and could only nod. "Who does?" he replied. "Orders are orders, Sir, but if it makes it any easier, I don't want to scrutinize anyone. I just need to keep an eye on things, and provide the information that I can without compromising the security of the mission the Sergeant was involved in."

Vance nodded after a moment before hitting the intercom for his receptionist. "Get Gibbs up here now."

"Yes sir," came the disembodied voice of the young woman outside the door.

"Don't bother, I'm already here," Gibbs said gruffly as he opened the door of Vance's office, seeing the same colonel that had caused mayhem just the week before.

"And after the case?" Vance asked Sheppard.

"Well, I'll just stick around until Homeland decides otherwise, if that's okay with you, Sir."

"Oh hell no," Gibbs replied and looked at the Colonel, who without his dress uniform didn't look _that_ impressive.

"Sorry Gibbs, he has orders," Vance sighed, knowing full well that his senior special agent wasn't happy at all. "As do I. Colonel Sheppard must work with us on this one."

"I can help you with your dead marine," John pointed out, looking up to Gibbs from the chair he was sitting in. "Let me prove my worth to you."

Gibbs looked between the two men. "Who's orders?" he asked, staring Vance down.

"From the top..."

He smirked and shook his head. "I doubt SecNav would be so willing to pull the Air Force into its business."

The Director stood and shook his head as he handed over the written orders he received with the Colonel's arrival. "Our orders come from higher...the President wants Colonel Sheppard on this case. Like it or not, you will have to work together."

"Friends with the president or not, I don't want your help."

John rolled his eyes. "You think I _want _to be here? For one I didn't even vote for the guy. I'd rather much be in California hitting the waves or back home raising my nephew. But no, I'm stuck here with you. So can we just please get along long enough to get the guy's murderer behind bars?"

"My case, my rules," Gibbs responded after a brief consideration.

"Of course," John replied. "Just get me a desk in some dusty corner or something and I'll be out of your way."

Gibbs glared at Vance before walking out of his office, with John following the man. "You've caused us hell last week."

"I know."

Gibbs stopped in his tracks and turned around to look Sheppard in the eye, trying to stare him down. "I don't care who your friends are, but do something like that during the case, and I will-"

"I know," John said lightly and smiled at Gibbs. "Done with the pissing contest?"

"I haven't even started yet," Gibbs smiled playfully and continued his way down the stairs.

As he followed the older man he caught sight of that woman, David, walking out of the area. He could not help but let out a sigh of relief that he would be able to at least give himself a few more moments to get his head in the game and not think about _her_. Looking around he grinned at the other two agents. "Hello there. Miss me?" he joked.

"Boss?" Tony asked with a slight panic in his voice.

"Oh don't worry, I'm not here for your computers," John said and pointed at the screen. "I'm here because of him."

"Orders," Gibbs said simply as he grabbed his coffee to sip while staring at the screen.

John walked up behind the team leader and studied the images for the first time. "Where did you find him?"

"Abandoned hotel room," Tony answered carefully. "Abby's still processing most of the evidence found in there, but like I said, hotel room, they don't get cleaned that well."

John nodded. "He was on leave."

"We know."

"What did you find that made you think that hacking into the Air Force again would get you anywhere?" he smiled at McGee.

"Uh..." McGee stammered. "The lack of information on the guy?"

"Agent McGee, there's nothing in his personnel file that could tell you what happened to this staff Sergeant," John said, squinting at the screen.

"It could tell us why he received such high hazard pay," McGee offered, fishing for more information.

John chuckled and shook his head. "Because his job was hazardous?"

Gibbs didn't even fight the urge to smack the Colonel up on the head, which resulted in a deadly glare coming from the other man. "I hate wise asses," he warned.

"Smack me on the head again, and you'll be out of a job," John threatened, realizing that Gibbs was probably used to pushing people around. "I get it that you like people to follow your orders but I've dealt with far more deadlier people than you. I don't scare easily."

Gibbs stared back at the Colonel. "Hazardous pay, why?"

"He worked on a classified project that required him to be exposed to highly toxic materials."

"He was a soldier, not a scientist."

"Security," John glared back still irritated by the man's attitude. "What else do you have? I'm sure you've checked his phone records and money trails and it's lead you to a dead end."

"We're waiting for the evidence to be processed." Tony said, not knowing whether or not he should be amused by the spectacle between Gibbs and the Colonel, or afraid.

"How did he die?"

"So far it appears to be a stabbing but our ME said that whoever did it knew exactly where to send the blade," Ziva said from behind Sheppard. Continuing her report to Gibbs, she walked around the man and passed the folder over. "Ducky believes it is a 7 inch blade and it went straight between the victim's ribs striking right in the heart severing the vena cava that pumps blood into it completely."

John took a deep breath and tried to keep up his front of being okay with the fact that the woman looked like Elsa, and that he wasn't about to freak out. "I take it you want more background information on him?" He asked Gibbs, who nodded a response. John fiddled his cellphone out of his pocket and called General Landry to find out what information that he would be able to give. Managing to get Chuck on the phone, he gave him the guy's name and waited.

From behind John's back, Gibbs signaled to McGee to find more information on the Colonel, _without_ breaking any laws. He was grateful that his team knew _exactly_ what Gibbs wanted without words.

John turned back to Gibbs as he hung up the phone. "Expect a fax coming this way, however, they told me that nothing in his past suggests that he got into trouble whatsoever. Burleigh was an outstanding citizen, born and raised in small town Ohio. Served at Cheyenne Mountain with honor and transferred out when his contract was up choosing not to renew it."

Ziva raised an eyebrow and looked back at Gibbs for his next order. "Keep looking. You," he pointed. "That's your desk for now."

John nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets as he went over to look it over - not like he was actually going to use it as they record all their incoming and outgoing calls so he would be depending on his mobile phone issued by the SGC. He barely made it across the floor when it buzzed with a text from Chuck.

Shaking his head he grinned and rested his arms on the partition that separated the space between him and the young Agent McGee. "If you wanted information on me, you could just ask."

McGee's eyes darted from the Colonel to Gibbs and back again and closed all the programs running on his desktop. "Sorry," he apologized.

"No problem. Let's see, I was born and raised in San Francisco, I attended Stanford University to annoy my father, he wanted me to go to Harvard, you see. Economics major. Signed up for the Air Force against my father's wishes. Spent most of my years serving and killed my marriage because I was never home and always dealing with assignments. Been assigned to a classified expedition for over five years until an attack that left me in a coma for nearly three months and the following year going through therapy and retraining before I got shoved here to deal with nosey NCIS agents. Anything else you need to know?" John smirked.

"Uhm..." McGee shook his head. "Thanks... I guess..."

"Not a problem, you could have saved yourself some time researching me and focusing on the case by just asking." John shrugged. "I'm not the bad guy."

Ziva chuckled from her desk as she began typing and shook her head. She liked this guy. Question was how long it would be before Gibbs broke his neck however she suspected from his last visit that he would be able to hold his own quite well.

Tony didn't like Sheppard at all. He was a smart ass and there wasn't room for two on this team. He also seemed unfazed by Gibbs, which was going to be a problem. Gibbs never liked people who dared to look him straight back in the eye with matching intensity. And if that wasn't bad enough, he could tell that Ziva was amused by it all and _may_ even be attracted to him to his own dismay. Tony knew, that if the Colonel would show his face in Abby's lab right now, she'd kill him for hurting her 'babies'.

"Boss," McGee said and looked up from his computer. "I just received an email from Abby, one of the prints of that hotel room belong to an Eli Wallace." He said as he pulled the driver's license on big screen.

Sheppard looked up from the flyer on the wall at the name. It was familiar from reports he read but he couldn't pinpoint it right away. He walked over to look at the screen and shook his head. "What can you find about this kid?" he asked.

"What did I say? My investigation. You know this guy?" Gibbs glared at him.

Shrugging he wasn't sure. "Sounds familiar. He's Canadian..."

"That doesn't mean he didn't do it despite the fact that Canadians are supposed to be pacifists," Tony pointed out.

John rolled his eyes as he opened his phone to call Chuck back again. "...are you sure? Yeah I got it. I'll call back if I need anything else." Looking at the team, he smiled. "Can't be him. He's working with the Air Force and has been out of the country for almost two years now. I think that is a pretty good alibi, don't you?"

"Air Force... again." Gibbs looked at Sheppard with an incredulous look. "Are you sure?"

"What do you want from me? Supposedly he's a boy genius that cracked some code. That's all I know," he replied innocently, but with genuine sincerity.

"Then _how_ did his prints get into the hotel room?"

"I don't know. You're the investigator...Investigate," John said tiredly. "All I can assure you is that it isn't that kid. He probably visited there before leaving. I'm surprised that the prints held out for this long..."

"I'm going to see Abby," Gibbs said and walked out of the bullpen.

John shrugged and booted up the Angry Birds game on his phone while the rest of Gibbs' team were chasing whatever they were. He was glad that the partition between his and McGee's desk obscured his vision of Ziva, it made it a lot easier not to accidentally flash back or trigger a memory and zone out again.

As there wasn't anything else for him to do at NCIS, he excused himself and went home, receiving glares from the team. If there was one thing he liked about this assignment was that he could keep an eye on them from home thanks to the laptop that the SGC had set up for him. "_They hacked us, we've hacked them and installed this crap so that... blahblahblahblahblah." _

John could basically see every keystroke the team made on their computers and felt as if he was some random pervert. However, on his first day at NCIS, he had made it clear that they couldn't get away with anything so he was certain he didn't have to boot up the laptop (for which he was grateful as it was still a computer and a security risk nonetheless).

He parked the car in the garage and grabbed his set of Rattan sticks, that he and Teyla had purchased over the weekend to continue their training sessions. They weren't exactly the Bantos he was used to, but they would serve their purpose. He didn't even want to bother changing out of his work clothes, he just wanted to do something to get his mind off of things while he did some repetitive movements with the sticks as he stayed in the garage.

"_Give it to me!" Elsa squealed as she jumped around John who was holding her last bar __of chocolate above his head. "Come on, John! The Daedalus isn't arriving anytime soon and I need that bar to barter for something special!"_

"_No," John grinned. "You need that bar to share it with me."_

"_But I want Rodney's twinkies!" she groaned, "I have to dip them in custard and then drink Zelenka's horrible moonshine."_

"_I can get you those," John shrugged. "I know where he's hidden his stash. And that's not a tasty combination, at all, you're losing points, doc." He frowned, realizing what she had said. "You want Rodney's twinkies? And dip them in custard?"_

"_I'm not pregnant, it's a bet I lost," She sighed._

"_I go off world for a couple of days and you're losing a bet? You're slipping, Elsa." John grinned as he started to unwrap the chocolate bar._

_She glared at him before sighing and collapsing to the couch in her quarters and watched him. "Couldn't you have like sprained your ankle or something like you usually do?" she whined. "Every other damn time you or Rodney come back injured. This one time I actually bet, you manage not to find any trouble for yourself!"_

"_You bet against me?" John let himself fall onto the bed laughing as he took a bite from the chocolate bar. "I'm hurt!"_

_Elsa glared at him before smiling devilishly. "I can make it up to you," she purred as she started to pull her shirt off..._

A loud bang echoed through the wall and into the garage pulling John out of his memories. Heading into the house, he looked around for what the cause was, gun drawn. "Teyla?" he called out.

"In the kitchen!" she called back. "Torren knocked the box of dishes off the counter..." she explained as she was carefully cleaning up the broken glass that was scattered while the young boy sat on the stool looking guilty.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack there," he said, walking to the safe to lock up his gun.

"I sowwee Uncle John," Torren said sadly before trying to get down off the seat as Teyla had her back towards him picking up large pieces of the plates.

"Stay on that chair, buddy," John said calmly. "Don't want you to get hurt, you're not wearing any shoes."

"How was your day, John?" Teyla inquired as the man made his way to the kitchen to help clean up the shattered plates.

"Interesting," John replied and managed to smile.

She looked at him carefully feeling as if he was holding back. Nodding slowly she went to dump the pan of slivers in the trash. "What would you like for dinner? The neighbor came over and offered recommendations for local delivery when he introduced himself."

"You didn't let him in, did you?" John asked suspiciously.

Teyla smiled and rested her hand on his arm. "No, we sat on the porch and talked. I made sure that Torren was within sight through the window indoors. You needn't worry for us."

"Well, I do." He nodded. "I know you can take care of yourself, but we're in unfamiliar territory here, Teyla, it doesn't hurt to be extra careful."

"John, relax." Teyla smiled warmly. "General Landry said that this is a safe neighborhood."

"Still, even rich people can be creeps." He nodded. "We could go to McDonald's for dinner."

"YAY!" Torren cheered as John ruffled his hair. "Please mom?"

She smiled at him and nodded. "Let's get you washed up while Uncle John gets our transportation ready," she said as she picked him up and carried him out of the room.

He went to bed early that night, exhausted from the day and all the impressions and the pretense. Oh he knew that he was going to stay on longer than the duration of the current case, he just didn't want to break the news to Gibbs yet and had asked Vance not to do so either. Like John had told Gibbs, he wanted to prove his worth, then maybe Gibbs and his team would tolerate having John around for a while longer. If not, he'd tell Gibbs that he didn't have a choice in the matter.

He had already made a mental note about the head slap Gibbs had given him; next time, John would slap him on the head too.

_John stumbled through the corridor looking for survivors and kill any Genii that would cross his path. He checked every body and was shocked to find Sam Carter, or what was left of her anyway. It looked as if she was at the center of an explosion, her torso separated from her legs and he couldn't help but vomit next to her body. "Sorry, Sam," He said softly as he continued his way through the corridor._

"_Carter's gone," his own voice echoed while the image took him to another corridor, shooting at the fuzzy people who were shooting at him, he might have been hit, but he didn't care, he needed to do something, if only he could remember what that was. He felt the need to panic but managed to stay rather calm, especially when another explosion rocked the floor beneath his feet, damn that had to be close._

He woke up in cold sweat and on the floor. He hadn't had such a bad nightmare in a while, or not that he could remember and hated the sick feeling that he had in his stomach. He groaned as he got up and felt dizzy and nauseous. John sleepily walked to the bathroom and started to throw up the little he did eat at McDonald's earlier.

* * *

><p>The next two days of the case went slow with little leads. John didn't know why the kid's fingerprints showed up in the victim's room and the only suggestion he got from his own people had little to offer. Until there was a reason to take over, the SGC was fine with allowing NCIS continue with investigation.<p>

All in all, his mind was slowly beginning to recognize that Ziva was not Elsa. The way she held herself and spoke did make things easier. As much as he intended to avoid her, somehow she was always around. John suspected that Gibbs ordered her to keep an eye on him as they still butted heads over things.

On day four of the case, Agent McGee managed to dig up a lead that sent the team leader and his second out on the road to check it out. While the geek did whatever he did on the computer - which unnerved John as all he could think about was Rodney when the guy started on explaining something in a way that no one else understood, he grew restless. He paced the length of the bullpen a few times as his mind raced with everything, stopping occasionally to look out the window. Ziva watched him for awhile before getting up to join him.

"You do not enjoy this type of work, do you Colonel?" she asked conversationally.

He glanced down at her as he debated on whether it was safe to open lines of communication or not. Sighing, he shook his head. "Not really, no," he answered. "I've always been more for strategic maneuvers and things."

She nodded with an expression of mutual understanding. Ziva looked back at McGee who was busy typing away at his desk before looking back at Sheppard. "I suspect that Gibbs and Tony will be some time. Would you like to get coffee or lunch? The cafeteria here is not particularly the best."

"Sure, why not," he replied casually after a moment's debate in his head.

Smiling, she nodded before going back to her desk for her coat and purse. "McGee, we are going to lunch. Would you like us to bring you back something?" Ziva asked as her friend appeared to be in some sort of trance with what he was doing.

McGee didn't answer and John chuckled. "We should just bring him some coffee when we get back," he suggested.

Ziva and John rode the elevator down and let her lead the way as he quickly put his sunglasses on his face before exiting the building.

"Okay so you're the local here. Is there somewhere on the Navy yard or should we drive somewhere?" he asked as he looked around a little uncomfortably.

"It is up to you. There is a small coffee and sandwich stand at the promenade but a lot more choice off base," Ziva answered.

"I was asking you, don't give the choice to me," John countered, wanting her to choose because he would go for the safe option; the Navy Yard promenade, despite being with a trained special agent.

She looked at him as she thought. "Are you a picky eater?"

John had to chuckle at that, if he had been, he would have starved the last six or seven years. "I'm a guy. Which means, I'm a trash can. You can feed me anything."

Laughing Ziva turned back in to head off to the parking garage. "I know a place not far from here that has great falafels. Would you prefer to drive? I highly doubt you would be comfortable in my vehicle...Mini Coup. I can give you the directions."

He fumbled his keys out of his pocket and showed her to his SUV. "Sure, why not," he replied as he unlocked the car from the passenger's side and opened the door so she could get in first.

She settled into the seat as she secured her seat belt. Unable but to glance to the back, Ziva noticed a car seat for a young child. It was actually quite surprising to her as she hadn't thought of Sheppard to be the father type. "You are a parent?" she asked curiously when he got in himself.

"Sort of," John responded. "Didn't you listen when I told McGee my life's story?" he teased as he secured his seat belt and started the car. "I'm raising my nephew together with his mother. He's almost three years old now."

"Hm," she hummed thoughtfully. "I can't imagine it being easy for you."

"What do you mean?" he asked as they drove off the yard.

"Raising a child that is not your own?"

"Oh, his mother does most of the raising," John answered. "I'm just the goofy uncle."

Chuckling, Ziva changed the subject and started giving him the directions to the diner she liked. She wasn't sure why, but she found herself slowly becoming more fascinated by him. It was not hard to see that he distanced himself from her since he first appeared at NCIS but she was pleased that he was willing to speak to her more - or at least appear to. The thing that seemed odd to her was that John appeared to avoid saying any more about his 'family'. Not their names or how they came to be together and was afraid to know if he may be more than a simple friend and uncle to them.

He found a parking spot in the street where Ziva had directed him to and parked the car. He then exited the car and walked around it to open Ziva's door to let her out. He actually liked the street they were on. He hadn't seen it before, but then again, ever since he and Teyla had moved to Georgetown, they shopped locally and avoided downtown DC.

"Here it is," Ziva said as she headed into the shop. She greeted the owner who was behind the counter in Arabic before exchanging a couple light jokes and placing her order. "Fawzi, this is John. He is a friend from work and new to the area."

John wasn't surprised that Ziva spoke Arabic, having had read her file that week. Maybe it wasn't entirely fair that he knew all about her and her team and he only shared superficial information, but he didn't feel safe enough to share, yet. The owner greeted John happily and nodded a greeting in return.

"What would you like?" Fawzi asked in broken English. "Friend of Ziva is friend of mine!"

_Yeah,_ John thought, _and maybe kill me behind my back._ Maybe it had been a better idea to stay on the yard after all. He looked at Ziva and decided to be brave. "I trust her in making the right choices as to what to eat."

She looked at him for a moment. It did not miss her attention that he was nervous as he eyed the place. Nodding slowly, she ordered the same as hers for him. "I am sure you will enjoy it. Tony was skeptical himself when I brought him here and he is still alive."

"Like I said,trash can," he reminded her. The Athosian cuisine had been something to get used to back on Atlantis, but eventually it had grown on him. Although he never really grew a liking to Tuttle root soup.

After their order was ready, Ziva was quick to pay for John before carrying the tray out to the chairs in front of the shop. "My treat," she insisted sitting down and opening her bottle of tea to sip.

"Uh, thanks," he said slightly uncomfortable as he sat down. "You didn't have to do that."

"Nonsense. I suspect that you will be with the team for awhile to come so you should get used to the fact that we take care of each other," she pointed out as she looked back at him. While she did not know the details of the man's assignment, she had her own intuition that rarely failed her. This instance, she had a 'gut' feeling that he would be a permanent attachment much to Gibbs' dislike.

"How do you know that? I only told your Director that." John said surprised.

Ziva smirked as she bit into her sandwich. It was easier than she thought to get him to say something.

"You're an investigator," he realized nodding. "And a woman, which is a dangerous combination." He chuckled.

"When are you telling Gibbs?" she asked, unfazed. She didn't mind another person on the team and was even considering about approaching Gibbs about changing regular partners if Sheppard did stay.

"After the case. I don't want to give him another reason to want to throw me out of the window just yet," John took a bite of his sandwich and smiled, it was as good as Ziva made him believe it was.

She shrugged. "He doesn't need a reason. With him, its whether he trusts you or not. When he knows if you can be trusted then you will be fine. I would be more worried about Tony if I were you. He gets jealous easily."

John looked at her with a smirk. "Really? I haven't noticed that the past week," he said. "That with pulling faces out of my vision and that..." he shrugged. "Sadly for him, I see more than I let on."

"He is - an acquired taste. A good agent and friend regardless." She fell silent as she ate unsure of what else to speak of to keep the conversation going. Ziva found that once he started to talk, that she liked hearing what he had to say and smiled at the thought.

"I know how to deal with people like Tony," John replied as if remembering someone. "I had this friend, he was my best friend and on my team, who liked to get into people's faces and remind everyone that he was the smartest person in the room." John continued, "He always was."

She thought about and disagreed. "I don't think Tony is like that. He is one to admit when he has done something wrong or does not know how to do something."

"I meant the acquired taste thing."

"Ah, yes," Ziva nodded. "Still, once you have him on your side, he will have your back no matter what. Even if you do not think so at the time..."

He didn't say anything, and instead finished his sandwich. He hadn't expected any less of NCIS' premiere team, but he wasn't entirely _ready_ to adopt a whole new group to do his job with.

After they finished eating, she glanced at her watch. "We should get back to the office soon. It may be a good idea that we bring Gibbs coffee as well since we do not know the mood he will be in if that lead does not go anywhere."

"It would be very strange if that lead doesn't lead anywhere, you've looked everywhere else," John said as he got up to bring their trays inside, only to nearly trip over a bag that he hadn't seen on the ground. Taking a deep breath, he set the trays on top of the bin and turned to Ziva. "I'm ready to head back if you are."

Ziva nodded slowly as she eyed Sheppard. "Are you alright?" she asked, referring to his stumble.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said. "Didn't see the bag, that's all."

She continued to look at him as it was quite obvious to her that the bag was there. Leaving it alone, she got back in his truck and remained quiet as she attempted to process their conversation and things she learned.

On their drive back, his thoughts were racing in his head. Ziva had been right, he would be part of their team for a longer period of time, he knew that, heck, the Air Force even gave him and Teyla a massive house. He needed to start trusting people, and knowing Ziva's background, she would be an easy start. Not to mention, she was sort of the only familiar face around.

Right before they would drive up to the Navy Yard, he stopped the car at the side of the road and sighed. He had to give one of them something so that they understood where he came from if he were to get any kind of support there. "If I tell you something, promise me you'll keep it to yourself for now? At least until I'm ready to share it with more people."

Ziva slowly nodded her head confused. "Okay..."

Taking his sunglasses off to look at her, he started to tell some of his story. "I was stationed at a base that got attacked from the inside by refugees we considered to be fairly neutral. Little did we know, they had their attack all planned out, and they managed to..." he took a deep breath before he continued. "Neutralize almost everyone on base. The ones that did made it out were badly hurt. In my case, I spent two months in a coma. Had some sort of head trauma, don't really know the specifics, don't really care, but anyway, it basically rendered one eye pretty useless." He said. "I have been working on getting back in shape for work the last year, even retraining myself to shoot my gun, I didn't see that bag earlier because the light outside is quite a hinder to me when my eye is still trying to adjust to the changes. Walking around in NCIS is even worse without sunglasses on my head, which is why I stay out of Abby's lab or haven't gone down to Autopsy to follow Gibbs."

"Well that certainly explains a lot. I promise that I won't share anything," she nodded as she sat back in the seat, digesting the information. "I will speak to Gibbs about you and I partnering up. Knowing what I know now, it would certainly make more sense that way you have someone to watch your back when you need it."

"Just wait with asking Gibbs until I break him the news that I'm staying a little longer, okay?" he chuckled. "And you really don't have to do that."

She shook her head. "I don't have to, no. Let's get his coffee so that we are on his good side for a little while. Hopefully they found something we can work with."

John put his sunglasses back on his face and smiled. "Yes, the amount of head slaps I've seen Gibbs give DiNozzo can't be that healthy, maybe he'll spare him for the rest of the day."

"Doubtful," Ziva replied simply, smiling.

He started the car again and drove onto the yard after showing his ID to the security guard. "Thank you, Ziva."

"No problem." 


	9. Chapter 8

It had been a month since he had informed Gibbs about his assignment, and it had surprised John that the other man had taken it without throwing him out of the window. He even liked the idea of mixing up the team dynamic and partnered John with Ziva, while Tony and McGee made the other duo and Gibbs pulling whoever he wanted with him when the mood struck.

It was a bright and sunny Saturday when Teyla decided that he and her were going to have an impromptu sparring session while he set up the grill. He quickly found himself on his knees trying to fend her off with one Rattan stick and finding the sunglasses that had fallen off his face when she had dropped him on the floor.

"Hey, easy!" he said, blinking as he dodged Teyla's attack.

"Maybe I should get her to join the team," a voice called from across the yard.

"She'll have McGee for lunch, Gibbs," John replied and found his glasses. "Uhh..." he looked at him sheepishly. "No offense sir, but is this a business or social visit?"

Gibbs shrugged, "Social. Ziva _suggested_ that I get to know you better. Here I am."

"I don't think she meant that you'd stop-" He suddenly found himself flat on his back again with Teyla towering over him.

"John's happy that you've stopped by, Agent Gibbs," She smiled warmly. "My name is Teyla and you're welcome to come and sit."

He shook her hand and chuckled. "I can see why Ziva has taken a liking to you Sheppard."

"Ziva?" Teyla asked. "Is she a member of your team?"

"Yeah, she is," John groaned and got up. "Why's that?" he asked Gibbs as he put his stick away, he'd find the other one later. Gibbs only shook his head smirking as an answer.

She smiled at him sweetly before giving him her traditional Athosian head touch thing. "Call the rest of your team. We have plenty of food to share supper with today. I will not take no for an answer."

John wanted to say something but decided he wouldn't say it and he could hear Gibbs laugh. "Fine..." he said as he walked towards the house. "Can I get you anything, Gibbs?"

"Whatever you're having is fine," he answered.

"Good. Come inside. I think something hard is in order for today," he grumbled as he went to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of scotch. "Since it is a losing battle with Teyla, you are welcome to call Dr. Mallard to join us. I don't know his number," John added as he flipped open his phone to dial Ziva and Abby. He'd rather speak to the girls first and hope they'd be willing to pass the word on to the other two. However knowing his luck - he'd opt for shooting them a text message invite.

He knew he'd probably had to tell Teyla about Ziva before she would arrive to avoid the same awkwardness he had felt the first couple of weeks on the job. Something John was not looking forward to doing.

"Are you sure?" Gibbs asked as he took out his phone. "Ducky likes to talk."

"And Teyla loves to hear stories." John replied smiling. "Um, would you mind if you called DiNozzo? I get the feeling that the guy doesn't really like me much."

"Ehh, DiNozzo will come around when he is ready."

He wasn't sure but nodded anyway. "Um," John started as he scratched at the back of his neck. "I'll be right back. I just need to talk to Teyla about something."

"Sure."

John walked into the kitchen where Teyla was taking more food out from the freezer and took a deep breath.

"What's wrong John? You look like... what's it what you call that? A beaten puppy?"

"I need to tell you something," he admitted. "And you're not going to like it."

Teyla raised an eyebrow and nodded for him to continue.

"Do you remember those conversations that Rodney and Zelenka often had about everyone having a twin on Earth?"

"No, not really." Teyla admitted, "Why?"

"There's something about Ziva that you need to know, I can't really describe it so I'll just show you." He pulled out his phone and showed her a picture of Ziva that Abby had stuck in his phone when he wasn't looking.

She looked at the photo in shock. "John...It's..."

"No, this is _Ziva_, the woman you just invited over for dinner with us today," he said. "She looks the same, but she is a completely different person."

"I don't understand. This is why you have dreaded going to work for these people?" she asked still trying to comprehend the likeness of her friend and John's partner at work.

John nodded. "At first, I tried to ignore her, but in the end, I couldn't. Then I started to see similarities, in their liking, not personality. I still haven't figured out what to do, but I'm making it work."

Teyla nodded. "We all will come out stronger in the end. It could be fated that you have been chosen for this job."

He loved the fact that Teyla was still her usual Athosian self, believing in fate and other things. "Please, don't stare at her? I haven't been able to tell her that I knew her twin, and frankly, I don't know _how_."

"Your secret is safe with me. Now go entertain your friend while I get more food prepared. Torren should be waking shortly from his nap."

He nodded and walked back to Gibbs, who was looking at him questioning. "I didn't know you had money."

"Air Force set me up with this. Believe me, it's way too much." John said as he sat down on the couch.

"You must be in some good company for them to put out this kind of expense. Your girlfriend seems nice."

He nearly choked on his scotch. "Girlfriend? You mean Teyla? She's my best friend, that's all." John said a bit defensively. "She uhh... served with me."

Gibbs eyed him suspiciously, although the way the woman had Sheppard on the floor easily made him think that she, too, was a soldier. "So that nephew isn't really your nephew?"

"He calls me Uncle John, it's easier to explain that way." John shrugged.

"Makes sense. Ducky said he'd be honored to join...Don't say I didn't warn ya."

John smirked. "Teyla is the perfect hostess, she'll entertain everyone while listening to everyone at the same time."

He and Gibbs sat in a comfortable silence for a while until he heard Torren call over the baby monitor. "Uncle Jooooohn! I know you hooooome!"

"Oye, excuse me again," he said as he pushed himself up to go get the kid. By the time that he was done dressing Torren after the boy tried to tell him about the dream he had, they came down the stairs to see that Ducky and DiNozzo each arrived already after having been out already when they received the call.

"There are strange people here," Torren said softly as he put his arms around John's neck, nearly strangling him, making John realize that his 'paranoia' was getting to the kid.

He tried to pull him off and reassured the kid. "It's okay. They work with me. Torren this is Dr. Mallard and Tony DiNozzo," he said trying to get him to look at them. "They are okay. Trust me."

"Really?" Torren asked with big eyes.

"Yeah, really." John nodded and was relieved when Torren let go. "Go say hi," he put Torren down and soon after, Torren was being entertained by Ducky.

Tony was busy looking around at the house. "Nice place you got here. Who'd you have to rob for it?"

"The Air Force," John joked.

He mumbled something about Ziva before he wandered over to Ducky and the kid. John had already gone to refill his drink and their guests when the doorbell rang. "I got it!" Teyla called out as she came out from the kitchen, catching Tony's eye.

"Girlfriend?" Tony asked, almost sounding relieved.

"Best friend." John replied and pointed at Torren. "His mom."

"She's hot," the agent breathed as he patted down his jacket and eyed her. "She single?"

John just glared at Tony, knowing that Teyla wouldn't be interested, kick his ass if he tried something and chew him out.

"Just asking," he grinned back in response as Teyla came back in with Ziva.

Sheppard could see the expression on Teyla's face even though she appeared normal to everyone else. A silent exchange of looks was enough to know that she was unnerved by the clear and obvious resemblance. "It is a shame that Ronon could not join us," she said with a smile as she rested her hand on John's arm with a supportive squeeze. "She is a lovely person," Teyla added so that only he would hear.

"Yeah, she's nice," he said softly and looked at Ziva who was staring at him. "I was trying to set up the grill when Gibbs came by and Teyla decided to invite everyone for dinner," he shrugged, feeling uncomfortable because it was starting to get crowded in the once so quiet house. "Which I actually still have to do otherwise we won't have any food tonight and get my ass handed to me, so I'm going outside." He smiled and gently petted Teyla's hand before going into the garden.

Gibbs looked amused because the man was actually flat on his back when he showed up.

"What is it, Jethro?" Ducky looked up to the man with a fondness in his eyes.

"Teyla had Sheppard floored when I walked into them an hour ago," he grinned.

"Well, it's not uncommon for certain cultures that even the small women learn how to fight, dearest."

"I know that, but it was hilarious."

Teyla turned back to their guests after seeing John walk out. "Would anyone like anything? You're welcome to sit outside. John went to get the grill ready. We have plenty of drinks and snacks in the meanwhile," Teyla said smiling. "Ziva would you mind assisting me?"

"Sure," she said as she followed the woman into the next room with Tony staring after them.

Once John had the grill going he went to the shed to fork out some extra chairs to set out in the garden. It was typical of Teyla to invite everyone, she loved people and being around them, and there was a small part of him that didn't mind her doing so. Teyla had a right to know more about the people he was working with, and maybe spend time with them off the clock as well.

He nearly bumped into Dr. Mallard when he turned around with a chair in his hands. "Oh, sorry Dr. Mallard, I didn't see you there," John apologized.

The other man looked up to him, smiling. "I'm easy to miss, and please, call me Ducky."

"I don't think I've really earned that right yet, Dr. Mallard."

"Oh nonsense," Ducky said and waved his hand. "I would have told you so weeks ago if you had come to see me down in autopsy."

"Sorry, it's just..."

"I've taken it upon myself to call your Air Force doctor, Dr. Beckett? Lovely man. He told me about the injuries you sustained during the attack on your base and what it has done to you," Ducky pointed to a chair. "Sit, we need to talk."

John sat down and looked at Ducky, who had a determined look on his face.

"If you had told me yourself, that you have some problems with your vision and the lights, then I would have dimmed the lights or even turned off the big autopsy light so you could come and visit. I know you're not afraid of dead people, and you shouldn't feel ashamed to come and visit me if you need to talk."

John frowned and cocked his head. "What are you getting at?"

"Well, for example, if you have additional questions about the body laying on the slab, of course," Ducky smiled warmly. "You're an intelligent man, John, and I happen to know that Jethro likes it when people take initiative, especially since he doesn't really share my findings with everyone on his team. I always have to send the rest of them emails." Ducky mused. "Same goes with Abby, she promised to turn the music down and her flashing lights should you need to go to the lab."

"It's not necessary..."

Ducky glared at him. "And you should stop feeling as if you don't matter or that your health isn't important. We already have one of those people walking around on NCIS and we don't need another one," the man replied with a stern voice. "I've spoken to Dr. Beckett about your behaviour as well, and he happened to tell me that you once were a very different man. And yes, I can see through your pretense."

John sighed, he knew that Ducky had studied forensic psychology as well, he should have anticipated that the man would want to talk to him one day. "I'm doing alright."

"There's a heavy and swing-able object in every corner of your living room, you have a state of the art security system and your _nephew_ is wary of strangers even though his mother is not. Should you feel the need to talk about anything other than current cases, I want you to come and find me."

John opened his mouth to object, but Ducky raised his hand to stop him from talking.

"Anything you'll tell me, will stay between us."

"I don't know."

"Give it time, John, knowing Jethro, you'll be sticking around for a quite some time," Ducky smiled widely. "Also, Jethro has a gut feeling that you're not entirely the same person in private than you are at work. It was one of the reasons why he's here today."

"And behold, Teyla inviting everyone."

"To quote Walter Anderson; 'We're never so vulnerable when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy'. The man had many other quotes that are inspiring, but this one will do." Ducky patted John on the shoulder as he got up. "Think about it, oh and don't forget to light the grill, you don't want the natives to go hungry!"

* * *

><p>John had fired up the grill after Ducky had wandered back inside, rejoining the team and when John peeked into the kitchen, he was happy to see Teyla having fun with Abby and Ziva. He decided to give them some 'alone time' and joined the men with a beer.<p>

Ziva smiled as Abby gushed over Torren. She could not but help notice Teyla studying her oddly, much the same way John had looked at her that first meeting with his tall friend. "May I ask why you keep looking at me the way you do? I catch Sheppard doing that from time to time and I do not understand why."

"Oh, forgive me," Teyla said as she chopped up some peppers. "I do not wish to be rude."

"No, no. I'm just curious is all," she insisted.

"You know, I noticed that too when they cleared our computers," Abby added with a shrug.

Ziva frowned as she looked out the window. "I do wish to be friends with him. I don't know..."

"You remind us of someone we used to know," Teyla replied carefully, noticing the way she looked at John, and actually liked the way Ziva she did. "I think John would like that as well, being friends with you." She replied with a smile.

She glanced back. "From where you worked with him before? I only ask because he says so little about himself or his past."

"We didn't even know about you really. He mentioned a nephew but other than that," Abby shrugged and giggled as the kid tugged on her pigtail. "Can I take him outside?" she asked.

"John is a private man," Teyla said understanding and nodding at Abby. "He's also a very careful and guarded man. I am not surprised he did not mention me. When your leader appeared in our garden the other minute, I decided to force him to call the rest of his new friends."

Ziva smiled as Abby left before looking Teyla over. "I suspect there is more to what you are telling," she said. "I simply do not just remind you of someone..."

"There's a strong physical resemblance between you and my friend," Teyla said softly. "She was a very good friend and she perished when our home... base was attacked."

She nodded slowly and looked back out the window. "Sheppard doesn't take well to losing people, does he?"

"No, especially if he lets them get close to him." Teyla stopped chopping the peppers, and looked Ziva in the eyes. "John was never very open about his life. Sure, he trusts people in his own special way, but it took a long time before he trusted me on a personal level, or anyone at our base for that matter." She smiled softly. "For the past year, John has been miserable, grieving for the lives lost, lives that were under his command, and grieving for his friends, our friends, who did not make it while he also tried to come to terms with the Air Force decision in not letting him go back to work due to his..." She paused to find the right words with a smile on her face. "due to his history of trying to fix things even if it means that it would kill him, and he is still getting used to the repercussions of the injuries he received in that attack."

Ziva nodded quietly as she took the information in. It certainly explained why he kept them all at arms' length. "How would someone be able to - try - to break through? To get to know him more?"

"Oh, I do not know," Teyla thought for a second. "Dr. Beckett and I used a mothering approach, which seems to work, and Ronon used the quiet buddy approach. John let Rodney in because Dr. McKay was smart and very talkative and John could beat him at chess."

"I am not particularly a maternal figure and even though I know chess, I do not like it," Ziva said. "I'm an agent, a fighter - or was...I do not wish to speak of it..."

Teyla nodded, she understood the woman. "So was I, I was a leader amongst my people and I joined John's team to help them."

Sighing she shook her head. "I don't know why he intrigues me. It is a bad idea and if Gibbs knew..."

"John is a very intriguing man," Teyla mused. "Does your boss do not like team members to spend time together? My experience is that it makes a team better."

"Gibbs has rules. Number twelve is to never date a coworker."

"Date?" Teyla tried to hold back her surprise and excitement. "Well, is it not that John is still getting paid by the Air Force?"

"Whoa! I don't mean to date-date...Gibbs doesn't believe that office relationships work..."

"Has anyone ever tried to prove him wrong?"

She made a face. "Gibbs has this tendency for being right about things."

Teyla laughed and shook her head. "Should you have gotten to know John better and you do decide to go on your dates, I can tell you that you will prove Gibbs wrong. John is a wonderful man."

Ziva looked at her suspiciously. "Why do I have a feeling you will not let this knowledge be?"

"I will leave it be, and I certainly will not tell John." Teyla nodded.

"Mmhmm," she nodded with a smile.

John made his way in to the kitchen and grinned at Teyla. "I think Torren's found a new play date," he said as he headed to the fridge to get the meat out. "Also, the grill is all fired up and ready so I'm starting... uhm..." he scratched his head, remembering the day that Ziva had taken him out to lunch. "You do eat steaks, right? Abby just told me she's a vegetarian..." he made a face. "Ugh, a life without meat."

Ziva smiled, "Not usually but I will have one of your steaks."

"John always gets excited about grilling meat, always complaining that he couldn't do it for years. I'm not much of a steak person myself, but I have to admit, his home made sauce that goes with it makes it all worth while." Teyla held back a giggle, it had been too long since she had had 'woman friends' that she could talk to.

"Then you and Gibbs should go on just well. Steak I believe is his staple diet," Ziva grinned at John. "Is there anything I can help with?"

"Uhm... well I've set up the chairs and the table in the yard, maybe you can bring some of those chopped vegetables over?" John suggested as he held the plate with a mountain of raw steaks underneath plastic foil.

"On it boss," she saluted as she took the tray from Teyla. Following John outside she could not help but to look at him in a new light. What she did not see was that Tony also saw her looking.

Nearby, Tony took a sip of his beer and tried not to scowl. Ziva was smiling, she was looking happy. How much time had she spent in the kitchen with John's girl anyway? He narrowed his eyes and then managed to amuse himself by thinking that Ziva had arranged a three way with John and Teyla.

"Oh don't do that," John chuckled, referring to Ziva's mock salute and calling him 'boss'.

"I was having fun," she smiled and shrugged a shoulder cutely.

"Well, that's a good thing," John nodded as he set the plate with meat on the table next to the grill. "It would be nice for Teyla to have friends close by."

"Everyone needs friends Sheppard. I thought you knew that from when I invited you to lunch that day," Ziva commented as she snagged a pepper.

"Yeah well... no doubt Teyla has informed you about my inability to make friends on my own," he smirked and took the pepper from Ziva's hand before stuffing it in his mouth with a grin.

"She did," she replied raising an eyebrow. "I suppose I will have to make sure you go out to lunch with me more."

"Or I might take you out to lunch," he pointed out and took another pepper for heading back in to retrieve the plates from the cupboard.

"What if I want to treat?" she threw back and popped a carrot in her mouth.

John laughed from where he was in the kitchen, looking at an amused Teyla. "What?"

"Nothing John," Teyla grinned watching the two with an eagerness.

He stopped what he was doing for a moment and then started to make coffee. "I've had enough alcohol for today, well... not even enough but... enough," he muttered and carried the plates out of the kitchen.

"So, I take it that's a no to lunch?" Ziva asked innocently with a small smile.

"Lunch is good," John nodded. "But I'm buying on Monday, if we're at the office."

Ziva grabbed glasses and napkins as she went to pass him on the way out. "And if we are not?" she asked looking up at him impishly.

"Then it'll be on Tuesday."

"What if you or I fall ill on Tuesday?"

"Then Teyla will make you or me chicken soup and we'll try the next day for lunch."

Teyla had been too entertained by the show between them that she nearly dropped the bottle of juice she was holding when her name came up. "No, you will bring each other soup and I will remain here."

"Or that," John nodded, and looked at Tony. He had been feeling Tony's eyes on him ever since Ziva arrived and smirked. "I think Tony doesn't like it very much that we're having fun."

Ziva turned to look at Tony before answering him. "No but he had his chance a long time ago if he were to try to be anything more than a colleague."

John didn't know quite what to say to that as he continued to walk outside to put the plates on the table.

When she followed him out Tony quickly got up from where he sat talking with Gibbs and Ducky. Pulling Ziva off to the side he tried to stare her down.

"What do you want?" she hissed.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Umm, helping with setting up?"

"Oh is that it?" Tony said, "Because for a moment I thought I was watching a show on Animal Planet with two animals doing a mating ritual."

She grinned up at him. "You are jealous! You are jealous because I am talking a man that is neither part of the original team and is not a suspect in an investigation! You are unbelievable Tony!"

"I'm not jealous. If I were, I wouldn't have come here."

"Excuse me," Torren tugged on Tony's shirt. "Mommy needs some help in the kitchen."

Ziva turned to look at Teyla who had a determined expression on her face and smiled.

Tony glared at Ziva before following Torren to the kitchen. "What can I do?"

Teyla smiled widely. "The bag in the bin is full, could you throw it out?"

He smiled as nicely as he could as he answered tensely, "Sure thing. Anything to help."

"Thank you, Tony, that's very kind of you," Teyla said as she turned to finish the salad. "Also? I do not tolerate any kind of violence, jealousy or cursing in this house. We have a small child running around."

"What?" he asked trying to laugh it off. "I wasn't cursing and I am certainly not jealous..."

"Of course you're not," Teyla said politely. "However, I do have to tell you that the way John laughed the other minute was the first time for over a year since he laughed so warmly and with honesty," she looked up to Tony with her 'lioness and cub face'. "I should warn you that should you do anything to dampen his obvious good mood today, that you will leave here bruised and battered."

Tony nodded. "I kinda got that hint from Ziva that she'd be more than happy to break my legs, thanks."

"It's not Ziva who you should be worried about."

He started to laugh nervously before stopping, "I think I'll take that trash out for you."

"Thank you," Teyla nodded, turning once again back to her salad.

"Want me to do the grilling?" Gibbs asked John. "I usually grill over my fireplace."

"Sure," John nodded. "Thanks."

"You shouldn't pay too much attention to DiNozzo, he just misses Ziva as a partner."

"She's still his partner."

Gibbs just looked at Sheppard with an all knowing look on his face.

John took a piece of pepper from the table and shrugged. "She's very approachable."

"I'm glad you two are hitting it off as a team," Gibbs said, "Would have been better of course, if you were a trained investigator."

"I'm not going to Quantico, Gibbs." John said.

"It doesn't help to do some courses, especially since you'll be staying for a while."

"Maybe."

"Think about it."

John was glad that once everything was ready, they could start eating while the sun had started to set. As it turned out, Gibbs was good at grilling a steak or two and he actually seemed to enjoy it.

Ziva ate hers quietly as she wasn't a big fan of red meat. It was also made more difficult when Torren decided to use her as a playground, climbing over her repeatedly. She only laughed and went along with it until Teyla came along to settle him down.

"I don't want to go yet mooooom!" Torren whined. "I'm not tired!"

"It is only dinner time," Teyla said as she tried to get him to sit at the table beside John.

"Pfew," Torren let out an exaggerated smile of relief as he climbed onto John's lap.

"He's so adorable!" Abby squealed.

"You try putting him to bed then!" he replied.

"Dinner time mommy said. I still have another two hours." Torren smiled widely, grabbing John's steak with both hands and started to chew on it.

John looked at Teyla and smiled. "It's fine, don't worry," he said before she could say anything.

Ziva watched on amused and was surprised to find herself even more attracted to the man and passed her napkins over.

"Thanks," John chuckled as he put a napkin over his and Torren's lap to at least absorb some of the dripping.

Everyone burst out laughing when Torren decided to turn on his lap, the sauce covered steak in his hand smacked the man in his neck.

Torren looked at him with a big goofy smile on his face. "Oops... did I do that?"

"Now you're just showing off," John said. "But since you're doing that, how do we get this off huh?"

If Ziva had less self control, she would have suggested a method but remained silent as she looked at Torren for his answer. "I would not tempt the child like that Sheppard. Remember the friends he made today..."

"Oh! I know!" Torren smiled widely. "You could put your neck on the grill, I'm sure you taste good."

She snorted out the soda she just took a sip of. "I think that would hurt. You could just lick it off him," Ziva winked.

"Ew!" Torren said as he continued to chew on the steak, smearing the sauce all over his shirt and on John's.

"To each their own," she shrugged and smiled at John.

Abby looked at Ziva with a surprised look on her face.

She shook her head slightly and shoved a piece of fruit in her mouth. Ziva would have to deal with her later.

John grabbed the other end of the steak Torren was munching on and took off a bite himself. The kid was almost nose to nose with him and he could see Torren was about to burst out in giggles. "Boo!" John teased. That was all it took for Torren to start laughing uncontrollably, starting to hiccup in the process, dropping the steak into John's crotch.

Ziva's hand flew to her mouth as her eyes went wide. Teyla rushed over and took Torren from John. "Alright that is enough playing with your food. John you will be giving him his bath tonight," she scolded.

"Yep," John nodded, tossing the steak into the bin behind him and started to do some damage control on his clothes.

"Did you know that amongst many cultures it's a well known fact that when women see a man treat a child well, that the women's biological clock starts ticking?" Ducky mused.

"Well this was fun," Tony commented, cuing that the conversation took a rather uncomfortable turn for him.

"Oh come on Tony, you're just jealous because your biological clock wanted a little DiNozzo for years now!" Abby grinned

"I'm just waiting for the right woman that deserve my DiNozzo makers," he replied glancing at Ziva who rolled her eyes.

"What are DiNozzo makers?" Torren asked.

"Ehm...Boss?" Tony asked, passing the buck.

"It's your mess DiNozzo," Gibbs shrugged amused.

"Ziva?"

"Nope. I'm interested in how you get out of this," she grinned.

"Damn...Oops, sorry. Bad word. Um, they are - tadpoles! Yeah, tadpoles that live inside big boys.."

"Tony!" John growled.

"What are tadpoles?" Torren asked.

"Something you will learn in school when you are older I am sure," Ziva smiled. "Tony just only recently figured out what they were for himself."

"Okay." Torren smiled widely. "I like her, Uncle John!"

Ziva missed the comment as Abby had pulled her down to whisper something in her ear that made her laugh as she looked back up to find John looking at her.

"Yes, I feel like a walking steak right now. I'll be right back," he said, excusing himself to go and quickly clean himself up.

She watched him leave before turning back to find Teyla smiling at her.

"Is there ice cream?" Torren asked looking around

"I think he's hyper enough," Ziva commented to Teyla.

"Oh yes, don't get me started." Teyla replied and sighed. "It is very exciting for Torren to have all of you here."

He had changed into a pair of jogging pants and a clean t-shirt and walked back outside, blinked and then realized that he had forgotten his shades in his bedroom. He turned around and waited for his eyes to adjust before he walked back to his bedroom to pick them up. John walked to the kitchen to get the package of cornetto's he had bought while he was picking up the meat. "I've got ice cream!" John said, as he walked back outside, putting his glasses over his eyes.

Teyla groaned. "He is soooo sleeping with Torren tonight," she commented as she struggling to hold onto the sauce covered boy.

"Sleep?" John snorted as he handed Torren a cornetto and put the box on the table. "You honestly think he'll sleep tonight?"

"Exactly. Which means you won't be either," she said setting Torren on the ground.

He shrugged as he sat down again. "Neither will you."

"Sounds like you have a long night ahead of you," Ziva replied.

"Oh no, I will sleep John. Or I will break your arm," Teyla smiled serenely.

"Yep," John nodded. "We'll probably end up watching movies on TV."

He winced after hearing Teyla speak. "And here I thought Torren and I could use your bed as a trampoline."

"Do not give him ideas!" she scolded before smacking him in the head with a roll of paper towels.

"I'm not!" John said and started to pick up the dirty dishes. He saw the look on everyone's faces but he didn't care. "Yes, I'm house broken," John nodded as he walked inside with a stack of dirty plates.

"You hear that Ziva? Maybe your landlord will let you bring home a pet!" Abby teased, earning herself a heel dug into her foot. "Ow!""

"Oh I hate to be rude, Teyla dear but Jethro, I think it is time for me to leave, could you drive me home?" Ducky asked as he pat Gibbs' arm.

"Of course Duck. Thanks for the steaks Sheppard. I'll see you in the office Monday," he said standing.

"Sure," John said as he walked back out. "But you should thank Teyla, really."

Gibbs looked at him knowing perfectly well. "Teyla," he nodded. "Keep that kid away from DiNozzo."

"Do not worry, Agent Gibbs," Teyla smiled. "I am sure that Tony will behave himself."

"It was good to meet you."

"And you too Agent Gibbs. It was a pleasure to finally meet you and your people," she bowed her head slightly.

John walked Gibbs and Ducky to the door to show them out. "Enjoy the rest of your weekend," he called.

"We will John my boy," Ducky laughed as he got into the car.

He closed the door as the two men drove off and shook his head smiling. He knew that they were obviously trying to hide their relationship from the rest of the team, but John called it the minute he saw the two men together. Gibbs was a completely different man when he was around Ducky.

Tony and Abby were walking out as John started coming back. "Thank you for inviting us!" she squealed as she ran up to hug him. "We have to do this again soon!"

"Uhm..." John chuckled, taken aback by Abby's hug. "Sure, but it's Teyla you should thank..."

"Trust me, she already hugged her until her eyes almost popped," Tony said grumpily.

"Yep, oxygen becoming an issue," he gently pried Abby off of him. "It was fun, thank you both for coming.

"Anytime! And you better visit me in the lab more now. Just call on your way down and I'll be sure to lower the music and all..."

"Yes Abby," John nodded. "Thank you."

"Later," Tony said shuffling past on his way to his car.

"He'll get over you and Ziva eventually," she shrugged her shoulders.

"What about me and Ziva?" John asked Abby.

She smiled and waggled her eyebrows before skipping off after Tony. "Have fun John!"

He scratched his head as he walked back into the yard with a puzzled look on his face. McGee had left earlier, and the only one who was still in the garden was Ziva, trying to avoid getting hosed down with the garden hose that Teyla had given Torren to wash himself off and water the plants. "Torren that's enough." John said tiredly as he picked up some empty glasses to bring back in.

"I'll help finish cleaning up," Ziva called out. "You just sit back and relax."

"Oh don't worry about it," John smiled. "You've already helped setting this up."

"I really don't mind, honestly," she said taking the glasses from him, her fingers brushing over his hand in the process.

"Alright then," John nodded and then headed out to pick up the rest of the glasses.

"How about you both sit down with a nice drink and relax? I will clean up." Teyla offered. "Oh and I do not take 'no' for an answer."

Ziva looked back at John as if confirming the clear threat.

"Ah, I'd better do as she says. I know you can probably take her on, but Teyla is a mean fighter," John replied, pouring Ziva a glass of wine at the liquor cabinet.

"Okay," she said nodding. Sitting down, she looked back at John and smiled, unsure what to say.

He handed Ziva the glass of wine and got a beer for himself. He tossed the sunglasses on the table and rubbed his eyes. "Did you have fun today?" he asked her.

She nodded, "I did. Thank you. I was quite surprised when you called but am grateful that you did."

"You should thank Teyla, she basically threatened Gibbs and me."

"Yes, and I will, but in the end, you still could have said no to them," she pointed out.

"Saying 'no' to Teyla when I know she just wants to get to know everyone I work with... " he shook his head. "I would have had to swear off steaks for at least a month," he chuckled.

Ziva chuckled, "It might do you some good. All that red meat can't be good for your cholesterol."

"Probably not," he shrugged and took a sip of his beer.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, drinking their drinks while John kept an eye out for Torren who was going nuts with the garden hose. Maybe he would sleep sound tonight, John certainly hoped so because even though he had fun today, it had been tiring.

Ziva had been quiet, her mind in overdrive. Maybe she should have left when the others did? she wondered. "I um, probably should leave," she said feeling a little awkward.

"Is it the wine?" John asked and frowned. "Because if you want something else, I can get you something else, I just assumed you were more of a wine girl."

"No, no, it is fine. Quite good actually..." she replied as she shifted in her seat, unsure of how to say that she simply wanted to know him better.

Teyla had seen the uneasiness between John and Ziva in the living room and frowned, they had been doing so well during dinner. As she walked out of the kitchen towards the back door she shook her head, smiling. "John, Ziva didn't leave when the rest of your team did because I think she might wants to get to know you better," She stepped outside and scooped up Torren. "I will give him a bath, and for your sake, I hope he's calm enough to sleep."

Ziva made a face at Teyla's outward comment and blushed. She tried to look away and hide it, hoping John didn't catch the embarrassment she felt.

John swung a pillow from the couch to Teyla's head as he had sort of figured that Ziva had stayed for company and to talk. In all honesty, he didn't mind, but he didn't know what to do or say either, as it was easier for him to strike up a conversation at work because at home he had this Xena warrior princess walking around trying to help him out or embarrass him while trying.

"Go for a walk or ride somewhere," Teyla persisted. "You both are clearly at a loss here with my company."

"Teyla..."

"John - out," Teyla pointed towards the door.

"Teyla?" Ziva asked herself, worried. Going home and waiting for John to come around or not might be better for the par.

Teyla looked at a shocked John and a worried Ziva, then walked off clinging Torren and muttering about how people from Earth are ridiculously complicated as she walked upstairs.

"I am so sorry." John frowned, "I have no idea what's gotten into her."

"It is alright," she said. "I believe she means well for you."

"It's kinda embarrassing sometimes."

She smiled and nodded feeling the same. "Yes, I realize that myself..."

"Oh, you'll get used to it, eventually." John shrugged and took a sip of his beer. "She's from a different culture and all."

Ziva raised an eyebrow as she sipped her wine at the comment he made. Would she get the opportunity to 'get used' to it? she thought. Looking back outside, she smiled. "A walk doesn't sound too bad actually. The sun is setting so I doubt you would need your glasses."

"Sure, we could go for a walk," he nodded as he heard a loud thud coming from upstairs followed by some crying. "Yes, let's go."

As they were escaping the house, Ziva could hear an irritated Teyla call out John's name. Chuckling she looked up at him, "You are in for it now."

"She can't get mad at me," he chuckled. "She wanted us out of the house."

"But you enabled the child with ice cream and playing with his dinner."

He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged as they exited the yard. "I'm completely innocent."

"Sure you are," she teased, poking him in the ribs playfully. "I can see passed the baby face innocence John Sheppard."

"Of course you can, no doubt you've been watching my every move in the last month," he chuckled

Ziva grinned and looked away. "Maybe, but wouldn't you like to know."

"Oh I know you have," John nodded. "Everyone has, so it seems."

"Maybe you are just interesting to watch? Or they just want to get with you...I know Tony has been eying you a great deal," she replied.

"Tony just wants to make sure I'm treating you right in the field..."

Ziva didn't reply because she knew there was actually more to it. She walked along beside him looking around and enjoying the cherry blossom trees that many had in their yards in attempt to distract herself but failing.

John was quiet for a while and then frowned. "You don't think that he's in love with me, do you? That would be weird."

"No," she replied after letting him sweat on it. "He - is very protective, that is all. We had been through a lot as a team and more...It is hard to let someone new into the fold."

"I know," John said. "And I don't mind, I know how well a team can work together and become a family. What they did for you in Somalia was amazing." He then winced as he silently cursed himself. "I eh... had to read all your files... which isn't fair, I know."

She closed her eyes and stopped short in walking. "I do not speak of it. And Tony - after that, he believed...It does not matter. Tony and I do not agree on some things. You - are one of them."

He blinked and shook his head. "That's ridiculous, I know I was a jerk at first but that was part of my job, I'm no threat anymore."

She looked up him with an expression that conveyed that he was more of a threat to Tony than he believed. "Not to the team or NCIS," she said quietly before beginning to walk again, ahead of him slightly.

"Is it because we go out to lunch together?" John walked after her, "And that we're having fun?"

"Yes, and yes," she said careful not to say more but her tone might give her away.

"Oh... oh!" John reacted. I'm such an idiot, he thought. "Well, I like us having fun and go out for lunch with you."

She looked back at him carefully and guarded. "As do I..."

"I was planning on renting a horse next weekend in Virginia and sleep a night under the stars, knowing Teyla, she wouldn't want to come with, would you?"

Ziva blinked in surprise. "I - uh -"

"Don't worry, I'm not a creepy guy who would want to do nasty stuff with you while you're asleep."

When she was able to find her words, she smiled brightly and nodded. "I would love to join you...But um, I think we should not tell Tony or Gibbs..."

"Why not?"

"They will go on about rule twelve and Tony, well..." she raised an eyebrow indicating the idea of this trip was what his issue was.

"What was rule twelve again?" John scratched his head and shook his head. "Abby and McGee go out to laser tag games often enough and no one frowns upon that."

"Because Abby made her position quite clear with him," Ziva tried explaining without giving away her own attraction.

"I'm just taking my partner out for a weekend away from it all, what's wrong about that?" John shrugged. "Besides, if rule twelve is the one about dating co-workers, Gibbs should scold himself for breaking it."

She grinned at him, "We all know. And trust me it isn't his first time breaking that rule. I think if he sees it working, and not interfering with work he is okay with it but when it comes between  
>the team he says something."<p>

"Well then," Sheppard smiled. "I hope you know how to ride."

"If you read my history you know my uncle bred horses," she replied and winked. "We just have to get through the week of work and Tony..."

"Easy," John nodded, smiling goofily. 


	10. Chapter 9

"_Ah why are you getting up?" John groaned as he nearly fell off the couch. He had fallen asleep with his head in Elsa's lap and she was one fine pillow._

"_Because, you and I need to talk," she said and poked him to make him sit up. "Up."_

_He opened his eyes and smiled when he saw Elsa standing in front of him, dressed in white clothes that reminded him of the Lanteans he had encountered on the Aurora. "You look good."_

"_And you, should open your eyes," she poked him again and smiled widely. _

"_They are!"_

_She kept poking him. "Open your eyes, I like her."_

"_Like who? Stop poking me!"_

"_Ziva!"_

John woke up feeling confused. What had that dream been about? It was Wednesday now, and the case wasn't particularly interesting, the sailor was a dead body on a boat, and John had taken the day off, just because he could.

Ziva went about her business as usual at work and would look over across the bullpen at John's desk. Tony could see that she was anxious about something but with Gibbs hovering nearby he couldn't ask what about.

"Stop staring at me Tony," she commented as she typed up an email.

"Your partner called in to get the day off, that is odd, don't you think, Ziva?"

She looked at him and shook her head. "I do not think so. John could be ill. As well as Torren and Teyla. He does have a family to think of where we do not."

"It's not even his own kid," Tony huffed. "I find it all very weird."

"So what? They been through enough that he considers him blood. What is it to you?" she questioned as she slammed on her stapler in annoyance.

"Ziva, he's just trying to get a rise out of you." Gibbs didn't look up from the file he was reading. "If you're bored, DiNozzo, you could go to see Abby and ask for progress on the evidence."

She narrowed her eyes at Tony from across the way. "Gibbs? May I leave early on Friday? I have plans for the weekend and could use the extra time to get my things together."

"How early?" Gibbs asked and looked up.

"A few hours. Maybe like 2pm? I'll work through lunch," she answered simply.

"Fine by me," Gibbs shrugged, turning back to his paperwork.

"Where are you going?" Tony asked.

"Out of state," she said as she started a new email to see how John was doing and to let him know she would be able to leave earlier than planned.

* * *

><p>He hadn't really bothered to get dressed on his day off and had gotten in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt when he wandered into the living room. He sleepily scratched his head as he noticed Carson sitting on the couch, talking to Teyla. "How come I didn't hear you come in?"<p>

"Because you were sleeping like the dead lad," Carson grinned. "How have you been?"

"Fine, you?" John sat down on the couch only for Torren to start using him as a jungle jim.

"Good. I had been having an interesting conversation with Teyla. Dr. Mallard also has some intriguing observations about you as well," he said with that odd smile.

"You know, I would appreciate it if people stopped talking about me behind my back. I'm fine. I haven't had a nightmare or flashback or whatever for weeks." John groaned as Torren placed his knee in his crotch. "Okay buddy, I've had enough..." he said gently and lifted Torren off his lap.

The doctor shook his head. "You can't blame us for being concerned about you. However I am pleased to hear that things have indeed been looking up for you. A Miss David?"

"I'm not awake enough for this," John muttered, got up and headed towards the kitchen.

Carson chuckled and allowed John to get his morning dose of coffee. He turned back to Teyla to quietly get more information that he could before their friend returned.

He flipped open his phone and texted Ziva. _Don't you just hate it when people talk about you behind your back?_ He poured himself a coffee and made himself a turkey sandwich. He then sent her; _Please call me and beg me to come to work today_

_Sorry John, but I just finished telling Tony that you would have valid reasons for being out. I will ask Gibbs. Standby._

_I had a valid reason, I was tired. Now I'm being bugged by a doctor._

John sighed as he walked back into the living room. "Alright, I'm waking up..."

_I believe you. Don't forget I am your partner now...Gibbs said he will call you in an hour. Sorry._

"Sorry," John said as he checked his phone. Shaking his head, he put the phone back into his pocket and took a sip of his coffee. "That was my _partner_ updating me about the case."

Teyla looked confused then suspicious. "I thought the investigation was going well which was the reason that you were free to take off to rest today," she commented.

John shrugged. "Things can change."

"I see. In any case, please tell me more about this young lady. I hear she is quite fond of you..." Carson said earning a wince from Teyla for having said too much.

"She is?" He asked sheepishly. "She's my partner and my friend, which is weird considering we've only been here for less than two months." He took a bite off his sandwich.

"It doesn't take much," Carson said with an apologizing look.

Teyla smiled and nodded. "Without betraying her confidence, I do know she wants to learn more of you. I also know that she is planning on going away this weekend...the same time that you are planning your vacation?"

"Why is it weird for men having a friendship with a woman? I mean, the team even thought I was dating Teyla..." he shook his head. "I'm taking Ziva to Virginia for the weekend, I know you don't like horses, and she does."

The two looked at each other with a smile. "I think this is a good thing," Carson commented. "I think if you like this girl, you should consider to pursue her. I can see already that her influence has done well by you."

"No offense, Carson, but I don't feel like pursuing anyone at this time," he said with his jaw set. "Maybe in the future, but for now, no, and you'll be proud of my restraint of not pursuing Ziva as once I show you her picture you'll think I'm perverted."

"That she resembles Miss Elsa? I know about that already. I have read about the team when Dr. Mallard called me. Have you considered that maybe Elsa sent her to you for a reason?"

"Carson, despite the fact that I've seen many things, I still don't believe there's such a thing as ghosts or fate or whatever," John said and really wished that Gibbs wouldn't wait an hour to call him. "No offense, Teyla."

"Then please explain what you believe is the reason for the lack of nightmares since you and she began working as partners and having lunch together?" she asked in turn.

"I'm keeping myself busy, I don't have time to think myself silly."

"Excuses," Carson scolded. "You just don't want to see what is right in front of you!"

John bit back a nasty remark and glared at Carson. "Why is it so important to you for me to find someone to settle down with?" He then looked at Teyla. "And if you're sick and tired of staying with me, you know that you could leave any time you want to." He got up and took his coffee. "You two should shack up." he said as he walked towards his bedroom to get dressed.

"We just want you to be happy!" Teyla called after him and sighed. "She could make you happy," she said to herself.

Torren's eyes grew big and started to cry, or actually, wail like a siren. "I don't wanna leave!"

"Torren, come here. Please leave John alone," Teyla said trying to comfort him. "If we must leave, we will."

"NO!" Torren pounded his little fists against Teyla. "I don't wanna leave!"

"I know you don't son but maybe you and your mom should stay in a hotel for a couple days to let Uncle John calm down," Carson said.

"No!"

John exited his bedroom, fully clothed, jeans and a decent shirt this time and a bag filled with clothes in his hand. "Don't bother, I'll be back on Monday." He looked at Torren and smiled. "Look after your mom for me," he told the kid and then looked at Teyla and Carson. "Have fun talking about me." He grabbed his ball cap, his glasses and his keys before he headed out to his car.

John sent Ziva a text message before he started the car. _Staying at a hotel._

_What? Why?_

_I'm taking lunch now, meet me at my apartment._ She texted right after and sent her address.

He sighed, he was too angry to talk and he wasn't sure if he should go to her apartment, but found himself driving there anyway.

When Ziva got there, she found him sitting on the steps of the building. "Come inside," she said, unlocking the doors and leading him in. Once inside, she did not say anything but went to make a light meal for them of salad and tea.

John didn't dare to look around in the apartment, he kept standing at the door. "This is a very bad idea..."

"Shut up, sit down, and eat," Ziva said as she put his plate on the island counter.

He slowly made his way in, cautiously to the kitchen. Sitting down, he took a stab at the salad. "Thanks..."

She nodded and returned to eating her own lunch but watched him carefully.

Eventually he had drunk the tea, but hadn't touched his salad. "I know that I need to have someone to look after me," he said softly, "I forget things, or zone out or whatever. I got angry with Teyla and my doctor today for trying to interfere with my personal life, pushing me into a corner."

Ziva only nodded before pushing his plate closer to him. "You should eat," she replied.

"I just has breakfast, I'm not really hungry..."

"Okay then. You can go get your bags from your car then and put them in the guest room," she ordered.

"No," he shook his head. "I'll be staying at a hotel until we leave for the weekend, it's fine."

"Absolutely not. You are my partner and teammate. We take care of one another and have each other's backs. You will stay with me. We do not have to tell anyone," she said taking the plates to clean.

"As much as I appreciate the thought... I left my house to be alone for a while." he chuckled.

"You can be alone here. I don't do much other than read so you won't know I am around. Besides, I need to return to the office so you _will_ be alone for awhile," she smiled. "You are welcome here."

John realized he wouldn't win a sparring match with Ziva without walking out on her too, and that was the last thing he wanted. "You win," he said. "Thanks."

She smiled more brightly then. "You're welcome. Now get your bags and I'll show you around before I leave."

He nodded and went out to the car to get his bag, with a little voice in the back of his head saying that this would be a very bad idea still and he tried to ignore it. He locked the car and took a step back onto the road before jumping right back because of a car blowing its horn coming from the corner of his eye. He hadn't seen it coming. Taking a deep breath, he turned around and made sure he could cross the road to Ziva's apartment.

She waited by the door for him and watched. Making a decision then, she knew what else she would show him. "Come on," she said leading him to the guest room and other things he might need. The restroom, linen closest, movies and her knife collection that she hid around for defense reasons.

Her apartment looked nice, it was just as small (or big, depending on what you were used to) as his old apartment back in Colorado. He blinked at the amount of knives that Ziva had, sure he had suspected that she had a few, laying around somewhere, but this much? If he didn't know any better, she was as paranoid as he was. "Wow."

"You see, you are not alone," she said softly. "We all have our fears."

He nodded and nearly jumped ten feet in the air when his phone rang. It was Carson. He let it ring for a while and then hung up. "You are an amazing woman, Ziva, you shouldn't live your life in fear."

"Perhaps you should take your own advice," she said, indicating his reaction to the phone. "You are a capable man. There is plenty to defend yourself here. I will get take out for supper on my way back. Okay?"

"Okay," he nodded.

"See you later then," Ziva said before grabbing her coat and purse before leaving.

He wasn't scared, he was stressed, but scared, no. John was pissed off, because even though he could use a good kick in the ass sometimes, this time he felt that Carson and Teyla had gone too far.

He could understand that they wanted to see him happy, but he was doing his best right now, and didn't really think that diving into another relationship would make him feel better. He had to admit, there were some feelings for Ziva but he didn't want to act upon them right now.

For now, she was safe as a good friend. Despite that weird dream he had that morning. He liked walking around in her apartment, there were pictures of Ziva and the team, and with someone that probably was her father. Feeling like a pervert, he retreated to the guest room and sat down on the bed to think.

When Ziva returned later that evening, Gibbs having changed his mind about calling John in, she had a large bag with assorted containers of chinese food. "John?" she called out as she began unpacking the bag in the kitchen.

He must have fallen asleep as he didn't hear Ziva return home from work, and woke up when she called for him. For a second there, he thought that Elsa was calling him, and that was one of the other reasons why he didn't want to 'pursue' Ziva just yet.

Sometimes, he confused Ziva for Elsa in his head, and that was wrong. "Hey..." he said sleepily as he walked into the kitchen. "Sorry, I fell asleep..."

"I know. Gibbs would not tell me why he didn't call you back, but I suspect he believes that you indeed needed rest. I didn't know what you preferred so I got a variety. Everything but pork - not kosher," she said opening containers with vegetables and lo mein noodles.

He chuckled. "I'm a trash can, remember?" he said. "Thanks, again."

"Enjoy," she laughed and passed a set of chop sticks over. "Plates or straight out the containers?"

Shrugging he grabbed a vegetable from the container with his chop sticks. "For some reason it tastes better when eating it straight from the container."

Nodding in agreement she took the chicken lo mein and two bottles of wine before heading to the living room. "Television," Ziva said as she tried to catch a noodle hanging over the top of the container. "I like watching tv during dinner. Of course I usually eat alone." She turned the news on and settled on the floor to use the coffee table.

He took the other containers with him towards the living room where Ziva was and nearly tripped over something that had the same color as the floor. He managed to stop the containers from flying as he sat down. "What was that?" he looked from the direction he had come and could hit himself. "I tripped over a floor mat?" he chuckled.

She looked up, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, don't worry." He said as he put the containers down on the table. "I always have to get used to new area's, I just wasn't paying enough attention. It's the missing depth vision thing that sucks. I for one am glad that so far, the cases at NCIS didn't require me running after someone because one, I'm not sure if I can still run and two, I would probably trip and make an ass out of myself."

"Don't you have glasses or something to help that?" she asked as she passed him one of the bottles of wine.

"There's nothing wrong with my lens, if it hadn't been for the blood cloth or whatever when I got injured I would have been able to see fine, but the retina is shot and there isn't anything they can do about it. Glasses other than sunglasses for when I'm outside to make the light transition easier, won't help." He explained, "Sometimes I can see things easily, the other moment I can't, it all depends on where things are."

"I see. It has to be frustrating," she commented. "So, plans for tonight? Movie? Or do you just want to go rest? It'll be a long day tomorrow."

"I'm fine now, movie sounds good," he smiled. "Unless we'll be running somewhere outside, tomorrow will be just fine."

"You never know with Gibbs. We closed the case today so tomorrow will be reports and following up on cold cases," she said as she studied a piece of chicken. "Any particular movie? Tony left a bunch here the last time I hosted a team dinner."

"Surprise me, I haven't watched a lot of movies," he shrugged.

"Okay," Ziva said carefully as she thought. She looked at him for a moment and nodded. Getting up, she looked over the shelf and pulled a disc out and put it on. Settling back down next to him on the floor, they ate quietly as the opening credits to Top Gun started.

"Top Gun? Really?" John snorted, "Do we have to watch that?" He was trying to forget the fact that he used to be a pilot and she had put on a pilot movie, didn't he tell her?

"Do you not want to?" she asked worried that she upset him. She truly thought that he would have enjoyed it. "I will change it right away," she said getting up to stop the film, unsure of what else to put on now.

"It's a good movie," John said, "And if you want to watch it, it's fine, it's your home after all." He continued. "I'm just not sure if I should watch it."

She shook her head and pulled out a random disc. "No, if it bothers you then we will not watch it. John, we are partners and you should trust that I have your back, on the job and off."

Ziva sat back down and sighed. "I don't know what this is as it was a blank case.

Well, if 'Homeward Bound' wasn't a safe movie to watch, then what would be? "Aww, and here I thought Tony liked black and white or mafia movies."

She chuckled. "He is a man of many contradictions," she said. "I watched this when I was younger but translated to Hebrew. Does not have the same effect."

"Lots of things get lost in translation," John nodded. "We used to work with equipment that had manuals in a _really_ obscure language," he started, "One day we thought we had found a manual, but in the end it was their book of pranks," he chuckled.

"Sounds like a fun time. I bet I would have gotten frustrated myself with these people after finding that out," she laughed.

"Yeah, it's a shame we never really got the chance to tell them they didn't have a sense of humor." John smiled and quietly drank his wine.

Ziva smiled at him and nodded. "I imagine so, still it sounds like the assignment was one to die for."

"And people did," John replied sadly. "And I shouldn't be mourning them now, we all knew what we signed up for, but for a body count this high?" he shook his head. "It still makes me angry."

"It should. No matter what people tell you," she said speaking from experience. "Keeping in that anger will only destroy you..."

"So far it hasn't," John said and took another sip of his wine. "From the day I woke up I was told I needed to behave myself because I'm a terrible patient, also, if I got angry there was this massive pain in my head so I kept calm," he started to rant. "Then I find out that Teyla's been living in my apartment with Torren, and it's fine, I mean, they need a home too, and at least they had something somewhat familiar. I also needed her help because I was in a wheelchair and on suicide watch because they thought I was going to hurt myself one way or the other." He sighed and shook his head. "It's what I do when I want to deal with things as most people on the base dying or being told that the woman you've grown to love got shot execution style right in front of you but your brain doesn't want you to remember; I retreat and don't let anyone know what I'm up to, they're all worried that I will off myself. What they don't get is that I come back up eventually." He pointed to his shoulder. "I've got this tracker inside of me so they can find me whenever they see fit, it's standard issue, they just like to use it on me, which is probably why Carson stopped calling after I hung up the first time." He rubbed his eyes. "I think I'm just really fed up with trying to control myself for the sake of the kid."

She listened carefully but there were things that she could or couldn't relate to. "When they brought be back from - Somalia, people believed that I would turn on a murderous rampage because of my training. Gibbs knew that I wouldn't but I knew our working relationship had changed because of the circumstances around my brother's death," she shared softly.

Ziva took a deep breath and shook her head. "There was something he said, that the Mossad assassin in me died in that desert, and he was right. But still, I am expected to be emotionless and nonreactive to death. My life is full of it from a very young age. I just simply wish to _live_."

After a few quiet moments and a large swig from the wine bottle, she asked quietly, "Tell me about her." Ziva had not missed the looks, the way Teyla spoke to her or the careful phrasings. She wished to know more, to understand and help John to mourn and grieve.

"You're a person, you have every right to feel the way you feel, despite your training," he said. "People who don't understand that, are idiots." He sighed and prodded the remainder of his Chinese food with his chop sticks. "Elsa was amongst one of the last new groups of personnel to arrive on base, and at first, she made it a sport to be the mean but fair doctor. To be honest, if Carson - my current doctor too - wasn't around, I preferred her over the sadist working at the infirmary," he smiled. "Before she came to work with us, I would never go to the infirmary if I had sprained my ankle or with other minor injuries, but she had her way of forcing me to come down anyway. My best guess is that she had bribed one of the scientists with something so she could monitor the communication between officers over the radio."

Ziva smiled. "Sounds like she and I would have gotten along," she said. "Were you seeing her long?"

"Well, for about six months, I guess," he nodded. "We were a tight knit group, and we were friends once I managed to pry her out of her marriage to the infirmary. You have to realize, we were so isolated from the rest of the world that we couldn't 'date' or 'hang out' the normal way. Once we started to stay the night in each other's quarters, we were the talk of the town, Teyla and Carson in particular loved seeing me with someone as I had been miserable ever since I had divorced my wife, joined the expedition a year or two later and was the butt of most jokes for six long years as I never really shown any interest in my co-workers... until she came along." He looked at Ziva and managed to smile. "The first time I saw you, I was shocked. You look so much like her, and even now, I'm at odds with myself because I've only known you for about two months... but there's something between us that makes me so comfortable... and it's not because you look like her, it's because you are you... it's... I don't know, I can't explain." He frowned at his empty wine bottle. "And alcohol apparently, makes me talk."

She smiled and nodded. "That is not a bad thing. I am happy know why you and Teyla looked at me the way you do now. Yes, it is odd knowing that I look like your late girlfriend, but I understand where you come from more. I won't tell anyone," she promised.

Looking down at her hands she shrugged, feeling the need to share more of herself the way he had. "My father sent me on a mission to Somalia. It was originally assigned to my - another Mossad officer that I had been involved with. I had not known it until we returned to Israel with his body that I learned that he was with me only because my father ordered him to pursue me.

"Tony killed Michael and I did not know what to think, who to believe. Especially what my father said. I followed through to Somalia with the intention of not returning."

"I'm glad you have this great team that despite what Tony did, brought you back," John softly admitted. Between that and her killing her own brother, he didn't know how he would have handled that.

"So you see, you and I are not all that much different. There are those of us that you can relate to more than you know. Gibbs will one day share his story with you, or he may not. I know for a fact that it did not make his file," Ziva went on. "You would have had to be here for that one. I know I was concerned for him because he did not make it to my citizenship ceremony, but I know he would have come if he could."

By then she had shifted on the floor to face him as she spoke. Holding her bottle of wine in one hand and the other playing with the hem of her shirt nervously, she kept her eyes down.

"Remember how I said that me staying here would be a bad idea?" he asked as he gently took the bottle of wine out of her hands before she spilled it on the floor. "I still think it was..." he gently lifted her chin to make her look at him. "Because right now, I want to kiss you," he whispered.

Ziva looked up at him and nodded slowly. "I have a secret to tell you," she said just as softly "I've wanted to kiss you since I took you to lunch that day..."

"No pressure then," he smirked and gently planted a chaste kiss on her lips.

Even as John pulled away, Ziva leaned in for a more appropriate kiss. Instinctively, she reached up to rest her hand along his neck as she pressed her lips to his softly and lingering.

She knew very well that they were treading a dangerous line here but deep inside she felt that they were two broken and scarred individuals that may just be what each other needed.


	11. Chapter 10

When John woke up, he was slightly disorientated, he wasn't in his own room and he surely wasn't in a hotel. Then he remembered the night before, he and Ziva had made out until they both went nearly too far. For one, they both had had too much too drink, and John was emotionally drained after talking to Ziva, and so was she.

As they had a long day ahead of them, John had kindly said that it would be enough for now, not to rush into things even though it felt extremely good to really talk to Ziva and touch her wherever she had let him.

He got dressed, found his way to the bathroom and cleaned himself up before joining Ziva for a quick breakfast. They decided to drive to work separately as not to arouse any suspicion from the others and John was surprised to find Teyla standing in the bullpen when he arrived.

"Uhm... good morning..." he said slowly.

"Good morning John," Teyla said evenly. "You sleep well?" she asked of his seemingly relaxed behaviour.

"Yes... I did..." he said suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"

"She's here at my request, and I'm glad you showed up early because we need to talk," Gibbs said as he walked in. "And preferably before the rest of the team shows up."

Did Gibbs already know that he and Ziva had kissed? That he had spent the night in Ziva's guest room? John blinked. "Look..."

"No, you listen," Gibbs looked at him. "I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty tired by DiNozzo's behavior towards you."

John shrugged, "I don't really pay attention to it, Sir."

"DiNozzo needs to learn that even though you're our new probie..."

John glared. "You know I hate that nickname..."

Gibbs smirked. "You're our new probie, but that doesn't mean Tony can act the way he does. How about we're going to spend the morning in the gym? I want you to allow Tony to spar with you, and to even the field, he'll wear an eye patch."

"Now you're just insulting me, but sure, if you think that will work..."

"And after that, I'd like you and Teyla to give us a small demonstration how to work with those sticks I caught you with the other day, and teach the team."

"As I told Agent Gibbs, I would be honored," Teyla said brightly.

"Yeah..." John scratched his head. "I need coffee..."

Gibbs shoved the cup of coffee in his hand that he had for himself at Sheppard. "There you go," he said before looking at the elevator where Ziva was walking in with her iPod in her ears. He looked back at John and nodded. "Go do what you need to before everyone gets here."

"Morning, Ziva," John greeted as he usually greeted her as he gently tugged Teyla along with him towards the gym.

"Morning," Ziva replied easily as she dropped her things at her desk. She started to wave hello to Teyla with a confused look on her face as John dragged her away.

Looking at Gibbs, she raised an eyebrow. "Am I missing something here?" she asked, putting her sidearm in her secured drawer.

Gibbs just smirked in return as he sat down at his desk. When Ziva kept looking at him, he shrugged. "We're going to show John that he's not worthless today, and teach Tony a lesson."

"I don't understand," she said shaking her head as she sat down to check her messages. She started replying to emails when McGee came in, slowly followed by Tony who appeared like he was either still asleep or hungover.

"Wake up DiNozzo! We're heading down to the gym," Gibbs said amused as he grabbed a roll of bandages.

He looked up and whined. "Training today Boss? Can't we do this tomorrow? I'm really not feeling up to working out today," Tony said as he dumped his bag.

"I have the feeling he does not care Tony," McGee said as he signed off his computer to go change himself.

"But, but..."

"What did you do anyway?" McGee said, "You look like you could hurl any moment."

"I hung out with some friends last night, so what?"

"Really Tony? On a weeknight? You should know better by now."

"Shut up McKnowitall."

"Enough!" Gibbs hollered. "Go change! Now, all of you!" He said looking at each of them in turn. "I'll be in the gym waiting for you." he added before walking out pissed.

Ziva only looked at Tony before following Gibbs downstairs and then to the women's locker room. When she was done, she arrived to find John standing inside the boxing ring with Teyla talking and smiled.

John looked over to Ziva and smiled uncomfortably before turning is attention anywhere else. She had amazing legs underneath the shorts she was wearing.

"You did not go to a hotel, did you?" Teyla smiled warmly.

"She made me stay in her guest room," John shrugged at Teyla. "Please be gentle with Tony and McGee."

"I shall with McGee." Teyla smirked evilly.

Ziva made her way over to the ring side and peered up them. "Why do I have the feeling we are all being set up for a show?" she asked. "Gibbs was just on a rampage upstairs."

John shrugged. "He wants to DiNozzo to spar with me. He's obviously annoyed by his behavior."

"And Agent Gibbs walked in on John and I sparring," Teyla replied. "Before the barbecue. He wishes us to teach your team."

"It beats paper work for the morning, doesn't it?" He smiled, knowing that Tony would probably hurt him like hell.

Ziva wasn't sure. "Not if someone gets hurt. Tony may not have formal training but is capable when he needs to be," she said. "Not that I haven't been tempted with killing the man with a paperclip on a number of occasions."

"Teyla will be fine," John assured her with a smile and nodded to Gibbs as the man walked in. "Thanks for the coffee, Gibbs."

"Yep," he nodded and looked around. "Where's DiNozzo?"

"Puking his guts out," McGee's voice sounded from behind Gibbs. "Apparently he had a party last night and he really doesn't want to work out."

He breathed out irritated. Walking out, slamming the door in the process, the group could only assume he was going to drag Tony in if necessary.

"He must be really pissed... I've never seen him like that," McGee said, with a hint of fear in his voice.

Ziva shook her head and waited. Before they knew it, Gibbs shoved Tony through the doors. "Get in the ring," he ordered.

"Why?" Tony moaned.

"So you can beat the shit out of me," Sheppard said and pulled Tony into the ring.

"Really?" Tony instantly sounded better.

"Gibbs' orders," John nodded and shrugged.

"Hold on," Gibbs said as he pulled out a black eye patch. "Put that over your left eye first. Then have at it and get it over with."

Tony looked at Gibbs. "You want me to be a pirate?"

"No. It's to level the field and that you know how it is from Sheppard's side," he said. "Put it on and get whatever your issue with him out...Now!"

Tony looked ridiculous with that eye patch over his head and John tried hard not to laugh. Watching Tony dance around him like a boxer from the movies, wasn't helping either. He had trained and trained with many marines on Atlantis, but at least none of them were as hilarious as Tony. "You look like a cartoon," John said as he kept an eye on Tony. "Didn't they teach you that you can hit harder when you're standing still?"

"Whatever dude. I just wish you would leave us already," he grunted before taking his first swing.

He deflected Tony's swing with his arm. "Why? I've got my orders, there's nothing I can do about it." John said calmly, surprised that he had seen that swing coming.

Tony made a face and swung again, "You don't belong here. We didn't need you before and we don't need you now..."

That swing didn't land either because John stepped aside, making Tony stumble forward. "I know, I'm not a trained investigator like yourself," he shrugged. "I'm not going to deny that I'm missing a certain skill set, but seriously, you hit as if you're in a bar fight."

The agent was growing more pissed in his hungover state. Taking more wild and scrappy swings, "You also need to stay away from Ziva. I'm her _partner_..."

"Ah..." John nodded, "Now we're getting somewhere. For your information," John was getting dizzy from Tony's constantly circling him and made the other man trip so that he could at least try to become less dizzy. "She asked if I could be her partner herself. I didn't go to him."

Ziva let out a breath as she watched and listened. Her hands gripped the rope of the ring tightly in her own anger.

"Gibbs should have said no, I saw your game from day one. He could have paired you with McGee," he said as he swung out into John's blind spot.

"What game, Tony?" John said after Tony had hit him, he had suspected that the man could hit at least hard enough to make it a decent bruise, but this was nothing. "Uhm... even Torren hits harder than that."

Ziva had enough. "This is ridiculous!" she exclaimed. "Gibbs, Sheppard is going to _hurt _him and you're going to allow this? And Tony! Get this now, loud and clear. I do _not _want a relationship with you past the friendship we've had over the years. I do not want a romantic one with you, not now, not at all!"

"Relax Ziva," Gibbs said, "Have some faith in your partner. He's not going to hurt him. Are you Sheppard?"

"Nah, you've seen how Teyla wipes the floor with me. How could I hurt Tony?" John shrugged.

"Tony _needs_ this, Ziva," Gibbs said, amused. "He's slacking because of his frustrations towards another team member, so, let's have them to duke it out."

He had no intention of hurting Tony or pulling a punch himself, he was just fine with dodging Tony's attacks and felt ridiculously proud of himself as the sparring sessions with Teyla had seemed to help, he _was _still able to fight if he had to. "You've heard the lady, Tony."

"It's not about _that_ at all," Tony said through gritted teeth and decided to aim lower this time, but the patch on his eye made it hard for him to see any kind of depth at all, and being hungover didn't help much either. "She was _my_ partner, we made a good team, and now she's _your_ partner."

"I can never take your place, Tony," John sighed. "And I don't want to. Heck, I don't even want to spar with you but Gibbs told me as it'd do you some good." He blocked another sloppy punch from Tony. "I'm the human punching bag but your punches barely land, it's not really fair, take off the patch."

The punches came quicker and more coordinated this time, but John managed to block every single one of them with little effort. Tony on the other hand, was sweating and getting angrier by the punch. "She's _mine_."

"She doesn't belong to anyone, she has her own free will, her own choices." John replied.

"She needs to be protected from guys like..."

"Me? This broken Air Force guy who lives with his best friend and her son? Basically a loser?"

"John!" Teyla warned him.

"You can beat me up later," he said to Teyla and turned his attention back to Tony, as he had begun to fight mean and it was getting slightly harder to follow his every move. "Or from guys in general?" he asked Tony. "I think that Ziva is more than capable of taking care of herself, Tony, maybe it's good to step back and realize that she's not a helpless woman. She's amazing, funny and she's very sharp. If she wanted to, she could easily kill me or any other person who would try to harm her."

John had enough of Tony's attacks, because even John could lose his patience with the man, and swung his leg around to tackle the man to the floor before putting his knee between his shoulder blades to keep him on the ground. He put his fingers on the artery for a pressure point and temporarily incapacitated the Agent. "She's her own person, Tony. She can make her own choices. You, on the other hand, are acting like a spoiled brat who lost his favorite toy to the new guy."

"John!" Ziva gasped.

"Do not worry, Ziva, John is not hurting Tony," Teyla assured her.

John released the nerve and got off of Tony. "Now, I'd happily go for another sparring round with you, but not now. If you take a swing at me now, I will hit back." John said calmly to Tony.

DiNozzo was tired, sick, and had little fight left. Looking over at Ziva, he shook his head. "I just want to protect you..."

"I am fine Tony," she said calmly. "I have been for a long time now. I appreciate your concern but please, let us move on."

He was torn from his feelings, the past, and her wishes. Looking back at Sheppard, he sighed and nodded. "I'm done."

"Good, because I really don't want to hurt you," John said and bowed to him.

"Can I go and vomit again, boss?" Tony asked Gibbs pleadingly.

Gibbs jerked his head toward the door with his permission for Tony to go. Smiling over at Ziva, he pointed to the ring.

"Your turn with Teyla," he said.

"I don't know Gibbs," she hesitated, not wanting to hurt her new friend.

"I would be honored if you'd spar with me," Teyla smiled warmly as she fetched the Rattan sticks out of her bag. "We could use these, if you are afraid of hurting me."

"Uhm... Teyla?" John said as he stepped back.

"Do not worry John, I have no intention of hurting Ziva."

Both women were deadly forces to be reckoned with, but they did not know it of the other. Ziva slowly got into the ring and glanced back at Gibbs who watched from the side with that darn smile on his face like he knew the world's greatest secret.

McGee on the other hand looked frightened. Whether it be for Teyla, or himself in the lack of knowing what their boss had planned for him, one could only guess.

Watching Ziva and Teyla spar with each other using the Rattan sticks was as if watching a ballet. Both women moved easily, cat-like, and John could tell that Teyla was impressed, heck, even John was impressed by Ziva's skill.

It would eventually become clear that a draw would need to be called. "Alright," Gibbs called out and looked at McGee.

"Please Boss, no..."

"Has my team turned into small children all of a sudden?" Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Get in there, she won't break you."

He looked back at a tired Ziva who was downing a bottle of water then at Gibbs again "This is going to really suck," he said mostly to himself and got in the ring. Looking at Teyla, he gulped.

"I will not hurt you, Tim." Teyla said calmly. "I will teach you how to use these sticks."

"Oh, thank God." McGee sighed relieved.

John grinned as Ziva got out of the ring. "What do you think? How was it?"

"I do not wish to know the enemy of where she is from," she replied breathlessly. "You did not tell me Teyla could fight. I now have a reason to visit her more now."

John grinned as he handed Ziva a towel. "She was holding back."

"As was I," she grinned before dropping her voice. "We should discuss last night at some point."

John nodded, "How about tonight? I'll cook you dinner," he smiled. "Unless you want me out of your guest room for another night, I'll go to a hotel." He look at Teyla who was being very patient with a slightly uncoordinated McGee. "I told her I'd be back after the weekend."

Ziva nodded. "Dinner sounds good. I am unsure of what I have so a trip to the market may be in order. You are more than welcome to stay. I am not kicking you out anywhere," she chuckled.

"Thank you Teyla, I think that if you'd continue, Tim would pass out," Gibbs said and looked at a heavily breathing McGee. He was a bit _disappointed _in both McGee and DiNozzo, they weren't as fit as they appeared to be, sure, they could run, but both men would lose a hand to hand fight. He was going to ask Ducky if he could order the two men to hit the gym more often and ask Vance if he could spare the funds to ask Teyla to be their sparring trainer.

He looked over to John and sighed. He might had to ask him first. "You barely broke a sweat when DiNozzo tried to use you as a punching bag," Gibbs started. "It's hardly fair. Let's go, you and me."

John blinked at Gibbs and shrugged. "Sure, why not."

"Good, because if you had said 'no' I would have ask Teyla to make you take me on," Gibbs grinned.

"I could take her you know, she just caught me easily this weekend because she had smacked my glasses off my face." John responded.

"I'm sure," Gibbs grinned as he readied himself.

Teyla smiled as she bowed out. "Actually Agent Gibbs, he does very well and even beaten me once when he had become infected with a local virus..."

"TEYLA! I don't want to remember that!" John shot at her, she always found a way to embarrass him one way or the other and the story of how he turned into a bug was of course the best way. "You know I hated it, why do you keep bringing it up?"

"Because despite that I was afraid for you, feared for your life, it was very amusing," Teyla mused as she handed John her Rattan sticks.

"Yeah well, it wasn't," John sulked. "It's a horrible feeling to lose yourself."

Ziva looked at John curiously before turning to Gibbs. "May I go shower and change?" she asked, to which her partner was too inclined for that motion.

"No, I want you to stay and watch his moves," Gibbs told Ziva. "He's your partner, you should know how he is in hand to hand combat with someone who's not puking his guts out right now."

Sighing she nodded and leaned up against the ring next to Teyla. "Lets see your _moves_, Sheppard," she said with a _look_.

The first thing John noticed, Gibbs wasn't holding back. The second thing, Gibbs wasn't using the sticks as skillful as Teyla, more like a baseball player swinging his bat. Third thing was that when he got hit in the side for the third time, Gibbs seemed to be enjoying himself.

"See, that's what you get with easy cases," Gibbs shrugged. "You don't have to run, you don't have to shoot or fight... you get lazy."

"I'm not lazy," John said, finally able to predict Gibbs' strikes and deflected them while he managed to hit Gibbs when the man was collecting himself. Gibbs was hitting like a true marine, like a bulldozer and in a way, John was glad that the man had sticks in his hand because they weren't wearing any kind of protection at all. He didn't want to know how hard Gibbs could strike with just his fists.

The next thing John noticed about Gibbs' fighting was that Gibbs was trying to draw John out, make him make the first move and John was wondering why.

"Come on, Colonel, you outrank me, you should be able to get me down easily."

Lastly, Gibbs was using the same technique verbally as John had previously used on DiNozzo, Gibbs was trying to make him angry.

"Yeah... well... you know what they say... don't hit the elderly too hard or they break."

Gibbs continued to grin and swiped John's legs from under him, making him hit the deck. "Who's the old person here?"

John groaned and quickly got up, landing a few hard strikes in Gibbs' side and on his back before helping him to the ground. He quickly put his foot on Gibbs' back too keep him down.

Gibbs, however, rolled over and swiped the sticks against John's legs to make him fall over again. While both men got up, their next attack was interrupted by Ducky's voice. "Enough already, I don't want either one of you end up in hospital."

"Thank you Ducky!" Ziva called out with a smile as John eagerly slid out from the ring.

"Save me," he whispered as he took the bottle of water from her.

She only smiled and shrugged. "Tony apologized to me while you two were sparring. He will come around eventually."

"I know," John took a deep breath and turned to Gibbs. "Now, can we take a shower and get back into our normal clothes? Unless you want me and Teyla in the ring for fighting out our differences."

"Go," Gibbs nodded.

The two quickly ran out with McGee on their heals as Teyla chuckled while collecting her sticks. "It will certainly be an interesting training experience here," she replied.

* * *

><p>John stopped by the supermarket on his way back to Ziva's apartment and decided to make pasta. Granted, the wine they had yesterday was a bit as if he was drinking toilet cleaner so he decided to go for a decent wine to go with the pasta. For some reason, going back to Ziva's apartment made him extremely happy.<p>

Ziva tried cleaning quickly after she got home as she waited for John. She didn't know what he planned on making so she was at a loss as to what she could take out for him. Hearing a knock on the door, she cursed in Hebrew as she just started to go to her room to change out of her work clothes.

She tried to look calm as she opened the door and smiled. "You could have just come in," she said holding the door open for him.

"I could," John nodded, "But I hate it when people just enter a house, knowing that the door's open without knocking." He replied. "I hope you like pasta."

"Yes, it sounds great," she said. "The pots are in the lower cupboard next to the refrigerator. I'll be right back...was just about to get changed when you got here."

"Okay," he said as he started to put the groceries out on the counter so he had easy access to them. He found a cork screw and removed the cork from the bottle of wine so it could breathe while he started to cook the pasta and made the pasta sauce using a bit of the wine from the bottle he had just opened.

Ziva came back out dressed in simple but comfortable yoga pants and top. "I feel so much better," she exclaimed, stretching her arms as she came back into the kitchen. "It smells delicious."

He nearly had to pick up his jaw from the floor when she walked in, she looked hot in something so simple. "Uhh... yeah... I hope it tastes good too..." He found the glasses in her kitchen and poured her a glass of wine. "Taste that."

Sniffing the wine, she hummed at the fragrance. "I know the wine we had last night wasn't the best. When I drink by myself there is no need for higher quality all the time," she said before taking a sip and smiled.

"The wine was fine, I've just become some sort of wine snob since I came back." He chuckled. "It's stupid though, because it goes against everything I stand for. Same with the house in Georgetown - it's just..."

"Too much," Ziva said simply as she went to sit on one of the island stool. "Sometimes even this is too much for just myself. What do I need two extra guestrooms for, yes?"

"Oh, I don't know... make it a walk in closet?" John shrugged. "Oh! Or a secret ninja hide out."

She threw the wine cork that was on the counter at him. "Now you are beginning to sound like Tony! No, my old apartment was sufficient. One bedroom, decent bath and living space. The Navy secured this place for me when I returned and I wasn't about to complain considering I owed them, Gibbs and the team, my life."

"Did I sound like Tony? I should wash my mouth." John said as he moved to the facet to rinse out his mouth. "There," he nodded. "Yeah that house was secured by the Air Force... too many bed rooms, Teyla has the bedrooms upstairs with Torren and I have the two downstairs, one of an office." He shrugged. "I guess we can't really complain."

Nodding, she watched him cook. She tried focusing on sipping the wine unsure of how to broach the subject that lingered in the air.

He looked at her as he slowly stirred in the sauce. "I know that look," John said, "What's on your mind?"

Ziva took a breath. "You."

He tempered the heat of the stove and looked at her. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, that I know of at least. We really do need to talk - about you and I and last night..."

"I liked last night..." he said warily.

She looked at him steadily but with equal caution, "As did I, regardless of how unexpected as it was. I know you are still grieving and if you wish to forget it happened I can do that but if you um, if you want to - "

"Ziva..." John sighed and carefully approached her. "I kissed you for being you, not because you look like _her_, but because you are you... a part of me is freaking out because I haven't known you that long, but it felt _right_ when I kissed you." He gently caressed her hair. "However, if you want to continue exploring how it could be as an 'us', I think we should take it slow."

She smiled up at him and nodded. "I think I can do slow. You said we will be camping on the shore this weekend? I managed to get Gibbs to okay my leaving early tomorrow so I can shop some, maybe buy a new tent set."

"We're going to Virginia, no shore unless you count the lake. Just lots of trees and horses." John grinned, and then realized he should have taken the day off or ask if he could leave early as well, however, at this point, it might be too suspicious. "Here," he said and placed his platinum card on the counter. "Use that when you go shopping."

Ziva shook her head and slid it back. "No, I have enough money to buy my own things. That is one thing you will need to learn about me," she pointed out.

"I know that you probably have enough money to buy you things, but I am taking you away for the weekend, I should have bought a tent or whatever, and I forgot." He slid it back towards her. "I didn't mean to offend you. At least buy the tent with that, please?"

She pursed her lips as she looked at him then teased. "I will buy you your tent with it then...unless you think sharing one with our own sleeping bags is - too fast - for you?"

"You're a tease," he grinned and kissed the top of her head when he turned around to stir in the sauce again. "One tent, two sleeping bags," he nodded as he grabbed two plates and started to serve the pasta for them.

"Okay..." she said glancing over his form accidentally and flushed. Grinning Ziva canted her head to the side and decided to play with his head a little. "But that would still be odd because I tend to sleep in the nude..."

He nearly dropped the sauce pan as he looked at her, blushing. "So do I, but it's not a wise thing to do in a forest."

"That's good to know if we ever have to go undercover together," she said refilling their wine glasses. "Somehow I doubt either of us will get much sleep tonight now! Eat here, dining table, or living room?"

"Wherever you want," John replied as he put Parmesan cheese over their pasta filled plates.

"Living room would be comfortable," she shrugged and grabbed their glasses and led the way. Settling back down on the floor as they had the night before, Ziva made a more conscious effort to face him so they would be able to talk more as they ate.

He had taken the plates and utensils with him as he followed her in to the living room. "You know..." he said as he sat down and put a plate in front of her. "It was really hard to focus this morning, with you dressed in your gym shorts and top. Then watching you spar with Teyla...it was...wow!"

"Hm? You were pretty good yourself with Gibbs. I do look forward to training with Teyla again...It has been a long while since I was able to let go like that," Ziva commented as they exchanged their glasses and plates to settle to dinner.

"Teyla's an excellent teacher. Did you see how McGee sparred with her? He went from completely nervous to being at ease with her as she's so patient. And Gibbs hits like a truck, I don't know what he was trying to achieve."

She shrugged as she ate, unable to answer as it was too delicious and she was indeed hungry. When she was able to speak, Ziva was still at a loss. "With Gibbs, you never know. Coming in this morning to find out you would be sparring with Tony was probably the last thing on your mind. This is good...I may not let you go back to Teyla after the weekend now," she laughed.

"Uh no, it was the least thing I expected. I was also quite shocked to see Teyla," he admitted. "I'm glad you like the food," he smiled and took a sip of his wine. "I'm happy the way it turned out the way it did."

They talked some more while watching a movie and then went to bed, Ziva in hers and John in the guest room. He hated to admit it, but dealing with the unexpected sparring of the morning had made him end up feeling quite drained. He had talked with Teyla, shortly, but he had grown easily frustrated when she was her usual calm and collected self and hadn't addressed the reason why he had walked out the day before, she only said that it took her a while to get Torren to settle down for his sleep during the evening.

Tomorrow was another day, he and Ziva would leave for Virginia at the end of it and he was curious what their weekend was going to be like.


	12. Chapter 11

As Ziva packed up to leave, she looked up saw John looking over at her while he was on the phone at his desk with an amused look of jealousy on his face. Smirking, she waved and wished everyone a good weekend.

She stopped and bought a moderate sized tent that would comfortably accommodate two adults, and the sleeping bags. After debating, she decided to be safe in case things took a turn over the weekend and bought some new clothes.

Tony didn't stop asking him where she was going to be off to for the weekend, despite John's steady reply of 'I don't know' and Tony's snarky 'You're her partner, you should know'. In the end John went for 'I don't care what she's doing off the clock'.

Eventually, John decided to visit Abby in her lab just to hide from Tony for a while and Abby was more than happy to give him the grand tour of her little castle, including introducing him to each and every one of her shiny toys.

He was glad that it was 5 pm so that he could go and meet up at Ziva's place, to change into some more comfortable clothes (his tattered jeans and a shirt), load up his truck and drive towards Virginia. It would only take an hour and a half or something along those lines and they'd spend the first night in a cabin on the farm before taking the horses out for Saturday and Sunday.

"I wished I had lost some hearing instead of some vision," John moaned as Ziva opened the door for him to let him into her apartment.

"Finally visited with Abby?" she grinned before walking back into her bedroom to check if she missed anything else.

"Oh, I didn't mind Abby, she was fun," he replied. "It was Tony who kept asking me if I knew where you were going this weekend, because as your partner it's my _duty_ to know what you do off the clock." He rolled his eyes as he fished his pair of jeans out of his bag and a shirt before quickly changing while Ziva was in her bedroom.

"Ah yes," she nodded. "I'll send him a text later. He can wait. What else do we need?"

"I think we're good to go, we just need to put the tent and sleeping bags in my car... I'm not going to sit for nearly two hours in that cookie jar of yours," he grinned. "Sorry." He folded his work clothes and put them in his bag, as he'd probably not return here after the weekend.

"Fine by me," she grinned as she started picking up some bags to carry. "Can we just stop at a drive thru on our way? I skipped lunch so that I could get out early."

"I was just going to ask what you wanted to eat," John chuckled and looked at the bags she was carrying. "We're going away for a weekend, in the outside world, you know... I doubt you'd need three bags."

"I like to be prepared, and one is my knives," she said as if it were an every day thing and walked out.

He laughed as he closed the door of Ziva's apartment behind him. "Alright, but I _won't_ be carrying them," he said jokingly and opened the trunk of his car.

Ziva suddenly popped up right up beside him with a sultry smile. "I did not ask you to," she replied and put the bags in the car herself.

Shrugging, he stepped away to go open the car door at the passenger side for her. "I'm so stupidly excited for this trip that it's ridiculous."

She turned to smile up at him. "Me too. It will be a nice way that we can get to know each other more without the worry of interruption," Ziva said wavering for a moment while attempting to fight the urge to lean in and kiss him.

He dropped a brief kiss to her lips and smiled. "Get into the car," he grinned as he leaned on the door.

Laughing, she got in and buckled her seat belt. Letting out a breath as John jogged around the car, she was anxious for the weekend.

* * *

><p>By the time they arrived at the ranch in Virginia, it was dark and too late to get onto the trail. Instead of the ranch owner getting upset for being too late, he was happy to show them to an overnight cabin, apologizing that there was only one double bed and a sofa instead of the two singles John had asked for.<p>

Breakfast would be at 6 am, and then they'd go and get their horses for the weekend. The owner also left them with a variety of pamphlets of the services they offer at the ranch but all John wanted was the guy to leave. When he finally did, he let out a sigh of relief.

Ziva walked into the cabin and looked around. "Quaint," she commented. "Do you want to go straight to sleep?"

"Do you?" John said as he put his bag on the couch and sat down on it.

"Well...what could we do?" she asked as she pulled out shorts and nightshirt and turned around to begin changing, unashamed.

John swallowed hard and quickly looked away. Ziva was going to make it really hard for him to take things _slow_. "Uh.."

"You okay?" she asked concerned at his tone as she pulled her shirt on. Turning around when she was done, she made her way over and plopped on the couch next to John.

"Yeah... I'm fine..." he smiled as he looked at her.

She smiled and narrowed her eyes. "I do not believe you."

"You agreed on taking it slow..." his grin wavered. "And with you changing into something more comfortable right in front of me... I'm still a guy you know..."

She oh'd silently. "Sorry. I've gone undercover with Tony so many times that I do not realize it anymore...But, did you like what you saw?"

"Extremely..." he nodded and moved in to kiss her.

Ziva kissed him back, enjoying the feel and taste of his lips. For the most part, they were able to behave themselves and keep their hands to dedicated neutral areas of their bodies even as other - parts, begged for attention.

"You're so beautiful..." he said softly after gently breaking off her. His body felt as if it was on fire, and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing but right now it just annoyed him. "And gorgeous," he said as he planted a kiss on her collar bone. "And you taste absolutely devine," he said as he planted a kiss on her neck.

Her fingers slowly found their way up John's arms, over his shoulders and buried into his hair. As he moved along her neck with his kisses, hers followed where they could over his face and into his hair. "John..." she said softly, and breathlessly, her fingers tightening each time his breath warmed patches of her skin.

"Hmm?" he responded as free hand moved down to her legs, gently squeezing her left thigh.

Her leg instinctively raised to meet his hand, seeking more contact. While Ziva did not know how long it had been for John for any form of intimacy but she knew it had been some time for herself.

"I can't...We said...we would..." she tried to say but she begun to seek out his lips again, missing their loss.

"I know..." he said while she kissed him. He slowly moved his hand over her thigh towards her center, but even before he got there he could feel the heat radiating through the fabric of her shorts. "I know..." he said again and broke off the kiss. He looked her in the eyes, and even in the dim light he could tell her face was flushed. "I don't need to get my rocks off," he said softly between kisses as he slowly moved his hand onto her hot center. "But I'll be happy to help you... if you don't want me to... just please... tell me to stop..."

She looked up at him almost as if she struggled with the decision. Ziva swallowed carefully, shaking her head but parted her legs more. "I want you," she said as she moved to straddle his lap comfortably. Blinking, she looked down before smiling devilishly. "I doubt your words when your body is saying something completely different John Sheppard."

"I'm a guy... it's harder to conceal things when we really want someone," he said huskily. He had been more than willing to give her what she wanted by just using his fingers, and had been surprised when she crawled into his lap.

"As much as you want to please me, I want the same for you," she explained as she let her lips hover over his, her body carefully and deliberately working his. "We both can get what we want this way..."

_Oh god... Elsa..._ he thought and then silently cursed himself. _Ziva... this is Ziva..._ He sighed and gently lifted her off his lap while he groaned. He loved the physical contact, but no, he wasn't ready for that _just yet_. "You'll please me if I can just touch you..." he carefully said, "I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet..."

Ziva saw the look in his eyes and understood what the problem was. Already being beyond the point where she would be able to rest, or end up finishing herself in the bathroom, she nodded her acceptance. "Okay."

He softly kissed her as he pushed her down onto the couch. "I would love to see the look on your face when you come." he found a comfortable position for himself on the couch, hovering slightly above her.

There was a brief time of clarity that came to Ziva. Blinking her eyes, she looked back him. "Are you sure you want this?" she asked trying to sit up.

"Yeah, I want this." John nodded and kissed her, "I want to make you feel good, Ziva..."

She kissed him back, cupping his face with both hands. Settling back down, she slowly stretched her leg out along the length of his body. Looking up, she breathed out slowly watching him with a smile as her dark eyes flickered in the soft lights.

John smiled and moved to kiss her again, moving his hand underneath her shirt, caressing her flat stomach before moving his hand inside her shorts, she was so wet and hot, it drove him crazy. He moved from kissing her down to her neck as he started to work her center.

Ziva's breathing grew heavier as she laid her head back, closing her eyes. Her fingers wove their way in his unruly hair. Parting her legs more, her soft moans furthered her own encouragement of his attentions.

While he worked his fingers on her clit, he grinned evilly. "What would you do if I'd stop now?" he asked with a low voice.

"Finish myself after I broke each of your fingers," she replied, squirming under him. "You better - oooh, not stop..."

John grinned and continued with what he was doing, quite enjoying himself too. He loved the way she squirmed underneath his touch, making funny little noises and trying to pull his face inside her body. "You're so beautiful," he whispered in her ear.

She turned her head to nuzzle her nose at him before seeking his kisses. "I don't understand how much I am drawn to you," she said. "You are the one who is beautiful."

Ziva soon began grinding herself harder against his hand with small groans. Her hands moved over his shirt, exploring what they could, feeling his muscles and strong form under the fabric wishing for his skin.

"You're so hot..." he nibbled on her earlobe. "And so... wet... fuck Ziva..." his cock was brushing against his tight jeans and it was starting to hurt. He gently pushed a finger inside of her to help her further over the edge.

"John," she moaned as she attempted to let herself open up to him and the sensations. Her fingers dug into his shoulders time to time as pressure slowly built inside her.

"Come for me, gorgeous," he whispered as he started to put more pressure on her clit as he put another finger inside of her for effect.

Ziva, on any normal situation, would let make herself hold out as long as possible. However for him, she let down the walls to cross that bridge much quicker. Her hands slid down and gripped his biceps because of the position they slid into. Her head resting over the armrest of the couch as her eyes flew open to stare up in his in a daze. Her pants grew into louder moans as the muscles in her stomach rippled and spasmed.

John gently caressed her hair as her orgasm echoed through her body, she looked so beautiful as she came and he smiled down at her. "You're so beautiful..." he said with a husky voice as he gently caressed her inner thigh over her bare legs.

As Ziva came down from her high, she smiled up at him and laughed. "So much for going slow," she joked. "Are you sure you don't want me to - help you?"

"Well, in a way we're going slow," John chuckled, "We didn't go all the way." he kissed her tenderly. "I'll be fine," he took a deep breath and thought about stupid and off-putting things, but it didn't work with Ziva laying there for him.

Smiling she shook her head. "I do not believe you but I will drop it. I'll just go clean myself up quickly then you may have the bathroom to yourself if you want to turn the bed down," Ziva said patting his chest before pushing herself up reluctantly. She knew they had an early day ahead of them and it was growing later and later.

He watched as she walked towards the bathroom and got up from the couch, his hard on was extremely painful and in a way, it was a good thing, he felt he needed to be punished for liking... no something more than like, Ziva so fast in such a short period of time. It felt good, but in his head it sounded all so wrong.

John turned down the bed for Ziva, and grabbed one of the extra pillows and a blanket from the closet which he put down on the couch for himself. He needed release, and fast, and Ziva was taking her time in the bathroom.

When she came out she immediately noticed the set up. "Bathroom is yours," she said as she moved toward the kitchenette sink for a glass of water. She watched and waited for him to leave the room carefully.

He grabbed his tracking pants and a clean t-shirt from his bag and smiled. "Thanks." He got into the bathroom and turned on the shower and set it to extremely cold. One way or the other, he was going to help himself to get his desperate relief, but it didn't mean he had to enjoy it.

Once John was out of the room, Ziva made her way over to the couch and shook her head. Grabbing his pillow and the linen, she brought it back over to the bed. Pulling down the other side of the blanket, she grabbed her book and settled in for maybe an hour of reading.

He was ice cold once he was finally done, and after drying himself off with the towel, he got into his pants and shirt and told himself that he was an idiot when he caught himself in the mirror.

"I'm sorry." he said as he walked into the room and frowned at the empty couch. "Uhm... Ziva?"

"We are grown adults. There is no reason for you to have to sleep on that couch. It really is not _that_ comfortable," she said simply and turned the page to her book.

It was clear that the bed was more than large enough to accommodate the both of them with plenty of room to give each other space. She looked up at him and smiled. "Something wrong?"

"No..." he smiled and crawled into bed. "You were amazing."

She looked back and laughed. "You did all the work, but thank you. I wish you would have let me help you. I doubt that shower really went the way you would have liked," Ziva replied as she flicked some of his still wet hair off his forehead.

John shrugged and smirked. "It was cold but whatever it was, it's out of my system now, I promise." He softly kissed her.

"We can rest now. We have a long two days ahead of us," Ziva replied and closed her book. Turning the bedside light out, she settled down in bed and turned to look at John. Reaching out she caressed his cheek and smiled before curling up to sleep.

"Goodnight," he said as he looked up to the ceiling. It took him a while to warm up again and then managed to doze off easily.

* * *

><p>It was nearly 0530 when the alarm went off the next morning. Ziva moaned and buried her head under the pillows. "Its too early," she complained, having grown accustomed to sleeping in on her off days from work.<p>

"Is it?" John said cheerfully. He had been awake for half an hour or so and was already dressed. "It's a beautiful day out, Ziva, and I think that they even have fresh bread for breakfast." He had watched her sleep while he had been getting dressed and cleaning up the little mess they had made. "I just hope they have coffee." He smiled.

She threw the blanket off her and sat up grumpily. "Coffee?" she asked, looking around. Her eyes finding John she looked at him confused. "Why are you up already?"

"Uh... no coffee here yet. Sorry," he apologized. "I couldn't sleep anymore, so instead of staying in bed, I got up and got dressed. Did you sleep well?"

"You don't snore. That is a good thing," Ziva nodded and stretched. Scratching her head she slowly got out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom.

"No, I don't snore, and neither do you," he chuckled and shook his head. Ziva was not a morning person, he had to remember that. He usually wasn't a morning person either but the excitement of going riding for two whole days in the wide open space and just forget about everything had just sparked something inside of him. He had checked if they had packed enough food and instant coffee and water for the days they were going to be out and nearly cut himself when he had opened Ziva's bag of knives.

John was practically bouncing on his feet when Ziva exited the bathroom again. "Come on, hurry up."

She went and got her clothes that she set out the night before and started to change. "You are worse than Abby now," she pointed out. "Let me wake up a little before we go to the dining hall for breakfast, okay?"

He grinned, then walked up to her to kiss her tenderly. "Good morning, Ziva, now wake up."

"Hmm," she hummed. "That is a nice way to wake up." Ziva pushed him back so that she could finish dressing before pulling on her boots. "Where are my knives?" she asked, glancing around.

"Do you want them back in that bag? I thought it would be wiser to spread them over the 3 remaining bags."

She shook her head. "No, its fine. I just wanted to grab one or two to keep on myself is all," she said. "Coffee?"

"Breakfast hall," he grinned.

"Lead the way."

John took her hand and they went outside while he put his sunglasses on with his other hand and walked towards the barn that had been turned into a breakfast/dining area. There were other people already having breakfast, and Ziva went straight for the coffee while John greeted the ranch owners who were having breakfast themselves.

He then followed her to the breakfast line.

Once she was set, Ziva waited at the end of the queue for John. Grabbing a table, they ate quietly as she looked at him in wonder.

"What?" he said as he took a bite off his sandwich.

"Nothing," she smiled.

He rolled his eyes as he placed his sunglasses on the table. He took a sip of the coffee and made a face. "Oh... this is worse than the coffee at NCIS..."

Shaking her head, she continued to eat her breakfast. "Whats the itinerary for today?"

"We're going to take out the horses, and take one of the trails toward the lake. It has a few camping sites along the trail, including a place to safely put our horses for the night without having them walk out on us."

"Sounds good. I'm going to grab a refill of tea before we go. Do you want anything while I'm up?" she asked as she began clearing up her tray.

"Nah, I'm good," John grinned and couldn't help but watch how Ziva walked towards the breakfast line. _Christ... what have I gotten myself in to?_ he thought as he finished his third sandwich.

Ziva was pouring the hot water for her tea but was distracted by the feeling that someone was watching her. She knew very well that John's eyes had the tendency to follow her but this feeling made her uneasy. Looking around as she did in her way, she could not find the source for the feeling she had.

He put his tray away and waited for Ziva at the exit. Scanning the room, he could see the other people, mostly couples obviously, still have breakfast. Ziva had become a little fuzzy blob in the distance, but he _knew_ she was there. He knew that Teyla was probably feeling left out, as he hadn't taken her and Torren anywhere yet. Maybe he should take them to Disney World some time soon, although he was quite sure that it'd scare the hell out of Teyla.

She walked out, smiling at John as she got closer to him. "Ready?" she asked, glancing back briefly before turning back to him.

"Yep," he smiled and kissed her quickly. "Are you okay?" he said as they walked back to the cabin to get their bags before meeting the stable hand at the stables.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said. "Just a weird feeling is all. Must be my mind playing tricks as I have not taken a vacation in a long while."

"We're in the middle of nowhere, what could possibly happen?" John laughed and opened the door to their cabin for her.

* * *

><p>The stable hand had given them a pair of beautiful all American Quarter-horses. Ziva was sitting on top of a white with brown speckled one and John's horse was colored beige. He loved it that the ranch had Quarter-horses as the they were strong and could last longer on the trail than frailer other breeds.<p>

They had been riding for about an hour and they were currently looking over a small but lovely canyon. "It's so beautiful out here."

"It is," Ziva agreed as she eyed the scenic views. "Sometimes it is difficult to see it for what it is knowing what we face. But to be able to get away..." she sighed. Her smile was of a sense of peace and happiness.

"No cell phones, internet, noise... just this." He smiled widely, he had been to deserted planets, alien forests and other quiet places before, but nothing could beat this. "How's your butt doing?" he grinned as he steered his horse back onto the path.

She chuckled. "My butt is just fine unless you would like to check it out," she winked as she pulled her horse back to the trail that would bring them to their campsite about another hour and half away.

"You know, we could get the horses something to drink on the nearest campsite, and then continue a bit? I mean, it's not even noon."

"Sounds good," she called out as she worked on going downhill on a particularly tricky slope.

There were a couple times that she had to take a second glance back because she thought that she saw something in the corner of her eye but there was never anything there. That bad feeling from the breakfast hall stayed with her still and did not know why.

John stopped his horse and looked behind him to see how Ziva was doing on the slope. "Trick is to move with your horse, remember? Not against it."

It felt good to let his guard down, this was Earth, a non-threatening forest in Virginia and he was on horseback. It had been too long, he made a mental note of retiring to an area like this, and have his own horses once day.

"I have been riding horses far longer than you believe Colonel Sheppard," Ziva replied. "My uncle bred Arabs in Israel. Of course trails there were more sandy than rocky."

"Oh I believe you, I mean the way you sit on the horse is just fantastic," he smiled. "Sexy, even."

"I can strip down and ride the rest of the way to the campsite in just my underwear if you like," she flirted back with a wink.

"As much as I'd love that idea..." he grinned. "The saddle and the horse's skin will start to chafe your legs and we don't want that!"

"No, but I liked that look on your face because you did imagine it," she grinned and trotted ahead along the now flat trail.

"I'm a healthy guy, what can I say?" he shrugged and followed her quickly. "I could pull my shirt off though, it's going to be hot out today."

She made a face at him. "That is unfair," Ziva replied. "How about I ride topless? I did not put on a bra so..."

"Oh you tease," John said as he made the horse break out in a slow run. "Keep up the teasing and we might have to get it all out of our system al fresco at the next campsite!"

Ziva laughed and continued the ride. She wouldn't object and would even be happy to mount the man right there on the trail. "Do not tempt me Sheppard."

"I mean... imagine how the ground would feel on your bare skin... sand, leaves... a few twigs poking your back..." John mused. "We might actually have to ride long enough to find a camp site near a lake so we can go skinny dipping later."

She looked back and narrowed her eyes. "This coming from the man that wanted things to go slow and would not let me dry hump him to help a - large problem."

He laughed. "I told you, I had a problem, and I got it out of my system, be afraid." He gently kicked the horse in the flanks to make the gallop faster.

"What should I be afraid of?" she asked as he passed by her. "Sheppard!"


	13. Chapter 12

When they arrived at the first camp site, it was around 9 am. It was still a little too cold, but he didn't want to over tire the horses. Besides, he could use a good cup of coffee and they could heat up some water over a small campfire to make instant. After he dismounted, he lead the horse into the small holding pen where there was plenty of water for the horses to drink.

"Hurry up! I want coffee!" He called out to Ziva, who was still trying to catch up with him.

She stuck her tongue out as she came to a stop. "You are a pain," she said.

As Ziva got off her horse, she stretched her legs and back before making her way over to John. "You will pay for all that later," she threatened in a sultry tone.

"I'm not a pain," he said as he unhooked the provision bag from Ziva's saddle and started to look for the water and instant coffee mix. "I'm just excited to be outside, without anything to think about other than you and look at the beautiful scenery."

"Aren't you the romantic," she said as she pulled out two bottles of water from her backpack for him. "So when are you going to strip for me?"

He smirked and managed to get the fire going as he put a pot over it. He poured the water in to heat and sat down with his legs crossed over each other. "Oh I don't know..." he stretched his arms in the air, exaggerating a little as he looked at her. "It's still a bit too cold for that..."

Ziva went over to stand in front him. "We would warm ourselves up quite efficiently."

"You're making a valid point," John nodded and pulled Ziva down in his lap. He put his arms around her and kissed her languidly.

"Mmm," she moaned into his kiss. "If we continue this, your water for your coffee is going to boil out."

"Let it, I don't care," he said as he sneaked his hands underneath her shirt. "Can always boil some more after..."

"So going slow is no longer desired?" Ziva asked as she shifted to straddle his lap. Her hands rested on his chest for confirmation before proceeding further herself.

"Nope," he said as he caressed her back underneath her shirt. _Holy shit, she told the __truth when she said she wasn't wearing a bra!_ he thought and swallowed hard. "You only live once, what's the point of taking things slow?"

Chuckling, she leaned in to kiss him, gentle at first before becoming more demanding. Her hands trailed down his chest and over his stomach where she took a handful of his shirt to push up so that she had more access to his body that she hadn't had before.

John helped her out of her shirt, giving him the access to her body that he desired, to caress her beautiful and firm breasts, and her extremely responsive nipples as he continued to kiss her.

Ziva tried to get John's shirt off him but he had been so focused on her that she grew impatient and ripped the fabric down the front. Growling she trailed kissed down his neck, scraping her teeth over his skin. Her hands went for his belt buckle with one thing on her mind that she wanted to do for him.

"I loved that shirt!" He whined and shuddered as her teeth scraped over his skin. "Oh... what was I saying..."

"That's what I thought," she breathed out as her fingers finally got his buckle loose. Ziva practically tore it away as she went to undo his pants for him. "I want you..."

John realized that whatever he did to try to slow her down, it'd only make her more wild and hungry. He lifted her off his lap and got rid of his pants, revealing that she wasn't the only one going without a piece of underwear today.

She had an almost feral look in her eyes as she watched him pull his pants off. Ziva crawled over to him as he was still standing and looked up at him as she put her hands up on his chest and dragged them down until they rested over his hips where his engorged cock danced happily for her. She lightly brushed her lips over the length and kissed the head before she stuck her tongue out to lick it briefly.

He groaned as she started to pay attention to his cock, and got down on his knees to kiss her. Oh, he loved blow jobs, but he was already about to burst and _she_ wasn't even completely undressed. "Not so fast..." he muttered as he tugged on her pants. "Off. Now."

Ziva did as ordered, stripping out of her pants but when she turned back to John, she pushed his shoulders in one of her tricks until he was on his back. Kneeling between his legs, she patted his thighs with a chuckle before bending over to take his cock in her mouth with a loud moan.

"Christ Ziva..." John groaned as he buried his hands in her hair, deciding to give up on trying to give her what he wanted, as it was obvious that she'd do what she wanted with him anyway. At least for now.

She gripped the base of his large member while cradling his balls. Her tongue tickled the underside of the shaft and every time John jerked his hips, her teeth grazed the soft skin of the head.

He tried to calm himself down, earlier on, he had been close to the edge and she was doing a fine job to drive him over the edge, but it wouldn't take much for him to come and it would be embarrassing. Whatever Ziva was going to do with him, she had to make up her mind, or he'd grab her to flip her over and calm himself down that way. It'd at least take him a bit closer to his jeans where he had put a condom in one of its pockets that early in the morning.

Ziva worked him until she knew he was about to burst. Sitting up, she grinned down at him. "Why do you keep looking at your pants?" she asked as she crawled up his body to hover over him.

"Because..." he took a deep breath as he smiled at her. "Should you change your mind about sucking me off, there's a condom in there." He tasted himself when he got up a little to kiss her and whined as she pushed him down to the floor again.

"Good thinking. You don't have any diseases or anything that I should be aware of, do you?" she asked as he rear end grazed his erection.

"No, of course not!" John let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "You?"

"I do not have anything," she confirmed. "And I am on birth control injections, so we can just skip that right now if you wish..." she said before grinding her center over his. Even through her panties, she was very warm and wet.

"Oh good..." he managed to say, "I hate those things..." She was still holding him down so he gently tugged on her hair to pull her face closer to his.

Ziva bent over and kissed him. "Mmm," she hummed and sat back up to stand. When John started to sit up, she put her foot on his chest gently to keep him down. "Stay," she grinned before slowly stripping her panties off.

"You are the most beautiful woman in this galaxy," John smiled goofily as he quickly pulled her down on to him, and then rolled over so she was on the ground. "So hot..." he kissed her fleetingly and then started his way down her body, lingering a bit at her nipples.

She hooked her legs over his hips and dug her fingers into his hair. Whenever he bit down her hips jerked up slightly. "John..." she moaned with a sigh. "Please..."

"Please what?" he mused as he continued kissing his way down her body.

She squirmed under him. "I need you," she said, tightening her legs to pull him closer.

"Well then..." he swallowed hard as he moved his hand towards her center, and moved up a little to kiss her while he started to make her ready for him.

"Oh god," she sighed and let her head fall back to the ground. "At this rate we will never get to our campsite," she chuckled.

"Yeah well... I don't want to hurt you," John said.

"Who said you would hurt me?" she asked raising an eyebrow. "I can take more than you think."

"Probably," John said as he inserted a second finger inside of her. "However, this is our first time, I have no idea how your body works and what it's capable of."

Ziva chuckled devilishly. "I could show you," she purred and moaned with his touches.

"We've got all the time in the world for that," John kissed her. "Let's just do it the careful way now, okay?"

"Careful? Then that means you want to use your condom now?"

"You know what I mean," he groaned. "The right way, we're not even being careful because of all the sand laying around on the ground."

She shrugged a shoulder the best she could from her position under him. "We are just working all natural," she replied then had enough. Ziva flipped them over so that she was on top again and grinned down.

He grunted when he landed again and smirked. "Fine, I give."

"Good. Because I really enjoy being on top," she said as she held onto his cock and carefully positioned herself over it.

* * *

><p>It was not long that they were able to recoup themselves. Ziva laid there on the dirt ground just staring up into the tree filled sky above her. "Wow," she said before laughing and started to sit up. She reached up to shake the dirt from her hair and brushed off her shoulders the best she could.<p>

Looking back at John, she grinned. "Need a hand?"

"I think I'm good..." John answered breathless. "And yes, wow..." he slowly sat up and smiled at her. "Coffee?"

She looked over into the pot. "We will need more water," she replied. "Help me get some of this dirt and rocks off so that I can dress." Ziva went over to help pull John to his feet where she brushed his back off, chuckling.

"What?" he laughed as he turned around to kiss her, and getting the dirt off her back while he did so.

Ziva wrapped her arms up around his shoulders and smiled. "Not to be a downer, but I think we should keep this between us for awhile. Maybe if Gibbs sees that we can still work normally, he will be less objective."

"Fine by me," John smiled and kissed her again. "If you haven't noticed, I'm good at keeping secrets." He untangled a broken twig from her hair. "However, he's not sticking to his own rules either."

"Ducky does not go into the field the way we do. His job does not put him in the line of fire," she pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess," he sighed and handed her her top as he grabbed his own. "But it's fine, we'll keep it a secret, though I will have to tell Teyla. She'll know something is up the moment I walk in..."

Ziva nodded understandingly. "I have no problem with telling Teyla. Just make sure that she understands our position. Especially if we are going to be seeing each other more off the job."

"She will, don't worry." John shook his shirt and then looked at the tear Ziva had made in it. Tossing it aside, he got into his pants and walked to the bags to fetch a new shirt.

She chuckled. "Sorry," she said. "I will get you a new shirt." Pulling her own shirt back on she turned to grab her panties and jeans.

Ziva quickly made her way behind John and snaked her hand down his front and fondled him. "I must admit," she purred. "You are certainly unexpected. We should probably get to our campsite sooner and not bother about coffee."

He groaned as she felt her hand on his cock, which started to react immediately. _Traitor._ "I want coffee," he turned around with his shirt in his hand and gently removed Ziva's hand from his pants with his free hand. "For some reason I have the feeling that you've just found yourself a new toy."

"And it is a _very _nice toy," she replied. "Have your coffee John but know that I am anxious to get on with our trip."

After they both had something to drink, they re-saddled their horses and made their way to the next campsite, which was a few hours away, but near a big lake.

Sure, John had said only yesterday that he wanted to take things slow, but the time he had spent alone underneath a cold shower - and thinking of Elsa's last words (according to Teyla) - he realized that they meant everything to him. Life's too short, don't give up on love and continue living. Life _was_ too short, he had escaped death a few times and it had to stop.

He had to stop building walls around him and not letting people in. Ziva was an amazing woman, who happened to look like Elsa, but she wasn't _her_. Their fight for dominance while having fun in the dirt had turned him on in many different ways, and her sense of humor was as beautiful as her smile.

_I'm head over heels for this woman..._ he thought and smiled widely as he let his horse trot just a bit faster.

Securing her horse by the hay pile where there was a feed locker with food for the animals, Ziva looked around and stretched her legs. The morning had significantly warmed to the point that the lake water was certainly inviting.

"Wow, look at that view," John said as he hopped off the horse, secured it and took the saddle off its back.

"Yes, it is quite a sight," she agreed. "We should get the tent up that way we can focus the rest of the time on ourselves. You can start the fire." Ziva unhitched the packs that were secured to her horse and sorted out the food, materials, and weapons.

"Well yeah, the site is beautiful too..." John grinned as he looked around for some wood to put in the fire pit to get the fire started.

Ziva laughed and set about getting their tent set up. It was a modest one, large enough that they had plenty of room for themselves but small enough that they wouldn't freeze if the temperatures dropped during the night. It did not take her long before she was done. Sitting down on a log, she watched John struggle with getting the fire going still.

Frustrated, he grabbed his lighter and started the damn thing. "Don't laugh, I usually had a scientist starting fires for me or we'd stay in a village."

"You were spoiled, but is one reason why you should never be without a knife and lighter. However you do look good while trying," she grinned. "When you get that going, I will get the stuff out for lunch."

"I honestly don't bother carrying a knife in civilian clothes," he said and looked at Ziva. "You have no idea how ridiculous I felt the first few days, carrying my gun on my hip instead of in my leg holster."

"You can do what Tony does with the shoulder holster," she suggested as she brought over the cooler bag. She started making them lunch sandwiches as the meats were intended for dinner and breakfast later.

John made a face, "Nah." He was happy that the fire decided to keep on burning and found some good dry logs to put on them if the fire needed fuel. Looking around the campsite, there weren't many obstacles he could miss seeing, which was a good thing, he didn't want to accidentally trip and fall into the fire or horse shit. John took the glasses off his face and rubbed his eyes, trying to make his bust eye work faster in the full on sunlight.

He looked over to Ziva and smiled, she even looked hot by just making sandwiches. _Stop it Shep, you're acting like a teenager in love_, he told himself and shook his head. He grabbed the mini bottles of orange juice from the cooler and carefully made his way towards Ziva.

She passed John his sandwiches and took her juice from him. "So, what shall we do? Or talk about?" she asked as she made herself comfortable against him.

"Well..." John smiled, "That lake looks incredibly inviting." He took a bite out of his sandwich and gently rand his fingers through her hair.

She thought about with a smile. "Yes, washing the dirt off from earlier will certainly be good but I do not have a swimsuit with me."

"Oh the horror!" he grinned. "Well, neither have I!"

"You do know that we will end up doing little else if we take our clothes off again," Ziva pointed out. "Don't you think we should - get to know one another more in another way a little?"

"Sure," John took a sip of his orange juice. "You know you can ask me anything."

"Hmm," she thought as she looked up at him and nibbled on her sandwich. "I told you about my family, if you wish to call them that. You never speak of yours and I do not mean Teyla and Torren."

"I don't really talk about my brother..." John took a deep breath and another sip of his juice. "Dave is the son my dad wanted me to be, take over dad's successful business and sort of becoming him... I've always been the family's disappointment. I went to Stanford, not Harvard, and oh boy, when I joined the military both my dad and my brother were furious." He chuckled, "When I showed up for my dad's funeral all Dave could think about was that I was after my father's money."

"Surely he came to understand how much you've done for yourself and others?" she asked as she rested her arm across his thigh comfortably. The way they were situated made it feel like they physically fit together so well that some small things like that felt like second nature to her even if she hadn't realized it consciously. "You did not accept the family money or did your father not leave anything?"

"Well, Dave apologized after I told him that serving the country was the best thing I could have done for my family, but I haven't seen him since I got back, I doubt he ever called the number I had left for him to contact me," John shrugged. "I guess he did give me some of dad's money. I don't know. There are so many numbers in my bank account from serving the Air Force the last few years that I don't really care if he did."

Thinking about her own father and how fragile their relationship was, they were only just beginning to speak somewhat after her choice to leave Mossad completely and sought her independence. "Family is important, if at least for minimum contact," she said softly.

"Yeah, I know," John answered. "But considering we haven't really been a family for a very long time, I'm okay with it. Teyla and Torren are a part of my family now, as well as Dr. Beckett and my friend Ronon."

Ziva looked up at him, "Ronon is the tall one that came with you that first day, right?"

"Yep."

"A phone call or the occasional email can go a long way," she said. "I believed that I was fine with not hearing from my father - after. But I do appreciate his small attempts."

"Maybe, but to be honest, I don't really want to hear his disapproval of me again," John admitted. "What's your relationship with your father like?"

"Considering he sent me on a mission that was surely one that would kill me? He and I are better by speaking only by phone and email but things are slowly mending." she shrugged as she picked at a stray fiber on the knee of his pants.

"I really can't imagine why any father would do such a thing to his daughter, different culture or not."

She shifted down so that her head rested on John's lap and looked up to watch him quietly. Her eyes followed him and admiring his features, wondering how they would be able to make this work.

"Do you like science fiction movies?" John wondered as he continued to play with her hair. He was probably going too fast for his own liking - or those of others - but this, just him and Ziva, felt good, even beyond that, it felt as if they were a perfect fit for each other and she might be the _one_ person he could ask permission for to tell what he had been up to.

"Sometimes," she answered. "Although I do not watch many movies anymore. Tony and I used to have on going dinners if either of us did not have a date years ago but not so much anymore. I do more reading..."

"I noticed that, what kind of books do you read then?"

She shrugged. "Almost anything. I have been going through Edgar Allen Poe's collection lately. How about you?"

"Not since I've returned... my copy of War and Peace that I had been reading for the past 6 years didn't survive the attack on base."

She laughed. "War and Peace? I wonder how many chapters you managed to get through in six years..."

"Uhm... about 2/3 of the book, it was very busy around base," he said as he started on his last sandwich. "I'm not much of a reader, I used to play golf, but I doubt I aim at a hole these days. It takes a lot of effort to keep my shooting average up."

She nodded as she thought. Smiling, she pushed herself up, taking his hand with her. "Come with me," Ziva said and lead him to the tent. By then it aired out and cooled off inside with the vent windows open. Pulling him in with her she pushed him to his back and laid down beside him.

"What are we doing in here?"

"Well, there are less bugs," she pointed out. "We can rest some as we had not had a completely restful sleep even with our activities last night and this morning. Unless you wish for a repeat?" Ziva chuckled.

"Oh I wouldn't mind," he chuckled. "But yeah, you're probably right." John pulled her closer so that he could kiss her again.

She grinned into his kiss. "I would not mind myself," she said and leaned up on her arm for support as so she could easier kiss and make out in the small space.

"We're a couple of perverts," he chuckled as he pulled her on top of him.

She laughed as she settled in a comfortable position straddling his stomach where her rear end rested against his thighs that were raised as he bent his legs. "Perhaps, but is that a bad thing?"

"I guess not. Not this weekend." He sneaked his hands underneath her shirt and started to caress her lower back.

"Mmm I don't think we will be doing much hiking like we had originally planned," Ziva chuckled as she pulled her shirt off for him.

"Hiking... right..." he gently caressed her stomach and moved up his hands towards her breasts. "We could always go hiking next week."

She shifted so that she was able to rock herself over his growing erection. "Hmm and next week we would likely find ourselves in a similar...position, if we go by ourselves."

"Or... we could take Teyla and Torren to Disney World," he groaned as he fondled her breasts.

Ziva slid her own hands under his shirt and pinched at his nipples. "Now McGee and DiNozzo would be jealous if they were not included," she sighed as he squeezed her breast.

"Sure... they can come too..." John groaned and started to try to open her pants. "What ever you'd like..."

"In a hurry?" she chuckled before sliding out of his reach to lean down and trail kisses and gentle nips over his chest.

"Apparently, I'm not." he chuckled and pulled off his shirt, not wanting her to destroy this one too.

Ziva only grinned as she bit down on his left nipple before playing with it with her tongue. She slid her hand up and traced her finger over his lip.

"Ah!" he laughed and gently bit her finger. He then put his arms around her and managed to roll them over without disturbing the tent much. He gently laid her down on the floor and started to kiss her neck.

Ziva opened her legs so that he could settle over her comfortably. Raking her fingers over his back, her hands explored as much of his exposed skin she could. "John!" she breathed out as her skin felt aflame wherever his lips touched.

"Yes?" he chuckled as he flicked his tongue over her nipple.

"Ughh!" she gurgled out as her hips thrust out and met his at the sensation. "Oh jeez..."

"Oh come on, I can't be that bad." He grinned as he did the same on her other breast.

"Oh fuck," she moaned and dug her fingers into his hair tightly to hold him where he was.

"Gladly, but you asked if I was in a hurry." He gently bit in her nipple before he licked it again.

Ziva laughed. "Well, oh god! If you keep that up, rushing would the last thing on either our thoughts..."

"I'm not the one keeping my head at your breast," he grinned as he bit on a part of her breast.

She struggled with letting him loose. "Just as long as you follow the path," she grinned down at him.

"What path? The one up?" he said as he kissed his way up again, licking her collar bone. "Or back down again?" he said, this way lingering at her other breast, gently nibbling on her nipple.

She bucked her hips again and moaned. "What do you think," she said and grabbed his crotch.

He groaned and then chuckled. "Nope, you said no hurry..."

"John," she warned.

"Ziva?" he said innocently as he circled her belly button with his tongue as he started to open her pants.

She let her head fall back to the sleeping back and moaned. She lifted her hips to help him. "You are going to be the death of me..."

"Don't worry, I know CPR." He peeled her pants down her legs, and got rid of her shoes before completely liberating her from her pants. "Oh..." he ran a finger up and down her legs as he kissed his way down from her belly button to her creamy lips. "You taste so good..." he hummed.

"Ohhhh..." she moaned and let her legs fall open. Her fingers found their way to his hair again. He was a skilled lover, she was able to tell and she knew that for now, he was hers.

She hadn't given him a chance on their first round of fooling around in the dirt, and he was making up for it. He loved pleasing his lovers, and took extreme pleasure right now in licking her center, while his left hand caressed her leg.

Ziva squirmed under him and her moans and breaths filled the small area that was quickly warming up despite the cool breeze that was coming off the lake. Lifting her head, she was barely able to keep watching him when John did another trick with his tongue that sent her weak throughout her body.

"You taste so good..." he muttered as he kissed his way back up while getting out of his pants. "And you look so beautiful..."

Ziva pulled him up to her level and kissed him deeply. The fact that she could taste herself on his lips made her more excited and desired him even more.

John moaned as he started to prepare her for him, he couldn't help it. She had proven to him earlier that she could take him easily, but he loved this bit as Ziva was still squirming underneath him.

Her eyes were dark and dilated as she looked up John, taking him in hungrily. He was amongst one of the most beautiful men she had ever met, both inside and out. Possibly the most ever and felt that despite their quick physical relationship that she could one day fully let her walls down to him.

Once he had inserted three of his fingers and stretched her, he softly kissed her. "Are you ready?" He asked as he repositioned himself so he could easily enter her.

"Yes," Ziva whispered and nodded as she watched him reposition himself between her legs.

He gently guided himself in, moaning as he felt her warmth encase his demanding cock and licking her neck.

She groaned out loudly at the sensation of him filling her. If they were back in the city, in her apartment, Ziva's neighbor would have certainly heard her. As John began to thrust slowly she lifted her hips to meet his.

He gently started to pick up the pace with his thrusting, her skin felt as if it was on flame when he licked her neck, and the noises she made drove him insane. "You're so beautiful..." he muttered in her ear.

She turned her head to look him in the eyes. "So are you," she said, leaning in to kiss him.

He deepened the kiss as he started to thrust deeper and harder inside of her, only to break off the kiss when they both needed air.

Ziva moaned out when she got more oxygen as John began hitting her spot. Her panting increased as she felt like she was filling with fire.

"Oh Ziva..." he groaned once he had found the right pace for him, thrusting as deep as her body allowed him to. He tried to keep the tent in place but it was shaking with each movement.

She stretched her arms around him as he braced himself over her. Her nails scratched down his back and dug deeper with each deep thrust. Calling out, Ziva could feel her stomach tightening and bit down on his shoulder as she came.

He rode out her orgasm with her before he came himself, making sure he wouldn't collapse on her. He then rolled off of her and chuckled as he tried to catch his breath.

Laying there, Ziva grinned next to her. "This is going to be a very active weekend for us," she said between breaths.

"We'd need a week's sleep to deal with this weekend."

"Yes," she laughed and turned on her side face John. "So, I was wondering. You told Teyla that you would be back Monday, so does that mean you will be staying with me again tomorrow night?"

"Maybe... if you haven't gotten enough of me yet," he grinned.

She shook her head. "No, I won't have enough. I wouldn't take no for answer anyway. You do know that you are most welcome by me anytime."

"Well then, yes, I'd love to stay at your place tomorrow night," he smiled and took her in his arms. "We might have to do some shopping though, I'm not sure if Gibbs will appreciate it if I show up for work in a torn shirt."

"We can leave a little earlier then tomorrow. I also need to do some major food shopping if I will be having company more often now."

They talked for a while longer and eventually John dozed off in a light sleep. He woke up again after a few hours and Ziva was draped over him. He needed to take a leak, and most definitely rinse off the dirt from earlier. John gently tried to push Ziva aside, but she kept holding on to him. "Ziva, I need to piss..." he said softly and kept on trying to pry her arms off of him.

She grumbled before letting him go, turning over. "Hurry back," she mumbled as she pulled his pillow over to throw her leg over comfortably.

John relieved himself outside in the foliage before going into the lake, it was refreshingly cold compared to the heat and the dirt sticking to him. "Ziva! This feels so good!"

She groaned in the tent and sat up. Ziva stumbled out of the tent and looked around. She smiled at the sight of John in the water and went to join him. As they hadn't bothered putting any clothing back on after their last round, she figured it would be a waste if they were just going to keep ripping the clothes off each other.

"Hey sexy," she smiled as she entered the water slowly.

"Hello gorgeous." He grinned and pulled her closer to him. "How was your nap?"

"Not nearly long enough," she answered as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Nuzzling her face into his wet neck and sighed.

"This is nice," he said and softly started to kiss her neck.

"Mmm," she smiled and wrapped her legs around his waist. It was innocent enough and while she would not object to yet another tryst, she was content with simply his close company.

"So..." he said as he started to wade deeper into the water. "What's the weirdest thing you've ever done, outside of work?"

She lifted her head and looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well... for example... when I was at Stanford, my room mate and I didn't sleep and didn't shower for an entire week. Not because we were studying hard, it was some sort of social experiment that he wanted to do, he just didn't want to do it all by himself. Back then, I was bumping into walls on day four."

"Ew!" Ziva laughed. "That's disgusting! Well, it would be related to work but before NCIS. It was actually how I met Jenny - Director Shepard, who died a few years ago. In Cairo, we somehow ended up in bed together in order to keep our covers on our respective missions."

"Really?" John smiled widely. "You and another woman sharing a bed?"

She smiled devilishly. "Maybe more," she hinted. "Why is it that men have this insane fantasy of two women together? Abby and I spent a weekend together and automatically Tony and McGee are like puppies at our feet!"

"Well...you and Abby..." he mused.

Ziva narrowed her eyes and looked him in the eye. "You too? Oh gee! Maybe I should call Abby and have her stay over as well tomorrow," she said thoughtfully.

"Oh no... no... absolutely not." John said resolutely. "I have my hands full with you already." He kissed again, "Besides, I don't want to share you with anyone."

She laughed loudly, nodding. "Shame. I know Abby would not mind though," she winked and leaned in to kiss him.

"You're going to be the death of me," he groaned as she kissed him.

* * *

><p>By the time the couple were leaving the following afternoon, John and Ziva were more than sated. She lost track of how many rounds they went, how many orgasms she experienced, and the number of times she came gloriously. With several dips in the lake to cool their exerted bodies, as well as clean their bodies of dirt, grass, and leaves, they were just as active there.<p>

Driving back into the city, they stopped for a romantic dinner at a small restaurant that had a loose dress code and had a small trip to the department store for new clothes for John that she insisted on paying for where he could get some wine they could share later in bed. She toyed with her phone, debating on calling Teyla - and Tony, to let them know they they were indeed alright, she changed her mind. They would see them the following day and how she and John would be able to keep their secret left her unsure.


	14. Chapter 13

John had never thought that he'd ever feel complete again, but now, after working for NCIS almost six months, and dating Ziva for nearly five of those months, he realized he was doing okay. He had even, per Director Vance's request, done a few courses at Quantico to make him a better asset for Team Gibbs.

Ziva was spending a lot of time over at his house, if he wasn't staying at her place and they were doing great. He had never thought that he'd feel this content and at ease with someone after losing Elsa, but he and Ziva really were a perfect fit for each other.

The two year anniversary of Atlantis' demise was coming up. For the first time, he felt he had the strength to read over the reports, which he'd do as soon as he and Teyla would arrive at Cheyenne Mountain.

He also wanted to ask General Landry for permission to tell Ziva all about his life without having her to sign non-disclosure agreements. She was _the one_ he wanted to tell. No secrets, no redactions, just the truth, and then see what happens. He knew for sure that Ziva wouldn't leave him but still, if the General would say 'yes', then he'd be nervous as hell as to what her reaction would be.

Waiting for Landry to respond to John's request for permission to tell Ziva about well, _everything_, was slowly driving him insane. Their relationship had changed so much, so fast that to him telling her about Atlantis and the Stargate program was the smallest gesture that he could ever do for her.

It wasn't for nearly ten full days before he would find out whether sharing classified details such as that would be made known to him. He and Ziva had been out running interviews and following up leads on a smuggling case involving a petty officer when they received a phone call from Gibbs to give it up for the day and return to the office. Sitting at their respective desks, writing up their preliminary reports for their interviews, Gibbs' phone rang. As he spoke briefly to whomever was on the other side of the line, he covered the mouthpiece and looked around.

"Sheppard," he said simply looking over at the man. Tony and McGee, the curious cats they were, looked up as Ziva continued to mind her own and worked on her report while rolling her eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Come here," Gibbs ordered and put his phone call on hold. Looking up at John he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Why is the _President_ calling for you?"

Tony looked at them and laughed. "The President? Of what? The oompa loompa people?"

"No. Of the United States," Gibbs answered for him as he did not remove his eyes from Sheppard, leading Tony to shut up quickly and Ziva to look up finally.

John carefully took the phone from his team leader and put it to his ear as Gibbs took the call off hold.

"Sheppard," John said into the phone before nodding to himself. "Yes, sir – No, sir... I understand the risks. I trust – yes, sir. I will. Thank you Mister President." Hanging up the phone he glanced at Ziva quickly before looking at Gibbs.

"I had submitted a request to General Landry and it was something that only the President, it seems, could approve. I cannot tell you what it was about other than it has absolutely nothing to do with you or NCIS, Agent Gibbs," he said simply, though Ziva could hear the softer tone of his words and she worried what it was concerning.

John returned to his desk but did not sit. He seemed as if he was in debate with himself over something as the team watched him. He sat down but stood quickly and walked over to Ziva's desk. "I need to talk to you," he said nervously. "But you have to come to Colorado with me next week."

"Excuse me?" she asked in surprise as she looked at him concerned.

"Don't worry, I won't ask you to do anything stupid, just come with me when I go to Colorado next week for our annual remembrance of our base... you know... the one that got blown up?"

Ziva wasn't sure as she knew that Teyla was fairly tight-lipped about the base and her past as well. She looked over at Gibbs, her eyes expected unspoken permission to go. Clearly there was something significant about this to John and she felt the need to support him.

He turned to Gibbs and sighed. "Look... last year, I don't even remember last year because I was trying to stop myself from freaking out when I saw the survivors. Ziva's been one of the people in my life that made me feel better and I just want her to support me as my _partner_, if that's okay with you."

She did not miss the double meaning behind what he said. Looking up at him, she stood slowly. "I will go," she said firmly, and leveled her gaze on Gibbs to challenge her.

"Fine, go," Gibbs replied.

"You can't be serious!" Tony exclaimed.

"Mind your business Tony," Ziva snapped before nodding to Sheppard.

He let out a nervous breath and nodded back. "I'll contact my CO about getting a plane ticket for you. We were supposed to leave this Friday," he said. Not much time to prepare as it was now Wednesday morning.

"Oh sure, and leave us with your paper work." Tony rolled his eyes.

John glared at DiNozzo and shook his head. "I wasn't the one who lost my gun."

"Accidents happen!"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Gibbs? I am going to work on my reports then leave early. There is no active case right now and I rarely take personal time..."

Gibbs nodded and walked out of the bullpen. "I'm going to see Ducky."

John sat down behind his desk and called Landry on his cellphone. "Sir? Yes, I'm okay, no, they're keeping me out of trouble... I was just wondering if you could... No - I'm not canceling..."

"Come on, McPathfinder, we're going to try and find my gun... again." Tony got up and grabbed his gear.

"But Tony, I'm not - "

"Yes you're done, come on."

Tony looked at Ziva carefully as he got his bag together. She only looked back in the same manner but she knew well enough that he was trying to see if her relationship with Sheppard was more than they let on at work.

Sighing, she turned back to her computer, grateful when Tim pushed her former partner out. Gibbs, she was sure, now had some idea that something may have been going on but had not said anything yet.

"I just... yeah, that's a good joke General... yes... but... of course... but General? ... Hank!" John exclaimed and then smirked, that got his attention. "I want to bring someone special for you to meet. Could you... Thank you sir, no I will keep her away from... Yes... Yes I am... Thank you, see you on Friday." John breathed a sigh of relief when he hung up the phone.

"Keep me away from who?" Ziva asked as she was suddenly at John's side.

"Not who. It's a what," John smiled up to her. "But don't worry, it's not something I want to see either."

She nodded suspiciously. "When do you want to talk then? I can pack my bag when I get out later and stay by you tonight if you like."

"Tonight's good," John nodded as he typed up an email to General Landry with four simple words; _She is the one_. And quickly sent it off before Ziva could look what he had done.

"Okay," she smiled. "I will see you later then." She turned and returned to her desk to finish her work.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Gibbs was just walking into autopsy and looked around. "Duck?"<p>

Ducky looked up from the medical report he was reading and smiled. "Yes, Jethro dear?"

He strolled over to his friend and fell into the chair beside the desk and ran his hand over his face tiredly. "Something is going on between Sheppard and Ziva."

"That's quite possible, Jethro," Ducky smiled. "I've noticed that a few times now, when they come down to Autopsy... he moves, she moves with him, and vice versa. She also knows to find things in John's house, haven't you noticed that with Teyla's last dinner party?"

Gibbs thought it and huffed with irritation. "Romance between agents never works," he sighed.

"That's _your_ observation - your rule, dear." Ducky gently pat Gibbs on his knee. "But has either one of them made a terrible judgment error lately?" he cocked a brow. "They are acting professionally and detached, from what I can tell."

"He just asked for her to go to Colorado with him," he pointed out.

"And?"

"And this is right after the _President_ called to speak to him," he said. "Then said that he needed to talk to her. There is more to him and I don't like it."

"Did you forget that John is a Colonel in the US Air Force and that before he came to us as a liaison he was in Black Ops, Jethro?" Ducky mused. "Who knows, John's going to show Ziva a secret part of his job so that she can support him at the memorial. We both know that they have become very close and good partners, they work well together Jethro."

Gibbs grumbled shaking his head. "I still don't have to like it. What happens when their relationship fails? I can't fire him or have any control in sending him to another team. I can't afford to have that going on. As it is, Tony is barely accepting not having Ziva as a partner anymore."

"Well, I believe that both Timothy and Anthony are still oblivious to the real depth of John and Ziva's partnership. I suggest you keep it to yourself, wait - as you always do - and wait until they both announce that they're more than work partners. Only _then_ decide what you want to do."

He sighed. "What do you think of them? Sheppard and Ziva?"

"_If_ they are a couple, they're a perfect match to each other," Ducky nodded. "It's hard to find someone like that, as you know, and they're both professional. I don't think that _if_ they are in a relationship, that it'll hurt their performance on the job."

"Is that your professional opinion?"

"Yes dear," Ducky smiled.

"Fine, I'll leave them be... for now."

"I don't think you could stop them from seeing each other, Jethro. John would only quit his job and retire early."

"Oh! I like that option." Gibbs chuckled and got up. "Thanks Duck."

"Always, you know that."

"Are you still cooking tonight?"

"Dear God, Yes! I've had enough steak to last me a life time in the last few weeks."

* * *

><p>John had asked Teyla to give him some privacy when he'd take Ziva home with him this time. He didn't want to discuss this in his bedroom, or his office, he wanted her to be comfortable on the couch with a nice glass of wine after a nice dinner that he'd made. At least it was time enough for him to get things right in his head, Ziva wasn't asking what he wanted to talk about and they were both having a good conversation during dinner.<p>

"So, where's Teyla?"

"Upstairs... I think." John smiled at Ziva as they sat on the couch sipping on their wine. "Or maybe she's already gone to Colorado, but I think she'd tell me if she had."

"What is so important that you wanted to talk to me? I received a phone call when I left work to pack from a Chuck mentioning about non-disclosure forms that I will be required to sign when I get to Colorado. I do not understand," she said as she curled up next to him on the couch.

"Because... you'll be visiting a top secret facility, and what I'm about to tell you can't leave this house," he said as he tried to hold his glass of wine still in his hand. "The request I put in with my CO, and the President's phone call all had to do something with it. At first, the General was a bit apprehensive because of your Mossad background but I told him that he has nothing to be afraid of, and that what I'm about to tell you will stay between us."

Ziva sat up and looked at him with worry. "You are not dying, are you? Because I could not handle that again..."

"I'm not dying," John chuckled then stopped quickly. "What do you mean _again_?"

"Another time - just tell me. If you think that I would walk out because you killed someone or something, I won't. I have killed many people myself..."

"Well same here, but that's part of the job description, isn't it?" John said. "The thing is, unlike some of my former co-workers, I never really had the chance to share my job with. I never said goodbye to anyone over the course of six years... and I wanted to tell you everything, which is why the President gave me clearance to do so, which is why you'll have to sign a couple of forms when we get to Colorado."

John took a sip of his wine and smiled at her. "I wasn't working out of the country... my base wasn't in some tiny foreign country..."

She looked at him waiting. "Okay?"

"It was in a whole different galaxy," John knew that Ziva would probably laugh. It sounded ridiculous coming out of his mouth, even after so many years.

Ziva stared at him, her lips pulled back in a smile and even started to chuckle briefly. However the seriousness in his face caught her very quickly and blinked. "You are not joking," she said. "Another galaxy?"

"Everything that NASA's doing, is child's play compared to what they're doing at Cheyenne Mountain. They travel to other planets, meet cultures similar to our own, meet a whole new type of bad guy by something called the Stargate. It's very old, and built by our very first ancestors."

"Are you sure that you are alright? Maybe we should take you in for a CAT scan..."

John chuckled and looked around in his living room for proof. He knew that there was nothing left of Atlantis, or his belongings in the Pegasus Galaxy but Ronon had brought something back and had given it to Teyla a while ago. He found the rock he was looking for and placed it in Ziva's hands. "As you can feel, this is no ordinary rock. It pulses. According to the people Ronon brought it back from, it has healing powers or it can cook a chicken. The linguist wasn't entirely sure."

He refilled their wine glasses and sighed. "Anyway, they had found a way to travel to the Lost City of Atlantis... yes, many of the history and myths on this planet, originated somewhere else first."

Ziva did not know how to react. All she could find herself doing was gulp down her glass of wine before needing another quick refill. "Teyla?"

"We traveled to the Pegasus Galaxy, to Atlantis. It wasn't just any place, as it turned out. It was also a space ship that the Ancients, or Ancestors, used to travel back and forth between our galaxy and their own, building stargates, leaving them on most habitable planets. On our first trip out of Atlantis, we were in desperate need for a safe haven and found Teyla's people, the Athosians."

He took another sip of the liquid courage before continuing, "Ronon joined us a year later. We've lost many good people in those years. We've saved a heck of a lot people from Wraith, sort of like space vampires, and we even spent a few months floating around in San Francisco bay because of paper work, and Atlantis had been pretty banged up in a fight against the Wraith in our own galaxy."

She nodded, still speechless. "I honestly do not know what to say," she admitted. "I am grateful that you chose me to share this with and I will attempt to remain open minded when we are at the services during the week."

"I know it's a lot to take in, I mean... Teyla's become a good friend to you, to hear that she's not from this planet might change your view on her, but she's a very good person," John said slowly. "The Stargate program has saved the asses of this planet a lot of times. I was glad to be a part of that in a small way."

"My opinion of Teyla is not any different," she said quickly. "If anything, I can understand her a little more because for all the traveling I have done, I never met people that is such like her. It is a lot...everything else..."

John nodded. "I hope that I'm not making you feel uneasy in any way by telling you this and asking you to come with me to the memorial service of those who died on Atlantis... considering people will stare at you."

"Because I am your girlfriend?" she asked.

"Because you're my girlfriend who looks like my dead girlfriend, yes," John downed his glass of wine in one go and refilled both their glasses. "But I've told the important people, my friends, that you do and they are okay with it, the program's scientists have proven many times over that there are such things as doppelgangers. For some funny reason, they are happy for me that we've found each other."

"A doppelganger? So am I the good twin or the evil twin?" Ziva teased, kissing him on the neck.

"You don't necessarily have to have a good or a bad twin... or whatever," he chuckled. "But right now, I'd say you're pretty evil." He gently lifted her chin and kissed her. "Does this mean you don't think I'm crazy and run away from me?"

"I have not decided," she said. "But this should be an interesting trip."

He nodded, understanding where she was coming from but he felt a bit hurt nonetheless. He had expected it, of course, but still it was hard to hear when the words came out of her mouth.

Ziva grabbed John by the chin and pulled him to face her. "Hey, don't look like that. I am not leaving you or running away. And just because I might think you are a little nutty, does not mean that my feelings for you have changed."

"That's good to hear, because at this point, I really don't know what I would do without you, besides pestering Teyla and Torren."

"I know what we can do right now. Let us go to bed," she said standing up. "Maybe we can leave earlier and do some sight seeing for a little."

"Sure, we can do that." John said and scooped her into his arms after he got up from the couch. "Although Colorado Springs is really boring."

She laughed and shook her head. "So we can go skiing. I am sure there are plenty of cabins that we can rent."

"You'd have to be my seeing eye ski dog," he kissed her as he walked them to his bedroom.

"We will use the child slope," Ziva shrugged.

John laughed as he somewhat threw her on the bed, making sure she'd land on it in one piece. "Deal."

* * *

><p>He hadn't been paying much attention to the ceremony at the SGC, but did more than he had the first year. John really couldn't understand why Landry wanted another memorial service, because it only hurt and he hated to see people cry.<p>

On top of that, he felt like a monkey in his dress uniform and all the medals, most he didn't feel like he had deserved them. John was glad to see that Ziva was handling the stares pretty well, and Ronon wasn't even around because SG-1 had gotten into some trouble off world and were trapped somewhere, or at least he was. Lucky bastard.

Landry had added something new to the memorial service this year; some footage from Atlantis that was stored on the SGC's computer when they had last sent an update, and John couldn't look at the screen. The familiar faces, the familiar voices, still hurt. A lot of lives lost, and it only made his feeling of guilt come back to him.

Teyla, who was sitting next to him, had kicked him in the shins repeatedly, but he ignored it, this hadn't been the brightest idea of the good General.

Ziva watched on with full of interest and curiosity. Any time that she saw her look-a-like on the video, she squeezed John's hand reassuringly. If he had been watching, which she doubted, she knew it would have been extremely difficult. Leaning over to him closer, she ran her hand over the back of his head much like a mother would do to comfort an upset child. "I am still here," she smiled and whispered into his ear. "I am not leaving you without a fight even more than before."

"I can't believe he's doing this," John said softly. "Here I thought I would be ready to read the reports, instead he's making it very hard for me again, to do it."

"You can do it," she replied, squeezing his hand. "If you want, I can be there with you. You do not have to do it alone."

He sighed, then nodded and decided to take a peek at the screen. It showed him and Lorne being caught on camera while they were having fun during a day off; pestering Rodney before Elsa got caught in the mess between it all; a bucket of water got emptied in her face when Rodney finally decided to duck. John remembered that all too well, Elsa hadn't been pleased.

"I can see that she was a lovely person," Ziva said quietly as she watched him. "She does live on you know. Inside you..."

"I know," John smiled softly and kissed Ziva's hand. "She wouldn't have wanted it any other way than for me to continue to live, and find love again. Found it sooner than I thought."

Then Stackhouse stepped up in front of the screen. "I'd just like to thank Colonel Sheppard for keeping us safe for all those years, I wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for you, Colonel."

"You saved my ass, Stacks." John said, "I should be thanking you."

The man nodded, "And you being here with us is all the thanks we need Sir."

A round of murmuring and clapping from the survivors in the room clearly agreed with the Major's opinion. General Landry stood back and smiled over at John almost as if he knew that this would have happened like this. "You see Colonel, you have a greater impact on every person you come in contact with. More than you realize. The IOA and the SGC recognize that which leads to my next announcement. Would you please join me up here Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard?"

"With all due respect, Sir, no."

Ziva nudged him and gave him a look. "Go. Unless I will drag you up there myself," she said under her breath so no one else but him heard.

John looked at Ziva, and knew that she'd do something worse than dragging. "On second thought..." he sighed as he got up. "She'd kill me."

Chuckling she shook her head but stood with him. She looked to the General for silent permission to which he nodded and she held his hand as he started to head up to the podium.

"Thank you. On behalf of the President of the United States and representative of the United States Air Force and the IOA, I am proud to present to you with this. For many years you have served the people of our planet, and others without regard for your own safety but the lives of millions of others. While you have not been an active member of the Air Force for the previous two years, it is the opinions of many that you have more than earned and deserve this recognition. Upon this promotion to Colonel, you are also being awarded with the Defense Meritorious Service Medal, Bronze Star, Medal of Honor and Presidential Unit Citation."

_Oh crap_, he thought as General Landry pinned them all on him, he felt like a Christmas tree. He halfheartedly saluted the General and muttered "Thank you sir..."

Ziva clapped behind John with a proud smile on her face as she watched John turned to look back. She mouthed to him, _You deserve them. Be happy._

John was glad when the whole circus was behind him, everyone was happy for him, of course, but he made a mental note of maybe not showing up next time. He hated surprises. While everyone was having a coffee in the mess hall and chatting away, he had found a quiet spot in the briefing room where Walter had provided him with the few reports that were available on what happened on Atlantis.

He was glad Ziva was with him, reading the reports as he read them. It was hard, but he had pushed himself to do it, because he still couldn't remember enough to write up a report of his own, not that the General had asked him to, but he felt that in his own way, he needed to contribute something at least, and reading the reports, was one way to do it.

He had saved Ronon's report for last. It was short, and to the point as always, but there was an envelope in it addressed to Sheppard. John blinked and opened the envelope.

_If you're finally reading this, then I'm really happy that you've decided to. It could be next year, or the year after that or maybe ten years after Atlantis, but during the siege I walked in on Elsa who was recording a video message for you and she asked me to keep it safe. It was as if she knew somehow that she wasn't going to make it out._

_Don't watch this alone._

_Ronon._

John looked at Ziva and then at the disc. He sighed and put it back into the envelope. "I can't."

"You need to. I don't believe that you can fully move forward, even with me, if you do not," she said softly as she placed her hands over his and the disc for him to give it to her to put on.

"Maybe in a month, not now..." he looked at her, and swallowed hard. "I hate this day, I can't watch it now."

She nodded slowly. "Okay but we will watch it together when you do," she insisted. "You will need to watch it at some point however."

"I will, just not now." He rubbed his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "How about some coffee?" He needed a distraction, coffee was good. His brains still needed to process the handful of reports he had just read and finding that disc in Ronon's report only made it worse, although it was thoughtful of his friend to put it in his report and not give it to him by force.

"Sure," Ziva said. "I'll make us a cup then we can go back to the hotel." She got up and made her way over to the coffee pot where the older man earlier prepared quietly, seemingly knowing that it might be needed. She liked the people she had met here and reminded her of the team back home in so many ways, the way they took care of one another.

"You know, Stackhouse used to have a partner, Markham. They seemed to be joined at the hip, always fooling around when they were off the clock, pranking each other and mostly harmless scientists," John chuckled. "I could never tell them apart, when Markham got killed during the defense of Atlantis during a Wraith attack, Stacks was _off_ for months."

She set his mug in front of him and nodded. "It happens with partners. Both teammates and lovers," she replied from her own experiences.

"Oh, I know." John smiled at her. "I was happy to find him bond more with one of the scientists he and Markham used to prank. An eccentric Czech, who was just as smart as Rodney."

"And you. Come on, I just had an idea for you and I to spend the rest of the week," she said, pulling him up out of his seat.

"Where are we going?" He chuckled, nearly knocking over his full mug of coffee.

"You will find out later, but for tonight our hotel room. Come now."

John was glad to leave the SGC, and drove them to their hotel. Ziva kept pulling him along with her and he didn't quite mind, but it was kinda turning him on, somewhat.

She planned a long evening ahead for them, ordering room service complete with dinner, champagne, and exotic fruits. Encouraging him to shower while they waited, she hopped on her laptop that she brought with her at Gibbs' insistence so that they did not fall behind on the cases while they were away, she ordered last minute plane tickets to spend the remaining week and into the weekend in sunny Hawaii in a private beach side bungalow where there would be little to no one to bother them. The environment would also be drastically different compared to where they were presently in Colorado and even that to their home in DC.

Still when John came out, she was finished and the computer shut down as she wanted to keep the changes as a surprise. Picking up her cell phone, she settled back on the bed and sent Teyla a cryptic text message about not being around for the week and not to worry, she smiled at her love - though she wasn't quite ready to admit that out loud. He looked a bit more relaxed and with more color to his face.

John walked over to Ziva and fell on the bed next at her side. "Thank you, for being here with me, for plowing through this day with me."

"You would have done the same for me," she replied. "Dinner should be up soon. I ordered you a New York steak with fries."

"Ohhh, what have I done to deserve steak?" he grinned as he grabbed a shirt out of his bag. He hadn't bothered taking one with him in the shower, just his tracking pants for comfort.

Ziva only smiled at him. "I cannot do something special just for you?" she asked with a sultry smile.

John laid back onto the bed and kissed her. "You're probably not going to tell me what you have planned, are you?"

"Hmm, nope," she grinned and kissed him back slowly. It would have turned into a short but steamy make out session for the two, however the knock on the door interrupted them. She sighed but smiled as she let her head fall back to the bed. "What timing!"

"To be continued," John chuckled as he got off the bed, still wearing his pants, but not his shirt. He didn't care. He opened the door and the room service attendant rolled their foot cart in to their room.

"To be honest, it was good timing. I am famished," she replied as she pushed herself out of bed. Grabbing her wallet, she pulled out some money before meeting John at the door to tip the attendant.

John started to put their dinner on their small table and removed the lids that were keeping the plates warm. The steak smelled great and he could only hope it would taste the same too.

As they sat to eat, Ziva deflected his curious questions about the plans she made. She had been firm on not giving him any details before he needed to know and she could tell that it was slowly beginning to get him. As she finished her salad, she stood to go take a shower for herself, giving him a kiss before leaving the room.

He eyed the laptop and considered to look for clues for their trip, but he knew, that if he'd do that, and she'd find out, she'd kill him for sure. He finished eating his potatoes - after having long finished the steak - and crawled into bed.

She returned some time later after finishing her shower. Feeling clean and freshly shaven, she joined John in bed and sighed as she cuddled up to him in anticipation of their impromptu vacation. 


	15. Chapter 14

It was nearly three months after the Atlantis memorial services and Ziva's learning of John's professional past. True to her word, she stuck by him and supported him throughout the ordeal and was incredibly pleased when he expressed his gratitude for the impromptu trip to Hawaii she paid for to get him away. She did not care when Tony questioned their return or Gibbs' looks as they both were quite tanned when they were supposed to have been in chilly Colorado Springs.

As expected, Gibbs pulled Ziva into the elevator to talk about things and she made it clear to him that while they did indeed attend the services, she also took him away to a different climate mid-trip because of the circumstances of the events. She did not give him any other confirmation to what she knew he was really searching for and refused to give more than the absolute necessary of information. It pained her to keep secrets from the closest thing to a father she had, but there were things that even a father did not need to know.

In that time, she developed increased soreness but did not really think much of it. Sitting at her desk while working was uncomfortable and would begin to experience aching in her back. Whenever one of her team members would ask her about it, as she clearly appeared to be in pain at times, she always assumed it was a pulled muscle from dealing with aggressive suspects or training as she had been working with Teyla more. Having Gibbs interrogate her about her relationship was more than Ziva was willing to entertain with these frequent spasms.

John looked at Gibbs' desk, where his phone was ringing. Tony, as always, was quick to his feet in the absence of Gibbs and picked up the phone. John didn't like the eager smile that came across Tony's face as he looked at McGee. "Call Ducky. When Gibbs and Ziva are done in the elevator we have to go to our crime scene."

Sheppard sighed, as he grabbed his gun out of his drawer. The previous weeks had been hell, with dead naval officers popping up as if they were flowers in spring and they all barely got any sleep. Not to mention, ever since the memorial at the SGC, bad dreams had been frequently keeping him awake and he hadn't told anyone about it, as he knew they were going to stop one day or another.

He picked up Ziva's bag, gathered her gun and waited for her and Gibbs to exit the elevator so he could give them to her, or maybe even carry her bag for her. She had been complaining about muscle pain for a couple of weeks now causing him to worry. He tried to help her out with giving her a massage when they were alone but it didn't help her all that much.

Ziva and Gibbs exchanged their words before they both agreed that it was going nowhere. He flipped the switch and the doors opened back to the bullpen to show the guys waiting there with their things.

"We got the bat signal Boss," Tony said as he looked between both of his colleagues.

Gibbs nodded and walked out to go get his things before coming back to witness Sheppard passing Ziva her sidearm but continued holding onto her bag. His eyes narrowed for a brief moment before speaking. "What do we have?"

"Body found in Quantico. Apparently the victim is Air Force but was visiting a marine buddy at the time. The Air Force agreed to let us begin the investigation because of Sheppard here but said that they will take over if the need comes."

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the crime scene, John could already tell that this was going to be a hell to process. Whoever the body was, he wished that it wasn't in a stinking alley with a lot of junk and garbage in it, because Tony, McGee and even Ziva would tell him to sift through those and he usually ended up getting covered in such a stench that he had to ride back to the navy yard in the back of the truck.<p>

"Yeah, I'll get the garbage," John sighed as he got out of the truck. "I love me some stinky trash in the early morning."

Taking her camera, Ziva smiled apologetically. "Sorry. We've all had to go through it ourselves," she said before heading over to begin snapping scene photos.

"Oh I know... but I've been with you guys for nearly a year now, you'd think that we could like... draw straws for the dirty jobs." John pulled on his gloves and grabbed the necessary garbage processing tools from his bag.

She chuckled and shook her head. "Well, if I were 100%, I'd certainly help you if I could that way we could stink together."

John smirked at her. "How many times have I told you to go and see a doctor? Or at least Ducky?"

"What about me?" the man in question asked as he made his way over with his bag and looked down at the body. "My boy, they made you into a pretzel."

"Yeah, that's certainly a new way to dump a body." Tony answered. "You have to admit, they can't have done it here."

Gibbs moved over to look on before pushing McGee forward. "I need an ID on the body. TOD Duck?"

The ME looked up at his friend. "How many times do we go through this? Let me at least meet our friend before I invade the body. Give me a moment."

As Ducky stuck the liver probe into the body, McGee was attempting to get a fingerprint ID. His device sounded and looked up. "Major Sergeant Nathan Stackhouse. Assigned to McMurdo for the last six months," he reported.

"Wait, what?" John responded as he accidentally dropped a bag of garbage. He made his way over to the body and felt the color drain from his face. "This..."

Ziva looked up from taking photos of the body's face - or what was left of it. "John?" she asked concerned. "Do you know him?"

"You remember Stackhouse... he's the guy who saved my life..." He felt as if he was going to throw up. "Excuse me..."

"Not on the crime scene!" Ducky yelled as John legged it out of the alley.

_Stackhouse stepped up in front of the screen. "I'd just like to thank Colonel Sheppard for keeping us safe for all those years, I wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for you, Colonel."_

"_You saved my ass, Stacks." John said, "I should be thanking you."_

_The man nodded, "And you being here with us is all the thanks we need Sir."_

John felt his insides churn and emptied his stomach contents of breakfast and quite possibly some dinner too. Stackhouse looked worse than a pretzel, he looked like a crushed pretzel and it was wrong.

Gibbs watched as he rushed out of the immediate scene. Nodding to Ziva she passed her camera over to him to take over while she went to check on her partner. She soon found him on the other side of their truck, hunched over and dry heaving on the curb. Rubbing her hand over his back, she sat beside him quietly until he was ready to say something.

_He found himself running through a smoke filled corridor, being fired at by fuzzy people with revolvers and real bullets, only to find himself tending to Carter's wounds a second __later while the ground shook as if something was exploding._

"I can't do this..." John said softly. "I can't..."

"But we must, you must," she said. "Death will occur no matter where we are. What you can do for him and his family is bring his killer to justice."

"I can't..." He looked up to her, holding back his tears. "We've lost so much already, so many people died on Atlantis... and he's not supposed to die, Ziva..."

Ziva took his face in her hands and looked him in the eye. "Yes you can. You are a strong person John Sheppard. I know you have been through a lot, and even more before that. You can do this. I am here. Teyla is here. We both will be here with you and find who did this. Now tell me that you _can_ do this. Tell me John."

He took a deep breath. "I need to call Landry."

"Later. Tell me first. I need to hear you say it."

"I can do this, don't worry..." he nodded. "I need to stop running." He grabbed a bottle of water from the truck and rinsed his mouth. "Thanks Ziva."

"Do not thank me," she said. "Let's go back and figure out how your friend died. Give him the solace that he will need to rest." Together they walked back to the alley where everyone looked up quickly before returning back to their tasks. Well, all but one.

"Great! You've pinked up, Probie," Tony grinned as they walked back onto the crime scene.

John rolled his eyes at him and put another set of gloves on to sift through the garbage again, making sure he didn't see Stackhouse's body again.

DiNozzo looked back at Ziva with a confused expression. "What I say?"

"Can you please cut back your jokes on this case?" she asked him quietly as she pulled him out of earshot of her partner. "This is the same man that managed to bring him back alive from his post. Give a little respect."

Tony sobered up quickly and nodded. "Sorry. Um, should I say something to him?" he asked, feeling truly like an ass now.

Ziva looked back at John for a moment then shook her head. "No. Just let him be for now. I will handle him."

"Jethro, I'm afraid that this isn't the place where this poor man died." Ducky said. "I can't say for sure, but I think he got hit by a big vehicle, and he was placed here."

"We can't say that for sure until we finish processing the crime scene, Duck."

"Shall Mr. Palmer and I bring him home? I would be able to have a more definitive answer once we open him up."

"Yeah."

John watched as Ducky and Jimmy carried the body bag with his old friend's body in it onto the trolly and into the ME truck, and couldn't help but feeling angry with the world. It was obvious that the trash wouldn't tell them anything, but it was protocol to do so. Turning back to his job, he lifted another trash bag and found part of a license plate.

He snapped some pictures of it and bagged and tagged it before looking for anything else out of the ordinary, glad that at Tony stopped with his wisecracks. "What do you think Gibbs?" he asked as he looked at the older man, hoping for some kind of good news and expecting the worst.

"Keep digging," Gibbs said and turned to McGee and Tony. "You two, canvas the neighborhood, see if anyone has seen something."

"On it boss," Tony replied.

John stood there staring at where the body had been in the meanwhile. Ziva was unsure of what else she could say or do there and looked at Gibbs helplessly before she began to pack up their own equipment.

"Sheppard, you think you can keep your head on this case?"

"Yes sir," Sheppard replied.

"Good. Call your General when Ducky knows more. If you need to talk..."

"Guy saved my life, served with him for years, there's nothing much to talk about," John said as collected as he could. Ziva had been right, the best thing John could do now for Stackhouse was to find the bastard who killed him.

Gibbs looked back at him before giving a single nod. "Open invitation," was all he said before he turned to head back to his car.

Ziva came up beside John. "That means that his door is open to you if you need a place to hide from everything. He keeps bourbon in his basement for the record," she smiled. "I'm done here. Ready to go?"

"Yeah." John sighed and lifted up the few evidence bags he had collected. "I doubt these will help though," he said, nodding to the bags.

"Abby will tell us if they are helpful or not. Let's go get some coffee on the way back to the office." She pulled on his arm to get him moving with her towards the team truck and leaving their car for Tony and McGee to take back with them.

* * *

><p>He was glad that it had been the end of the day so that he could go home. He had dinner with Teyla, not telling her about Stackhouse, and went to bed early after taking a shower. He couldn't get to sleep easily, replaying all the memories he had of the man while they were on Atlantis. He was always so full of life and a joker. It was weird that he wasn't around anymore even if they hadn't spoken much over the last year and more.<p>

When John did manage to fall asleep, he woke up nearly every other hour from nightmares. One was particularly bad enough for him to wake up Teyla with his screams. He then decided to stay awake until it was time to go back to work.

She prepared breakfast for him as she failed to be able to return to sleep, her thoughts filled with worry. Setting the eggs and bacon in front of John, Teyla looked at him. "Please tell me what is wrong that has brought you with so much unrest," she pleaded.

"It's the case..." John sighed. "Stackhouse."

"Nathan?" she asked, sitting next to him. "He is involved?"

John nodded. "He was visiting a Navy buddy of his." He poked his bacon with his fork. "They found Stackhouse yesterday morning in an alley."

Teyla was speechless as she stared back at him. She settled a hand on his arm. "I have faith that you and your team will find who is responsible. If Agent Gibbs requires assistance, please inform him that I am willing to assist in any way that I can. He was my friend too."

"Thanks Teyla. Yesterday was really hard, but I'm sure today will be a lot easier now that I won't have to see how he ended up." He winced and decided to leave the bacon for now.

"Okay," she said and took the plate that he pushed away. She was happy to see at least he ate the eggs and set aside the strips of bacon. "If you wish to leave early, I will add some hot coffee to your carafe. I am sure you will want it at some point through the morning."

He only nodded as he got up to get himself together. "Yeah. Um, if I don't come home tonight don't worry about me. I'm thinking about seeing if Ziva would be up for some company."

Teyla didn't say anything but understood. "Just let me know if I should make enough for supper in time."

"Will do," John replied on his way out the door.

John started to check his email as soon as he arrived at work; he was the first one to arrive and he wanted to see if Abby or Ducky had found something on Stacks' body or with the evidence they had collected and just kept refreshing when there wasn't anything in his inbox. He knew full well that they probably weren't at work yet but he couldn't help himself. _Maybe, _just maybe he could ask General Landry if the _Hammond_ had picked up on something.

Gibbs stepped off the rear elevator behind the bullpen sipping his coffee. He came to a stop as he noticed Sheppard at his desk before everyone else. Glancing at his watch he frowned slightly as he studied the man. For a military man without formal police training, he did find that this guy seemed to fit well with his people, despite DiNozzo's unhappiness at losing his partner to him. Swallowing another gulp of coffee, he slowly stepped up to the barrier of the desk area.

Looking, John sighed. "Dr. Mallard didn't finish the autopsy yet?" he asked quietly as he couldn't find any notes in the case file.

"He did," Gibbs answered and continued to look at him.

Raising an eyebrow, he looked up at the older man. "And...?" he prompted, wanting the information on his friend so desperately.

"What is going on between you and Ziva?" Gibbs asked simply.

"Ziva and I are partners," John answered, looking back suspiciously. He didn't flinch under the man's stare - going up against Wraith Queens were much worse than this guy. Eventually Gibbs conceded.

"Ducky sent some trace to Abby. So far it looks as it your friend was hit by a bulldozer or some large truck. She's still running comparative tests on the paint flecks that were embedded in his clothes."

The sigh that he let out was one of frustration and relief. Frustration that they still didn't know who killed Stacks, and relief that it didn't appear to be some alien bad guy - so far. "I have to call General Landry," he said with some distraction.

"Do that," Gibbs commented as he slapped the wall before walking off. John watched him disappear around the steps before going up them to likely talk to Vance. Picking up the phone to start dialing, he couldn't help but glance at the time and notice that Ziva hadn't gotten in yet. Pressing the button to clear the numbers he started to dial, he pushed the ones for her number.

He was never more relieved when she answered the phone. Once he was sure she was alright, having only overslept because she forgot to set her alarm clock, she was on her way in. After not so subtly asking to bring some decent coffee, she laughed and shared that she already had with her which ended up being a great relief.

John then dialed Landry, and it wasn't a phone call he liked to make at all. "Walter? Why are you picking up the direct line to the General?" John asked puzzled as the gate tech or actually the General's left hand answered the phone.

"Even the General has to take a leak, Colonel," Walter replied dryly. "Are you alright?"

"I am fine... listen, tell the General to call me back as soon as he can, okay?"

"Does it involve aliens, sir?"

"No."

"Alright, I will tell the General to call you once he returns."

"Thank you Walter." John rubbed his eyes as he put the phone back on the receiver. The lack of sleep was already catching up with him. He was out of shape. He needed Ziva's coffee _soon_.

McGee and DiNozzo came in, both appearing to be in somewhat down moods. He wasn't really interested in dealing with anyone's attitude today and prayed that Gibbs would keep him around the office as he would go after the first throat he believed was responsible considering how crappy he felt.

The ding of the elevator sounded, making John look up and smile. "Salvation!" he grinned as Ziva walked in with a large tray in her hands. She got coffees for everyone it appeared and he didn't care. He wanted his. She brought his over where he quickly popped the lid and took a long sip before nearly choking.

"What the hell is that?"

"You said you needed fuel - I got you fuel," Ziva replied.

He stared at her as she went back to her desk. "Did you take it from your car or something?" he asked, trying to get the taste out of his mouth from it. It was like super coffee, it was so strong - and it put Teyla's old tava bean imitation to shame, if that was even possible.

"It's high octane," she answered narrowing her eyes. "If you don't want it, you can have Gibbs'..."

"No fine... I'll just get some more sugar and milk from the kitchen." John made a face. "Thanks Ziva." As he was getting up, his cell phone rang, it was the General. "Hey General." John said as he continued his way to the kitchen with his coffee.

Tony looked at Ziva. "Did you just pull a fast one on him?"

She looked up at him and shrugged. "After yesterday, I doubt he would have gotten _any_ sleep, so I picked up the coffee on the way in when he called me. I merely told the guy at the counter, the strongest stuff he had. How was I to know that they had coffee stronger than what even Gibbs gets?"

"Is that even possible?" Tony chuckled as he started to check his email. "Sad though, our victim is basically a hero and he gets run over by a mac truck."

Ziva didn't say anything as she looked at him before starting on her messages and sighed. If he only knew how much of one. John too, for that matter. "We will find whoever did this," she said with a certain determination in her voice.

"Why do I get the feeling that before we do I have to clear you of all deadly weapons and put you in a straight jacket in case you might kill him?"

"It would not be me who will do the killing," she said smoothly. "Even in his condition after all he went through on his assignment with the Air Force, Colonel Sheppard is more than capable of inflicting severe damage. You should know."

Tony winced. "I forgot about that. Maybe we should lock the both of you up when we bring the guy in."

She smiled but said nothing. All she could do was look over at his desk and hope that the conversation he was having with the General wasn't going to drain him any more than he was already.

John had put a lot of sugar and milk in his coffee and walked back to the bullpen while the General was still chatting away in his ear, something about John wanting to let the General tell Stackhouse's parents that their son had been killed and how it wasn't appropriate as it was an NCIS case and not related to the Stargate program and how John had to man up and do it himself. "Yes General... What? Sure, just give Teyla a heads up when you arrive this weekend so she won't bite my head off for not telling her... Well in case I forget... Yes Sir, writing it down," John sighed.

Ziva looked at John and narrowed her eyes questioningly at him. Tony watched between them, curious, maybe suspicious even. Once he caught the look on Gibbs' face who had been back at his desk for a couple minutes, he was sure now that he wasn't the only one _wondering_.

John finally hung up and looked at Gibbs. "The General is giving you full jurisdiction, obviously, as this isn't an Air Force case. Which means, you'll have to fill in his next of kin." Before Gibbs could say anything, John continued, "He also told me to go home and let you handle this on your own but I said he could respectfully go to hell. I'm not going unless you tell me to. I am perfectly capable to do my job."

Gibbs nodded for an answer. "You call your man's next of kin."

"Thought you might say that." John sighed and took a sip of his coffee, which was tasting a lot better now that he had added milk and sugar, despite hating milk in his coffee.

"Does he have family in DC?" Tony asked.

"No, Kansas, it will probably take them a while to get here." John took another sip, making a face, and looked at the number of Stacks' parents. "So much for avoiding this kind of stuff..." he muttered to himself.

"Want me to do it?" McGee offered.

"No," Gibbs said simply as he took a sip of his coffee.

John looked at the man and winced. "Is that the coffee Ziva got? How can you drink that?"

"You take a sip and swallow."

"Ugh," John shuddered and dialed the number of Stackhouse's parents.

Ziva looked over at Gibbs and frowned before returning to her work. She continued to read the updated reports as she reached into her drawer for some Tylenol. "McGee? Did you see if there were any security cameras in the area of the scene?" she asked as she looked over an aerial map view of the area on her computer.

"No, but Abby's processing some of the security footage we received from the shops, although she doubts there's anything on them. Bad quality camera's and the darkness..."

"No traffic cameras?" she asked eying a main intersection not far from the scene. "What about the light over at Madison and Spencer? There is an entrance that leads to the freeway that would be reasonable way of escape from the area quickly," she pointed out.

"Ziva, there are traffic cams on the road." McGee sighed. "Fortunately for whoever drove over our victim, they weren't working. In fact, every camera in a 5 block radius didn't work for a couple of hours that night... except for the few security camera's from shops. Which are now being reconstructed by Abby."

She looked at him dubiously. "_Every_ camera?" she repeated. "That sounds a bit unusual, doesn't it?"

"I was planning on going to visit the central thingy where they keep tabs on the camera's," Tim replied. "As it's unusual but I wasn't done here yet."

"Thingy?" Gibbs asked looking at the young agent.

"Yeah Boss, you know the thingy that records people driving their thingies store their information in a larger, separate thingy somewhere else," Tony answered as he balled up a paper to hit McGee with. "Traffic Control Office McIdiot. I have a friend in that department Boss. I'll see what she can dig up for us."

Ziva chuckled as she looked at him. "She?"

"Yes, she..." he grinned as he held the phone to his ear and waited for someone to answer.

"Just take McGee and go," Gibbs said and then looked at John. "Sheppard, you done yet?"

John had just hung up on Stackhouse's parents, and he felt as if he could vomit again. He had made similar calls before, hell, even went to Ford's cousin to talk to her, but for some reason this was harder. Even harder than recording that message for Colonel Sumner's family many years ago. "Yeah. They'll be on the next flight to DC so that when Ducky releases him they can take their son home."

John hated that investigations took time, especially digging through video footage and cleaning them up. Apart from DiNozzo and McGee being sent off to investigate Traffic Control, there wasn't a lot for them to do than wait.

At the end of the day, he was tired and felt drained but really didn't want to go home to Teyla and Torren. Ziva looked like crap as well, he noticed that as he walked her to her car. Maybe a night of relaxation would do the both of them good; he loved giving her a massage and it eased his mind as well. "Is it okay if I come home with you tonight? I'll stop by a supermarket and buy groceries and make you a nice meal."

Ziva smiled as she closed her eyes as she let her feet step one foot in front of the other as if they knew where to go on their own. "I was actually thinking of ordering Chinese if you're up for that instead. I don't think you are really up to cooking after today - are you?" she asked as she stopped at her car and looked up at him.

"Probably not, I don't want to set your house on fire," John sighed. "Chinese sounds like a better plan."

Looking around, she sighed as she stretched out her back again. "I'll ride with you. I just don't feel up to driving either."

"That's fine," John replied. "Want me to massage your back later?" He asked as they walked towards his car.

"Please," she replied following him. "I think a nice hot bath for two may also be in the cards."

"You really should see a doctor, Ziva," John said, fumbling his keys out of his pocket. "And I know you're fine, but you're in pain, and I don't like to see you in pain..."

"It's just sore muscles that haven't had time to rest and heal with all the work and beating on bad guys we had been doing the last month. When things slow down again, I'll look into taking some personal time. Would that make you feel better?"

"A little." He unlocked his car and opened the door on the passenger side. "Milady, your chariot awaits."

"Why thank you," she grinned as she settled into the car seat. She waited for him to get in and turn the car on before immediately reaching over to turn on the heated seats to try to substitute for a heating pad of sorts for her back and let out a low moan as she felt it warming up.

"Ah, that's why you wanted me to drive." John drove off the Navy Yard and then turned on the radio to keep him awake, in case Ziva would fall asleep herself. "We could swap cars if you like," he chuckled as he glanced over to his lover. Had it been possible, she would have been sprawled out over the chair while hugging it, she looked as if she was in heaven. "Although maybe you would still need someone to drive you as you'd be madly in love with a chair."

"I finally understand Tony's obsession with his massaging chair. Never before did I before this last month. I am tempted to invest in one myself now but I have something much better that he does not," she smiled dreamily.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

Ziva looked at him with a warm smile, "You."

"Me and my hands and the rest of my body, belongs to you Ziva." John chuckled. "I'm glad Tony doesn't have me... ew."

She chuckled as she reached over to rest her hand on his thigh before letting her head fall back to the chair head. "If you go ahead two blocks past my street and turn left, the Chinese restaurant I usually order from is on the corner about a quarter mile up."

"Yes, milady," John grinned and fumbled his phone out of his pocket before handing it to Ziva. "Could you call Teyla for me? That she doesn't have to expect me home tonight?"

"Sure," she laughed as she took the phone and flipped down the phone book to his house number. Dialing, she spoke with Teyla for a few moments, they were outside the restaurant. Covering the mouthpiece, she looked back at John. "I'll pay you back later but could you get me some beef lo mein and egg drop soup?"

"Don't worry, it's on me." John turned off the engine and got rid of his seat-belt before kissing Ziva. "I'll be right back." He got out and quickly jogged inside the restaurant, leaving her behind on the phone.

She watched him as he went in before going back to talking with Teyla.

John was glad when they finally reached Ziva's home. He had kicked off his shoes at the front door and had gone to the kitchen to get them something to drink before joining Ziva in the living room to eat their dinner. He smiled at her as he sat down on the floor as Ziva had laid down on the couch on her side and was eating her food. He placed the remote control in front of her and started to eat his own food. "Don't fall asleep on me... I want that hot bath."

Ziva smiled wickedly. "And I want your hands on me," she purred as she took another bite of her food. When John turned around to kiss her, she hit him on the head with her chopsticks. "Eat your food." 

* * *

><p>The next morning, after dropping Ziva off at work, he went to visit that marine buddy of Stackhouse, just to have a chat and to keep himself busy. He knew that nobody had talked to him yet, apart from maybe Metro PD, and maybe, just maybe, this guy could tell him what happened that night.<p>

John was still tired and had resorted to red bull to keep him awake. He just didn't want to wake up in cold sweat when he was at Ziva's as she needed the rest herself. He had slept for an hour, maybe two, before he took a shower and spent the rest of the night watching TV, doing push ups and quietly managed to clean a little around the apartment without disturbing most of Ziva's belongings, knowing how she wanted to have everything in its own spot.

He had looked up Nathan's buddy, Lt. Jonas Cobb. He knew that Cobb was a special forces kind of guy, so when he had asked for his file, a lot of things were redacted from it. It was slightly frustrating because even though John had the clearance for everything Air Force and Stargate related issues, he didn't have it for the other top secret projects the government were conducting.

John parked his car in front of Cobb's house and looked at it for a while. It was small, but well taken care of and it looked like Cobb was mowing his lawn. Sighing, John got out of his car and approached the house. "Lt. Cobb?"

"Yes sir, can I help you?" the man answered. He looked like a kid, John hadn't expected that. Usually special forces men were big and had more muscles.

"My name is Colonel John Sheppard, US Air Force," John replied. "Nathan Stackhouse was my friend."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Sir," Cobb replied and shut off the mower. "He was a great friend."

"I'm sorry for your loss too, Lieutenant," John nodded. "I know Stackhouse was visiting you and I was wondering what happened the night he died, I'm trying to retrace his steps but I can't find anything."

Cobb sighed and ran a hand through his hair - too long compared to Navy standards, leaving John to wonder if he really was - as he walked to his porch and sat down on the steps. "I wouldn't know, Sir." Cobb then answered. "All I know is that he had borrowed my car to drive down to Kansas and visit his family. Did you find my car?"

"He was found downtown in an alley, no car."

"That doesn't sound right, sir."

"No, it doesn't."

"If there's anything else, Sir, please call me," Cobb said as he got up and headed inside his house. "I am really sorry for what happened to Nathan, please send my condolences to his parents."

"I will, thank you." John walked back to his car and looked at the house for a while after he had gotten in. _Something_ wasn't right about this Cobb guy, and he wondered if he really had been a friend of Stackhouse.

On his way back to the Navy Yard, he bought coffee for everyone and as soon as he walked in the bullpen he filled Gibbs in on what he learned.

"Great," Gibbs said wryly. "Next time, don't go by yourself, you have a partner for a reason."

Ziva eyed John from her desk where she was on the phone trying to track down each vehicle from the little footage they were able to obtain. The look she gave was not one reminiscent of their night together. "No ma'am, we're just conducting an investigation - no you are not a suspect. We just need to verify - no, there is no need for a lawyer...Ma'am the make of your car does not match what our forensics shows...I am just trying to verify that your location at the time..."

"Gibbs, Gibbs! Gibbs!" Abby ran into the bullpen and switched on the TV while she pushed McGee away from his desk to access her own computer. "Look!" There was a picture of Stackhouse's shirt on the screen with what it looked like sand on it and then the results. "I found sand!"

"And?" Gibbs looked at Abby, sand wasn't unusual to find.

"It doesn't match the kind of sand we have in the streets!" she said excitedly.

Finally hanging up with the irritating woman, Ziva looked up. "So? We're not far from the beaches and there is too much of the shore to search," she pointed out.

"It's not the beach either." Abby beamed. "Oh come on, take another guess."

"Abby," she said simply, tired and in no mood to play games.

"There was fertilizer in the sand, and airplane fuel." Abby sighed. "And not just any fuel, some special kind of fuel they use at the airport in Orange County, Virginia."

"Virginia is a big place," John pointed out.

"Grab a shovel and start looking." Abby shrugged.

Ziva looked over at Gibbs. "What do you want us to do?"

"McGee, what car does Lt. Jonas Cobb drive?" Gibbs asked.

"Uhm... a 1975 Ford Mustang, boss..."

"Try finding it on traffic cams." He then looked at Ziva and John. "You two, go check it out, when we know more, we will call."

She nodded as she stood to get the address from McGee before collecting her things and her sidearm from her desk. Following John to the elevator she was quiet, breathing tensely through her nose. "I hope this won't be a fools errand," she sighed as the doors closed on them.

"I hope not," John replied. "Besides, fertilizer? Stackhouse would stick to the main roads while driving to Kansas."

"Virginia," she corrected as she looked at the paper in her hand. "In the heart of...somewhere...McGee's handwriting is nearly as bad as Tony's."

"He was on his way to Kansas, Ziva." He took the paper from Ziva's hand and squinted at it. "Up to 25 miles north of the Orange County airport, Culpeper, maybe?" He shook his head. "Does he have any idea how many farms are in 25 miles? And how wide we need to look?"

Ziva snatched the paper back and glared at him. "McGee will pay dearly for this," she promised. "I am in no mood to be mucking through horse crap today."

"Then I will." John exited the elevator and headed to the parking lot. "You need to poke me occasionally so I won't fall asleep while driving."

"No you aren't. Not alone at least. Like Gibbs said, it's what partners are for," she said and sighed. "Give me the keys. I can get us there quicker without the risk of you sleeping at the wheel."

"Nope, you're still not feeling well."

"I am also not at risk of narcolepsy," she added. "You close your eyes for awhile. I'll drive."

"I don't _want_ to sleep, Ziva." John said as he unlocked the car. "Get in."

"Not until you give me the keys," Ziva insisted. "Last thing we need is an accident on the way to there. Gibbs will bring us back from the dead just to kill us over again."

"I shouldn't have said anything," John muttered and handed Ziva the keys before walking around his car and got into the passenger side.

"Thank you," she cheered, snatching the keys from his hand and made her way around the car. Settling into the driver's seat and making the necessary adjustments, she looked over at him and frowned. "Hey, look at me."

He looked at her as he pulled the lever to push the chair back so he could stretch his legs. "It's fine, just drive."

Ziva reached over and rested her hand on his face before smiling. "We take care of each other. Got that?"

"I know... and I'm sorry." John sighed. "It's just that whenever I fall asleep these days, I get nightmares and they're not even that, it's as if I'm watching '_i__t'_ with guns, and my whole life is blown to smithereens _again_."

"Your whole life is not _there_ anymore. Stackhouse was a part of an old life. You need to realize that you have built up a new one from the pieces of the old. New pieces, people, holding the old together," she sighed, unsure how she was feeling from his comment. Somewhat hurt was a certainty.

"No, not that life," John smiled, somewhat. "Instead of seeing the faces of my old friends on Atlantis, I see you, Gibbs... Ducky... and everyone else. You're my life now, Ziva. Not them, but you, and I... I don't understand why everything is melting together in my sleep but I need to get this over with. Sleep or no sleep."

She smiled warmly, feeling relieved at his words. "Ducky says that the dreams you experience is your mind trying to process information that you are unable to when awake. Perhaps a part of you is having a hard time separating the life you live now to the one you had there."

"Maybe," John shrugged. "I'll sleep once we catch whoever ran over Stackhouse with a truck."

"Maybe," Ziva responded with a smile and drove off the Navy Yard. Before they left Washington, John was asleep and for that she was relieved.

It was almost two hours later that she was driving along the dirt roads of the ass end of Virginia before he woke again. She had begun to follow the directions from the GPS coordinates that McGee recommended to start with. "Morning sleepygoose," she smiled.

"Morning... I was dreaming I was sitting on a horse that had a rotten way of moving... but I see that was just the road." He groaned as he tried to stretch out his legs.

"We should be in the general area that McGee estimated shortly," Ziva replied as they bumped along on the road with the speed she was going.

"Ziva, my car is not a company car," John warned, rubbing his head as he looked outside the window. "Stop, I think that's Cobb's car." He braced himself when she stopped the car and drove towards the old Mustang to park behind it. The sun was being a particular ass at the moment so he had to find his cap in the glove compartment before leaving the car for extra shade.

Ziva was shaking her phone as they got out of the car. "You know, it's odd. We're not exactly in the middle of nowhere but I don't have cell reception."

"Shaking it won't help," he chuckled as he took his own phone out of his pocket and squinted to see if he had bars on his phone. "Ah, I don't have reception either."

Ziva immediately drew her gun. "Go check out the car, I'll keep an eye out," she said as she looked around, eying the shamble of a house.

John popped the trunk and saw that it was filled with a bag, a tire iron and a spare tire. He opened the bag and sighed, "Men's clothes." He then opened the driver's side door and looked for anything out of the ordinary. "What do you think? Should I dust for prints? I'm not sure if it'll help us much."

She was busy staring off towards the side of the house that led up into the wooded area behind the stables. Making sure her gun was loaded, she pulled back on the device and started to walk off quietly towards a shadow her eyes had been tracking. It was an unusual one, the way it moved and was certainly not a wild animal, that she was certain of.

As she moved around the far side of the house in her ninja like way, her ears picked up, although a fraction too late, the sound of a small twig snapping right behind her. From there - she remembered nothing but blackness as a gloved hand with a clothe covered her nose and mouth.

"Ziva?" John crawled out of the car and looked around. Where the hell was she? He looked into the direction of the buildings and sighed. _Of course_ she walked off on her own. He got rid of the gloves and drew his gun, although he didn't know if he could properly shoot with this kind of light. He removed the safety of his gun and started to walk towards the house, following Ziva's foot prints.

When her foot prints turned into drag marks with another set big enough to be the foot prints of a man or a tall woman, alarm bells went off in his head. The compound was huge, and he knew he could follow the drag marks and foot prints but what could he expect? _You've turned into a wuss, Sheppard,_ he told himself as he continued to follow the tracks, while trying to keep an eye on his surroundings but even his shades and cap couldn't stop his eyes from seeing blurry when looking at the buildings.

He did not see his attacker coming, and when he felt a heavy object connect with his head he knew it was too late. 


	16. Chapter 15

When he came to he had a throbbing headache, he was sitting on a chair and it felt as if his hands and feet were bound. John wasn't able to move; something he hadn't experienced for over three years. He wasn't worried - yet -, if he and Ziva wouldn't report in, Gibbs would come and look for them. Or he'd call the General, he'd have the _Hammond_ lock on to Sheppard's subcutaneous transmitter, and beam him and Ziva out of here. No big deal. But Ziva... where was she? He couldn't really see, he was in a brightly lit room and there were mirrors that reflected light as well. _Crap_, he thought. "Ziva?"

Whatever the guy did to her, she hadn't felt this much pain in a long time. Ziva could hear John's voice and knew he was behind her - somewhere. "I'm here," she said with a groan. "Chloroform..."

"At least you got drugs," John wished he could rub the back of his head right now, to soothe the pain and to assess the damage. "Are you okay?"

"Other than wanting to tear my spine out, I'm fine," she said. "I have no clue where we are. Assuming he took us off the property because it is too modern in here or this guy did a lot of remodeling."

"What do you see?" He tried to focus on her voice and managed to see her shape in front of him.

She looked up and squinted. "Bright white walls, lots of fluorescent lighting. Do you have your sunglasses?"

"No... I think he took my sunglasses and hat... and my holster feels kinda empty." He closed his eyes, trying to focus started to hurt his head. He tried to move his wrists, but whatever he tried, he couldn't get any space between his wrists and whatever material he was bound with. "Secure knots."

"Yes. Mine as well," she sighed, looking around. In her attempts to shift, she realized that her chair wasn't secure to the floor and with some work, she managed to turn herself around so that she could see John. "Ohhhh..."

"What? What happened?" The calmness he had tried to keep himself in vanished after hearing the noise of something moving. "Ziva?"

Ziva blinked to get the spots from her eyes as she looked at how bad he was. "Your face is bleeding," she said simply. "Some bruising around your eyes - it looks as if you were used as a punching bag while you were out."

"Ah, nothing new then." He breathed a sigh of relief. If a busted up face was all that was wrong - apart from being in their current situation - it was okay. "You think you can get over here so we can try and release ourselves?"

"I need to rest. Just to come this far - give me a moment," she sighed and tightened her eyes closed as she felt a spasm of pain shoot through her back. "I think - when we are out of here, I will go talk to Ducky..."

"Well that's good... and bad..." John frowned and opened his eyes again, trying to determine where the light was coming from so he could move his head and _maybe_ take a better look at their surroundings.

"You honestly think you're going to make it out alive?" A voice over the intercom sounded. A familiar voice, John couldn't place it though. "I should have hit harder."

"Who are you?"

"The one who's going to make your life hell for at least the next few hours, hopefully days."

Ziva looked around as she struggled to herself together through the pain she had already been going through. "What is this all about?" she asked the faceless voice. "We had done nothing to you."

"Your agencies... and others... have ruined my life," the voice spat. "They made me into some kind of super soldier and then left me to _rot_. You are going to prove that you are unworthy of your jobs, since they did hire you!"

"Oh come on, that's childish."

"We'll talk again in a few hours... however, I'd make sure to be out of here within the hour as the time release on the sarin gas will engage. Oh and don't bother about waiting for help. Not only do your phones have no reception, the technology is strong enough to render your transmitter useless while you're here, Colonel Sheppard."

Ziva's eyes grew large at the mention of sarin gas. She stared forward at John, "What transmitter?"

"Everyone who signs up for the Stargate program gets a transmitter underneath the skin so that we can be found at all times," John explained. "It's safer that way and should we ever get in to trouble they can scan the planet, lock on and beam us out."

"That's wonderful. Is there a reason that this guy would think that it would be able to be blocked? I would think that they would have anticipated that sort of technology to resist things like that..."

"Yeah, I'm not too worried about that," John shrugged. "But I am worried about that gas. Stay there, I'll come to you if you keep talking. Okay?"

Ziva sighed. "If you come forward, straight ahead until I say otherwise, you shouldn't find any obstruction other than a table. Your space people should have included a distress button in your ass or something so that you could _let_ them know when you're in trouble. Clearly your geniuses aren't all that bright."

He had managed to reach the table by the time she was done talking. "Funny!" He chuckled and took a moment to catch his breath. For some reason, the chair was heavier than any chair he had sat on. He saw the table frame, but couldn't see the top as it was reflecting light. "I'm more interested in how he knows what he seems to know."

"Clearly he must have been a part of the program," she muttered. "How's your head?"

"Trying not to think of it, although that would be a lot easier if it was darker in here. How's your back?"

"Comes and goes. Happier when it goes, kill me when it comes," she replied. "He must have known about your problem. Everything in here is reflective."

"What if this guy has been planning this for a while? What if he observed us for a long time, gathered intel, hacked into government files?" John started to move towards the right side of the table, trying to get around it.

"Maybe. After what I learned, aren't there like other people who would love to get back at you and the SGC?" she asked.

"He said _agencies_. I'm pretty sure that doesn't just mean the Air Force, Ziva."

"Well what _agencies_ then? I know for a fact that Mossad had nothing to do with whatever this guy is into. My father would kill to get one of his officers in that program though. What? NCIS? FBI? There are way too many agencies that could have a hand in the training of something like that."

"CIA, NSA..." John thought for a second. "Or all of the above?" He nearly toppled over when he reached the edge of the table. Unlike the chairs, the table was bolted to the floor. "I've seen some pretty strange things, Ziva. I wouldn't put it passed every agency in the world to work on something super secret together." He then managed to chuckle. "I'm not a conspiracy theorist or paranoid, but if the Air Force is keeping the program under wraps, why won't this be possible?"

"True. Another two feet to your right John," Ziva said, watching him before grinding her teeth as she had to breathe deeply as a spasm shot through her. "God! I don't know if I can handle that much more."

"You sound like one of Teyla's tribe women in labor," John grinned and managed to get passed the table.

She rolled her eyes. "I think I would know if I were pregnant," she pointed out. "You would certainly know as well, I'm sure."

"Yeah... when Teyla was pregnant with Torren, she got angry with me for not letting her on the team. If she could, she would have bitten off my head."

"She had every right to. When she felt it was time to sit back, she would I'm sure. Women who are pregnant aren't incapable of their jobs. They aren't broken," Ziva replied. "If you did that to me, I would likely break your legs or your arms, or something else more dear and let you see what it is like."

"I feel for you, honey, I really do. I doubt that if they find us, they'd let a visit to the hospital pass on you." He could see her a bit clearer now, and pushed himself to make the final few feet towards her. "Hello!" he greeted her.

She smiled back at him and shook her head. "Can you see well enough if I turn around with the chair to see the ties?"

"Yeah I can try."

Ziva hopped around on the chair until she had her back towards him and flexed her wrists to try her best to let him see as much of the ties as possible. "It's _tight_," she added.

"I know... I know this knot." John squinted as he observed the knots. "There should be a loose string somewhere, if you can tell me where, I might be able to pull it when I turn around to grab it."

It took them some time, but eventually their hands were free and they were both working on getting their feet unbound. John helped Ziva as she was struggling to bend over and helped her up. "Your face!" Ziva carefully touched John's face and it hurt.

"Yeah... you already said that..." he winced. "You shouldn't have touched it."

"Come on, there's a door." Ziva took his arm and walked the both of them towards the door, leading John around the table and various other objects in the room. "It's unlocked." she said surprised.

"Open it, let's go."

"But what if..-"

"Anything better than the impending sarin gas."

"True." Ziva opened the door and pulled John into the new room with her while closing the door. She pushed John against the wall and hugged the wall herself. At least this room wasn't going to be as hard on John's eyes than the last room. "Can you see?"

"Yeah, getting there," he answered, rubbing his eyes. "Is it just me or does this look like a gauntlet?"

"Nope, not just you, there are heavy objects swinging back and forth and some look sharp."

"Great," John sighed.

Her eyes were large as they took everything in. "It looks like something out of one of Tony's movies," she commented before sliding down to the floor to see if they might have enough room to crawl underneath.

"This should be doable... if there's some sort of gap in the middle of all of this..." John started. "You know, whoever this guy is, he must have a lot of money."

"And a lot of time on his hands. My guess is that we are underground on the property. There is no way that he could have taken us too far."

John nodded. "I suppose." He tried to assess the distance between the first swinging object and the second and realized that there was no way that they could go together, or with Ziva on his back. "Well this sucks."

"It looks like we can crawl through but it will be very close," Ziva sighed as she returned to his side.

"Or... we could just stay here, I'm really not in the mood for games."

She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't want to hang around for the gas treatment that this guy has planned."

"That was the other room, I doubt he has any other incentive for us to go through with this in this room," he looked at her and then rolled his eyes. "Fine, let's try to get through this without anything getting slashed up."

"And how do we know that the sarin won't be distributed through the entire property? Together or one by one?"

"I'll go first, if I can get underneath it, then so can you."

Ziva nodded and bit her lip. "Stay low. I'll be right behind you," she said as she reached up to cup his face.

He gently kissed her. "I love you, you know that, right?" He said as he softly caressed her hair.

"I do now," she said. "We'll talk about it when we are out of here. Now go!"

John kissed her again and then lowered himself to the floor. He went to the left where there was a small space of nothingness and made it passed the first two swinging objects before running into an obstacle that prevented him to use the safe side. "It's never easy," he muttered and pulled his legs underneath him so he could sit on his hunches to see what was going on.

"What is it?" Ziva asked as she had her body shoved as close the free space gap as possible. The spasms shooting through her every few minutes didn't help much and whenever she got to a relatively safe position she had to stop and take a breather to recollect herself.

"Some sort of pit with sharp pointy things in it... however jumping over it will definitely hurt our heads... and dive and roll over it... is an option but I can't really see what's on the other end to make sure it's safe."

"I will go then," she said as she slowly made her way closer to him. When she was at his side, she eyed the pit he mentioned. "Well that would ruin anyone's day...If we lower ourselves but hold on to the ledge we could make our way around it. Do you think you could hold yourself up?"

"Easy," John replied, "Do you think you can do it with your back spasms?"

Sighing, she shrugged. "I have to. As soon as the next spasm is over, I'll make my way across. They seem to be pretty consistent in that sense."

"It's sounding more and more like contractions to me!" John joked as he turned around and slowly backed towards the edge, lowering himself to hold on to the ledge. "This freak really does have too much time on his hands." He groaned as he quickly made it round the pit.

"You saw me naked last night...Did I look pregnant?" Ziva replied as she watched him as he moved along. "You're almost there..."

"I was joking, Ziva." He chuckled as he climbed back onto the ground and caught his breath. "Although..." he said with a smirk on his face.

"If you say that I looked fat you won't have to worry about dying by way of sarin. I'll do the job for this lunatic," she growled as she started to lower herself and shift over to the other side.

John started to laugh. "What is it with women and caring about weight issues? You're beautiful, no matter if you're fat or skinny... although too skinny is unappealing but you are not fat."

She was nearly to the opposite side when she started to get out of breath. "Well whatever it is, I'm certainly not in shape because I shouldn't tire this easily. How long do you think we've been out of contact?"

"I don't know, I don't know how long we've been out." John reached for Ziva's hand. "Come on, nearly there, then you can take a bit of rest."

She grunted a little as she shifted, shimmied and kicked her way closer. By the time he was able to pull her up, she could feel another spasm hit and laid there, tense and breathing hard. "You may have a point - about it being like contractions. I'll give you that much," she winced.

"I really was joking," John said as he softly caressed her back. "I'm sure that once we get out of here, a doctor will figure out what's wrong with you."

"I hope so," Ziva said, the pain slowly getting worse but luckily for her, she had a high threshold. "Oh that feels good..." she added to his massaging.  
>"Magic hands," he said as he looked behind him to see what was up next while he continued to caress her lower back.<p>

Once she was through the latest round, she sat up tiredly. "Please tell me he doesn't have any more traps, that he didn't expect us to get past all this already."

"I hate to disappoint you," John sighed. "Although it looks like the next part can be done running... the pendulums swing in a particular way and it might be enough to slip passed them. I could probably also just carry you to the end."

"Oh god," she sighed as she pushed herself up. "Let's just get this over with because I don't know how much more of this I can take now."

"Are you giving up already? Such a shame." The voice had returned. "Even Stackhouse had more spirit than you, and I had to run him over with a tractor!"

John balled his fists. "_She_ is not feeling well. Get her out of here, and I will do whatever more you have planned after we're through here."

"No John, I won't leave you here alone. He'll likely end up killing you," she replied as she leaned up against him. "Are you just toying with us? Is there an actual way out of here that you just want us to suffer to get through?"

"Of course there is a way out, I built this, I got out," the voice laughed. "And what a gentleman you are, Colonel Sheppard, and how weak and pathetic you are for telling me to get her out. I don't understand why you were marked as one of the best ranking officers at the SGC. Oh and yes, I really hope you'll die. That way I can deliver your bodies on the door step of NCIS and severely piss them off."

"What did NCIS do to you?" Ziva asked.

"Ask your director, or his boss," the guy growled. "Hurry along now, I'll be increasing the velocity of the pendulums soon!"

"He sounds like a spoiled child," John muttered. "Didn't get enough attention from his parents."

"Well let's not give him all that much credit. Let's just get through this and come out alive," she whispered. "I'm ready to go when you are - but make it quick."

He lifted her up in his arms and took a deep breath. "Hold on tight."

Ziva locked her wrists together around his neck and tucked her head in. She couldn't help but to hold her breath in as she felt him rush through the next gauntlet, praying that the team would come to find them soon. At the very least, hope that Gibbs would have McGee check on the GPS location of their car after not checking in.

John stopped dead in his tracks after reaching the wall and yet another door. "Okay, that was scary."

She lifted her head and looked at him. Her face was drained of color as she blinked. "Not as scary as what is about to happen..." she said slowly, waiting to see if he realized yet, what she felt.

He carefully set her down on the floor and looked at himself. "Ziva, did you _have_ to pee while you were in my arms? Couldn't you have waited until I put you down again?"

She shook her head. "Considering the last few hours - I don't think that is urine John...it's impossible, but...possible? I'm..." Ziva trailed off, speechless and trying to piece everything together.

"Wait... what?" He looked at her, confused. "You're saying..."

"Do you think its possible?" she asked staring up at him.

"Anything is possible but... come on, you should have noticed at least something other than back pain?" He looked at her, wide eyed.

"Nothing! I haven't even missed my period!" she snapped. "Let's - let's get out of here then argue about this. It doesn't pay to figure it out now if we are going to be _dead_ anyway."

"Unbelievable..." he sighed as he opened the next door and closed it again as it once again was brightly lit. "Oh for the love of - !"

Ziva took a deep breath and opened the door again to see for herself. Her eyes looked around and all she could make out was a stark white room with more fluorescent lighting. "I think this room is meant to weaken your eyes more. I don't see anything in it. Pull your shirt over your head to block out the light...I'll lead you through. It's maybe, ten yards long to a set of stairs and I think a door."

"Alright," John pulled his shirt off and rolled it up before putting it over his head and fastened it behind his head. "All I need now be called a pinata and a stick to beat me with."

"I'll be first in line," she mumbled as she took his hand before pushing the door open. She constantly looked around, trying to see if anything else would come flying at them but luckily they managed to get to the steps in one piece before she felt another spasm - or rather contraction come on. It was strong enough that it made her lose her footing as she tried to climb the winding stairs to the trap door at the top.

"Easy." John pushed himself against a wall - hopefully - and took pulled her against him. "Breathe."

"John, we need to get out of here," she said as she buried her face into his shoulder as she gritted through the next wave of pain. Turning her head up, she eyed the door and groaned. "It's got heavy bolts around it but its wood. We will need something to break through it."

"I know... but I didn't want you to fall off the stairs," John said and rubbed her back. "I can try to see if I can get one of those pendulums down from the other room? Unless you see something in this room that we can use? Or do you think I can break that door?"

Ziva looked around again and shook her head. "No, we'll need something. It's a heavy wood door. Can you see through the fabric of your shirt? It should be heavy enough to block out the sharpness of the white lights."

"I can see the floor from underneath it, stay here, I'll check the door." He slowly continued to walk on the stairs until he reached the door. He pushed against it and chuckled. "This is too easy," he walked down the stairs towards Ziva again and waited until she was ready. "It just looks impossible. It's not."

"That makes me nervous to know what else he has planned for us," she admitted. "Let's go. Please tell me that it does indeed go outside," she added as she reached up for him to help her.

John took her hand and gently pulled her with him. "I hope no more light," he replied as he kicked in the door, and pulled his shirt off his head before putting it back on properly. "Oh, a barn."

"Outside," Ziva sighed as she followed him out. She let go of his hand, letting it go to her stomach as she made her way to the wall to try to peer out through the gaps in the boards. "Careful where you step. This is the ideal setting for trip wire. Would your transmitter work now that we are outside?"

"Maybe... but we're not outside yet." John stood close to Ziva and looked at the door. "You'll need to inspect the door for me, I can't see wires if they're made out of fishing line." He then looked back at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling the need to kill someone," she said as she carefully looked around, kicking up dirt where she could to see if there was any twine hiding in the area before stepping forward more. "We are as much outside as we could get...The sun looks to be heading towards setting - we've been here at least four hours..."

"I'm sure Gibbs is looking for us by now," John told her and then pulled her back when he heard a gun shot. "What the hell!" He quickly looked Ziva over. "Are you okay?"

She had already ducked down for cover as she looked around wide eyed. "I'm fine. That's a sig," she pointed out as there was more shots. "There is more than one shooter. Hopefully it's …" she trailed off as another painful spasm shot through her. Ziva tried to keep from crying out loudly, but they were getting far worse than even the abuse she experienced at the hand of Saleem. "Pain is coming a lot faster than before..."

"I'm pretty sure you're in labor," he looked at her in shock. "I can't believe it..." John tried to figure out where the shooting was coming from. "At least he's not shooting at us right now, let's move to some place safe, get out of his line of sight. Can you walk?"

Her eyes turned on him as she was clearly trying not to make him a victim of her growing anger. "Say that one more time and you will get to feel exactly what I'm feeling now," Ziva replied as she took a deep breath. "If we can get to the car - if its still there, I can hot wire it so that we could get out of here."

John lifted her up. "Hold on to me, I'm going to run across to the next building... that is... if the space is clear for me to run?"

"It looks it," she replied based on what she managed get a view of through the slats of wood of the barn. "Let's go. The quicker we are out of here the better."

He made his way around the remains of the barn and started to run to the opposite side, still hearing the gunshots going another way. "You got a better view of the place before we got knocked out, where do we go?"

Ziva looked behind them and recognized a large tree in the distance. "This is where he took me out," she said. Pointing at the edge of the wall that they took cover against she added, "I came from around that way. The car should be about 60 feet or so from the house on the other side."

"I hate to disappoint you, but that's exactly where the shots are coming from. I don't accidentally want to get shot at even if it's friendly fire. Is there a way around it?"

"We are on a farm. What do you think?" she asked, looking at him hard. "Put me down. I'll go look. I'm just surprised you can even see a thing out of that one eye - your face is so swollen!"

"Well you know..." John shrugged. "When you can't see properly, the ears take over, there's a reason why I keep asking you things," he pointed out and gently set her down on the ground, only letting go of her when he was sure that she was stable on her feet. "I can still see some things, although it's mostly guess work."

She didn't say anything and lowered herself as low as she could before slowly peeking around the corner of the building. Narrowing her eyes, she could make out another car being parked behind where they left theirs but whoever it belonged to, the people had taken cover behind it. Looking the other way she could make out the shooter, roughly, in the distance.

Ziva was about to turn back to John when a flash of silver popped up through the windows of the car making her smile. "Gibbs is here John. They made it," she said as she tried to figure out a way that they could get from where they were to the cars.

"And I guess the shooter is right above us?" John made his way over to Ziva and sat down on his hunches. "Is there a way inside?"

"I am not about to go _inside_," she growled. "I am not interested in seeing what he has set up in this place after what he has _under_ us. We will just have to make a run for it."

"Alright, alright... it's not like you're capable of fighting and I probably won't see where I'm hitting." He grinned. "Gibbs?" he called out.

"Sheppard! Is Ziva with you?" Came the reply, John could hear relief in his voice.

"Yeah, lay some cover fire will you, we're in the line of fire." John got up and lifted Ziva back in his arms. "No way you're running." He told her as he heard how the shooting pattern changed into a three against one fight. "You need to tell me if you see any obstacle on the way in front of us. Am I clear to run?"

"I'm not about to argue right now," she said as she held onto him tightly.

Gibbs eyed their shadows from where Sheppard's voice had come from and nodded to Tony to keep up the fire fight as long as possible. "You have a clear route straight to the car!" he called out.

John took a deep breath and started to run towards the general direction he had heard Gibbs' voice coming from and tried to ignore the sound of the guns, so he could pick up anyone talking. The car came in sight and he moved to his right, seeing the car become sharper and sharper and took him and Ziva behind the car, setting her down behind the tire.

"All clear, let's get him," Gibbs' voice sounded. "Preferably alive, but I'd take him dead too."

"Whatever," Ziva replied as she breathed out, trying to resist screaming out. "Just - kill him already - and get us to the hospital..."

"Got him!" McGee yelled. "I'm going in!"

"No you're not!" John called out. "Not before the bomb squad secures the place, you have no idea what he's capable of."

Ziva looked up and shook her head. "He has access to sarin gas," she gritted out. "We need to get out of here. He knows too much, has access to more than you want to know. It's like one of Tony's movies..."

"Really?" Tony's voice sounded.

"We should get out of here. I'll make a call to the General and he'll take care of this place. Nobody _ever_ should lose their life here. We have to get Ziva to a hospital... NOW."

She nodded. "Considering what he knows about you before NCIS, you need to have your people manage this place," Ziva said as she shifted so that she could open the door of the car and crawl onto the floor to get to the wires under the console to try to get it started.

Gibbs appeared and handed Ziva a key. "Thank God for duplicates, and you look like hell."

"She's in labor," John slowly got up and helped Ziva out of the front of the car. "And not going to jump start a car when there's a key." He opened the back door and helped her in. "Gibbs, you drive," he said as he made sure that Ziva was comfortable.

"Don't say a word Gibbs. Not now at least. Later, please," she groaned as her hands gripped at the head of the drivers seat. "Make sure DiNozzo and McGee get out of here. As soon as there is cellular service, call your general John..."

"Just keep breathing..."

"Boss! I see movement!"

"Get in the other car McGee, and take Tony with you!" Gibbs barked as he got into the car and started it. "And you two..." he looked at Sheppard and Ziva in the rear view mirror. "We'll talk later." He floored the car and John had to make sure that he wasn't falling against the window as he was holding Ziva up. Gibbs then tossed his cellphone on the back seat. "Call the general, McGee and DiNozzo are on our six."

He grabbed the phone and punched in the numbers while he had to had Ziva check if there was cell reception. When she pressed on the green button on Gibbs' phone he waited for the General to pick up. "General, you need to have the _Hammond_ level a compound about... 2 miles from my current position. Matter of National Security... yes... yes we're safe." John hung up and within near seconds he saw the Asgard beams destroy Cobb's handiwork. They were bright enough for him to see and breathed a sigh of relief and slumped against the seat.

"That was quick," Ziva quietly commented as she looked out the back window before settling back. "I need to lay down...I just want to sleep now after everything."

"Spaceship," John whispered in her ear and smiled. "Try to sleep, we'll be at the hospital soon..." He helped her lay down and had her head in his lap.

"Sleep? With the pain coming like every ten minutes? I don't think so," she snapped as she shifted, trying to find a position that wasn't feeling as if she wanted to tear her spine out.

"Make up your mind then!" John chuckled and tried to avoid the glare Gibbs gave him through the rear view mirror.

She glared at him before her hand shot up and held him by the throat. "Don't tell me what to do Sheppard. I can and will kill you," Ziva threatened.

"Can't breathe... Ziva... let go," he begged and coughed as she released him. "Thanks." He fought against the urge to rub his face. The adrenaline was wearing off and his face was starting to throb and his head was getting invaded by midgets who wanted to redecorate his brain. "You're doing great, honey."

"You two... rule twelve," Gibbs said as he focused on the road. "What else haven't you been telling me?"

"You know I hate your rules," John replied. "We proved you wrong."

"You should have told me."

"She didn't want me to tell you."

"And she's pregnant?" Gibbs said unsure.

"Believe me, it's a surprise to us too. You'd better keep driving because she'll most likely kill you if we don't get to a hospital soon."

Ziva glared at them through their entire exchange as she tried to keep on breathing the way she'd observed women do on television and movies. She had never actually seen anyone go through this herself. When Tali had been born, her father kept her away and focused on her education. "My back has been hurting, I can't even think about how long," she shared. "How much longer?"

"I think five more minutes," John said and softly caressed her hair. "Just hold on for five more minutes."

"Any place. Are we going to the local one?" she asked sitting up to peer over the seats to see Gibbs using the GPS system. "When did you learn how to use that?"

"Ducky showed me," Gibbs replied, "And yes, we're going to the local one, I doubt your fly boy here has other means of transportation to a better hospital."

"Just say the word," John whispered in Ziva's ear.

She shook her head. "If we went by the way you want, then you will have to tell Gibbs more than you are allowed to already. If we are almost there, and they can give me drugs, then this place is just fine."

"My place has better drugs," he grinned and winced as Gibbs drove over a bump in the road.

Ziva cried out as her hand went to her back and she rolled to her side. "I believe it, but I'm sure that once Abby and Ducky hears about this, they will already start making arrangements to be transferred closer to home."

John started to rub her back and looked outside, where he could see that Gibbs was already pulling up at the hospital. "We're here." When Gibbs stopped the car, John got out of the car and helped Ziva out as well. He then lifted her in his arms and walked towards the entrance, followed by Gibbs.

"Sir, you have to move your car," a guard called after them as he got up from his podium at the other end of the waiting room.

Gibbs handed the guy the keys. "It's all yours."

"A little help here? My partner is in labor!" John called out.

Ziva let out another cry of pain mixed with irritation. "Doctor! Now!" she growled.

"Alright, alright..." A familiar voice sounded. "You got here faster than we thought!"

"Carson?"

"Good to see ya lad! Now get the young lady on a gurney, and... what happened to your face?"

"Not important."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "His face was used as a punching back by a suspect, and then some. He will also need his eyes checked. The rooms that we were in were bright and reflective," she said as she pulled herself up on the hospital bed.

"Don't," John warned as he looked at Carson. "She's first."

"Alright..." Carson sighed and looked at Ziva. "Good to see you again, Ziva," the doctor smiled. "I'm going to get your pants off you and see how much you're dilated down there, not to worry. I am a doctor, not a pervert."

"What?" she asked. "And things aren't right - I've still had my period, haven't gained any weight...I didn't even know!"

It took one glare from Carson to get Gibbs out of the room and everyone else who had followed them in. "Don't fret, young lady, I will take good care of you and the wee baby... I'm actually glad I made it in time then, your wee one will have a bigger chance of survival."

"But how did you know? Did someone call you? I'm so confused - and ohhhh god..." she said before letting out a scream from one of the most painful spasms she ever felt since everything started.


	17. Chapter 16

The next several minutes went by in a blur. One moment Ziva was laying on the hospital bed in the emergency room, the next she was somewhere else in the hospital, in a gown, screaming for dear life every few minutes. If that wasn't scary enough, the expression on everyone's face around her - and John's friend keeping him out of the room - she wasn't sure that the baby would be very healthy. If it survived being born considering the way she had cared for herself the previous months leading up to that moment.

"What is wrong?" Ziva asked, looking around wildly.

"Your li'l one's heart beat is slower than it should be, even for a preemie," Carson explained as he sat down at the foot of her bed and reviewed the tests that the nurses were showing him.

"Well how far along _am_ I?" she asked.

He looked at her and shook his head. "It's hard to say with this technology lass. From what I could see, it's very possible that you are full term, if shy by maybe two or three weeks. An infant could survive, but without proper prenatal care and your profession..."

She nodded understanding that severity of the risks and sighed. "Where is John?"

"He is out in the waiting room with the rest of your team. I want to get you and the baby stabilized first. He would only get in the way," Carson smiled. "Just lay back and relax. We will get you some pain medication. You still have a little bit to go yet, but you are almost there."

Ziva closed her eyes as she tried to digest all the information. She was about to be a mother - maybe. The thought alone was enough to leave her feeling dizzy even as she laid there. All she could really think about then as well, was John being at the mercy of Gibbs and Tony.

* * *

><p>Down the corridor, John paced the small area of the floor that the men were restricted to waiting. He couldn't be more pissed at Carson then for keeping him away. It was his girlfriend, his child that he was working on. John deserved - no, he was meant to be there at her side to help her through everything.<p>

The cold pack that the nurses tried to give him for his face sat on the end table next to where Gibbs sat, warming to the room temperature. He just didn't care about anything but what was happening in the room down the hall.

Tony was glaring at John. Not only was he a stubborn ass for not letting the nurses come near him, he was also the one who was screwing _his_ partner and had knocked her up. He wanted to confront John badly, but there were two reasons … no three, why he didn't. Ziva had made her choice, obviously, Gibbs would kill him and third, John would kill him too.

"So Carson? He's your doctor?" Tony carefully asked.

"Yeah. He took care of me for years and patched me up after we returned from our base being destroyed," John said, kicking a chair across the hall. "I thought he was my friend too... I should be _in_ there," he said, pointing into the general direction of the room where Ziva was.

"You need to get yourself checked out," Tony reasoned. "I know you don't want to in case she needs you, but you look like hell man. You could have broken something."

"As I told Ziva and Carson, I will let myself get checked out _after_ I know she's fine."

Gibbs shook his head as he looked up at the man. "What good are you going to be to her if you aren't? If she or that kid needs your help, you won't be much good to them all busted," he said.

"It's just my face... and my sight is slowly returning, I'm _fine_ for now," John kept pacing and nearly tripped over the chair he had just kicked away. He kicked it again. "I don't want to wait!"

"For now? That chair didn't give you that bruise on your face Sheppard..."

"No, that sadist did. I don't care. I'm not going to... what if..." he took a deep breath as he felt a panic coming on. What if Ziva would die giving birth? He knew he couldn't handle that. But Carson was with her, she'd be fine, but what if? "I need to know she's fine before I let someone have a look at me, Gibbs. I _need_ that," John looked at the other man.

He let out a breath as he looked up at him. "She will make sure you are there when its time. I doubt that your friend would dare to argue with her if he knew what she was capable of."

"Besides, we'd like to have you around longer," Tony said warmly. "If you lose your eyesight for good we lose a valued member of our team."

John spun around and stared at Tony. He was surprised and as far as he could tell, so was Gibbs.

"I think that apart from Abby and McGeek, you and Ziva can show Gibbs that rule twelve can be a good thing as well. I doubt either one of us would have survived what you have endured with Ziva today." Tony got up and put his hands on John's shoulders. "Let yourself get checked out, Sheppard. I don't want Teyla to kill me."

"Fine," John sighed. "If you put it that way..." He looked at him and nodded. "Thanks Tony."

"No problem. Hey...where did McGee go?" he asked, looking around. Tony had been so distracted by his own issues with the situation that he missed his own partner disappearing on him.

"I got us coffee," McGee came walking in. "And called Abby and Ducky. They're calling Teyla and make sure that once Ziva's stable that she can get transferred to Bethesda."

John couldn't help but to laugh. "She thought as much as we were on our way here," he said as he scratched the back of his head. "Thanks," he added as he took his coffee and a hearty sip.

Gibbs took the coffee from John. "Not until you're cleared."

"You're a cruel man!" John complained as he reluctantly went to find a nurse, who in turn found him a doctor.

* * *

><p>"Easy there. Just breathe through it Ziva," Carson said as he had his head tucked under the blanket as he examined her further.<p>

"You try to breathe when you have something shoving its way through your ass," she snapped. "Where is John? He needs to be here. I need him here!" she started to cry as she collapsed back against the bed after the contraction passed.

"Not until I'm certain of your wee one's position, now calm down," Carson said as he yet again grabbed the scanner.

Ziva laid her head down and closed her eyes. "Please don't make me beg...Just get him in here or take me in for surgery to get _it_ out. Just - do something! I can't go through any more," she said shaking her head.

He only smiled as he continued to examine her. Reaching up he felt around over her upper and lower abdomen. "Did you notice any other changes? Because I had read and seen photos of you before Colonel Sheppard went to work with you. Your abdominal areas do seem to be a bit more swollen than you appeared," he commented.

She sighed as she thought about it. "I disregarded that as my neglecting to train. I have not been in the gym since my back begun hurting and been nursing an injury," she admitted. "I can understand more now why that would be."

"Aye lass, your clothing hides your body and these change quite well which is likely why no one else noticed," he said glanced up at the monitor. "Oh! Another contraction is about to come! Nurse? Can you please find Colonel Sheppard and ask him in. It's almost time."

John was sulking when he was back in the waiting area, holding an ice pack against his swollen face and trying to drink the now cold coffee. Gibbs looked on at him with an amused look on his face.

"Do you have any plans on what you two plan to do now?" Tony asked randomly as his head leaned back against the wall where he sat.

"It's not like we had time to discuss things yet, Tony," John answered.

McGee slurped a sip from his coffee and shrugged. "But you must have thought about it some since. I'm curious as to if Gibbs and Vance will let you two to be partners after this," he commented, glancing at their boss quickly and nervously.

"I don't care, to be honest. If not, I'll retire and should we have a healthy baby, become a full time house dad and babysitter to Torren."

"I thought we had taught you something about quitting, Sheppard." Gibbs replied.

John shrugged. "You have a thing against partners on a team, it's only fair if you decide we shouldn't continue with what we are doing. And it's only reasonable for me to either find a different job or retire in order to stay with Ziva."

The older man smiled and shook his head. "I'll admit that this was a big surprise but you two have also continued to separate your private life from your work without any hints to your relationship so far. Being parents _will_ change things, you know. We can keep going on a probationary basis for now and see how things go. You both however, _will_ have wills and all that other legal stuff done when things start to settle down. If either of you are injured or killed - that baby will need to be cared for."

"I _know_, Gibbs. A baby is not a pet. Did someone call Teyla already?"

"I think Abby did," McGee answered. "Oh someone's coming this way..." he pointed out as he noticed a woman in pink scrubs shuffling her way down the hall towards them.

"Colonel Sheppard?" the young woman asked, looking around.

"Is she okay?" John asked as he nearly knocked over his coffee when he got up.

The girl smiled and nodded. "Yes, she is comfortable. Doctor Beckett asked for me to come get you. She is almost ready to begin to push. If you wish to come with me now...?"

"Coming!" John followed the nurse. Carson was _finally_ letting him near her again. When he entered the room Ziva was in, he saw she was hooked up on various machines and she had a look on her face that told him that she was about to kill someone. "I'm here," he smiled as he walked to Ziva and planted a kiss on her forehead. "How are you doing?"

"I've been better," she smiled at seeing him. "You okay?"

Carson looked up and grinned. "Colonel. So far everything is actually looking pretty good. However, Ziva, when the next contraction begins, I want you to push hard," he said as a nurse came to her other side to help sit her up into position.

"Good?" John asked his friend. "What do you mean? She never even looked like she could even be-"

"Actually Miss Ziva did gain some and show slightly. It appears as if her body simply concealed the infant quite well," the doctor grinned as he kept an eye on the monitor still.

"Apparently!" John shot a look at Carson. "Everything alright though, Doc?"

"Well as soon as the little one is with us, I'll have to look him or her over to be sure, but right now, other than a bit of a concerning heart rate, things do look like they are going good."

"Good," John then smiled at Ziva who looked like she could use a nap. "You can do this."

She shook her head. "You do this," she replied as she winced when a spasm started up again.

"Alright Ziva, I want you to push through this," Carson interrupted. "Just a couple good hard pushes may be enough and it will be all over soon enough," he reassured her.

Ziva sat up with the help of the nurse and bared down, her hand tightening around John's. She groaned it out as she felt her insides stretch painfully. It felt like an eternity before the first wave was over and she fell back against the bed.

"You are doing good lass," the doctor smiled. "The head is through and the youngin' has a load of hair! On the next contraction you should be able to finish up and we'll have a new life here!"

"You push it out!" she cried. "I just want to sleep..."

"You can sleep soon, honey..." John reassured her. "You're doing great."

Growling she shoved him away. "You do this, I just - I can't," she whimpered. Her reprieve did not last long as the next contraction came quickly which ignited her to cry out and the nurse helped to support her back while she bared down to push the infant out the rest of the way.

"I have the shoulders," Carson announced before the rest of the small body simply slid out, leaving Ziva in an exhausted slump. Quickly he clamped the umbilical before cutting it and transferring the baby to the warmer where a small group of hospital staff were waiting to begin to clean off and check on its health.

John wanted to follow Carson and look at the baby but his glare told him to stay with Ziva. He took a wet wash cloth and softly caressed Ziva's face with it. "I think it's a girl," he smiled at her.

While he left his friend to tend to his love, the doctor went over to help with the baby. Suctioning the nose and mouth of the tiny body, he quickly tried to stimulate the infant into breathing and crying. A nurse looked up at him and murmured, "She has an Apgar of five."

"I see that," he muttered with concern and determination as he continued to rub at the tiny extremities to push the blood through to them. After a minute or so, the baby let out a tiny cough before wiggling around on the table and pulling its arms and legs away from each person who tried to tug on them to check its physical activity.

After a little more suctioning the baby let out a loud cry that soon filled the room, filtering out into the hall whenever the door opened by nurses coming and going. Smiling with a pleased satisfaction, Carson looked back at John and Ziva. "It's a girl! A wee bit tiny, but she looks to be quite healthy!" he said as he finished wiping her off before wrapping a soft blanket around her to bring her over to her parents.

John watched the baby girl as Carson placed her in Ziva's arms. "I can't believe it," he breathed a sigh of relief. "She's beautiful!" He smiled and softly kissed Ziva on the head.

Ziva blinked as she looked at the tiny baby. "I feel like I'm going to break her," she said softly. "All this time...I did not know."

"She's quite the surprise alright," John smiled as he softly touched one of the tiny hands with his finger. "I can't believe we're parents."

"I know," she replied as she stared at her.

"Have either of you ever considered a name through all this?" Carson asked as he watched on proudly.

"Nope, was too busy worrying about Ziva." John answered. The little girl looked like Ziva, with her big eyes and tiny nose and he just couldn't believe that he and Ziva were responsible for her creation.

She looked up at John and smiled. "Actually I did think about it some, on the way here and while waiting for you," she said. "After we got back from Colorado, I looked up more about Elsa, and who she was... and I thought...Well I know how much she meant to you but what if we use her middle name? Mariely?"

John was quiet for a moment and then looked at Ziva. "I think – I think that it's a great idea and that Elsa would have loved that," he answered carefully. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she nodded and looked back at the baby. "After all, if it were not for her, in some ways, she would not be here, right?"

"Alright," John nodded and kissed her. "Mariely it is." John then heard the muffled sobs of his friend Carson and looked at him. "Really?"

"Ah lad, it's wonderful to see how you've come full circle and how your lass wants to honor Elsa... forgive a grown man for crying."

Ziva smiled up at him before looking at John again and moved to let him take her. "Here," she said. "Hold her. Show her to the team," she added as she shifted in the bed uncomfortably. Carson was already back in his stool at the foot of the bed knowing what was going to come next.

"You best listen to her. We just need to handle the afterbirth here and get Ziva cleaned up for everyone to come in," he said.

John looked at Mariely in shock. She _was_ small and light and he now realized why Ziva was afraid she'd break her. "Oh... okay." He made his way out of the room with their baby girl in his arms; he didn't have to go far, before he knew it, he was looking directly at Gibbs who was smiling like a proud grandfather and Tony and McGee grinning like the silly uncles. "It's a girl," John said sheepishly.

"Well let us see!" Tony replied as he looked over McGee's shoulder to see better. "Holy crap she's _small_!"

"Ziva's ninja body hid her well," John pointed out.

"Congratulations, Sheppard. She's beautiful," Gibbs said. "She's going to be one hell of a heart-breaker when she grows up."

To that Tony grinned. "I believe that. Considering her parents, she's going to have every guy chasing after her," he laughed and simmered down once he caught the look John had in his eye - and after McGee elbowed him in the gut.

"Did you guys decide on a name?" McGee asked.

"Ziva thought that Mariely was appropriate." John said proudly. "I think it suits her."

"Mariely Sheppard?"

"I don't know, we haven't discussed the important details yet, Ziva was kinda busy and now she's too tired to have that kind of conversation."

Gibbs shrugged a shoulder. "It can wait. At least _she_ has a name," he smiled as he made his way over and reached up to play with the tiny fingers. "Abby and Ducky hired a private ambulance to come transfer Ziva and Mariely. She is riding up with them and said they should be here any minute so you might want to prepare yourself for a tornado."

John chuckled. "Is there a way to prepare yourself for the torrent that's Abby? Please, tell me your secret!"

The older man only smiled as he turned his attention back on the baby. "She's going to be out of work for awhile. I'm assuming you're going to talk her into moving in by you at least temporarily? I'm sure Teyla will be able to help her where she would need that sort of thing."

John nodded. "The house is a secure place and big enough for all of us . I'm sure Teyla would be more than happy to help."

"Of course I would John," a voice spoke up from behind them. Abby and Teyla were walking down the hall with the ambulance crew behind them. "Is that the baby?" she asked as she, almost as eagerly as Abby looked.

"John! John! John! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! The first team baby! Can you believe it! Oh my god! Will I get to babysit? Please say yes! I have so much that I could teach it! What is it? It's a girl, right? Of course it is! They wouldn't wrap a boy up in pink," Abby rattled on as she jumped on her already high platform shoes. "And oh my god what happened to your face?"

"Abby," John chuckled. "Calm down, please." He was surprised that Mariely was still quiet, but apparently she was too tired of the stress Ziva had to endure during the day. "Her name is Mariely and I'm sure that you'll get the chance to babysit her one day."

Teyla had been eying the child in her friend's arms and smiled. "She could also simply be a quiet baby," she pointed out. "But I believe your Doctor Mallard would prefer us to have everyone moved closer to home simply for the comfort and security of your military hospital. Where is Ziva? I will go speak with her quickly and fill her in on the arrangements for you."

"In there," John pointed towards the room. "However, I was kicked out, I think it's safer to wait until Carson says it's okay to go in." When he saw the look on Teyla's face he smiled. "Yes, Carson, the _Hammond_ brought him over after I asked if they could level something to the ground for us."

"If he kicked you out for the reason I believe, then he will certainly let me in," she smiled as she turned to go find her friends and share their plans.

"Can I please hold her? Please?" Abby seemed to have calmed down somewhat as she stretched out her arms. "I promise I won't drop her."

"You'd better not," John said as he gently put Mariely in Abby's arms and then took a seat on one of the chairs. _What a day,_ John thought as he kept his eyes on Abby and his daughter.

After several minutes passed, Carson eventually made his way out of the birthing room with a tired smile on his face. "How is everyone fairing?" he asked as he approached the waiting area after speaking to the ambulance crew. Teyla had remained in the room with Ziva to help clean her up for the transfer, and it was something that he was confident that the nurses were more than capable of assisting as well so he took his leave then. "Have you gotten yourself checked out, Colonel?"

"Yes Carson," John replied.

"How about your eyes?"

John looked at Carson blankly. "What about them?"

"Well... you've been hit on the head several times, maybe you should come by the SGC in a couple of days when you all have settled," the doctor answered quietly.

"I'm not going to fly only to..."

"You don't _need_ to fly."

"Shut up."

The doctor sighed and shook his head. "We'll talk about it later and no excuses. They should be almost done getting Ziva ready to be transferred," he filled him in. Looking around, he found the woman that Teyla had described that came with her and smiled. "Lass, did you happen to bring Torren's car seat? I forgot to ask Teyla before I left the room. I'm sure that the hospital has one we can borrow if you didn't..."

"Oh, Ducky is going to love you." Abby squeaked. "Of course we did, well I had to remind Teyla and then get the thing out of John's car but yes, auntie Abby brought the car seat with her."

Carson chuckled. "Well, we are going to need it soon as this little one will be transported with her mother. I do want to keep them in for observation and some tests for a least a night or two to make sure that there is nothing wrong with either of them after all they went through to get here. You too Colonel. I want you to stay the night when we get to Bethesda. No arguing because Landry agreed, it's either there or Colorado."

John made a face. "As long as you don't call Dr. Cale."

Carson smiled innocently. "Why would I do that? Oh right, your eyes! Good idea John, a very good idea! No seriously, Colonel, you look like you haven't slept properly for days."

"He hasn't," Gibbs replied. "Ever since we found that buddy of his."

"Aye... such a sad loss." Carson sighed. Looking up, he saw Teyla poking her head out of the room. "Ah, it looks as if they are ready. I suppose it would be alright for Ziva to hold the young one until we get to the ambulance. I hope that the staff doctor has all the paperwork finished. If you don't mind me taking Mariely for a short time to get her prints done and we can be on our way."

"Here you go," Abby gently handed Mariely over to Carson before pushing passed Teyla and running into the room to give Ziva a big hug.

Ziva groaned as she accepted her friend's affection. She was still quite very sore and the pain medication the nurse gave her had yet to start to take effect. They wouldn't give her anything strong that would stay in her body long because at some point, she would have to try to see if she could produce milk to feed Mariely, if she decided to try breast feeding at all. "Hey Abby," she smiled tiredly as she watched what little things she had when they came in being bagged by Teyla.

"I'm so glad you're still alive and you're the first mommy on the team and oh she's so beautiful and you did great and you had us all worried because we couldn't even find you on your cellphone and that's why - "

Teyla gently tapped Abby's shoulder and smiled. "Breathe, and take it slowly. Your friend is tired."

"Oops, sorry Ziva," Abby said sheepishly.

"It's okay. I know you were worried, but we were sure that when we did not check in after having to drive out so far, that Gibbs would have started looking," she replied. "It is still all very shocking."

"It is! One moment you're not pregnant and then whammo! Baby!" Abby hugged Ziva again. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

She laughed lightly and shook her head. "Evidently, according to Dr. Beckett, I've actually had the signs of being pregnant the entire time just it wasn't as obvious as we would believe or consider..." Ziva trailed off as she noticed the door open and the ambulance technicians come in with their stretcher. Sighing, she knew she would have to move over and she just didn't want to move period.

It actually didn't take much effort for the crew to move her themselves and despite the pain and discomfort that came from the jostling. She was happier to have had them do that little bit for her as it would have hurt more for her to do it herself.

Several minutes later, she was being wheeled out into the hall where Carson waited to hand Mariely over to her. Smiling, she looked down at the baby in her arms and sighed. She was so transfixed on the smallness of her that she failed to notice everyone else that lingered around.

"Alright you lot, keep moving," Carson said. "That's enough excitement for the day, both the mom and wee one need their rest now, but feel free to follow the ambulance in a car... where's Colonel Sheppard? Please tell me that he didn't wander off!"

"He nodded off," Tony grinned as he started to shake John awake.

"I'm awake, what's wrong?" John quickly sat up and immediately regretted rubbing his face.

"You, your gorgeous lass and your breathtaking daughter are going to get a lift to Bethesda hospital. Move it, Colonel," Carson answered. "There will be plenty of time to sleep once the excitement has gone."

John felt like a zombie when he followed everyone to the hospital exit, but couldn't help but smile when he saw the look on Ziva's face while she held Mariely. He knew he had to talk to Ziva about the important things, such as what were they going to do now, but it had to wait until the day after; he was currently too tired and overwhelmed by everything.

The ambulance had been cramped with John and Carson insisting on riding in the back with Ziva and the technician, while Teyla sat in the front. Abby wasn't too thrilled that she couldn't join them on the way back but calmed down with just a look from Gibbs as they pulled out. Carson made it clear to the rest of the team that they would be more than welcome to visit in the morning, but asked for them to leave the new family to rest for the night.

By the time they finally got settled in, John had been more than pleased that his friends worked on arrangements for them to share a room for their admission. Since Sheppard was only really in for observation with Carson hovering over around, it was certainly unusual to have a male patient on the maternity ward. However, after everything they endured, they just didn't want to be too far from one another.

John loved watching Ziva sleep. She looked beautiful, peaceful and 'glowy'. There was a smile across her lips and at that moment, he fell in love with her all over again. He couldn't sleep, despite his exhaustion, and had taken place in a chair next to her bed, putting his feet up against her bed and enjoyed the view.

"You should be in your own bed Colonel," Carson said softly from the doorway. "If you thought the last several hours were overwhelming, it's only going to continue to be so for a long while. General Landry is still eager to visit you this weekend, or have you forgotten?"

"She's so beautiful, Carson. I don't want to sleep, I just want to sit here for a while."

"Yes, she is a lovely woman and I am relieved to know that you have found her, but please, return to your bed and get the rest you really do need. I don't want to have to sedate you to make sure that you get rest, but I will if I have to," the doctor sighed.

John grumbled as he put his feet on the ground and got up from his chair. He softly planted a kiss on Ziva's forehead and crawled into his own bed. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic," Carson replied as dryly as his friend spoke, but smiled nonetheless. "I will call and update the General on everything and try to get arrangements for everything you will need. I hope you don't mind but I gave Teyla your wallet when you were sleeping so that she and Miss Abby to go buy things for the baby."

"Thought I had lost it when Cobb had us. I must have forgotten to take it with me then." John pulled the covers over him. "It's fine, Carson, thank you."

"Ah, no. Agent Gibbs actually found it in your car after you got to the hospital," he replied. "You don't remember putting it in the center console? Though your badge and weapon from the Navy will have to be replaced - that wasn't around that anyone could see."

"The bastard took our weapons and cellphones, although they didn't work," John said, and then sighed. "He had this huge grudge against all agencies for some reason and I haven't been able to figure it out."

"You and your friends can work on that later, lad. At least you made sure he wasn't able to put other people through what he has put you through, and your lovely lady and of course Sergeant Stackhouse. That should be satisfactory for you," Carson smiled. "You were never one for getting to the bottom of things unless you were being forced to, I like this change in you."

"Does that mean that you'll hold off on Dr. Cale?"

"No." Carson smiled again. "Sleep well, Colonel."

"Night, Carson."


	18. Chapter 17

It was nearly two weeks later and the Sheppard household was still a bustle of activity between friends of from the Air Force visiting and the NCIS team coming and going with one excuse after another to justify their reasons for visiting each day. While John and Ziva were both grateful for all the help everyone wanted to give, especially when it came to moving some of personal her belongings over to the house, as the only thing they were able to agree on at the hospital was that it would be that it made sense for her to move in at least temporarily while she recovered from the incident and from giving birth.

She was the most appreciative to Teyla who was always there to help when she needed that extra hand or when she was lost on what to do with Mariely, but unlike everyone else, the woman knew to stay away when she just wanted to be alone and do simple things for herself such as making a cup of hot tea.

"Not today, Abby," John gently grabbed Abby by her shoulders and turned her around.

"But John!"

"Don't 'But John!' me," he sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Fine! But then at least email me a picture of little Mariely tonight!"

"I'll think about it," he said as he closed the door and sighed before heading to the kitchen. "I'm making coffee, who wants some?"

"Me!" Torren ran towards him.

"I don't think so buddy." John smiled and lifted the kid up to set him down on the counter. "Juice?"

"Do I have to?"

"Is your mom secretly allowing you to drink coffee while I'm away?"

"No..."

"Then yes." John poured Torren a cup of orange juice and handed it to him. "Coffee is for grown ups."

As usual, Torren didn't pace himself while drinking his juice and burped loudly as he set the cup on the counter. "Aren't you and Mommy together anymore?"

John blinked at the boy. He remembered that he and Teyla had made it clear to him, more often than not, that they were just good friends, living together underneath one roof but that was it. "Torren, how many times do we have to tell you that we were never together?" John asked as he ran a hand over the boy's head. "Wait a minute..." The kid was smart, John had to give him that. "Are you jealous of Ziva being here and that she's Mariely's mommy and I'm her daddy?"

"No," he sulked, putting his little fists in his lap.

"I think you are."

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are," John nodded and switched on the coffee maker. "And you know what? You have no reason to be jealous. I'm still your personal jungle jim. We can still do fun things together, and I'll always be here," he said as he made Torren look at him. "I am very tall."

"So?"

"Well... there's a lot of love and attention in me, because I'm tall. It won't all go away now, will it?"

"I guess..." Torren thought for a moment and then smiled. "Are we going to barbecue with just us tonight? Please? No more friends of yours?"

"Deal, you go ahead and make the shopping list, then you and I will go shopping together."

"Yay!" Torren hopped off the counter and ran to his room to work on the list.

Ziva had walked in just as the boy ran out, careful to not drop Mariely who was in her arms. "Did I miss something exciting?" she asked as she looked at John. "And please tell me that there won't be any more visitors today other than those that are already here."

"Torren's a little bit jealous, that's all," John shrugged. "And I just sent Abby away. So it's only us in this house for today." He smiled and kissed Ziva with a lot of love in his eyes. "You look beautiful."

"No generals, no doctors - other than Carson. He's welcome," she smiled. "And thank you but I am a mess. I really want to spend a long while in a hot bath as soon as I am done with her feeding now."

"And you can," he nodded. "Torren and I will go shopping for dinner once he's done with his list. We'll probably end up throwing ice cream on the barbecue..."

Ziva's eyes lit up with a thought at that. "Actually, when you go out, can you stop off at the Japanese take out and get their tempura ice cream? I would really like that instead of the regular tonight," she asked with a grin.

"Of course, anything for you. What else do you need?"

"Ahhh, the only thing I can think of, I can get myself or ask Teyla. It's not a problem," she replied as she went to pull a premade bottle out of the refrigerator.

"If it's woman stuff... don't worry about it, Teyla already brainwashed me into not being ashamed of buying it."

Ziva laughed. "She's trained you well," she nodded approvingly. "Where is she by the way?"

"John Sheppard, housebroken. At your service," he grinned. "I think she's upstairs, probably helping Torren make his list."

She glanced up at the ceiling out of habit but continued to move around as she went to pull over the pot that they've been keeping out for the bottle warming. So far she had quickly managed to adapt to doing almost everything one handed, not that she would let anyone do anything else that she knew she was more than capable of doing.

"We need to talk," John said as he pulled the pot towards Ziva and then went to the fridge to get turkey slices in order for him to make himself a sandwich. "We haven't really been able to really talk lately and we need to."

Taking a deep breath, Ziva looked up at him. "I figured that this was going to happen sooner or later. Though I hoped it would be later rather than sooner..."

"Don't look so sad, you have no idea what I'm about to say." John chuckled as he reached out to her. "I love you, Ziva. I've said it before and I'm saying it again, I love you. And I love our little girl and I want you to move in with here. I know it must be weird for you to have Teyla and Torren here but I'm all that's left for them. She'd be so lonely if she'd live with Ronon or Carson and I need her - not as much as I need you - I could try and find us a bigger house if you want to, but please? Please move in with me?"

She stared at him for a moment before letting out a small laugh. "John, I think _this_ house is more than large enough for all of us," she pointed out. "But if you really want a different place, I think a two family one would work because I would not want to leave Teyla on her own either."

"So is that a yes?" he asked with a large smile.

"I have thought about it myself to be honest and I cannot come up with any reason that we shouldn't," Ziva replied. "But - Gibbs did ask me what our intentions are in the future, regarding you and I. He asked if we were going to get married. Evidently, it is an NCIS policy that married agents cannot be on the same team. Now please John, hear me out - I really do love you, but I know I am not ready to get married, to anyone and I am unsure if or when I would be..."

"Woah, hold on," John said shocked. "One, I still work for the Air Force. Two, if you're trying to scare me off by telling me you are not ready to get married then sorry to disappoint you. I am not ready for it either. I've already been married and I screwed that up. I don't want to screw us up!"

Ziva shifted Mariely in her arms and shook her head. "No, no, I'm not trying to scare you off or anything. Its just something that Gibbs said that made me think is all. And I am happy to hear that you don't want to get married either. I know of too many relationships that are ruined by that formality. But whether you are employed by NCIS or the Air Force, I doubt that Gibbs would stand for it, and certainly not Director Vance unless someone can find a needle hole to get around it!"

John took a deep breath and shook his head. "Loop hole – and Gibbs already said he's willing to put us on probation for now, to see how it works. However, I've already told him that I am willing to retire or find another job should it not work out. I am sure that if things do not work out, that Teyla would make an excellent new liaison and I'll be a stay at home dad." He grinned, "I don't mind."

"Oh no. You will drive Teyla and I crazy if you were to retire," she shook her head so fast, she almost looked like a cartoon. "Absolutely not. We will talk to Gibbs more once the both of us return to work. Ducky and Dr. Beckett convinced Vance to force medical on both of us."

"Hmm... and yet, they keep visiting us every single day," he kissed her and poured himself a coffee. "But don't worry, Ziva. If we run out of options we can have the same doctors force Vance, and Gibbs, to keep us together if only because of my vision and how attuned you and I are in getting me around in the sunshine and how impossible it would be to retrain me." He kissed her again. "Don't worry so much about that, okay? What's important is us." He took a sip of his coffee and took Mariely in his arms. "And our little girl. And of course Torren and Teyla."

Ziva narrowed her eyes at him and nodded slowly, "Alright. Well - now that you decided to take your daughter, you can go change her diaper because she just pooed," she smiled smugly. "I'll be there shortly with her bottle."

John cooed at Mariely and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Yum, diaper change!" He excited the kitchen and walked to Mariely's nursery - his former office - and gently started to undress his little girl while she was on the commode. Mariely was making happy sounds and when he opened her diaper, she pushed an extra load out of her tiny body. "Oh disgusting!"

"It's what babies do John," Teyla laughed as she passed by the door with Torren in tow. "I can finish that for you because it seems that you promised someone else a shopping trip?"

"Oh yes! Ha!" John grinned and smiled widely at Torren. "How did the list making go, Buddy?" he tossed the dirty diaper in the basket and moved aside when Teyla stepped in. "I'd hug you but I think my hands are dirty."

"Steaks!" Torren held up his list, showing drawings of cows. "And mommy made me add vegetables and some chicken as well. She said you know that she and Ziva don't like steak. why is that?"

"Because they're women." He laughed and got a cloth to wash his hands with. "They can't stomach red meat much."

Teyla raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Careful," she warned. "Us women can still take you out."

"Although both your mom and Ziva are very scary at times so let's quickly sneak out before I get us more into trouble!" John lifted Torren up and put him on his shoulders. He took his keys and sunglasses and checked if his wallet was still in his pocket. "Two crazy people leaving the house, good luck!" he laughed as he entered the garage.

"Don't worry mommy! I'll make sure Uncle John gets you your diapers too!" Torren yelled.

Ziva was confused as she came into the nursery with the bottle and looked at Teyla. "Do I want to know?"

"I am about to get my monthly visitor," Teyla shrugged as she cleaned Mariely up. "So I had Torren draw a few rockets on his shopping list... Unfortunately, the boy is too smart for his own good." Teyla then saw the look on Ziva's face. "If it disturbs you that John and I tell each other personal things and that I'm letting him pick up such things for me, you should say so. It is a habit we have fallen in to and I understand it is unusual for your people to be this open when they are not in a relationship with each other."

"No, it doesn't bother me. I am just trying to get used to him being comfortable with feminine products is all. Even my father avoided it as much as possible and paid one of his friends to deal with it after my mother died," she explained. "I was okay with your relationship with John long ago. Even more so after I learned about um, how you met."

"John's very considerate." Teyla smiled as she put a fresh diaper on Mariely. "There were a few months where he was in a heightened state of alertness, paranoia if you will, and he would not let me out of the house to buy groceries, so he _had_ to buy me the products that I need. Frankly, I am very fond of your hair products, and that's the only time where he doesn't get looked at as if he is completely crazy," she grinned as she took a new romper-suit out of the closet.

Ziva sat down in the rocking chair and laughed. "I can understand that. There are plenty of different things to try. Actually, there is a particular line that I like to order time to time that is online. Next time I go on, I'll be sure to get you some for you to try. It's really a great line but not cheap which is why I only get it as a treat for myself occasionally."

"I would like that." Teyla smiled. "Do not get me wrong, Ziva, but I really enjoy your company in this house. Have you considered moving in with John? I can understand if it is awkward with me around, I would not mind moving."

"Is how John and I intend to go forward with everything on everyone's mind?" she asked. "He actually just asked me that down in the kitchen. He mentioned getting our own place, like you just inferred but I don't see why we couldn't live here as we already have. It's been working so far, has it not? I don't want you to go on your own either because if I don't know what to do, I won't have anyone to ask nearby."

Teyla smiled. "No, it's not on everyone's mind, just my own. I don't know if John has told you, but my people and I were as close as family. If one of our friends would see someone romantically, they would be a part of our family. I believe it to be unthinkable for the both of you to live apart while you have been gifted such a beautiful young girl."

"For the most part, I agree with you. At least to give it a try. A month from now, a year from now, or longer, it may not work as well, but we have to at least try."

"That is all one can hope for." Teyla wrapped Mariely up in her little blanket and gently placed her in Ziva's arms. "I have finished a new batch of soap to use in the bath today, would you care to try? I made it out of lavender and a hint of rose from our garden."

Ziva smiled up at her, "Sure. I was planning on taking a _long_ bath after I feed her anyway." She looked back down as she put the bottle to the tiny mouth. It was such a surprise how everything was discovered and fell together, but strangely enough she could not be any happier.

A couple of hours later, Torren and John finally arrived back home from shopping. "Ah... ehm... don't look?" John said as he put the first few shopping bags on the counter in the kitchen, he was followed by Torren who was dragging a huge blue bean bag pillow. "Don't drag it up the stairs, Buddy. I don't want you to fall." John warned him when he walked back in to the garage to get the rest of the stuff he and Torren bought.

The girls were seated at the table working on their tea, both all clean and relaxed from their own baths that they had taken during the boys' absence. "Don't look? That makes me think that they got something they weren't supposed to," Ziva commented to Teyla.

Teyla sighed and nodded. "Get used to it, whenever those two go shopping, we always end up with more toys or video games and junk food."

"Ahh. So they have really made you one of us since you came here then," she laughed. Looking back towards the door, she saw John coming back in. "So what _did_ you get, Father of my Daughter?"

"Groceries," John pointed to the counter. "See? Two big bags."

Ziva and Teyla each raised an eyebrow at him knowingly. "Somehow I doubt _that_ is all..."

"John," Teyla warned him.

"Okay fine, we went to a few more shops. Torren wanted a big bean bag pillow, so I got him one. He also thought he needed some more clothes, so we got him some and some shoes. Then he wanted to buy something for Mariely, and he found the cutest little dress for her. And a huge stuffed animal for her room." John thought for a second. "Don't worry, I did get you the Japanese ice cream on the way back and it's in one of those bags on the counter... same with your fancy rockets you made Torren draw on his shopping list, Teyla."

They couldn't help but to laugh. "He sounds like a teenage cheerleader with her dad's credit card at a mall!"

"John doesn't really care about currency," Teyla sighed. "And he doesn't have to, but sometimes... it is somewhat over the top? For some reason I have the feeling that he's holding back something."

"I'm not!" John quickly said and walked back into the garage to get the last bag out of the car, following Torren out who was dragging the stuffed animal for Mariely's room.

Ziva watched after him and narrowed her eyes. "I believe you may be onto something. I'll be right back," she said as she got up from the table to put her ice cream in the freezer and followed John.

"There's nothing to see here," John told Ziva and grinned as he handed her a bag filled with Belgian chocolate.

"Thanks but I still have chocolate from Christmas in my desk that I haven't finished," she pointed out. "What is with all this spending? Don't we have enough already?"

"It's not that much, you should be happy that I didn't buy another grill despite Torren seeing an awesome one," he smiled and kissed her.

"Uh huh," she replied with a smile. "Well while you were out, Gibbs called for you. He didn't ask to come over but I'd welcome him simply because he won't be overwhelming like everyone else. I think he wanted to talk about when you go back to work on Monday."

"So, what? Is he coming here or do I have to call him back?"

Ziva pulled the cordless phone out from behind her and smiled as she handed it to him. "He wants you to call but then he'll come by later. He's at the office so I assume it's a phone meeting with Vance."

He stuffed the phone in his pocket and tried to smuggle another bag out of the car without Ziva seeing it. "I'll call later. Is that Mariely I'm hearing?"

"No, you're calling now. I don't hear our daughter, and what is that?" Ziva quickly grabbed the bag from John's hands. "Oh..." she smiled widely as she eyed the contents. "I'll take these to our bedroom and save these for when I'm cleared medically. Call Gibbs!"

John sighed and took the phone from his pocket and dialed Gibbs' number. Maybe he should ask if could cash in on some of the vacation days he accrued. It was worth a thought.

She shook her head as she walked back into the house to leave him to his call. "I'll get the meat started for you in the meanwhile," she said quickly. "By the time you are done with the call it should be ready for the grill. I'll add an extra steak to it for Gibbs too."

"Yeah yeah..." John nodded and sat down on the hood of the car, waiting for Gibbs to pick up.

"Gibbs," the older man eventually answered on the phone.

"Its Sheppard. You called?"

There was some rustling of papers on Gibbs' side of the line. "Yeah, you ready to come back Monday, right?"

"Yeah... and I already emailed our reports about what happened to McGee this morning. He should have them printed for you by now."

"It got redacted," he replied. What the man didn't know was that evidently the email had been rerouted to the SGC before actually going to NCIS. "I don't know what you did before Sheppard but if you are going to be a permanent member of my team then we are going to have to talk about this."

"Sure," John replied. "I've bought enough steaks and beer to last a life time for the barbecue tonight, Ziva and Teyla would love for you to come over. By yourself. Not anyone else, because we've been snowed in with visits every day, and also because you'll have to hear the summary of my life before NCIS, you. Not Vance. Or Tony. Or McGee or anyone else. I at least owe you that."

Gibbs glanced around at the two remaining team members at their desks. "Yeah, sounds good. What time?" he asked.

"Whenever suits you, Sir," John smiled. "But after work would be great because I am sure that I'll be getting grief from both ladies for doing too much shopping today."

"Sure Sheppard, I'll come and rescue you. I'll be there around seven," Gibbs replied before hanging up the phone.

John breathed a sigh of relief and hopped off the hood of the car before walking back inside the house. "Coffee, anyone?" he called out and then shook his head. "Forget it, I'm getting a beer."

Teyla looked at him amused. "Anticipating a long evening?"

John nodded. "We'll have a dinner guest and we're going to - tell him the truth behind our not-complete-true truth."

"Are you sure about that? Have you spoken to General Landry?" she asked with concern. "You know I support your sharing this history but I have also seen the lengths that the people of your work respond with to the unknown."

"Well, the General isn't going to know about this, or hear from this. Gibbs knows more secrets than anyone else I've known. He doesn't need to sign papers to hear things. I'm not even sure if he'd sign them anyway. He _needs_ to know this, if only to make him put more trust into Ziva and I to continue to work on the same team. He won't tell a soul, Teyla."

She nodded slowly. "I understand. I will keep the children upstairs or outside when you are ready to tell him so that you will have no interruptions."

"Thanks Teyla," John smiled and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He took a sip from the bottle after opening it and then pointed to the backyard. "I'll set up the barbecue."

"Don't set yourself on fire," Teyla said with an amusing smile on her lips.

"As if I would do that!" John shook his head with a grin at the memory and walked towards the backyard, only to be jumped upon by Torren who had climbed up to a chair and jumped on John's back.

"Hi!"

"Hi!" John copied Torren's voice and made sure he was holding on tightly as he continued to walk towards the grill.

It wasn't much longer before Ziva and Teyla soon came out from the house with Mariely to sit in the fresh air. "Gibbs coming?" she asked as she tried to readjust the small hat that the baby kept trying to pull off. For only being a few weeks old, she was certainly a stubborn child, and smart.

"Yep, told him to come straight after work to save me from you two." John grinned. "I'm severely out numbered."

"Don't tell me that McGee and DiNozzo are insisting on coming too," Ziva sighed. "I truly do not have the patience for them any more this week."

"No, just Gibbs." John shrugged and finally managed to fire up the grill. Torren was still dangling on his back and giggling like crazy. "Do I have a monkey on my back?"

"No!" Torren giggled as John got up and started to spin around.

"I can't see anything on my back."

Torren started to laugh louder and eventually, John sat down in the grass and carefully laid down on his back, making sure he wasn't putting his entire weight on the boy. "AHH!"

"Oh! Torren! You were on my back!" John then sat up and looked at the boy. "Are you okay?" He started to gently poke Torren's sides, making the kid laugh even more.

"Oh there are potatoes that are wrapped in foil on the counter in the kitchen that should go on first before you start the meat. It'll take some time but no rush, right?" Ziva said, interrupting the boys' play time. "By the time Gibbs gets here, they should be close to finished."

"Yep, no rush," John nodded, and then looked at Torren. "You think you can get them?"

"YES!" Torren quickly jumped to his feet and ran to the kitchen. "Woohoo!"

John got off the ground and grabbed his beer, while he waited for Torren to return with the potatoes so he could throw them on the grill. "Sorry, I think we had too much sugar when we went out shopping."

"Considering that he wasn't born here and rarely gets out, he certainly sounds like any other kid," she laughed.

"Yeah, he's adapting very well. Teyla has him playing with the other kids in the street, arranging play-dates and things like that."

The boy's mother rolled her eyes. "He has been trying to convince me to have him home schooled and to hire an instructor, but if he is going to live on this world, he will need to grow up and experience the same things as the other children."

John whistled innocently as Torren came back into the yard with the potatoes. He started to carefully place the wrapped packages on the grill. "Schools are scary."

"No, John, that is not what Carson has told me. Or General Landry. Or anyone else for that matter. Torren's going to school as soon as he's old enough," Teyla said in a tone where she was not going to budge.

Ziva looked at him with a combination of shock and amusement. "You better be over these issues because I will break your arms if you try to keep Mariely from going to school like that."

"We'll see." John said. "She's two weeks old, I don't have to worry about school for her yet." He sat down on a chair and took a sip of his beer. "What?"

"Nothing, John. It's just that when you act like this it's a combination of thinking you're either completely crazy or adorable. You said it yourself, this area is a safe area and all three of us are more than capable of defending ourselves and our children."

"Well, I'm working on it still!" he said, defending himself.

"That's right, you're finally letting Torren play with other children," Teyla said amused as she sipped on her own drink. She loved pushing the man's buttons sometimes.

"Alright, that's enough." John took another sip of his beer.

Ziva was busy laughing at the expression on his face that she just barely caught the sight of Gibbs coming into the yard through the side gate of the yard. "I tried the bell but there was no answer. Figured that you were back here," he said as he made his way over to the table to see the baby who just stared up at him. "I brought some decent bourbon for ya Sheppard. Nothing like the stuff you have in that bar inside. I had the feeling you might need it and judging from the way the ladies are laughing I figured right."

"You're a lifesaver Gibbs," John said as he got up. "Please, have a seat. I'll fetch us some glasses."

"How are things going at the office?" Ziva asked after she finally calmed down. "I'm _hoping_ Dr. Beckett will clear me in the next couple weeks. As much as I would love to stay here with Mariely, I will go insane not working."

"Oh, the usual," Gibbs smiled. "Cleaning up after you two," he said shrugging. "And you should enjoy your time off as much as you can, you're a mom now."

She shook her head. "Maybe, but doesn't change what I was still a month ago - a woman who wants to work. Why am I getting the feeling that I have had this conversation before?" she asked, looking over at Teyla.

"Oh, I don't know," Teyla said with a smile on her lips and looked at John who was coming back outside with glasses for Gibbs' bourbon. "Maybe because to your culture's standards some men are still 'old fashioned', as you call it?"

Gibbs chuckled. "Sorry, Ziva, it won't happen again. Tony, McGee, Ducky and Abby really can't wait until you are back at work."

"Thank you," she smiled. "Have we missed any interesting cases?"

"Nope," Gibbs answered amused. "Do you get enough sleep now that you have a daughter?"

"Actually, I do," she sighed and looked at John pointedly.

"What? I do too!" John said as he poured him and Gibbs the bourbon.

"He actually does." Teyla smiled widely. "He hasn't been waking up screaming for two weeks, even I get a good night of rest now."

"Now that's called progress," Gibbs looked at John and sighed. "Dr. Beckett didn't tell my anymore what I had already expected about your health, but you should have come to me, Sheppard. You need to trust the people around you."

"I do now, Gibbs, that's one of the reasons you're here now."

"Good," Gibbs nodded and cocked his head towards the grill. "Potatoes are burning."

John quickly got up and got the potatoes off the grill with the tongs.

"I will get the plates before the hot packages burn a hole in the table." Teyla said as she walked inside.

Ziva sighed as she looked around. She absolutely hated feeling helpless, even if she was there with her baby. While everyone ran around trying to get things ready, she tried to focus on the infant to make sure she didn't need anything, like a diaper change but even she was like an angel. "I need to work," she stated simply. "Is there anything I can do from the house here?"

"I'll see what I can find when I go back in tomorrow," Gibbs replied.

"Thank you. Would you mind keeping an eye on Mariely while I go get a bottle ready for her?" she asked as she stood. The man smiled and already pulled the carrier over to him and played with the girl's hand.

John stood there watching Ziva walk away and turned to their boss. "I haven't told Ziva yet that I planned on telling you everything. Teyla knows, and is concerned because I haven't exactly gotten the okay but I just need you to know so that you understand what really happened and how - I guess, why I feel that things will work out. With the team, and Ziva, and all."

Gibbs sighed. "And you are certain of that?"

As Ziva and Teyla came back out, John looked from their curious expressions to the man. "Gibbs, do you believe in space travel, aliens, any of that stuff?"

"Ahh, nope. You know that is entirely Abby's area anyway - "

"Well, this is going to be easy," John grinned.

The older man raised an eyebrow as his team member went to sit. "Now I get the feeling that it will be me who is going to need that bourbon," he commented as he pulled the bottle closer so that he could refill his glass for _this_ conversation.

The Colonel grinned as he refilled his own glass and coughed before looking at Gibbs. "What if I told you that space ships, travel, aliens...That all that were true..." 


	19. Chapter 18

"Mariely!" Ziva hollered after the energetic girl as she chased after her in the park. School was out, summer was here and after losing to John, she took the week off from work as Teyla was out of town to visit Ronon and Carson back at the SGC in Colorado. "Mariely! Do not make me run after you!"

"Oh come on!" Mariely rolled her eyes in the typical way her father did as she looked at her mother. "You can't catch me!" she giggled as she started to skip further away from her mother.

She sighed and sprinted forward and quickly caught up with her before dragging the girl up off her feet. "It's too hot to run around in this sun. I can handle it but you haven't spent any time where I grew up," she explained. "Come on. We'll go get ice cream before meeting Dad at work."

"Yay! Ice cream!" Mariely giggled again and wrapped her arms around Ziva's neck. "The heat doesn't bother me, Mommy."

"You say that now," Ziva sighed as she walked back to her car before stopping off at _Cold Stone Creamery _to get a small order for the two of them to share as she didn't want much herself. It didn't take the child long to finish it off before they ordered some to bring with them to the team.

"What do you want to put in Daddy's?" she asked as she held Mariely back up so that she could see all the toppings again. "I think he would like the M&Ms."

"I think he'd like everything Mommy," Mariely answered. "But I think M&Ms are good."

"What about Uncle Tony and Uncle Timmy?" Ziva added as she pointed to the flavors of ice cream out. If that had been left up to the girl, it would all be chocolate, but she knew that they would be better with a lighter color knowing them. Looking at the boy taking the order, she said, "It's going to be seven small orders but a different topping mixed in."

"No problem ma'am," the boy smiled.

"Uncle Tony should get something without sugar and Uncle Tim something with sugar." Mariely nodded.

She laughed and nodded. "Okay then. Pretzels for Uncle Tony, and sprinkles for Uncle Timmy. What about Uncle Gibbs and Aunt Abby?"

"Strawberries for Aunt Abby and ehm..."

"Brownies?" Ziva suggested.

"Apple Pie!"

"Okay," she laughed. "Then that leaves Dr. Ducky, Jimmy, and Mister Director."

"Jimmy can have gummibears! Oh and for Dr. Ducky fudge and Mister Director coconut!" Mariely started to dance around after she was put back down. "Perfect!"

Ziva nodded to the boy. "You got the order."

It took them about ten minutes before everything was made and done before she paid and ushered the girl back out to the car. It still made her laugh that the only time her daughter really went quiet during the entire ride was at the gate. Glancing up in the rear view mirror, Ziva understood why and smiled in amusement as she continued on.

After getting her visitor badge, Mariely led the way upstairs to the bullpen, almost as if she worked there herself. "ICE CREAM!" she hollered out as she stepped off the elevator.

Ziva had the bags in her hands so she wasn't able to pull her back before she ran ahead of her and sighed.

"Very Special Agent Mariely, what are you doing all yelling in the bullpen? People work here," Gibbs said with a playful but stern look on his face as the little girl bumped into him.

"Ice cream, you should get it before it melts," Mariely nodded. "Sir," she added with a giggle.

Setting the bag on top of her own empty desk Ziva looked over at him. "Sorry about that. She has been like this since she woke up this morning. Here you go," she replied as she handed out the containers. "Where is John?" she asked, noticing that he wasn't around.

"Oh! Ice cream!" Tony smiled widely and lifted Mariely off her feet. "John's downstairs, getting patched up." He opened the container and then looked at Mariely. "Pretzels?"

"No sugar for you, you're too hyper enough," she said wisely which made Gibbs and McGee chuckle.

"You're one smart cookie." Tony nodded.

"I'm no cookie!"

Ziva turned around and gave her a warning look. "Volume. I'll be back shortly. I have paper and crayons here at my desk that you can play with. Remember everyone is working so please be quiet."

When Tony put Mariely back on the ground, she looked at Gibbs. "We also brought ice cream for Mister Director."

"Well then, let's go, shall we?" Gibbs said amused as the took his own container, the one for Leon in one hand and her little hand in the other. Mariely had become somewhat the unofficial mascot of NCIS and no one really cared when she'd raise her voice or poke her head into almost every desk in the bullpen. The kid was adorable and smart and she could get away with anything for the most part.

Ziva shook her head as she headed down to drop off everyone else's treat. After barely getting away from Abby without ended up on a caffeinated high herself, she made her way into the morgue and frowned at the sight of seeing John sitting on the table while Ducky slapped a bag of ice to his face.

"What did you do now?" she asked as she handed Jimmy his quickly before making her way to his side.

"Hi," John smiled. "How are you?" He looked at Ducky and held the ice bag to his face. "Thanks Ducky."

"I'm fine. You?" she asked as she pulled the ice away and looked at the fist sized bruise under his eye. "Mariely and I brought ice cream for everyone."

"I'm fine, I just didn't see the fist coming from the suspect's brother." He pulled the ice back and put it back against his face. "Ice cream? Yum."

Ziva sighed and nodded. Pulling herself up on the table next to him, she handed him his container and plastic spoon. "If it makes you feel any better, Mariely managed to kick me in the mouth when she was in her bath this morning. How? I don't know, but she managed to do it."

"She's a part of you," John nodded as he opened his container and smiled widely. "Oh, M&Ms!" he set the container next to him and took a spoonful. "She's a mini you, so no wonder she managed to kick you in the face. Are you okay though?"

She shrugged and went to lean her head on his shoulder. "I'll be alright. It's just hard to be in that house alone while Teyla is gone. Its too big," she commented.

John had to chuckle as he fed Ziva a spoonful of ice cream. "Even after all these years, you're not capable of taking the day off without getting antsy, I'll lose next time," he nodded. "I promise."

"Thank you," she replied around the mouthful. "And no. I happen to like to work but she doesn't seem to behave unless you are around. Talk about being a daddy's girl."

John took another spoonful of ice cream. "Sorry," he apologized. "You should be grateful though that it's just you and Mariely at home. If Teyla had left Torren at home you'd have gone crazy."

She didn't even want to think about that and groaned. "Just three more days," she sighed. "Three more days then everything can get back to normal."

"Not if I keep missing things," John sighed. "Yesterday it was a door. Today it was a fist. Hey! You wanna swap?" he asked with a cheeky grin.

"Sounds more like your head is somewhere else and not on the job," Ziva replied.

Ducky spoke up from across the way where he was working on his treat at his small desk. "That is what I told the lad," he shared. "If he would just ask...oh um...never mind..."

"Oh! Yes!" John smiled. "Thanks Ducky," he nodded and then looked at Ziva. "Would you like to spend an entire weekend with just the two of us at a beautiful mountain lodge? Abby's already offered to baby sit Mariely if Teyla hasn't returned by then."

Ziva grinned up at him before nodding. "If I can talk Gibbs into letting you out early, can we go this weekend? I love her and everything, but we really haven't gone and done anything by ourselves in so long."

"I know." John smiled and quickly kissed her. "Yep, go ask Gibbs. I'll be right up."

She returned his kiss softly. "Okay," she said softly before leaving, saying her goodbyes to Ducky and Palmer. When she got back upstairs, she paused at the divider and watched as Mariely was talking away about something to McGee as he tried to listen as if it were the most fascinating thing ever. "Gibbs? Can we talk for a minute?"

"Talk," Gibbs nodded as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Privately."

He took his coffee with him and pointed towards the elevator. "After you."

Ziva stepped into the small box and waited for the doors to close before she flipped the stop switch and looked over at him. "I do not ask you for much of anything but please, before you say yes or no, take a moment to consider my request..."

"What do you take me for, Ziva? A monster? Of course I think of things before answering requests."

She gave him a look but smiled nonetheless. "Would you let John leave for an early weekend?" she asked.

"Yes, please," Gibbs said quickly. "He's not _here_. You should knock some sense into him or train Tony and McGee better in keeping an eye on him."

She looked at him surprised for a moment then worried. "He has gotten a lot better with using his other senses. You should see him spar against Teyla. She did say that he responds now as he did when they first started training together. Whatever is his problem, I will find it out. I promise."

"Then by all means, take him with you whenever you want. It's not as if this case is a tough one. Pretty basic drug dealing marine case."

"Ah, yes. Alright. Well - I'll bring Mariely down by Abby so that I can go home and pack her a bag. John mentioned that she agreed to watch her whenever we did leave and after the park today I am ready to pull my hair out. It should be nearing the end of the work day by the time I get back."

Gibbs shook his head, laughing. "Sure Ziva," he then flipped the switch of the elevator back on. "Just fix him."

"I will try," she replied. "You know that is not an easy task, but thank you."

"Nope. Thank you," Gibbs nodded as he sipped on his coffee and walked out of the elevator.

After she collected Mariely, dropped her off at the lab with Abby, Ziva made her way home to make everyone's overnight bag. A small voice kept nagging at her the entire time. It was highly unusual for Gibbs to approve something so quickly and so eagerly but she shook it off.

Upon returning to the Navy yard, she went straight to the lab before going back upstairs. "Here is her bag and everything that you should need. If you do need something, I have some money in an envelope inside that you can get it with. If she has her way, you will end up using an entire bottle of bubble bath in one shot so keep an eye on that."

"Oh don't worry," Abby grinned. "We've already made our plans," she high-fived Mariely. "She's going to help me around in my lab... don't worry, she'll be on the safe side, taking care of Bert, and we're going to watch movies, and go bowling..."

"And the zoo!" Mariely jumped up and down.

"The zoo? Oh Mariely you know what happened to you last time," Ziva sighed. "If you pick up some Children's Benedryl and take her epi-pen with you, you should be fine."

"Don't worry, we'll be bee free!" Abby grinned and nodded. "I will get everything. I'm a good baby sitter, this is not the first time I've looked after your girl, Ziva. We'll be fine."

She frowned and looked at her girl. "I know. I just can't help but to worry regardless."

"I know, because you're a mom. But you also have a whole arsenal of crazy aunts and uncles who are more than willing to help out so go drag your man out of here and leave your girl in good hands. And please, don't call every five minutes to check up on us."

"You know John is more likely to do that than I am," Ziva said before slowly smiling. "Alright I'm going, I'm going. Mariely...Come say goodbye," she added before looking around as the girl had already run off to play computer games at Abby's desk.

"Bye Mommy! I love you!" Mariely waved as she clicked the mouse.

"Mariely," John's voice sounded. "What happened to giving your mother a hug and kiss before saying goodbye?"

The girl looked like a deer caught in headlights. Swallowing hard, she ran to Ziva and hugged and gave her one of their 'Snoopy' kisses. "Have fun Mommy!"

"Thank you," Ziva chuckled as she kissed her on the nose. "Behave for Abby."

"Yes Mommy," Mariely sighed and went over to hug John. "Love you Daddy."

"I love you too, Mariely. Have fun with Abby." John looked at Ziva and shook his head laughing. "I have no idea how you've managed to get me the rest of the week off too."

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow as they walked off towards the elevator to the parking level. "It would seem that whatever has had you distracted this week, your lack of concentration has reached Gibbs' limit. He was more than eager to have you out of the way."

"I'm not that distracted," John rolled his eyes. "You're lucky that I could reschedule the mountain lodge, and I've made a reservation at a good restaurant on the way there."

Ziva narrowed her eyes as they walked towards his truck where she already moved their bags into. "Let's just get on the road," she murmured and batted the voice in her head away again.

"I already promised I'll lose next time!" John laughed as he got into the driver's seat. "What's wrong now?"

"Nothing," she shrugged. "I've just had a weird feeling all day is all. It's probably just my needing to get away, I don't know."

John kissed her before starting the car and driving off the Navy Yard. "Relax and turn off your spidey senses, otherwise I will continue to bump into things to annoy you."

"Yes yes," she sighed as she settled into the passenger seat after turning the radio on and closed her eyes and was quick to slip into a light sleep.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until they were already pulling into their lodge home for the weekend that Ziva woke from her unanticipated nap. Stretching her arms out the best she could, she looked around. "We're here?"<p>

John smiled, "Welcome to Basye, Virginia. You were sleeping so soundly during the trip that I didn't want to wake you up for dinner, but I'm sure these people serve a decent meal as well."

"Right now I'm tired enough to skip dinner for tonight," she admitted. "But if you want to go, I'll be more than happy to have something light so that you aren't alone. Sorry."

"Are you kidding me? I'm starving," John smiled brightly as he exited the car and grabbed their bags from the trunk. "Let's hit registration first."

Nodding, she almost poured out of the truck before going to help with their things and followed him in. "This is nice," she said as she looked around, stumbling after him as her foot caught a large, buried stone.

"Are you alright?" John asked worriedly. "Did Mariely tire you that bad?"

"I am fine and yes, she did. I did say that she woke up seemingly on a sugar high, didn't I?" she asked as she leaned on the counter yawning. "Excuse me. Just get me some coffee and I'll be good. I've worked longer days before than this."

"Hi! Welcome to Sky Chalet Mountain Lodge. Under what name did you make your reservation?" The young woman at the counter smiled widely.

"Sheppard," John smiled.

"Oh, right," she nodded as she looked up the reservation. "I'll tell the cook you've arrived and bring you some food to your room." Taking the keys off the rack, she added, "You're on the second floor, just take the stairs all the way up and go to your left. All the way down the corridor."

"Thank you," John replied with a smile, taking the keys and followed Ziva.

As soon as they walked into into the room, she looked around to place where everything was. Desk, television, sofa... "Bed," she sighed as her eyes set on the large fluffy piece of furniture. Dumping her bag next to John's, she made her way over and collapsed across the blankets.

He chuckled as he made his way over and started to pull off her boots, then her socks. John then crawled his way up to her and kissed her tenderly. "How about a nice massage after I've eaten, Mommy?"

"Thank you Daddy," she smiled as she leaned up to kiss him. "So we spend the night inside tonight? Maybe go to the lake tomorrow or something?"

"We'll see," John smiled as he caressed her hair. "We've got four whole days of doing absolutely nothing if we want to."

Ziva hummed her approval as she laid there. "I can think of a way to kick it off," she grinned up at him wolfishly.

"Oh, me too," he grinned. "But food first, I'm starving!" John started to kiss her again. "Although, I don't mind doing the ground work first... and have you cool off when the food gets here and then start all over again..." he slipped his way underneath her shirt and continued to kiss her.

She laughed lightly as she tried to lift her head. "I was actually thinking of a relaxing bath if the tub is large enough for us," she said as she rolled onto her side so that she could throw her leg over his.

"You're a spoil sport," John pouted.

"You're the one saying you are starving," she replied as she hit him lightly. "Go order food while I go to get our things set up."

"Honey, I already called them for food when we were driving and you were asleep, I'm sure that within the next few minutes they'll be here." He chuckled and rolled her over so he could gently sit on top of her. Grinning, he started to unbutton her shirt.

Her body heated up and she gradually became more awake from his attention. Laying there, she let him work on her shirt as she reached for his belt. "You do know that we'll either be in the process of undressing each other or already into having our fun when they come with our food. It would not be a very welcoming interruption if we get too far ahead of ourselves now."

"Nope, because you're not going to touch me." He grinned and gently grabbed her hands and placed her above her head. "I could easily wrap you up in a blanket when they come." John kissed her again and then started to kiss his way down her jaw, her neck and chest. He was halfway done getting rid of her pants when someone knocked on the door.

"Room service."

"Coming," John replied and folded the blanket over Ziva as if she was a gift waiting to be unwrapped, and he had to smile at the sight of her. She had _no_ idea what he had planned for her.

He walked to the door and took the two trays from the bellboy after tipping him first. John closed the door with his foot and then placed the trays on the bed. "I got you some salad," he said as he lifted the lid of his plate.

"You know me oh so well," she grinned as she sat up and shifted to the edge of the bed with only her bra and underwear still on.

He nearly choked on a piece of chicken from his own tray. "I wrapped you up for a reason, you know..."

"Well how am I going to eat my dinner?" she asked innocently as she lifted the lid to her plate and picked at a carrot from the spring mix.

John took one of his fries and dipped it in the wonderful sauce they served with the chicken before bringing it to Ziva's mouth. "I should have brought my cuffs."

"Maybe you should have if you want to keep me from doing anything," she grinned as she chewed. "But that just makes me feel even more like you are trying to keep me distracted now."

John shrugged and continued to eat his chicken and fries. "I do have some bad news..."

She raised an eyebrow as she had begun to eat. "What's that?"

"This chicken tastes so good that I might have to try their steak tomorrow," he said with a serious look on his face.

"You mean you actually ordered chicken before steak?" she asked with an exaggerated expression of shock. Her hand flew up to her chest as she pretended to be unable to breathe from the surprise.

John nodded. "Mostly because we had steak yesterday."

"That hasn't stopped you before," Ziva replied as she took one last bite before deciding she had enough for the time being.

"No I'm serious, try this." He dipped a piece of chicken in the sauce and brought it to her lips. "Even you won't be able to stop eating it."

Nodding, she smiled. "It is good but I know something else that is much more delicious in my opinion," she murmured as she leaned in to kiss his jaw. "Why don't I go start us a bath..."

"Good idea," John smiled widely. "I'll be right with you."

Ziva almost bounced into the bathroom and just about stopped short. The bathroom was relatively huge considering the size of the lodge and the bath was also a jetted tub which made her _very_ happy. Turning on the faucets and eyed the small mini bottles of bath soaps on the shelf she emptied one in so that it bubbled up. It wasn't long before the room was filled with the soft fragrance of vanilla and nuts that gave such a warm feeling.

When it was ready, she undid her bra and pulled off her panties before calling out. "John! It's ready!"

He had just about cleaned up the trays from the bed when she called that the bath was ready. Taking a deep breath, he took the stack of towels with him into the bathroom and placed them on the edge of the bath. "Wow, look at the size of that bath," he said impressed as he started to undress himself.

She already settled into the water and smiled up at him. "Jetted too," she added with a teasing smile. "Come. You need to relax as much as I do too."

John was careful not to knock over the towels as he got into the bath. "We should get one of these," he smiled as he sat down.

Ziva laughed as she moved over to straddle his lap once he was in and settled. "Maybe we should. For a house that large, I'm surprised there wasn't one in there to begin with." With a sigh, she shifted and shimmied into position until they were both comfortable before leaning in to lay her head on his shoulder while the hot water beat against their skin.

"Air Force," he grinned as he put his arms around her. It had been a long time since they had been completely alone and he knew they needed this. "We'll go and look for one when we're back... right now it's just you and me and we don't have to do anything."

"And that is a wonderful thing," she chuckled. "Thank you for all this John."

"No, I should thank you," he nodded and kissed her shoulder. "You've done so much for me and with me, I am eternally grateful for you."

She hummed a response as she had felt her body giving in to the water. Her eyes slipped closed as she slid down his body some so that she was able to use him like a large pillow to feel the heat from both the water and him. "Yes, we need to have one of these installed. As soon as Teyla is home so that she can make sure that contractors don't go near anything valuable."

John chuckled as he caressed her hair. "Anything else you'd like? A bed the size of the bedroom and very comfortable?" he asked teasingly. "A walk in closet?"

Pretending to be actually considering those things she eventually shook her head as she looked up at him. "No. Just the bath. I already have everything else I never knew I wanted," she smiled.

"Are you happy?" he asked softly as he looked her in the eyes. "I mean... happier than you were?"

Ziva was quiet for a moment as she thought on the question. She knew that he wasn't looking for a witty answer by his tone, just the truth. "I am," she admitted slowly, sitting up to look at him more. "I really am. I have everything now that I didn't think I ever would. I could not ask for more. Are you happy?"

"Yeah, I am," John smiled at her before moving his lips to her neck. "Every morning I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming, I mean... there's you and our gorgeous daughter and I'm actually happy with working at NCIS. The Air Force wants to cancel the arrangement they have with NCIS for a liaison. Did you know that?" When Ziva looked at him with an alarmed expression on her face he smiled, "Gibbs and Vance wants me to do the official tests of becoming an NCIS agent, and they promised that we wouldn't be separated from each other because we work so well together."

"Pretty much everything that I went through. You'll do fine, I'm sure of it. And it is good that they won't split us because I doubt that anyone else would be able to tolerate you the way I do," she deadpanned before grinning.

"I'm not that bad," he rolled his eyes and kissed her. "And you know what? It was Gibbs who said he wanted to keep me, and that was weird."

Ziva shook her head. "It's not weird. He knows a good agent when he sees one and will make sure that you will stay at NCIS at the very least."

John kissed her again. "I love you, Ziva. I really can't imagine my life without you anymore."

She leaned into his kiss and smiled against his lips. "I love you too," she whispered as she crawled back up his body and pressed hers against him. Stretching her arms over his shoulders, she nipped at his lips playfully.

He needed to do this before they would get carried away, he just needed to do it because he felt like he was one of those circus artists who got stuffed into a canon and about to be blown to pieces... well mentally anyway. "I know we've talked about this before, and well..." John softly kissed her. "I'm just going to take my chances. I love you more than anything in this world. Heck, the entire galaxy or two, and you're the reason why I wake up with a smile every morning. Maybe it sounds a bit old fashioned and cheesy, but I really don't want to lose you. You make me whole, Ziva, you're an amazing woman; you're smart, funny and so incredibly beautiful and I want you to be mine," he said as he fumbled a small box from between the towels he brought in. Opening it slowly, he looked up and smiled at her. "Gibbs and Ducky gave me their blessing when I asked them for your hand in marriage. Will you do me the honor of becoming mine, forever?" 


	20. Epilogue

"What am I supposed to do now?" Tony asked as he sat in front of the camera with a glass of beer in his hand.

Abby sighed and looked at McGee. "We told you already. You are just going to give your best wishes on the tape. Come on! You helped plan this little project!" she replied.

"Ahh yes, just wanted to make sure. Is it recording?" he grinned.

"Yes, and you are the first person so make it good."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Tony waved her off and looked into the camera lens. "Sheppard, Zee-vah. What can I say? I didn't think that we really would be sitting here, at your wedding. I honestly thought that by now she would have killed you dude. I suppose whatever it is between you two works, though with all the beatings you give each other, it's a wonder _how_," he said chuckling. "I admit too that I was surprised when you let Teyla and Abby plan the whole thing. Kinda scary in fact but it all came out great. Ziva you were beautiful - not that you aren't any other day but - today you were. Regardless of the ass your father was, I really think he would have been proud of you today. Well, this video...It's sort of a digital guestbook I guess. The team, we all planned it together. What can you expect to see after me? A lot of drunken guests wanting to say some things to you. What happens from this point forward - I am _not_responsible for! Have fun on your honeymoon! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"Oh this reminds me of so many years ago when we were in a little bit of trouble with our not so friendly neighbors," Carson looked at the camera. "Although back then, I was talking to my mother, god rest her soul, and saying goodbye to her and it wasn't even needed!" Carson shook his head. "You and you military types are always the first one to panic," he chuckled. "But let me just say that I am extremely happy for the both of you, you are a great match for each other and I honestly did not believe that you would come this far, Colonel... John. However, you did, and you have a gorgeous bride and a wonderful daughter, she was amazing as your ring bearer, she looked so proud!" he wiped the tears out of his eyes. "Good luck to the both of ye, and make sure to bring sunscreen on your honeymoon."

Vance popped up next to sit in front of the camera. "I just wanted to wish you both good luck, life, and happiness in the future. Best piece of advice I can give you Sheppard is to just smile, nod, and take out the trash before she has to remind you," he grinned, earning a slap from his wife who stood just off camera. "Beautiful wedding and your desks will still be at NCIS when you return from your honeymoon."

Teal'c appeared in front of the camera and he greeted them with his usual bow. "Congratulations Colonel Sheppard and Agent David, I wish you happiness and health in your married life. It was an honor to be present at your wedding." Teal'c then made a subtle head bow and disappeared from the camera.

"Hi! I'm back! Anyways, everything couldn't have come out better if I say so myself," Abby's grin filling the screen space. "Sheppy! I didn't know you worked with such interesting people! Well, before NCIS that is. It's a shame that Dr. Jackson is taken - even if he knows it or not. I have to admit that I can totally get his theory about the pyramids in Egypt... but we're not here for that. I wish you both lots of love and I know you will be happy together. And don't worry Ziva, I haven't said a word to anyone about that secret," she winked.

"And that makes the second couple to get married!" Chuck said joyfully. "It took you long enough."

Katie Brown sat on Chuck's lap with her arms around his neck. "Chuck is just kidding, we're happy that you finally decided to get married."

"Yes, we are," Chuck nodded.

"Ziva, you looked so beautiful in that dress! I mean, I had a beautiful dress when I married Chuck but wow. Wow."

"Good luck to you two, you've had enough practice over the years." Chuck grinned.

"We wish you all the happiness and health in the world, John and Ziva. And for many many more years together." Katie smiled widely.

Sighing, Fornell fell into the chair being next on the line. "I must admit that I was surprised to receive an invitation but grateful in any case. Everything was very lovely and the beer - this is good stuff. Where'd you find this? I do have a small present for you two but I'll give it to you at NCIS when you come back as it wasn't ready for today. Don't worry. It's not another blender or toaster oven."

"Good to see that you're still kicking bud," Cameron Mitchell smiled. "I'm happy that you managed to get over everything. It's not easy, that's for certain but I - well, we, knew you would. Cheers!" he said as he took a sip of the bottle of clearly chilled beer he had.

Carolyn rolled her eyes at Cam and smiled. "Any time you need help or someone to talk to, you know where to find us. I know I was hard on you in the beginning but I also didn't know you as a person then. Just the stories that came back to the compound. I truly could not think of a better outcome for you. Good luck to you both!"

"Hey, it's me. Being pushed in front of the camera by Abby." McGee sighed. "I know I know, it was part of our plan, and things like that. It's a good idea, maybe you can keep it on your mind for when ever I get married."

"McGee!" Abby poked him. "That's our secret! Shhh!"

Tim grinned into the camera. "Yep, I asked her, finally."

"And I said yes, but that's not the point!"

"Congratulations you two, I promise I'll stop Tony from doing anything hazardous to your desks while you are on your honeymoon." Tim promised. "I'll do anything in my power, although that might not be good enough... you never know!"

"You got your girl Sheppard. Don't do anything to screw that up or I'll come looking for you," Ronon said straight off after he sat down.

Teyla smiled as she always did and shook her head. "I had already shared my wishes for health and happiness with you but again, I will say all the best. You two are the best friends and family anyone can hope for. I will be sure that Mariely behaves while you are gone for your trip."

"Let us drink to happiness," Ducky said smiling and raised his glass. "Let us drink, to health! Congratulations my dear Ziva and dear John, you have conquered so many obstacles, and build so many mountains, you two truly deserve to be together for eternity. You looked beautiful, Ziva, and John, you looked as handsome as ever. Be careful on your honeymoon, waters can be treacherous. Oh, and bring some sunscreen along with you, you don't want to get burned."

Sitting down, confused and pouty, Jack O'Neill looked around before Hank Landry joined him. "Why am I doing this again? You said they had _Simpsons_on a TV here," Jack said.

"Agent David's friends organized a video present for Sheppard and his bride. You're here to say a few words, as I am too. Just talk to the camera Jack!" he sighed and waved at him impatiently.

"Oh. Yeah. Well, I never been one with words so I'll be succinct," the older man said and looked into the camera. "Alright, I'm going back for more beer," he said after a moment and walked off leaving Landry there shaking his head. "Oh give it a rest Hank. Sheppard will get it."

"You'll have to explain that one to me later," Landry replied before turning back. "Well, good luck with everything. Gibbs has my office line should either of you ever go missing - again. Everything is just lovely and I hope you two have found what you've been looking for."

"Yes, play dates, that'd be great!" Jimmy said as Breena pushed him in the chair in front of the camera. "Yes!" he looked at the camera, smiling. "Breena is pregnant, but oh, wait... congratulations you two!" Jimmy took a sip of his beer. "Your wedding was great, and the reception even better. Don't worry, now that Dr. Mallard's retired, you can always come down to the morgue if you need stitches for when Ziva hits you with a baseball bat or something. I'll be there, for the most part," he grinned, and flinched when Ducky walked by and gave Jimmy a headslap, on camera. "He never does that!" Jimmy said shocked. "I'm sorry, Dr. Mallard!" He said quickly walking after Ducky.

"Oh this is so very exciting!" Vala Mal Doran commented as she plopped down in front of the camera followed by a bit more reluctant Daniel Jackson.

"Keep it short Vala. There are other people that want to say something," he reminded her as he smiled forward patiently.

She rolled her eyes and nodded. "Of course! I wouldn't dream of taking up all the time here. Well, I'm supposed to say my wishes and all for the happy couple. May your marriage and life together be filled with lots of happiness, fun times and babies! Although the baby making part is more important and fun," she grinned and winked at the camera.

"Good luck with everything John, Ziva. And I promise that next time we should visit, I'll be sure to keep Vala away from champagne, fountains, and Ziva's closet," Daniel added. "Have fun and stay safe."

Gibbs sat down in front of the camera and just looked into it for a long time before finally speaking up. "You two, I am so very proud of you, not as your boss, but as your friend. Hurry back from your honeymoon you two. There is going to be plenty of work waiting." He held up his beer in mock toast and smiled. "Good luck."

Finally, the very last person to sit in front of the camera was one Jeannie Miller. She smiled into it unsure of what to see but clearly very emotional. "I'd like to say that John and I had become friends after the times we had worked together and with my brother, Rodney. When I received the invitation to the wedding, I just couldn't stop crying. Not because I was or wasn't happy for you John, and Ziva, but because I know that Rodney would have loved to been here, standing where Ronon was because I am sure that you would have chosen him to be your best man. My brother, as much as a pain that he was, he would have taken the duty very seriously. Almost, if not more than he did with his work. I can imagine him sitting there, asking repeatedly if the chicken had lemon in it," she laughed as she wiped her tears off her face.

"Rodney did for you exactly what you would have done for him John. Please don't think of the past and what happened as something failed, but it succeeded. In so many ways. It's hard I know and despite not having spoken in so many years, dwelling on it will not change a thing. I'm sorry to be saying this on the tape that is meant to be happy but we hadn't spoken at the memorial services as you ran off before I could find you each time. You and Rodney were friends, brothers even. And that makes you my brother too. I hope that you and Ziva live a long and happy life that you were always meant to. To have a family and children, to watch them grow up and pray that they don't make the same mistakes that you did. Never let them lose each other but don't drive them apart. I love you, and Rodney and everyone else is smiling down on you," she said, smiling and blowing a soft kiss before the tape went black.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors' Words:<strong>

We'd like to thank you for reading our story. If you could take a few moments and leave a review, it would be greatly appreciated. Especially if you saved the story as a favorite or signed up for author alerts. A few words could bright our days even more as we continue to work on our next project.

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